Recently, my husband told me he is no longer in love with me. Some back story: we have been together for over 15 years. We have had our ups and downs. We have stood beside each other through some rough times. Over the summer, I was so stressed out due to work and family issues that I had to take some time off work to get myself together. For a while, it seemed everything was good. He was helping me with my issues. Fast forward a month, we have a fight one day. I was ready to walk out the door, but really wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on because it seemed to come out of nowhere. The next morning, he tells me that he loves me but was not in love with me any longer. I urged him to go to a therapist because he seemed depressed and stressed out. He went to a few sessions, but stopped. I have asked him how he was feeling not that long ago. He gave me a vague answer. Tonight, I asked him of he wanted to go to marriage counseling. He sad that we already tried that (three years ago), so I took that as a no. I am not sure what else to do at this point, so I am leaving for a few days. It hurts to do that. I love him and our son, but he does not seem to want to be with me any longer.
That’s sad he’s not wanting to go. Love is a choice not a feeling like many think it is. He should want to go and try and save this. But if not just walk away gracefully. I’m sorry
I would recommend you see a therapist to help you deal with the hurt and uncertainty you are facing. We can’t make others feel what they don’t.
Sadly people who have been together a long time sometimes grow apart. People change. I hope that you guys can work it out but sometimes it’s time to take different roads. I’m sorry that you are hurting and I hope you will be happy and have peace no matter what the outcome is.
If he tells you this, believe him. That’s the hard part.
Id stay gone. Can’t force someone to love you. It’s tuff. Won’t be easy but it will get better. He’s being honest
I would see a therapist on my own. Keep trying to talk to him and work through it. I’m not one to say give up, I believe you should fight for the one you love. I couldn’t leave my wife especially if I thought she or we were depressed. I know how hard a relationship is, and I know how easy it is to feel like walking away is the best option… But I don’t think it would be the best option… I think I wouldn’t have any doubts if I was done.
Prayer the only answer leave it up to God he is the author and finisher of everything.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Unfortunately people change and sometimes that change forces them to grow in different directions. It’s not a reflection on you or him, just another stage in life. I know it hurts, like the sun being ripped out of the sky… but if you can still Co parent gracefully and with love, then there is NO telling what the future holds. Take time to fall back in love with yourself…
Unfortunately we can’t control our feelings. This happened with myself and my first husband. I simply wasn’t in love with him. It hurt us both to divorce. We had small kids at the time and it hurt THEM which in turn hurt us even more. We have both moved on, we put our children above all of our feelings, and are still friends to this day, 23 years later. On our way to one of our grandchildrens birthday parties this afternoon even. Our kids and grandkids come before everything
Loving and being in love are two different feelings. Loving lasts forever being in love is a fleeting passion.
I was with somebody for 12 years and we were married for 10 and we grew apart. He is the one that wanted out as well. It was very hard for me. I suffered a lot and this was five years ago. To make matters worse I found out six months after he left he already had somebody pregnant. That was so unbelievable to me because he was already paying child support on two children from his first marriage and he hated paying it but he did it because he loves his girls. So I couldn’t even believe he would get somebody else pregnant. We never had children I was not able to and we never really wanted any because he had two already￼￼. I can just tell you looking back as hard as it was and as much as I suffered I know that it was the right decision. I am overall much happier and realize that it was for the best. I didn’t see that at first but now I do. Big hugs to you because I understand how you feel. My husband did not even want to go to counseling I did want to go but it never panned out￼. I would probably see a therapist for yourself. If he wants to go let him go it’s not worth trying to get someone to stay that doesn’t want to
I would bet $100 that he is talking with another woman. Either way just walk away
God that’s so hard… I know it’s hard. Believe me. But honestly as much as it’s going to hurt, you need to throw in the towel. You’ve given it everything you have and you can proudly walk away. Good luck.
If you are leaving for a few days… my suggestion is
Truly give him space and time to think.
I really, really feel for you. I’m not sure what advice to give you, bcoz it’s the worst thing. I’m getting the feeling that my husband is not 100% committed to us anymore. However, trust that you will have the best outcome for yourself. Don’t forget who you are and what you need. You’re important.
Have him read the Five love languages and you work on it too . Good luck also sit and pray for one another in front of one another .
It is was it isn’t. Somethings are just over , accept it and move on.
Never beg anyone to stay with you, ever! They will lose all respect, they will not change their feelings and you will hate yourself in the long run for doing it, trust me on this!
You cant force anyone to be part of your life.
He has someone else, I used to have a husband like that, but I’ve had a good one for 22 years. Take care of your self
Those are the words of a cheating husband
Been there! It was very hard to accept at first. But in the long run, we are better friends now and we co-parent better. We still say I love you to each other because let’s face it, we will always care. Sadly though sometimes the love isn’t the same. It hurts more to stay trying to force something that isn’t there anymore than to try to move on and focus on your child.
Maybe something is going with you both and it has him questioning or maybe he really doesn’t love you anymore. The best decision is to leave give him space. This will be hard but dont be available it’s to protect yourself from whatever happens but you should be prepared that maybe he really doesn’t love you and its over or something else.
Give him space and if it is meant to be then he will come back but if it is not meant to be the let him go . You dont want to be in a loveless relationship you deserve better
Go to counceling even if its just you. Watch Fireproof movie, Love Dare book pray
You can’t control feelings. You can try to reignite the spark but sometimes its just too far gone to fix. And that’s okay. Keep that head held high and move on. Happiness comes from within.
Relationships take work on BOTH SIDES. If you want your marriage to work, I would fight tooth and nail before I gave up🤷♀️ That’s just my opinion. But you also have to realize at some point that if he’s not willing, you may have to walk away. But it doesn’t seem like you have done near enough yet to be at that point imo💯 We have 16 years this year and we have split in our younger years but together we have overcome drug addiction, homelessness, our daughter being molested, our fucked up childhoods…I mean, so very much, and we did all that together! So in my situation, I would never give up because if we can overcome shit like that then I know we can make it truth ANYTHING! I hope you find your happiness, with or without him, Good luck!
My heart hurts for you. The situation sounds burdensome. But you say it “seems” like he doesn’t want to be with you. Did he say this? Are you reading his actions? If you want to work this why are you leaving? Even for a few days. What do you think he is reading in your actions…for both of you You have to walk the walk not just talk the talk. Lots of mixed messages from the sounds of things. If you can’t do couples therapy maybe both could do individual therapy. Good luck relationships are hard work. But worth it.
I left my husband a little over a year ago and we have been married for 21 years. It is hard… but you seem like a very strong woman. You can and will get through this
The only time my EX told me that when we were married was when he had q side chick! That’s why he is my EX now!
Try 5 love languages !
I’ve known a handful of people who this worked for ! I’ve also known one who it safely did not but the wife walked away with a better understanding of her marriage and is now a better spouse to her new husband . My husband and I are doing this now ! Don’t give up. Help him remember why he was once in love with you
My heart breaks for you, praying for you and your husband
Move on! Waste no more time! Love him enough to let him go, you’re not bringing our the best in each other. He is clearly not happy…let that be enough of a reason. He is communicating.
My husband of 7 yr relationship said same thing
I love you, but I’m not in love with you. After leaving that night and FF 10 yrs later he and i are best of friends co parenting raising our son. He was quickly remarried, and I believe they had been at least talking before the end of our marriage.
It’s hard, but you can’t ever unhear those words. You will survive and thrive without him. Go where you are loved back, you deserve it
Let him go.
Listen to Linda Ronstad’s “I can’t make you love me if you don’t.”
Cry your eyes out.
Bet he had a side chick:( you will do better alone raising a child than having the child watch the struggle… good luck and sorry
Be who your son needs. Your personal lives are no longer a concern if it continues to struggle and affects parenting. Not saying its affecting your parenting whatsoever I’m sure you’re both good parents but kids can sense their parents tension. It makes them feel they gotta make up for the feelings both parents dont have for each other.
You need to ask yourself if you’re still in love with him too. Or if being good friends is a better option.
Not all marriages work out
I don’t think leaving is the answer. I would urge him to go to marriage counseling. To give your marriage a hard try. Before you dissolve it. I’m so sorry your dealing with so much but individual counseling on how to handle your stress and any other issues will help too. I have done both.
I made this decision 2 years ago after getting deathly ill,realized I haven’t been in love or happy with my husband for years,just going thru the motions.I also realized,if I amnot 100%truthful,it wasnt fair to him eighter.He has remarried,and seems very happy now,I am with someone and moving forward too.I still know I made the right decision.
People grow apart, love is felt differently and sometimes it just worth fighting over. You need to figure out what he’s not telling you. He could be pursuing someone else and is comparing her to you. And when he starts fights and you leave it gives him the advantage to cheat without feeling guilty because you left him so just stopp if he’s not trying and stop playing games and beating around the bush. 15 years is a long time. He loves you but just not the way to keep damaging you marriage so you leave and he gets over it or dwells on it. If he’s not willing to give any effort to try anymore just start figuring out coparenting. Good luck
Lifes to short. Move on start a knew chapter in your life. His loss you know you gave it your all.
If you leave you take your son with you. No one can make him love you only you. Being in love is hard it takes work on both ends and it sounds like both of you just lost that spark.
Hes probably talking to someone else. No.offense. but just be strong. And walk away sometimes breaks help.too
When guys say that out of the blue… They are cheating on you, planning on, or are in love with someone else. Believe me, I know.
This is deep. Good enough he was honest with you. It’s better don’t force it no matter how bad it hurts. Take all the time to get over him. Don’t cover your feelings of sorrows. Let them out. However you must also decide to start over. I must say it won’t be easy but be hopeful that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Above all pray about it. Even if a few words, God will make a way. Wish you the best.
It is what it is and you can’t make it what it’s not. Hard to hear but it’s loud and clear
Advice… file for divorce, grieve and get on with your life. Be happy.
Feelings could potentially change on his side, I feel like you guys should really talk together about how you want to handle this
I recommend watching the movie Love Dare and buy the book. Ask your husband to do the challenge, I would have you do the challenge also. I recommend anyone to do this whether there are issues in marriage or not.
Ask him what he wants. He may THINK he doesnt love you, but that doesnt mean that it is true. Speaking from personal experience, our love changes. This whole “in love” thing is usually the feeling of infatuation.
Be thankful he is being direct to you. He is clearly cheating on you and he do love and respect you for still saying it. Just leave or allow him to leave. Never force your way into someone else’s life especially when you have no space in his heart. Please bring your son with you. He needs your love. Teach him to love and cherish the love. Teach your son nothing but love. I wish you all the best in life. Im sorry this happened to you.
Love isn’t a feeling it’s an action word. “Falling in love” is like falling in a hole. You can. Get out of it. This stuff is work. I learned this from personal experience. I don’t regret my failed marriage but I’m keeping this in mind if there’s a next time.
What I took as a big red flag was when you said that y’all argued out of no where. Maybe he is cheating and that’s why his feelings are changing. If he doesn’t want to do marriage counseling again and if you leave and he doesn’t check on you then he might be done. Two have to want to work through it
Can people stop assuming he’s cheating. They’ve clearly had issues for a while. Don’t condemn him when there is no proof. Honestly, sometimes relationships just end. Sometimes it’s just not meant to be, move one and be happy without him!
Sometimes no matter how hard you try, marriages and relationships don’t work out. Take a week away. Don’t text him don’t bother him. Take tike for YOU because you seem to need and deserve that. If he doesn’t come to you. Go out of his way to check on you then you have your answer. But it seems you already know in your heart where you stand right now.
If you love someone, set them free .
If he comes back , he is yours .
If he doesn’t come back , he never was .
Make yourself happy if you have children at home you have to take care of their mother. I stayed in a non passionate marriage way to long. I was sad all the time which that did my children but I’m happy to say I found the man anyone could ever want he loves me we’ve been married 33 years now my children love him his children love me our children are grown mark my children live close I did not know what it meant to be loved but I do now
You could always try to make him in love with you again, he said he loves you but isn’t in love. So what? I love my man but am not in love like a fairy tale. If not being in love with you makes him not want to be with you than just give him attention. I imagine after all the focus he has put on you and you taking time off work to cater to yourself he feels left out. Do things with him that he wants to do, surprise him wit things he likes, favorite dinner, new clothes or whatever he is into. Go above and beyond to make him fall in love with you again and if that doesn’t work then at least you tried and can say you gave it your all
Ok the mid life crisis is real. My husband went through it a few years ago and it was rough. Almost divorced. Like finalized the next day. Marriage counseling worked for us. Long story, years of work. He has to want it to though.
People can only go through so much shit Bedfore they fold…(i know by personal expieriance and 11+ years and 4kids later)
This is tough. I feel for you. I’m guessing you g u ys are around 40to50 .yrs. don’t know for sre but he is at a stage where his dreams having materialized like hoped and he is hoping a new life will miraculously appear and all is well. Meanwhile you are trying to ignite a new flame. Hard as this is, you may have to let him go. Most likely he will find it is him not you but you don’t need to sacrafice your joy either. Free yourself and find out what you can do. Get a new haircut. Join whatever you like. Make new friends. I was in a situation like that. In my 30s. It took me awhile to shed the cloak of boring housewife but in my 2nd marriage, I found me before I married and never lost it. Don’t be afraid of getting counseling for yourself. Now I am a widow after 47 years but I never lost ME again. You can too. And don’t be surprised if he gets interested again.
Mine told me the same a yr ago. We worked hard at it and hes now more in love with me than ever. We refused to give up.
It happens. Not everyone stays in love forever
You can make him want to stay in the marriage. Sometimes people grow apart. It sounded like you were also ready to be done with it. If he is done let him be done and begin to move on.
At least he was honest with you. Take that and go ! Theres heaps of cock out there !
Sounds like for whatever reason he has checked out, when we check out it’s almost next to impossible to get back . He should try counseling but u can’t force him if he doesn’t want to try. Praying for u.
Unfortunately sometimes people grew out of each other. He may love you but not the way he use to. It’s very sad and difficult to grasp but maybe it’s time to move on. You can’t make someone love you. Good luck !
Im sorry your going through this , hearing from your husband those words must feel disappointing.if I was you I would leave but it will hurt. But after a few months it will get way better and for him will get worse and then he will regret it. So keep your head high and separate in civil matter for your son. You will be empowered and you will find what love can do and be, no matter what past
I have seen this happen a lot it is sad and I cannot imagine what I would do if my husband of 26 years said that to me but If he did I would move on because I don’t want to be with him if he is not in love with me anymore Good luck
No back story needed. Get a divorce and find someone who does love you
It sounds to me like he has someone else. You need to make copies of relevant financial paperwork and see a lawyer to protect yourself and your child.
Being IN love doesn’t last forever…LOVE lasts… it has to be worked on a a choice to be made every day to show that love.
He sounds like I felt before I ended my marriage. . Sometimes love leaves never to return…
Who we are as a person is constantly changing. Every experience we have, every pain we feel, and every decision we make turns us into someone new, whether it’s better or worse. When you marry, you are agreeing to grow who you are with someone else. As he grows, you grow, and in the same direction. This I’m sure you already know.
That doesn’t mean the plan goes perfectly. We fall out of love. We try to pull away sometimes. We become so burdensome that the other person can’t bear the weight. These are the obstacles that all relationships face.
The only advice I have for you is this. Being in love with someone comes and goes. Loving someone can be eternal. Many people don’t realize that we can learn and relearn to do both. He may not be in love with you right now. That doesn’t mean he can’t grow to be in love with you again. But he has to WANT to fall in love with you again. There are reason(s) behind the shift in his feelings. If you guys as a couple can address them, great, but don’t try to fix this by yourself. The process has to be done together, United.
One day, a man will leave his family and cleave to his wife, and two will become one.
Take Dr Laura’s 101 class- the proper care and feeding of husbands.
He was honest, what advice can a stranger give you? He isn’t in love with you any longer, it happens, move on, he told you, and it seems this has been rocky for at least longer than 3 years( marriage counseling 3 yrs ago)… so, it hasn’t been good for a while. He took a huge step, and you can’t change someone’s feelings for you, especially if you thought things were good and obviously, to him, they weren’t and aren’t! I applauded him for his honesty and I really think you are the one that needs counseling!! Look at yourself, not him. People like yourself seem to think it’s everyone elses issue but your own. Get help for yourself!
Love yourself and walk away
Do you still love him ?
I may have the unpopular opinion here but I say, fight this tooth and nail. You made vows and this could be your worst. As long as he isn’t mistreating you or being unfaithful, fight this. Marriage is hard and a lot of work and you are always growing. Find each other again. Keep talking, keep seeking counsel.
It’s been 15 years. Fight for it. Who knows, maybe you guys need to separate for a year or two. Real love never fades. There are couples who divorce for a year or two and literally remarry.
Sounds like he may be looking elsewhere for companionships
The perimenopause can begin in the 40’s. You can feel like a person different from what you always have been. Your life will change after you complete the menopause and calmness can return. I often wonder if this is one of the reasons marriages breakup. Go to a clinic that can check hormonal levels. Learn to warn persons that it is not them causing the anger in you but the hormonal level. This may not be the cause of troubles in your marriage but consider whether it could be. If so, see if your husband could help you through it.
Go to “midlife crisis forum” read all about what might be happening. Good luck. I did not add the attachment below. Don’t know what it is.
Not so quick to advise you to walk out. I spent 16 years in awful marriage… abuse on all fronts. And ultimately… I didnt love him anymore … and he didnt love me
But I didnt know how to quit… until I did. What I’m telling you is. You will know when your done. If your questioning it. Your not ready… it will be like a switch. Honestly.
Let God be your strength call out to Him love him dont think about no man love yourself everything u would love a man to do for u start doing it your self its not gonna be easy but when u sit at the table by yourself if thats what God wants for u changes will come if not he will send that special one rescue to love and cherish you for ever i went through this but today i am deliver i win and they bout lost
There’s a huge difference in “being in love” and “loving” someone. You both need to figure out if you truly live one another, that’s the lasting kind worth fighting for. You can fall in and out of love hundreds of times.
I went through this with my wife 7 years ago after 24 years together. I dealt with her cheating and lies until I chose to not do that anymore. I always knew that she didn’t really love me. She only loved the life she had with me. I loved my wife more than anything. She never felt the same. I quit when I caught her cheating yet again. I miss the great life we built together. But I don’t miss being used, lied to, taken to advantage of, or lied to. I am doing well. She has lost everything. She gave up on someone who gave everything. I gave up on someone who only truly loved their self over her husband and kids. I Win!
Sorry for your pain. But I been there. I was with my first husband for 10years been known each other for 5yers before we got together and on New Years Eve he told me he love me but not in love with me. You can’t make him love you cause if so you would. Both of y’all need to want it and at this time its only you. I left my first husband and dont get me wrong he was good to me but I met a better and great guy and now were married and have 2 boys together so for me it was a great thing that he fail not of love for me cause in our 10year relationship we never had kids and now I have 2 beautiful blessing. Keep on swimming and talk to someone when you are really down cause depression is horrible and I had it when I left my first husband so talk to someone close to you.
Pray to the Lord. Ask him to help give you strength to do what is best for YOU.
It took me 4 yrs to leave my abusive boyfriend…we had a son together…I thought I loved him…but one day it just stopped…I kicked him.out…and my son and I were finally happy…6 yrs later I married the love of my life…and it’s been great…its not worth being in a one sided relationship…it hurts too much…get out…u will be happy again:)
Omg don’t beg a man to stay with you. If he says he don’t love you tell him to leave. You will find someone else
Tell him to hit the road… signed, Abby
Same thing happened to be 3 years ago fast forward my ex married the woman he was having an affair with I’ve met a man who treats be better than any person ever has …everyone is happy win win …hope ever works out for you
End it. It’s not healthy and if there is doubt you both need to move on. Can’t fix what isn’t there.