My husband told me he only wants another kid with me if we adopt...advice?

Just wondering how you guys would take this…I told my husband we should give our son a sibling so he will have someone to play with and grow up with. His fast response was “only if we adopt”And it made me feel like he doesn’t want me to be pregnant again or something to do with me personally because I get that he wants to adopt, before our son I was told I wouldn’t be able to have kids so we considered adoption. But now that I know I can, I would feel selfish if I took a baby in that some other couple who can’t have babies of their own wanted and that would weigh on my mind forever that there’s a couple out there that could have had this baby. It’s a stretch I know but I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want another baby from me… I did ask him and he said “I didn’t mean it like that” but that’s all he said about it


Maybe he wants to skip the baby stage? He probably doesn’t want to go through all the sleepless nights with a screaming baby, the late night feedings and etc


My husband said the same thing to be. But my pregnancy was super hard on me and i hemorrhaged bad during delivery. He doesnt want to see me go through that again. Maybe your situation is similar

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Maybe remind him you don’t “need” him to have a baby if that’s what you really want.


. Was there complications with your pregnancy?

. How far were you into adopting, like did you pick a child you want and then backed out?
. Is adoption something he really wants to do?

I would communicate with him and ask him why he said what he said. He might have worded it badly and not explained what he actually means.


Communicate with each other, is death a possibility with another pregnancy, was your first a difficult one…talk to your husband and dig for answers, if you can’t do that, you might want to rethink that 2nd child …


Maybe he do not want you to go to the pregnancy stage , can be for healthy reasons or even physically.
But adoption is not about some one not been able to carry their own kids or have fertility issues , adopting is about giving a baby the opportunity to be raise in a loving and caring environment, you should not feel guilty, you are not taking away the opportunity to adop to not one , there’s a lottttttttttt of kids waiting for their forever home

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You need to ask him to clarify that if he didn’t mean it like that, what did he mean it like?

As some others have said, maybe he wants to skip the baby phase. Or maybe when you originally talked about adoption, before your son, he got excited at the thought of changing a child’s life. Maybe it’s the complete opposite. But you won’t know unless you have an open and honest conversation with him.

Please remember something though, if you did choose adoption, you would not be taking a child away from another couple who can’t have children. There are more children in foster care, orphanages and the system than there are families wanting to foster or adopt. Choosing to adopt would be life changing for any one of those children.

You could always consider adopting A boy, the same age as your son, so that they can truly grow up together.


Sounds like he just wants to adopt… and with how many kids are out there that age out because there aren’t enough adopters, it’s not selfish


There’s plenty of unwanted children…. You wouldn’t be taking away someone else’s opportunity. Perhaps think of asking your husband your question. You’re supposed to communicate :roll_eyes:

First of all hundreds of kids are left out there unadopted, so I don’t think you would necessarily be taking a child from another couple. That being said, if it bothers you that much have an open conversation. There are many different reasons he could have had. Was he worried about your health (we decided against a 3rd child partly bc my husband was worried about my health, I had a blood clot with our 2nd child)? Was he adopted and wants to pay it forward? Is adoption something he always wanted to do (like feels like it’s his calling)? If your husband really loves you I’m sure it’s not personal. There’s very few reasons why I would be offended by this. My suggestion is…TALK to your husband.


He wanted to adopt then and he still does. It sounds like he’s being honest with you about his wants. You aren’t taking away from anyone else by adopting. If someone really wants to be a parent then they’ll do what that takes. Not everyone who adopts even wants a baby.

The problem comes down to if you are u willing to adopt and he’s unwilling to father bio children then you need to decide. Do you stay with him and have no more children, stay together and adopt OR divorce and have another child alone knowing you won’t have your oldest about half the time. That’s the reality.

I told my husband the same thing I want to move away and adopt everyone has different expectations you guys either work it out or go your own ways. Nothing to feel bad about but I would definitely talk this out. I was told I couldn’t have kids either and we have a 3 year and I was a high Risk pregnancy. Being able to help a child and a family with none of the worry I’m all bout it

Ok, so you’re going to have to get him to elaborate on what he meant. It could be a hundred different reasons. Not elaborating would brough me. However, if he says something like " Give me some time to figure out how to explain it", then give him some space to do so. I’m also like this at times.

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Adoption can take along time especially if you want a baby.

Maybe hes afraid for your health and the health of the baby if u get pregnant again. Ask him…thats the only way you are going to be able to find out y he wants to adopt vs. U getting pregnant again.

For my husband, he simply wouldn’t want to do the newborn phase again. He’d want to adopt an older child. Unfortunate for me because newborns are addicting for me :joy:

Also, adoption is such a gift, so if it’s on y’all’s heart, do it.

There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the system! Trust me, you would be helping a child tremendously, so much I can’t even imagine thinking of another childless couple. Communicate with your partner and maybe he’ll explain why he’s leaning towards adoption, probably not if you overreact though🤷‍♀️

There are millions of kids up for adoption. You won’t be taking a child from someone else. You will be giving a child a home. Millions of children want to be outta the system but no one wants to adopt.

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