My husband and I have a beautiful 2-year-old son who is honestly such a well-behaved child, always happy sleeps 12 hours through the night. And when I discussed having another child with my husband, he said he doesn’t think that we can handle it, and he thinks that it’ll put too much strain on our relationship. Granted, we fight and have disagreements, but I didn’t realize he felt like he was under so much stress. I’m also not working right now, which is something that we agreed on before we had our son. He was not an accident. We planned him, so we kind of had everything figured out, I thought. Obviously, I can’t force him to have another child, and I don’t want to convince him or coerce him into doing it. When we discussed it, he kept saying that he couldn’t understand why I didn’t have any comebacks for what he was saying to me, almost asking me to negate his concerns. I didn’t have any for him, though, because those are his concerns, so I can’t tell him that he’s wrong and feeling the way he feels, but I do want another child, so I just feel really torn. I don’t know if I’m venting right now or looking for advice on people who have maybe been in similar situations. I’m just feeling a little sad and disheartened.
He was just being honest. LIke you said you cannot change how he feels about it.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?
Wait a couple years. You don’t have to have another baby right now.
Wait a little while. He may change his mind later.
Your son is barley 2 , give it some time before having another .
I would give him time, another year or so. See if he feels the same.
Sounds to me like he may have just been voicing concerns and wanting some reassurance on the matter.
My husband was more hesitant than I was too, he eventually came around and was excited to start trying when he was ready. But we made a point to put alot of focus into our relationship before we started trying. Like we make sure to spend 1-3 hours a night together spending time together after out toddler went to bed. And we have weekly movie nights/date nights at home every Friday night, and then go out, just the two of us once a month. While our toddler spends the night with grandma (she loves it so does my mom/his mom). My husband and I are also completely different people on when we go to sleep, im always in bed by like 11p.m. and hes up until like 3a.m. so we make a point to go to bed at the same time 3 nights a week, it sounds silly, but it made a huge difference. So I think what really got him ready and excited about it. Was making sure we strengthened out relationship, and it made it better for me too. Now our relationship is the strongest its ever been. And neither one of us are stressed, and baby #2 will be here in a few short weeks!
I would agree with all theses responses. He needs time. He is the sole supporter right now and being a dad is still new. Two years is just getting used to the idea. Plus the terrible two’s and trying threes takes patience. Children being 3 yrs apart in age gives all of you time for the next step. Enjoy where u guys r at right now. 
Yes just don’t have one more kid.
Firstly, I love that you’re so respectful of his feelings, I see a lot of posts that are a bit more one sided … I only ever wanted one child, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to share the love I had for my 1st born with another and was worried about the dynamics of it all, but when my 1st born was 4 we decided between us that the time was right and it is great. There is a 5 year age gap between my boys but they are best buddies. It can be overwhelming in the early years, even if your 1st born is an angel, but give it time … 
Maybe all this sure have been talked about before getting married. My daughter told her husband, before he was her husband, that she only wanted one children, where he wanted as many as they could. She stuck to her decision & told him she won’t change her mind. And he never again brought it up. They have one beautiful daughter. People need to remember all this. And this women’s husband may never change his mind & she then will have to decide just what she will do. And getting pregnant should never be one of those decisions, unless both are on board about it
I mean, if he doesn’t think he can handle it then there isn’t much more for you to do than sit and wait to see if his opinion changes. If it never does then it is what it is. At least he is being honest and up front with you. He has to understand too, though, that if he ever reaches the point of wanting another that it may be too late for YOU to want another. Trust me when I say you hit a point where you physically do not want to go through pregnancy, birth, and post-partum again, even though biologically it may still be possible for you. So he needs to take all of that into consideration as well.
I think its commendable that you allowed him to voice his concerns and allowed a safe place for him to do so without judgment or pressure. I would give it some time… he may just not be ready to add to his plate and now is a great time to soak in all the time you have as a little family of 3 
Talk to your partner. Ask him what is making him feel so stressed. See if he thinks this is a forever feeling or if he thinks that right now is just bad timing but is willing to bookmark this conversation for sometime down the line.
You guys need to communicate. It’s okay to validate his concerns and disagree. Figure out why he’s feeling this way and you can have a conversation about what comes next for you guys.
Talk to him. Have him list his major concerns as to why not…like is it money, bills, food, you not working,dat care costs, etc. Then perhaps see what his concerns are and then if its money(for example) SHOW him on paper what the added cost is., if any. Etc…maybe work from home to help bring in money and also so he doesnt feel so stressed being the sole provider. But the main thing is just give him reasonable time and space, if then he is still against it and you are…then evaluate the relationship.
I think he really wanted to negotiate. Give him options like the time frame, the pros, work in more time together, share why and how much u want this. He wants to make sure u can handle more and pick up slack when he can’t handle it. Everything is balanced right now and changing what works is scary.
Ask him for details what he says he can’t handle
They say, raising multiple kids is easier than raising a single child.
Your son may sleep now an be well behaved now but they do grow into their own personalities not saying he will turn bad but if another babies added his sleep pattern could change entirely n u may have to go back an reset that plus readjust your sleep patterns as well as dad’s to work with new baby an lil guy.
Either way best of luck with your decision it’s your choice ultimately just maybe give husband sometime an enjoy just that one kid for awhile.
Once you got multiples you run around with your head cut off tryna handle each one separately till u get use too it.
Is he concerned about money? If that’s the issue then maybe you could open your home to babysit to help supplement income. If he feels it’s too much because yall fight frequently then I’d say he’s correct, adding another baby will intensify that aspect. Lots of people think it’ll help but it will do the opposite. I think yall should maybe try counseling to work through the underlying issue of why yall fight, give it time and see if yall can get to a better place to add another babe.
I say enjoy your son and your husband give it some time and in no time it’ll work out
Wait till he’s ready.
Just wait having one is great but when the second comes your time is all about the kids I had all 3 of my kids close together and sometimes wish I left a few years between them. They are 8 6 and 5… give your husband time and enjoy your son xx
I have 4, the first 2 are about 15 months apart (now20-21)and was easy even when I worked… the second 2 wasn’t as easy but wasn’t that hard either (now 15-13) and I have a 2 year old that tests every nerve in my body 
IMO parenting is hard no matter how many kids you have but it’s also a blessing 
I’ve not been in a similar situation but I just wanted to comment and commend you on your train of thought. You seem like such a considerate, respectful, intelligent and emotionally mature person and that is just so beautiful. I loved reading your post though I feel sad for you. Wish I had advice to give you but I don’t because just as you said, you’re not sure yourself if you’re looking for advice or just venting and it does sound like the latter. I wish you the best. 
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?
Why does he want comebacks? Sounds like he wants to bait you into an argument
Instead of comebacks ask him why he feels stressed and etc. dive deep into it with him. And then give him some time depending on everything he might come around to the idea of having another child.
I have 2 boys and they are 21 months apart. It is definitely stressful at times. But I wouldn’t have it any other way… I am a stay at home mom myself. I love the bond that my boys share. And they have someone to play with while I clean and cook. I think it’s better for them to have siblings. So they will always have family to turn to when their parents are no longer living. It’s a big decision to make. I would definitely go more into depth of why he doesn’t want to have another kid. And go from there.
I don’t think soliciting advice from strangers on the internet is the best way to navigate this particular situation.
I’d recommend you and your husband seek a family counselor to work through this one.
I’d give it time, maybe next year. He’ll probably come around. I think it’s best to figure out what’s bothering him and work on that first.
It’s been my experience that whenever a guy talks, it’s ultimately about them. Maybe he didn’t realize how much time your child would get compared to him. You may have changed, in his mind, sense you had your child. Maybe counseling down the road??
What youre both feeling is normal and acceptable. My fiance and I were like this except it was backwards. He wanted another and I knew I couldn’t handle it at the time. But that’s what you have to give it, time. We just had our a second a month ago yesterday. It took me 2.5 years to come around to want another one as our oldest is now 3. Waiting was the best thing for me.
If he doesn’t want another child, then don’t have one. He will resent it and take it out on the child, probably abuse them or break up with you. This was something you should have discussed before you got married. I know a couple who this actually happened too. Besides there are enough kids in this world already. Work in a nursery or something around children. They are needed badly.
Perhaps you guys should use a counselor to get at the root of the issue. You husband sound torn over it if he’s asking you to talk him into it.
It seems like he’s stressed about your relationship or something else is really bothering him qnd he is projecting. You need to wait. You can always have another kid in a year. Having a baby can really change a relationship or a person individually. I know our relationship changed in ways I didn’t know when we first decided to have a baby. It’s stressful to be the only one working. Even if it works best for your family at the time. You might need to discuss going back to work part time or other ideas. You will need to compromise and have communication. Even try therapy if you are arguing more than you suggest.
Men put a lot of stress on themselves that we don’t see or understand so I advise talking it out. You don’t have to argue or try to convince him, but ask if you can talk it through. What are these specific concerns? A lot of men tend to feel left out and unloved once the baby comes along so maybe he just feels like another one would take more time away from him. If that’s the case make it a point to let him know that he is still your number one… Plan date nights, find a sitter, take time each day to direct all your attention to him. Men don’t always say it out loud but they do need this too. If it’s a financial concern, review the finances with him and determine if it is really something that you can afford to do. You might have to make some sacrifices or change some things to make it happen. It sounds to me like he doesn’t dislike the idea of having another child but he’s not sure how to do it so a good conversation and some actual in-depth discussion of some of his reservations might do some good. He may just feel like he’s not good at being a husband and father at the same time because he’s dropping a ball somewhere, if that’s the case then you can do things to reassure him and point out the good that he does daily. In my opinion a man that doesn’t want a child will flat out tell you that, The fact that he asked for comebacks leads me to believe he just wants to know that it will be okay.
In my opinion I feel like you should respect how he feels. It seems you are ready and he is not and that’s ok. It’s great that he is not afraid to tell you how he feels. Maybe it’s not stressful to you and it his to him. Maybe he wants to relax and enjoy your son longer before there is the distraction of a new baby. Give him time and be calm and respectful to him. We might do all the work when it comes to having children but our husbands have a say as well. Maybe wait until your son is 3 and ask him again what he thinks about having another.
Nice to have a sibling throughout life. 
Your husband is being realistic.Having a child is not like buying a doll.I think that you have the best husband ever.Firstly tha 2 year old is still a baby himself,you need to give him enough love and attention,more especially that you have all the time and your husband also wants to ensure that he can manage both you and the boy financially without having to be under pressure.What I can suggest for you to do is to find a hobby,like trying to cook new interesting meals for your family,observe your son’s milestones and enjoy being a mother.
Just be honest. Say if you both decide it’s something you WANT, you can always move forward with details and planning later. Just get to the heart of it first.
We had 1, she was sooo planned an waited for then a sister came along lol
She wasn’t planned but so welcomed.
However she turned everything upside down.
Its been so much harder on us as a couple but then shes been a hard baby, allergies and low immune system meaning she’s sick alot.
I never thought having 2 would be so hard.
Im the worker in our family in my own business.
Kids are 3 an 1.
It was definitely a huge shock for me an i feel like i cant cope, alot…
We have very little outside help its just us 4 99% of the time.
The strain on us has been massive an yet we manage.
For 12 months we’ve lived under eachother in a 1 bedroom unit.
5 days we get our family home, but thays another story lol
If you talk to him, acknowledge itll be hard an different.
Discuss if you’ll have any outside help (like your mum dad or his??) And go from there.
I hate that I have 2 and struggle and I have friends who have 3 or 4 an seem to manage with ease.
I have alot of self doubt about it but our girls love us an we love them so it all, oddly works…
U have the right attitude about not forcing him 2 do something else he doesn’t want 2 do. But u have a right 2 feel the way u feel too. Maybe sit down and see why he feels that way and actually listen 2 what he has 2 say. have an actual conversation with him. It sounds like he wanted 2 hear what u had 2 say and ur reasons u feel the way u feel. U can have a conversation and both get ur feelings on the table and make ur points known without pushing 1 or the other 2 a breaking point.
Give it time and talk to him not about having a baby but how he is feeling about everything. In time you guys will be ready.
How you feel is totally ok! How he feels is totally ok too! You are read but he isn’t, which is normal as well! You planted the idea in his head, let it marinate for a few months and revisit the idea in a very open comfortable setting. Ask him if he’s thought about your suggestion and if he still feels the same way or if he’s become open to the idea. Best wishes to you both!!
Well… my advice is ‘accidents happen’ and sometimes the decision is taken out of our hands.
Also, you really should have open and honest communication with your partner about this. Consider counselling if needs be a thing between you, though 2 is quite young still. Perhaps when the sprog is in primary school and you can work part time to save up a bit more… you can revisit the subject. Or you accept that this part of your family milestones are different and you part ways.
He could have a million reasons for not wanting another. Ultimately what it comes down to is this, you should never pressure someone into another child they don’t really want. That will lead to so many issues down the road for both your marriage and that child. So if you two both cannot get on the same page eventually, you need to decide if having only one child is going to be enough for you or if that’s a deal breaker. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice what you truly need and want in life just as he shouldn’t. Counseling would probably be a great option to get down to more of the root of his feelings.
Yes… it sure is:heavy_heart_exclamation:
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?
The best benefit for having a 2nd child is that they will have the time to play with each other and less work on the parents’ shoulders. I have 5 children and they were a bundle of joy in my life!
Two is a good number and kids need siblings so they are never alone in life journey’s
Communication is key, if he was trying to get you to counter his thoughts, he wants to know why you feel the way you do and that’s very positive, remember its not always simple… its not that you will be convincing or coercing, you are offering your views that he may not have considered and he may come to a different conclusio n
My hubby didn’t want another child until his best friend lost a member if his family and was all alone. He didn’t want that for his son and thought he should have a sibling.
Listen to your Husband. Having a toddler is emotionally, mentally, physically and financially draining. Men/Father’s feel overwhelmed just like Women/Mother’s do. What your husband is telling you is how he is feeling and you should listen and respect that. Most women beg to know what thier man is thinking lol. Maybe right now durring the crazy terrible twos isn’t the best time to discuss having a second child. Hear what he is telling you and support his feelings. Let your child have thier demanding time of thier toddler years. Then discuss having a another baby. Siblings are great no matter the age gap!
Honestly not trying to snoop but if your finances are not ready for another child maybe that’s what he is meaning he is the provider correct? Maybe he isnt ready give him time if you really love and considering his mental health
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husband told me he wasn't sure we could handle another child: Advice?
My little boy will be 2 in oct and like you said super well behave ect. His dad wants them close together but me personally? I want them 3 years apart at the very least. I know i wouldnt be able to handel my turdler and a newborn nor do i really want to
The first one is a trick! The next one will be hell on wheels! Don’t do it! 
I love my second and couldn’t live without him, but he is the polar opposite of his older, much more chill brother.
Maybe you should just give it more time. I have a 5 year gap in between my kids. And I didn’t want any more until my first born started pre-k. It might change if the stress level changes. I totally get it. Multiple babies/ toddlers is not my cup of tea either but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be having 2 kids bc my oldest is more independent and self sufficient. Keep an open mind.
Kids are expensive and time consuming. Can’t really give them away once they are here, like a puppy. If he has reservations you both need to be on the same page when it comes to children. It could likely ruin your marriage if you go behind his back and get pregnant.
Hard to want to bring a child up in the problems we have rite now i dont blame him for having reservations just to feed and house 1 child is impossible let alone 2 with education and pollution and every system we have being corrupt hard to want to bring a child into this world with what we know now
Here’s the thing. I’m kinda on his side here. My son is 19 months in a few days and at this point in time, my fiancé and I can’t even imagine having another kid, possibly ever but at least not anytime soon. Another child is a huge responsibility & that just sounds like something your husband isn’t wanting right now. It’s really super important that you’re both on the same page, as you’re both the ones going to be raising the kid together. Just take your time. See if he comes around to the idea. If having another kid is that serious to you then you need to decide if you can move past that want or if it’s a deal breaker for you. I think he has voiced his opinion though.
If he is having great concerns, I wouldnt do it. Just because your first is well behaved and great, doesnt mean the second one will be. No doubt he would love the child no matter what, but he might wind up resenting you. Just wait longer, maybe he will change his mind. 
You both agreed on one. But didn’t agree on two when discussing having kids at all. Personally for me, I didn’t want my kids being alone if something happened to us parents. Maybe that can be your response?
I would say talk to him and tell him how you feel because he is telling you how he feels and he thinks you both can’t handle two children at two separate ages and at different stages.
so my husband never wanted or thought he would want kids and then we had our son and he was content with it being just him but I always wanted another baby;he has his concerns and reasons for not wanting anymore but I let some time pass and we talked about it again especially now that we have alittle less on our plates and he’s open to trying to have another one but we made a decision that it will be one more and then he wants to be done. You’re both entitled to your feelings and opinions but maybe approach the topic again in a few months;you shouldn’t have to give up your want to have another baby just because he doesn’t want one
You asked him a very serious thing and he gave you his best serious answer. if he is voicing that he doesn’t think you are both ready it may be his way of saying he’s definitely not ready and he’s trying to include you in the process given it takes both of you to parent. When he’s asking why you don’t have any comebacks he’s probably meaning he thinks you agree because you don’t have anything to challenge what he saying. If it was me I would sit down with him and have a serious conversation about how you feel and open the floor to him to discuss it further and if he’s saying he’s not ready and gets agitated I agree that you are both not ready to bring another baby into the family.
If the conversation about what could bring strain to a relationship is in itself bringing strain to the relationship, maybe you should focus more on foundation of the relationship instead of adding factors.
Be happy with your one, if your hubby can’t handle the strain of a well mannered kid he’s not going to fair well with a possibly feisty second child.
Mine said the same. We have 2 boys now. He’s a hand full but such a blessing. Sometimes it just “accidentally” happens lol
A child should be wanted by both parents. Was this discussed before marriage. I believe a lot of neglect and abuse is to unwanted children!
That is your come back. You are sad and disheartened…
You want another and he doesn’t. Niether of you are wrong for your desires. I think its healthy to express both sides. But I think ultimately, if he doesn’t want another kid… Then maybe you shouldnt have another kid. Id never want a kid to think they weren’t wanted. Even if he would come to terms with it later.
Try asking him again in 6 months from now but the way the world is I wouldn’t bring a child into the world but I m not u have a long heart to heart with him tell him how u fell when u ask him again good luck
He may come around and he may not. You have to decide if not having another is a deal breaker.
Try asking again in a year or so
I would offer to go to work if another child is conceived
I think you should be honest…you want another child…that’s just as valid as his concerns. It seems to me… You’re letting the decision be his entirely. Think that through…
In my opinion , it has nothing to with we can’t handle another child. It’s he who doesn’t think he can.
I’m in the same boat.
Following 
Set him down and discuss what is bothering him about it
Hahaha don’t have another. The first child comes out all nice and sweet to fool you, the second one comes like a hurricane
Only advice I can have is ask if he is open to another child down the road, maybe wait another year or two. If you have baby fever offer to babysit for people with babies, win win you can get a little extra money and take care of a baby for a little while.
Sounds like he might just not want another child right now. He probably wants to wait a few more years. Your 2 year old is at a critical stage for learning right now, just focus on your son and relationship in the moment now. It may just be the timing.
Just dont 'pressure him on wanting an other baby just leave it alone ease up on him may be his not ready for another baby rigth now just wait til his ready don’t try to force him in to wanting a baby ur first baby was easy but ur next baby may be harder not all baby’s are the same plus what if the next one is fuzzy or crie’s alot babie’s are adorable,cute but it’s also hard, and it get’s harder as they get older wait til ur husband is ready, be patient especially with people losing their jobes,may be he want’s to wait to make sure he will be able to support an other baby first after all his the only one working now so try to see things his way for a change god bless you,take care
He looking for logical explanations as to why you should have another child that will put his concerns to rest. He will hear you out as long as it makes sense. To have a child JUST to have child isn’t a reason.
If your just venting, good place to vent, it’s to bad you can’t respond to people comments, I wonder why they block it? Hold off having another child, maybe your husband isn’t happy in the relationship, guys goes thru middle life crisis too.
My parents have four girls, only the first was planned (23yrs), then me (22), and my other sister is 21, the youngest is 14… don’t let people tell you that you can’t love multiple babies at once, that said you do have to respect how he feels and what he wants, definitely have a conversation with him about what he feels puts strain on your relationship, I think that would be a step in a good direction
My husnbamd said the same thing but eventually came around. We knew it would be tough with another child but knew our son would love a sibling We are currently due for baby 2 in November. We just takes it out and told each other our concerns before making the decision.
Maybe right now is not the best time. Try asking again in say 6 months or a year.
Maybe he is thinking of the What ifs … what if a second child has health issues… developmental issues … I lose my job … Right now is a very stressful time in this world for many . I suggest a discussion around his concerns for wanting only one and why you would like another… how many siblings does he have etc…
There’s an old saying I saw translated from petroglyphs in the caves at a local provincial park:
“If you had the second child first, you would not have had the second”
Honestly though I have 3 boys - 16, 6, and 4 - my older two are identical. Super chill and calm. The last one is hurricane and requires a lot more of my patience. I think the time between the first two is a big reason why they are so different. When they were younger I could give them more direct attention and patience. With the last one I was dealing with a toddler as well as a baby so perhaps I was more of a hurricane which he has picked up on 
Thank you for that. I appreciate your comments