My husband wants his family to live with us...advice?

so my husband & I been together for 12 years… living with each other 8 years. we have 1 son together and he has a daughter from a previous relationship. His parents has recently moved back to FL from OH. & are currently staying with us until they close on their home and find a another home down here… well I thought. they came to us with this idea of ALL of us moving into a home together (my hubby & I were planning on moving but obviously when we had enough money to buy a house) his parents wants us to all live together to split bills 4 ways… so we can all save money and etc. BUT I’m SO ANTISOCIAL that this idea is not going to work with me. I love my privacy & my sanity. My in-laws are great people no doubt … his father is retired, & his mother works. & i see the few pros to it… which is saving money and a babysitter always, but my son is nearly 10years old. & doesnt require much anyways… but I can not imagine living with them … they also have an autistic child & when they pass my husband & I will have custody of him. which is no problem with me. My husband hasn’t really spoken to me since I’ve sorta shut this “plan” down. the only possible way I would ever consider this is if we are able to get a 2 story home separate kitchen… we can live upstairs & his family can live downstairs :sleepy: but that’s wishful thinking because we’d have to gather more money for that!. please share your opinions… if you were in my shoes. would you set your pride aside and do it? I try to do the whole let my husband lead but I just can’t with this lol… am I wrong ???..


I think your misinterpreted the “ husband leads the family “ thing . The husband can lead the family but takes in to account of all the people in it. If this is a hard no for you unless you have requirements that need to be met then express that to him and he can negotiate around that. At no point do you compromise your own sanity for others


My grandma once told me there is never a home made for two families. :woman_shrugging:t2: I’m not a social person either and need my privacy. I’ve never been able to live with anyone. That’s just my opinion though. If you guys can afford your bills on your own I don’t see the point in needing to split the bills.


If you are truly “antisocial” your relationships with your inlaws and possibly your husband would have a high statistical probability of failure if you move in together, so your plan to “save” toward your future should be aimed toward your relationships and not your down payment


I lived with my mother in law and nephew and it was a nightmare. I would say no way! Don’t do it!


Wait, he’s not talking to you over this? That would cause BIG BIG BIG problems in my family. You come up with some idea that would make me miserable and I say “no” then you stop talking to me? How manipulative. Cool bro, we can divorce and you can go live with your parents. Easy peasy. Everyone’s happy. You can live with them, I don’t have to live with them, you don’t have to talk to me. Works for everyone!


I’d only do it if y’all were to invest in a duplex type of property. I wouldn’t move multiple families into a home for long term, it’ll more than likely cause issues.


When my daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter separated from the Navy, they moved from Cali to Iowa and moved in with me and my husband until they could find work and close on the sale of their existing home. When it sold after about 6 months they began looking for a new house and invited us to move in with them permanently. We had two stipulations 1) we had to have our own space with a separate entrance and 2) in lieu of financial contributions to the bills of the home my husband and I would keep our grand daughter while they worked, and my husband would maintain the house and yard. We all went house hunting together and found a beautiful home with a full (unfinished) basement on 3 acres that was just about perfect. We finished the basement and are all living very happily together. We live in our space and they live in theirs, and we come together every day for dinner and outside patio time. Its wonderful! There were some hiccups, but that was expected, but if you respect each others space and love and get along with each other, I say go for it. My daughter and I have never been closer, and I get to care for my grand daughter every day. I would advise that you clearly state your requirements, have everyone agree on the arrangements (even draw up a lease if necessary) and make it clear what happens if either party feels like its not working out. Good luck!!

You not wrong. Maybe throw idea of being neighbors? I would never! And I love my mom and my mother in law.


In my experience 2 families can not live together!


Been there done that and will never do it again 2 families can’t live together

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It depends on the level of respect and understanding from everyone. I could live with my parents and I truly feel my husband could too. My parents have never tried to invade or overstep any kind of boundaries, even when I did live with them. I understand that not everyone is like that though. If you don’t feel you can handle it, don’t do it. This could potentially ruin your marriage. Maybe have all the adults sit down and have a calm, detailed discussion before moving forward.

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Try and find a house that has a “mother in law suite” my house had one when we where growing up. My parents had a whole 2 story house and my grandma had her own apartment that was connected to the house. She had a living room, bathroom, bedroom and kitchen.


No you are not wrong. I am a BIG FAN of independence. Tell your husband you prefer your privacy, and to buy a home you can afford on your own. If you were to move In with them, and they decide to take a vacation, who will be babysitting whom…take care of your own expenses, tell them to do the same.


I’d definitely say the basically separate living spaces in one house. Like the 2 family house. I’d talk to your husband and say it have to be separate and everyone would have to understand boundaries. Just because you are in the same house doesn’t mean anyone can just come and go to each others place. Tell him you need your space so it’s the only way it would work. But you have to also make sure that they won’t pull a it’s our house so we will do what we want kind of thing even though you all pay into it.

You may be missing a piece of the puzzle. You mentioned an autistic child that needs a guardian. As the parents age they may need help and are thinking you can help them with care and appointments.
Finding out what everyone’s expectations are might be a good idea. Maybe written lists from everyone as a starting point.


Have a conversation with him alone, tell him how you feel and give him other ideas, like maybe buying on the same block/community, or getting a duplex so you guys still have your own spaces.


I wouldn’t in a million years take that on. My humble opinion, they’ve had their lives, they’ve done what they’ve wanted to do, when they’ve wanted to do it. This is your life. And I totally get what you’re saying, for me the answer would be no. Unless there was a main house and a totally separate annexe for them. And how do,you feel,about taking custody of their son after! That’s a very big ask.

A couple options. You could look around to see if there’s a house that’s been converted to a duplex. There’s tons everywhere and lots that really aren’t expensive. Another option would be you could find a house with a “granny or in law suite”. Then you’d all have completely separate living quarters. Or if you found an old house that had 2 family rooms on both levels, you could convert the second level one to another kitchen as well so all utilities were combined too. I mean, it’s not impossible. Is it amazing? No. But, in today’s economy I don’t think it’s the worst idea, and I’m the most antisocial person ever. I can’t stand living with anyone, and even I would consider it now. Stuff is expensive and I don’t think it’s changing anytime soon if ever.

I’d do it in a heart beat. I would love for my MIL and FIL to live with us in an in law suite. Maybe buy a house with lots land and build a little something for them.
Family is everything and we only have so much time with them.
You can find houses with mother in law suites.
Or find like a duplex and buy both sides.


Hey, this is a terrible idea :grinning: it’s only gonna lead to fights and tension


No. I like my me time and privacy to. At home I might have one of those days where I walk around in my daisy dukes and watch movies all day and I just don’t wont to be bother seeing no one else but my son and husband.

My husband, myself and our 12yo son just got rid of all unnecessary belongings and moved in with my mother. The financial relief is only one small benefit. We also know she will have the extra help she will need as she ages and we don’t have to worry about her being alone. On your situation it will also give the brother a chance to get use to you all making the transition once parents are gone easier giving him stability. If you can find a home that would give you all space it could be a very beneficial situation.


Could you maybe buy a duplex?

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Absolutely not
I live with my parents for the fact being a single mom is expensive
If I had more or a choice I’d pick living on my own. It will cause extra stress and unwanted issues with that many people in a one story house. I do not think it’s a great idea
Even if it was temporary it could still be stressful

I’d do a semi. They live in their own house on one side, you live in your own house on the other. I could not share my space. I can’t share a kitchen, I like to wear shorts and a tank when it’s hot and I don’t wanna have to always wear " appropriate " clothes in my own house. And I clean a certain way and I honestly don’t like how most people clean lol.
I’d find a semi. Own bills, own house, but still connected.


All couples need their privacy…A woman likes to be The Queen in her castle…especially when ot comes to HER Kitchen!! Stay firm with a NO…

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Florida really doesn’t have two story duplexes. Even two story homes are less common because of the geology. A side by side duplex might be an option, but based on what you posted, that would be too close for comfort for you.

Your in-laws are living with you on false pretenses. Your husband likes having them there, but he married someone who’s anti-social, and he needs to respect that.

Is it possible that your husband is seeking more social interaction? If so, consider alternative ways to accomplish this.

Don’t do it! The idea of saving money is great. My husband and myself live with my parents. We don’t have any kids but you won’t get privacy and time yourself. You can’t do what you want or be able to sit down and watch tv etc. seriously think before you do it.

I would take the offer up
We live with my mom all the way til she passed
I don’t regret one bit
My kids got to know their grandma and we all helped each other out it was blessings
We had our own areas for peace and quiet and we did things together as much as we could as family
Honey I would do it again if I could

Honestly, I am super antisocial too, but if I could convince my family to do this I would in a heartbeat. It doesn’t have to be forever and there are homes that can accommodate the situation and you still have absolute privacy. With the way prices are skyrocketing right now, think about all the money you can save between you and your hubby. That way when the time comes you all could potentially buy straight out and live a very comfortable life, later on. If you don’t want to then send them my way and I will. Lol (joke) :grin:* just make sure to set some ground rules first*

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This has nothing to do with your pride. Adults should have their own privacy, bills, and plans for life. If anything goes wrong you could be stuck with the bills, parents telling you how to parent your child and in your space, among other issues. This would personally be a hard NO for me.

We all love living together. We get to be part of our grandkids lives. We are so blessed.

We tried it, didn’t work,two women in the same house but differt generations. no matter how much you love each other causes problems

Hard pass. Lack of privacy would be a huge issue for me. This is something both of you need to talk about and agree on.


I definitely would not do this. You already sound uncomfortable with the idea. It’s hard living with other adults etc…

Duplex or buying something you could easily convert to a duplex seem like great options. Another option is to buy property that already has two homes on it, sometimes you can find that for a reasonable price. If those options can’t work out, you will need to have some serious talking to both your husband and your in-laws. Find out the exact reasons. Is there more debt somewhere you are unaware of? Is there a health concern with your in laws that might be on there mind as well? Many possibilities here. The only way would agree to this is if either the house was in my name as well or at least clearly stated in a will that it goes to you and your husband’s name if anything happened to your in laws. There’s alot to think about here.

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There is not a house big enough for two family they won’t agree with each other so i would say no it could cause you to end up in a divorce

Look for 2 unit homes. 2 flat, 1 unit on top, another on the bottom. Or a duplex, 2 units side by side. Put all your names on the mortgage, split the repairs, maintenance & pay your own utilities. You’ll have your own spaces. When your in-laws pass you can rent their unit or your son can live in it.

Get a granny suite attached to the main house

Buy a large home, fixer upper and remodel it to your needs. Put a separate kitchen in etc.

No way don’t live with them.

I lived in my parents home after getting married. Duplex. My dad would walk thru the hallway to our side all the time. No privacy!!! 3 yrs & I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I had company over, he’d walk in. I’d cook something, he would get mad that my mom had already cooked, why did you cook, isn’t your mother’s cooking good enough for you anymore? Yes, it was nice having a babysitter there at all times, but just waaay too much!


Go with your GUT FEELING!!! NUFF SAID…

No you aren’t wrong and don’t second guess yourself. It is ok and normal to want your own space with your own family. Continue to shut it down because they will move in and never move out.

Well , as a short plan to save money to be able to buy your own house it’s not a bad idea .
How are you feeling right now that you all are living together? Do you think that you can make an effort for a little longer to save the money , or you just can’t wait for them to leave so you can have the house for yourself?
If you feel like the second option it’s clear that you guys should not do it , and you should not feel bad at yourself for that , not everyone is mean to leave and socialize with others .
I do not have any problems with my social skills but I will never do anything like that , my OCD will not let me , I like my place in certain ways, I’m extremely organized and the idea of someone touching/ moving my stuff causes me so much stress / anxiety

It would work if everyone is in agreement. You’re not, so it won’t work. If you end up changing your mind, you’re going to resent him. Stand firm on not doing it. Those are his parents, not yours. Seems they all had this planned long ago, and are just letting you in on their plan. Don’t let them manipulate you. Your husband’s silent treatment is manipulation. You all get along now, but I’m sure that would change once you move in together permanently. Your opinion matters and you are not overreacting. Don’t do it.

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I am very antisocial but I was raised to take care of family no matter what. When my mother in law passed away I was the one to say we should have my father in law to stay with us. He lived with us for over 10 years before he passed away and not once did we ask for him to help with bills or make him feel like he was not wanted. I stayed in my bedroom most of the time that way he could watch TV or whatever then I would come out to make meals for us and talk a little. I was great full to have him leave with us, he would help take care of things while my husband was serving his country. He took care of outside things and made sure if something broke down he would fix it without saying a word. Don’t get me wrong I loved my privacy but I felt it would be wrong to not help however I could. I put myself in his shoes and I would want my kids to step up and help me, unless I was needing 24 hour care that would be different. With the economy being the way it is, it would be smart to share a home not only for bills but incase they should need help or maybe they are lonely. Trying looking at it from there point of view before you just say no. You never know when it could be you in their shoes. Talk to them and see why they feel it is a good idea, maybe they are having trouble with finances or something else and tell them how you feel in a really nice way. I will say this if my adult kids and their family needed or wanted to live together I would in a heart beat because you never know when it’s your last day on this earth. Also I have one grandson that is autistic and you think if something happens to his parents and they pass away that he could handle everything changing so quick, you are kidding yourself. I am lucky I see my grandsons several days a week so he does have that bond that is needed incase something happens to his parents. Not telling you how you feel is wrong, everyone is raised different and have rights to feel the way you do, all am saying is take sometime to look at everything not just feelings. Also am not saying living with in laws will be easy because my husband and I had to live with my parents for awhile and that was rough but at the same time I was so thankful that they didn’t feel like we were intruding.


I wouldn’t do it tbh, I could never. You’re a family unit, you’d never have peace and time for your family alone.

No Way, I would not think twice. If he wants to live with them let him!

Never ever live with family

If its temporary agreement yeah I would do it but permanently, nope

Based on your personality you’d hate having them there