Hope y’all have separate accounts.
Cook for yourself only and he can fend for himself.
Hope y’all have separate accounts.
Cook for yourself only and he can fend for himself.
I think 15 years is a long time. You should have said something when you guys just moved in together. If it bothers you that much, ask him to help you cook
If you both work full time then house hold chores should be shared… whether it be cooking dinner, mowing the grass etc. It takes teamwork to make a house run smoothly. When my husband and I both worked full time, he usually got home before me, so he would have dinner ready for me. Vise versa. Now that I’m a full time sahm I always have dinner ready for him. If I don’t feel like cooking, we order out or pizza rolls
Buy microwave family size meals and heat them up add a can veggie. I dont cook unless I feel like it and I haven’t worked that day. It’s easy and use paper plates for easy clean up. I have done it like this 3 yrs now
I’d be feeding myself and myself only from now on.
I just wanted to come here and say, I get why it’s been 15 years. In the beginning your in love (not that you aren’t now) and you let things slide cause he’ll eventually see you and help, then life happens, and is that the most important thing to bring up?! Then you have kids and other things take precedent. Then you wake up one morning and think, I’m going to ask the women that I’m in a group with on fb a question, even tho women are shit and where’s this girl power I have your back that everyone talks about?! These answers are straight up ridiculous.
We live in age where everybody is disposable and if I’m not happy I’m leaving instead of trying.
We live in an age where everyone is so bored after a short period of time, so its time to swap out partners, if there’s not enough oh I’ll take yours until I get bored again.
Sorry that I don’t have a stupid ass response.
Sorry that like half of these girls have been through a dozen guys in that time and have no idea what it takes to be with one person for that long.
Again I just wanted you to know I get why time has past and here we are with a question.
This is exactly why I say parents are not helping their children by not making them learn how to do things around the house and cook. This includes boys!
Your husband may never change, but he 100% won’t unless you start the conversation and let him know your reasons. If he doesn’t change, you need to decide what your options are.
If you can do it all by yourself…what do you need him for?
I hate to see comments saying all men do this because I know for a fact that isn’t true.
Being honest OP making changes won’t be easy for either of you. 15 years is a really long time to get comfortable in a pattern, but that doesn’t mean you can’t break it. I’m not sure if you’ve tried having an actual sit down come to Jesus conversation, but that’s a start. Don’t wait until you are specifically upset to do it. Let him know exactly what you need from him. Traditional gender roles are fine (if both of you agree with them) but what you described isn’t a traditional gender situation. You are working and providing too. You don’t have the time or energy to be a full time homemaker too. He should be helping.
After you lay out your expectations he can either meet them or he can fend for himself. Cook enough for you and your children. Wash clothes for you and your kids. Etc.
You don’t own him. He isn’t your slave. If you’re stay at home we’ll sorry, but that falls on you. If you work too? Well, yes he should help, but you get mad because he doesn’t do something right when you want it done? Girl, you’ve been in that relationship too long to think he’ll change, but again, he isn’t your slave.
Not to be rude r disrespectful: u allowed this to happen 4 15 years! I’m sorry, he’s not going to change! And by u continuing to tell yourself he will, time will continue to pass!
Talk to him and tell him ALL OF THIS.Then make make a calendar with what days each of you will cook and the other clean .Taking turns sounds great but putting it on paper maybe he will see how important this is to you.I’m our house if I don’t cook it’s almost always take out but I don’t get upset because I didn’t have to cook.Also whomever cooks DOESNT clean up the kitchen;the opposite person has to after supper.Good luck!
This is super commonly a downfall of marriages.
If you have tried talking about it and haven’t gotten anywhere know that it is not your fault that you didn’t address this sooner, or maybe you did but it wasn’t as big of a bother prior. Chances are it didn’t weigh on you as heavily as it does now. We change and grow a lot in relationships;new stresses come up, work/kids/health/ect.
However the longer you go biting your tongue or not really getting serious about how equal you want the home and workload to be, the harder may be to change old habits.
I would recommend counseling firstly, but often times it is very hard to get a significant other to agree to counseling when they don’t really think there is a big issue because they don’t understand just how much it weighs on you and for how long. If you don’t think that is an option, you can start trying to figure out ways that get him to realize you guys need to be an equal team.
He very likely follows the examples that were set for him as a child, but just because it worked for his parents doesn’t mean it has to work for you guys.
More than likely every time you ask and he doesn’t do it you end up caving and eventually doing at yourself don’t you? The problem is firstly you should not have to ask someone to clean up after themselves. They are not children, and if you weren’t around they would have to do it. However to get him to make changes, you will also have to make some changes yourself. Starting with when you ask him to do something and he responds letting you know he is going to do it. Regardless of how long that takes you need to just let him do it in his own time. Chances are if you ask about dishes, or the garbage, or laundry, and even simple things it’s going to take a few days but don’t remind or ask again if you had that initial response. It could even take a week or more at first.
This is the hard part for most of us who like tidiness and aren’t as stubborn and don’t want it to look like we are lazy, but you need to just leave those things alone until he does it. More than likely it will get to the point of him actually saying something about it or how bad it is, and if that is the case that is when you just give a simple response of “oh you said you were going to take care of it and I didn’t want to keep bothering you about it.” Not in a way that you come off spiteful or anything but in a way that shows you trust his words when he said he would do it.
Can’t teach an old dog new tricks
Why stay? You cannot change anything but your own decisions.
You’ve been letting this slide for 15 years. He’s not about to change overnight. I agree. He seems a tad lazy. But there’s the Crockpot. Etc.
Just throw the whole man away
15 years… and you’re now complaining about this? If it’s always been you doing the house hold things, then guess what? You created a routine that he got comfortable with.
My husband only grills . I cook Monday- Thursday. That’s it. I’m a SAHM though. Friday nights he takes our son that’s 13 and they go bond. They go have the bro time. Saturday and Sunday nights it’s whatever we decide.
Marriage counseling to help him see why you’re right. Then a chore chart with dates & stars for each of you, posted on the front of the fridge. Yup, just like you’d do with kids. That holds him accountable without your nagging and it’s right there for anyone to see every time they’re in the kitchen. And he will be reminded of all you do and how little he does every day.
If he can cook but hates it, maybe compromise & have him get ready-made food at the grocery store. Frozen pizza, rotisserie chicken, packaged salads, frozen dinners are healthier than fast food, and cheaper than delivery or eating out.
If he has a specialty (lasagna, chili, grilled burgers or steaks for example), have him make lots and freeze the leftovers for ready-made dinners. You can do the same when you cook. Saves time, effort and money (buying in bulk) in the long run.
If you have friends where the man shares chores equally, have him talk to your husband. Remind hubs if he wasn’t married he’d have ALL the chores to himself. Have girlfriends tease him about finally stepping up and being a man about doing his part for the household—but just one or two or it’ll annoy him. Give him lots of praise at first & don’t complain about how he does it for at least two weeks.
Tell him when he lightens your load you have more energy for sex (if it’s true) and it makes you love him more (if it’s true). If he gets all his chores done in a week without reminding he gets a reward. Foot/back/shoulder massage, his fave candy bar, sleep in an extra 30 minutes, $2 in a jar to save for something he wants with the jar labeled prominently with the goal (video game, patio chairs, new weed whacker, etc.). Whatever might motivate him or make him happy that you can manage.
Good luck! Hope it works. Head back to marriage counseling if he needs a reminder of why he’s doing this. He’s a lucky man to have you.
P.S. Men don’t get hints, you have to be VERY blunt and detailed. And they don’t do anything they aren’t specifically tasked to do. Sometimes it helps to assign days to tasks, like get dinner ready every Tuesday by 7 p.m., clean the bathroom every Thursday before noon vs. leaving it up to him (he’ll wait until the last minute, then say he doesn’t have time).
You need to have a long sit down conversation with him to let him know that the burden of cooking all the time is too much for you to handle alone. And also emphasize that if he isn’t willing to cook, ordering out food becomes your only option. If he doesn’t know how to cook, there are options like Blue Apron and so on. I want my girls to know that men shouldn’t leave it all to women. We have things we want to make time for too.
It’s a bit hilarious and disturbing how there are hardly any comments from men here on this whole thread.
Seriously men, what makes you so damn entitled to NOT help out around your own home!?
You live there too! You make mess too! You need to eat too!
Even if both husband/wife work, the men still check out at home and the wife still has to do everything. It pisses me off!
It’s a wonder most kids grow up to hate their dad’s, especially today. They aren’t good examples of how to be a loving husband or an involved father. They don’t know how to take care of their own children.
If this world depended on men for survival (cooking, cleaning, first aid, having/raising children) we’d be screwed.
Seriously guys - step up to the plate! The lazy entitled macho image is pathetic. If your wives are disappointed in you, likely a majority of the women in your life are, too.
What a joke.
Sounds like u don’t need him if Ur doing everything
Men won’t voice it because they’ve been told their whole life to “man-up” but there’s a pretty good chance your husband may be suffering from depression to. Sounds like the two of you need to have a good long talk and come up with a game plan. Maybe incorporate grill meals in your planning that he can spearhead? Men think and feel differently than we do.
You need to have an honest conversation. You also have to remember you allowed this for 15 years. This should have been talked about way sooner. You know like in year one. My question is after 15 years why is it now an issue?
I had a husband like that and I also suffered from severe depression and anxiety . I was unable to cook many nights or even get out of bed a lot of times . They husband walked away and my depression went away !!! Not even kidding ! And I am happily married to the love of my life now !
When I say to him its your turn to cook the kids know theyr either getting Kfc McDonald’s Pizza Or fish n chips
Tell him you’ll need a maid if he can’t help with household work.
Its been 15 years…chances are he wont change…hire a maid…a big buff half naked sexy man maid…i bet he changes he attitude quick
enough is enough roll out
Time to start teaching your children to cook. You can’t change you’re husband he had to decide to change. If you teach your son cooking and cleaning his future wife does not feel as you do.
Quit your job…He dumps the whole load of house work on you then dump the financial burden on him
Stop cooking for a week see what happens
He CAN cook, he just chooses not to! Sit down with your husband and tell him that you are not his mother, but his partner in life. Things are going to change & then split up the chores, including the kids. Or you can cook, do laundry, etc., for just you & your kids, but get the kids to help you with the chores. Teach them how to do everything so they will be prepared for adulthood.
Ultimatum time. He can do half the “at home work” or you can quit your job. Simple.
My husband cooks every night almost. I know how I just don’t wanna….he loveessss meeee
I dont do the “I’ll do it on a little bit” thing. I was raised by my grandparents, and when they asked us to do something they expected us to do it now. So inturn, I only ask once before I do it myself and get mad. If he wont help, just clean up your stuff. Put your clothes in the washer and say “Im waiting for your dirty clothes, so I can start this load.” If he doesnt get them in there then start that load. When he doesnt have any underware, he will wash it. Wash up your dishes after dinner “honey, Im waiting to run the dishwasher until your dishes are in it.” If he doesnt do it, wash just yours. When theres no plates to eat off of, he will wash one. Dinner is a little harder I find, because I dont like to cook for just 1. If its just me, I usually dont eat. Ask him to help you.
Inconsiderate and lazy.
Um I quit making dinner for mine even stopped doing his laundry he learned real freaking fast to get off his butt we both work full time Jobs I’m a clean freak can’t deal with a lazy man:muscle:
Same. Not all the time but most the time. I worked and still cooked every night in the end I have no time or energy for much else, it gets tiring and very frustrating
I felt this in my soul.
Why is it a problem after 15 years? 15 months would have been enough time for me to realise how lazy he was
If he doesn’t like to cook then he doesn’t like to cook. So what? I know females who dont like to cook so they dont. But, complaining about eating take out because he doesnt want to is another ball game. Nothing wrong with eating soup and sandwiches. Every night doesnt have to be a home cooked meal.
Hire a maid. One that will clean and then prepare your evening meal. When he gets sick of the expense tell him you will fire the maid if he starts helping around the house. Then only after he’s proven he will help fire the maid. If he reverts to his ways hire the maid again.
My ex husband was the same and I worked 2 jobs did all the housework looked after 3 children and managed all the money. He had an affair so I threw him out and couldn’t believe I didn’t do it years before, freedom is so good. Now remarried to a man that comes and cleans, winner
If you both work you should both share all of the family chores. Tell him if he doesn’t want to help you with the house and the children you can quit your job and stay home and do it all yourself but you’re not going to work and have to do everything at home.
Time to hire a cook\maid and give the bill to your husband.
I rarely cook, I do help with dishes and laundry. I also mow the lawn, deal with the snow, fix the plumbing and help with cleaning. We both deal with the leaves and yard waste. Running a house is inside and out and I don’t expect her to jump on the tractor 2-3 times a week for a couple of hours. I understand that cooking every night is a pain but mowing, whipping and dealing with fallen branches after work is no joy either. If he is not helping on other areas than yes by all means it’s an issue but both men and women tend to see what they do and not the jobs their mate does to help the household run.
I have the same problem