I need advice about my husband’s family. Mostly about his twin brother. They are both 20 years old; his brother is still very needy and still lives at home with his mom and dad and has no plans to move out anytime soon…anyways…my issue is he is constantly inserting himself into our date night plans or just randomly showing up at my house. I would love to just spend one on one time with my dang husband, but his brother is literally always there. We had plans to go out this weekend, just him and I…and he asked my husband if he could come and of course, he said yes…he feels bad that he has no one and is always home bored, but I feel it’s unfair to constantly be up to our butts…what should I do?
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From my personal experience I use to feel the same , we always did something involving my brother in law. But a couple years back he passed away and that was literally my husbands bestfriend. I wish I could have him back to “bug” me and join in everything. Sometimes we have to appreciate what we have now before it’s to late. But you should also speak to your husband about having some alone time some days.
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Give him some time. Be kind and let him join you. Twins have that connection, theyve been together all their lives. After awhile he may get bored hanging out with you all or he may find himself a girlfriend. Maybe introduce him to some of your friends.
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Do you have children? If not then all your time spent with your husband is alone time. Family is important, so if it’s not a super intimate setting for a date night I don’t see the problem letting the brother hang with.
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The just showing up random at your house I get, I’d love if my sisters could randomly show up at mine. But the date night, that would irritate me too. Maybe try finding him a partner? Help set him up?
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Um tell your husband no.
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As a twin who lived like this I promise you it won’t be forever just help the guy find a good friend who pushes him to do better better living situation better job better energy 
he won’t have time to drive you crazy 
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Tell BIL that you married his brother, not him lol
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I don’t enjoy my partners brother around all the time but it is his brother and if he does something rude or disrespectful or just straight up stupid I also have no problem letting him know his place 
I definitely don’t censor my feelings 
but they all know that’s how I am and accept it so I got lucky 
Find him a girl friend?
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He’s a third wheel sure. Have you tried setting him ups with someone or try to do a double date with him. Maybe if you do that enough and he doesn’t like it he might stop butting in and respect some boundaries. And make sure your hubby knows not to let him invite himself next time and if he does he can have his date with his brother. Lol. The showing up at the house idk if he’s not making a mess and eating all my food I guess I wouldn’t care but the date night stuff is a no go for me.
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Ask him to babysit as you go on a date
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Id not open door you dont call ahead you dont come in.
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Tell your husband that “just us” plans do not include his brother. Did he tag along on dates, b4 you were married? You would be doing your BIL a favor by excluding him at certain times. He needs to put some effort into making his own circle of friends, apart from his brother. Does he work? Cut the cord now.
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Talk to him and tell him date nights are off limits, period.
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You should talk to your husband about having one on one time, and plan days out with his brother separately. Show him you want to include his brother in things while also showing him you need him to give you undivided attention too.
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My guess is this is not new and you married this man despite this issue. Now you want it to change after you signed up for this. That’s his twin. They have a bond. Do you have kids? If you don’t have kids you have plenty of alone time with your man. If your husband is happy having him there you need to let it go. His brother was there before you and will likely be there after you if you are that pressed about it.
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Hubby needs to stand up for y’all’s marriage. If not, you should. There’s nothing wrong telling him how you feel.
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Umm next time he shows up at ur house don’t answer tf say plz call next time .
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This is a sit down face to face talk with hubby & BIL. Talk about this, set boundaries and stick with it. The conversation could go like this:
Hey I know you guys are close but we need to set some boundaries for visits and hanging out with us. I really do enjoy your company but you need to call first before coming & date nights are for us as husband and wife only. We love you and please respect these boundaries that have been set.
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I’m sorry I understand the part where sometimes you definitely want to be alone and do getting things but this is me, me and my brother rock through everything together going on a trip? He’s there, trying a new restaurant he’s there at home watching a movie…He’s there sometimes family’s are just bonded like that and it’s not a bad thing you gotta look at it in a different light
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Is his name Kenny? Is your husband’s name Roy?
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There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries.
Your husband needs to say something…he is also the issue here.
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Dont talk about your date plans in front of him lol
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I was always with my brother. I am so glad I married a man that loved my brother as much as me. My brother was my best friend. He passed away 6 years ago and it was the only time I had ever seen my husband cry. We miss him so much. Enjoy the people that want to be around you. It won’t be forever.
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I have twins and a younger daughter. Both twins adore their sister but their bond is so different. They talk about their future families and have it planned so they’ll still see each other everyday.
Yes, you need time alone and the brother needs boundaries, but they’ve never been without each other. Discuss it with your husband and set certain days that are just the two of you, then both make it clear to his brother that x day is a day for just the two of you.
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Set him up with someone 
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If it wasn’t a twin, I’d be on your side but you knew before you got married. I can imagine dating a twin could be difficult.
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At first I thought it was him just showing up, but it sounds like he’s asking Your husband and your husband keeps telling him yes, first step I would take is having a talk with the husband
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Start setting him up on blind dates when he tags along, guarantee if he’s not interested in any of them it stops 
& if he does become interested, it will also stop.
It’s understandable your frustration but your husband should be the one to speak to him about it, otherwise you’re the bad guy…
Twins have a connection we sometimes don’t understand.
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Tell your husband that he needs to stop letting his brother go on your dates…simple as that…communicate with the man, dont ask the internet
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Your husband needs to set the boundaries w him…he’s just allowing it, he could be the problem as well. he’s feeding into his brother by constantly allowing him to come.
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Even my family knows to call/text before they come over. Husband allows and they are no boundaries or space. HE has to fix it. Next time he tells him yes, tell your husband your not going.
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Set aside a day or two that is just for you two… rest of the time no problem
Sounds more like it’s a problem with the husband, not the brother. He asked permission first to tag along and the husband okayed it.
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Introduce the guy to one of your lady friend or cousin they might click and he will be out of your hair
Have this conversation with your husband.
Start bringing dates for him… and pick the worst possible match for him every time… hell spice it up find an ex girlfriend of his sn invite her…will stop asking to go:woman_shrugging:
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U r enabling him. He needs to get a job and make some friends of his own.
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Just tell your husband if he’s gonna keep letting him tag along hell have him tag along in the bedroom also
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Have separate date time, and hang out time with his brother
The husband needs to set up so one on one time with his brother
Your husband is enabling his behavior by allowing him to tag along constantly. It’s great he wants to include his brother but he needs to set aside time with him separately. You both need the time that you and him have set aside for yourselves. Be open and honest with him, suggest him and his brother having a boys night once a week, maybe even include him in a weekly dinner at your house. Set some ground rules too, no showing up unannounced, that in itself would have pushed me over the edge.
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Start staying home. When your husband asks, tell him that you are tired of his brother coming along on every date night. Remind him that u married him, NOT his brother. Ask him since his brother is so involved, does he need to be there for sexy time too. Maybe he’ll get the point
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Tell your husband you think his brother is cute
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Talk to hubby. Tell him that.
Talk to your husband and also understand that it’s his twin. It’s pretty natural for twins to be very close. My best friends husband has a twin and they have had similar issues.
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I often have my siblings/family pop in at my house, it’s a daily occurrence. My family is very close and we feel comfortable doing that. So I get how it may be hard for him to exclude his brother. Just be open with them about needing some alone time to bond with your husband. Let down the brother easy by telling him you two wanted some one on one time and set aside a different time to hang out with him as well.
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Fuck his brother. That will cause a big enough divide
I feel like this is an issue that is significantly effected by their age. Your husband and his brother are 20. That’s young. Obviously you can talk to him, but I don’t see this clearing up till they’re a little older and at a more mature space in life.
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Help him out and hook him up. Also talk to your husband and let him know how you feel.
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I feel like most 20 year olds randomly show up to each other’s houses and probably aren’t at a place in life where date nights and serious relationships are meaningful to them. I know it’s not the case with everyone but I know when I was 20 hanging out in groups was the norm for me and showing up to a friends house was normal as well. Probably just an age thing to be honest. Anyway find a girl for him and make it a double date or something. And remember to have fun in life if you’re only 20 as well!
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Find him a blind date
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Bring your sister or cousin get them to really come on to him
Find him a girlfriend
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Being an identical twin myself and I’m engaged to a identical twin I have direct experience that it’s a twin thing and that won’t change. It may decrease a lil bit once he has a gf but honestly it’s “ not normal” if twins dont talk everyday or try and hangout all the time.
We have a special bond and it’s not gonna change just because u get married. U should’ve adapted as u knew u were marrying a twin. If it was a regular guy this wouldn’t be an issue.
Being a twin comes with extreme need to connect and share experiences lol at same stuff and hangout. Get him a gf and also intentionally plan things with him and also delicate certain days just for u too. The 3 of u have a copy of that schedule. Ur not gonna be able to get ur husband to totally live his own life without his bro. Embrace it. U married into it. That’s the advice I have for u.
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Start inviting the brother over when your hubby wants to be intimate and just say you feel bad for him missing out on it
Your husband would be insulted and you can point out that the fact you never get that time with your husband equates to the same lack of boundaries.
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It pretty natural for twins to be close expecially identical twins. They feel incomplete without each other
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If hubby feels bad saying no then just don’t tell brother about date night. Compromise. I bet brother doesn’t realize it’s an issue and he will probably understand that y’all want alone time once in a while. Also, introduce him to some other people.
You have two boyfriends, congrats!!
I see the problem, they’re 20. And you may be too… I wouldn’t recommend marriage to 20yr olds even if a child is involved. I was engaged to my ex who was 12yrs older(34) luckily I knew things weren’t going to last, I wouldn’t rush into marriage even though I was pregnant
at 22yrs old.
I never pop up unannounced. And I definitely do not have a specific knock when I get there
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So what. Let him be involved. There will be a day where you wish he was still here. Yall are still kids.
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Growing up around twins, things will always be like that. Twins have a very special bond. Don’t try to break that for them. Let them be close because they need each other on a different level.
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Tell your husband you’re tired if it and he needs to tell his brother he can’t always be a part of your plans. Sounds ridiculous to me.
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For everyone saying its a twin thing or simalar things it still doesn’t make it right and her hubby needs to grow a pair of balls and tell him no I am spending time with my wife 3 ends up becoming a croud and she has every right to start getting angry about this she isn’t trying to break their bond the poor woman just wants some time with her husband without having a tail tagging along.
Cant you just say " you two need to get a womb" and move on with date night, you aint gonna dilute the bond or codependence that forms during a 9 month stay in utero
Be thankful he has a brother that close to him. my hubby lost his twin right after we got together. I knew getting into that relationship that his brother would always be involved… because they were close.
Get used to it.they are young and also twins… lol
Im a twin, and both me and my twin are in long term relationships with kids of our own. And we STILL see each other almost everyday, talk multiple times everyday, and have dinner together at least once a week. Its just a twin thing. We are at the point now our significant others just assume our plans include the others family. So I would just try to get comfortable with it
I am a twin… if my partner EVER tried to limit time with my sister or be bothered by her just showing up I would leave him! (Even after 14years) twins have a very special bond an no one will ever come between it. The more you try the more you will be pushed away not the twin… learn to embrace it. you married into it. (I’m sure it’s nothing new unless you married very quickly)
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Set him up on dates on dates nights
It’s a twin thing. I have 7yo b/g twins and they didn’t want to go to separate summer camps, they want to be in the same class and they want to do everything together. I try to get then to take breaks from each other but it such a strong, emotional and beautiful bond. Embrace it or you may find yourself without a husband before too long.
I’d just tell your husband that date night is for you and him and that you need some alone time with him and that mean sno inviting other members into it for any means. Just let him know that you feel your boundaries are being pressed and you need the space.
Find him a girlfriend…