Been there and dealing with similar issues. Document everything. Journal everything: exchanges (whose there/what’s said), what the child says, what happens in your home (ex. Child fell off steps and arms are scratched up), everything. Keep most conversations to texts if possible and constantly screenshot to save.
Child suddenly having potty accidents after being fully potty trained for a long period is a red flag. You’re husband needs to have the daughter checked for abuse. The BM constantly having different partners could also be enough to upset the child’s mental health and it also teaches the child unhealthy relationship concepts.
3 yr olds have accidents its normal. Shes a toddler she’s learning how to push everyone’s buttons and rhat too is normal behavior. It seems ro me that you don’t haven’t had any contact with small children other than this one. Because she has 2 parents shes divided by she’s going to act out. Your boyfriend or husband and his ex needs to learn to coparenting which can be court ordered
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This is about a holiday???
You’ve been together 4 yrs but the child in question is 3? Sounds fishy.
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I cannot give you positive advice. Take your daughter to a doctor and find out if she is being sexually abused.
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you can only worry about what goes on in your household. children learn whats acceptable in each home. stop trying to tell her what goes on in your home and just handle the accidents or whatever other issues arise. my boys also go between my home and their dads. they listen to me better than him but his gfs boys are mouthy and curse so mine think thats ok when they are around them. but they know better in my home. i cannot control what they do at his house. i can only control my home