Need some advice. How are we supposed to deal with a baby mama that doesn’t inform the father of ANYTHING & makes up any little excuse to make it seem like we’re the problem ? We are very civil & respectful & we let her know everything that goes on when we have our 3 yr old. For ex: she’s been peeing herself A LOT lately & she’s fully potty trained (this has never happened before) we discuss it with BM & she makes an excuse. We just got her pull-ups for night time. She said, “oh, I have some of these at mommy’s house too.” Another ex: she choked her mother, she mentioned it to us & we have no idea where that came from because she has never done it to any of herself or us (somehow it’s still our fault). Every time we mention something she does over here, she says it hasn’t happened with her, but the baby girl tells us otherwise & we know better as well. BM swears she takes dad’s opinion very seriously when it comes to our 3 yr old & she doesn’t at all! We haven’t done anything different, nor has there been any random people coming in & out of her life. We also give her lots of love & affection when we have her. I’m not trying to be a jerk, but it’s very obvious she only had that baby to try to trap him & get child support (supposedly she was told she couldn’t have babies). She’ll even harass him until he makes the payment smh. I’m honestly very annoyed at this point & upset for my hubby because that’s his baby, he has every right to know what goes on with his child & he deserves just as much respect as the mother does, but he doesn’t get even half of that, it’s not ok. We’ve been together 4 yrs now. I’d appreciate some POSITIVE advice & no negativity. Thank you. I’d also like to add that whenever hubby meets up to get a baby girl, there’s almost always a new guy with them & she says, “this is mommy’s new friend.” I’ve asked some more experienced moms & they say what’s going on with baby girl could be some kind of trauma & acting out due to all the changes & whatnot. I just want to know what more I can do to help if there’s even anything
First other moms are going to chew you out for saying our daughter. Just FYI. I get it but some moms just don’t understand if you have never been the step mom.
The only other thing you can do is take it to court. That way it’s in writing about what she has to disclose. Some custody agreements even have who can and can’t be around the minor child.
If she is regressing, meaning wetting herself after being trained I would def seek a therapist. Regression is one of the first signs of child abuse at that age.
I didnt read the second half but idk maybe theres stuff going on or over reading it… I know my daughters go over to their dads and will say this and that and Its not true. Or she will say this or that for his house and that’s not true. And they arent used to being there like being with me so I know my oldest had some issues with bathroom there but doesn’t here like that. And I know I’ve harassed my bd for a payment… not so much anymore but yeah cause he never wanted to pay and I had to do everything financially and physically myself for 2 kids… not saying it’s like this for you guys. But without both stories idk cause I’m sure I look “bad” to my ex’s gf too.
I am so sorry mama. Get her into play therapy. She is just acting out.
Look, this is a issue for the two parents. You want to take little jabs at her even in this post and I promise you a 3 year old child is smart enough to play both sides against the middle. Maybe you as the step mom need to change your attitude, the parents need to sit down and talk before taking the next step of a family therapist.
I’m confused, so she’s 3, but you’ve been together 4 years? Did he cheat? And if the mom always has a new guy, there is def new people always coming in and out of her life. Could be the cause of the negative behavior.
Document everything and go to court for physical custody.
And another thing I can add is she probably feels bitter asf about YOU. Bc you been together 4 years but the daughter is 3… clearly you hooked up with him right when she got knocked up. She didnt even have a chance to be a family with the dad. I would hate you too.
The peeing is normal since she being g bounced back and forth
you have 15 more years of it. Its not uncommon for a 3 yr old ( or older) to wet at night. Mine were all potty trained by 2 1/2 but 3 of them still wore pull ups over their undies well through year 3. We called them bed pants. There is nothing you can do about Moms friends. Sorry you will never be able to control her activities. Keep on providing her a stable loving home at her dads house as long as shes fed and there is no abuse there isnt much you can do. Do you have 50/50 custody ?
Can I just say that it’s totally insane and insulting for you to say that she got pregnant to trap him “for child support”?? Not that women don’t get pregnant on purpose when the man may not be looking for that, but I would venture to say it’s very unlikely that she got pregnant in hopes of being a single parent just because she wanted child support. I think you’re bitter, I think she’s probably bitter, and y’all need to grow up and learn to coparent.
If she’s suddenly peeing herself and mom has new friends all the time I’d suggest getting her checked for sexual abuse. May not be the case but better safe than sorry
Of all the things that happened, this happened the least. 
The peeing in her pants could be an indication of fear. I would notify the courts of this and the random guys the “mother” has around. I would get this little girl in therapy ASAP. There are children psychologist that do work with children that young, a lot of times they do it through artwork. I’ve seen it done and it’s amazing what they can figure out by using this method! I would also fight to not let her back there, until all this has been resolved. She’s so little and you and dad must be her voice. Best of luck, mommy!
Omg some of these comments are horrible. 1st thank you for being a good and loving step parent. Not all mom resent and hate the step mom. I LOVE my daughters step mom. 2nd I would definitely look into therapy. If she goes to daycare or preschool have him talk to her teachers. & see if they’ve noticed any behavior that you have. 3rd some kids do act out more for one parent and not the other. She could just want more of daddy’s attention bc mom isnt showing it as much as she wants. He could also contact her doctor and ask them for advice.
Kinda sounds like his side piece got pregnant and maybe youre a little mad at her for it…
Idk why youd ruin a relationship. If you were together 4 years and they have a 3 yr old they never even had a chance to try and be a famoly.6
Sometimes children regress when it comes to potty training for no good reason. My daughter did because once she got comfortable, she started waiting until the very last second. Kids at that age are smarter than you think, and will play parents against each other. I’m not saying there’s not something else going on, but it doesn’t mean it’s something either. I’m not sure how his daughter is three and you’ve been together for four years? If there was cheating involved, she could just be bitter and not want to deal with you. She may not like that you refer to her as “our” daughter either. It seems as though you are trying to be this girl’s mom, but she already has a mom. I would take a step back and let your husband and her communicate on their own. I have two step kids and my husband is a step dad to my daughter. We have two moms and a dad that we deal with. It’s not always easy, but putting differences aside is essential. We have always made it clear that we are their step parents and not their parent. I think that’s important.
I would stay out of it and let them deal with there daughter
Write everything down!
Take photo’s ( if she’s wet her self take photos of everything and write everything down,
What she says and try and get it on video if you can
And go for custody!
I dealt w a scorned and crazy BM for 24 years now. If I could go back in time, I would not deal w her at all. The kid, yes. But her, it wasn’t worth the hassle. We just followed our agreement and that was about it. Over the years I thought we built a relationship together, not as friends or anything but as people who have a kid in common. He turned 18 and she totally turned on us. Haven’t seen him or her in 6 years now. My stepson was bounced from here to there, dif dudes around him, he was even removed from her custody because he was abused by the boyfriend. She always had the upper hand. I wouldn’t try so hard if I had the chance again. Just w her not w my stepson. Now a days, w text available. That would be my form of communication
Yeah … Positive comments only haha so I’ll be keeping my comment to myself 
Why Everytime someone posts a fan question some entitled mothers need to try and yell and scorn. Sit TF down. Hush up. You’re the problem today. It’s pathetic.
wait. im confused. yall have been together 4 years but he has a 3 year old with another woman? and the way you speak makes it clear they were together before yall have this current relationship. i think i missed something lol
Sometimes you just have to mind your business when dealing with a child that is not yours … I do what is asked of me when it comes to my boyfriends child but I stay in my lane and I’m happier that way lol
She needs to be checked for a UTI 
There’s some red flags in the way this was written. There are always more sides to the story. You seem to be picking at everything about her and pointing it out so the readers feel some type of way about her which is disrespect. She isn’t showing you guys respect but you hardly have any respect for her either so can you expect something you aren’t truly giving. This isn’t her issue it’s a family issue and in my opinion you all need to grow up a little and co parent better because that baby is acting out. Dont bring that baby into adult problems either. Stop talking about each other, stop being petty, stop saying she trapped him you can’t trap a grown man who consented to sex. And you were trying to be a jerk, period. I’m not trying to be nasty I’m just being honest. If that child is happy, being cared for, and has loving parents stop nit picking and start acting how you want to treated. If you want respect, respect her. You’ll be amazed at what happens when you practice what you preach.
pointing out its possible him and the babymama were already split and just fucking as “friends with benefits” when babymama got knocked up; it doesn’t always mean cheating was involved
If dad had a straight up conversation and that didn’t work… If the momma doesn’t put the child’s needs first and doesn’t help to coparent more effectively, it sounds like time for family court, especially if it’s for the child’s well being, there are some red flags in your post. Track all conversation and happenings in a note book be sure to be specific to dates and times. Hope all goes well.
She’s only 3. Could be responses of trauma, but it’s her age. She clearly potty trained early, so it’s very normal for her to start accidents again after not having them. This would be a different conversation if she was 7 and all of a sudden started having accidents again. If the mom is introducing them as friends, then it’s no different that having girl friends around and meeting lots of new ones. I don’t agree with having that many new people around constantly, but that’s her time and no one can say anything. 3 year olds have HUGE imaginations. Just because you’re being told something doesn’t mean it’s happening. They also learn from tv and video games. Which could be where the child saw choking. My daughter was a huge story teller until she was about 41/2. The things she would come up with were absolutely crazy. They like to act things out that they see whether it’s in movies, games, or they see happen in real life with their families or at the store. Now something could be going on, but the point of this is that something could also not be going on.
Take the kid to the Dr first of all and rule out possibilities such as UTI or bladder infection as the cause of the accidents. Plus, if she is only 3 she hasn’t been potty trained for very long at all most likely and accidents are pretty common.
When I shared custody with my oldest daughter I always made sure to have a friend with me as a witness at pick up/drop off. Just because I had that friend with me didn’t mean I was sleeping with them. Parents having friends is ok.
Kids test boundaries. All my kids do/did weird things. My 2 youngest about got kicked off theor bus for taking turns imitating Homer Simpson choking Bart Simpson (they were 5 and 6 years old). They and the other kids thought it was hilarious, the bus driver not so much lol Plus, at 3 there’s the whole boundary testing racket (eyeroll inserted here). Help her practice “gentle touch”.
Lastly, let go of the bitterness. Lots of women are told that they may have problems with conception or won’t be able to. Maybe her baby wasn’t a trap but a blessing. My oldest daughter recently had a tubal pregnancy and had to have one of her tubes and the ovary removed and the Dr said she may never have another baby but Dr’s don’t know everything.
To everyone saying that he cheated, it’s very possible that the child is 3 years and 3 months and that the baby mama got pregnant at the same time as they started dating. Add the 9 months of pregnancy on.
No matter the situation is maybe check to see if she hasn’t been sexal abuse ND go from there
I was told I couldnt have kids and have a daughter. It happens all the time. I doubt she trapped him. He willingly had sex as an adult and knows where babies come from. You sound so bitter. Honestly, I cant take you seriously on the mom being so mean when you’re clearly making irrational remarks about her and calling that little one YOUR baby. It’s not. Step baby, sure. They need to co parent and you’re salty.
Maybe explain how he got another woman pregnant while y’all been together for 4 yrs tht way we understand the situation better
Fan adds
I’d like to add 4 yrs was a typo it’s been 3, HE left BM when child was just a baby. Him & I got together months later. He also always pays his child support on time which she knows. & yes she did do it on purpose, she always said she couldn’t have babies even when I met her she said it, it was a lie to trap him since he wanted out of the relationship.
Also, BM calls me “2nd mommy” & sometimes she’ll tell the child to say hi or bye to mommy, me.
Maybe its cause he left her then slept with her then went back you or left her just when she found out she was pregnant just saying baby is 3 but your together for 4 years
take her to dr to rule out uti… if no uti get her in to talk to a therapist… could be so many new ppl in and out of her life, could be a sign of trauma, could be a sign of abuse… if moms that bad why doesnt dad do what is needed to get custodial parent rights?
I don’t understand how she trapped him into getting her pregnant, if she was told she couldn’t have kids? Also how have you been together 4 years but their baby is only 3? That doesn’t make sense. Take her to the doctor and rule out any other medical reason as to why she’s wetting herself before you point fingers at the mom. She’s only 3. My son is 5 and sometimes sleeps so deeply he’ll have a small accident. And, to play devils advocate-you can’t EXPECT return respect from someone just because you give it. You’re obviously doing the right thing by being the bigger person, but that doesn’t mean she’s gonna do it too. & I’m not defending the mom, but you have no idea what’s going on in her life either. My suggestion is to leave the baby girl OUT OF IT, and handle it between yourselves because children pick up on that, and the LAST thing you want to do is make the child feel bad for something. For instance, asking her about something at mommy’s house, and then she feels your stress, tensions or negative response. That’s not cool. Be an adult, and have your husband sit down with the baby’s mother and try to figure something out. I’m a step mom and a biological mom and sometimes you just need to take a step back, and let the parents handle it. Just support your husband and be a good role model for baby girl.
You need to stay out of it. It’s not your child nor your business. I have already had this problem and it did not go well for the other parties.
If she trapped him or not it’s their child, Jeez I’f daddy has as much of a problem than you do tell him to man up & do something about it!
You can never trust a women nowadays, they lie through their teeth. Especially ex’s. She sounds toxic for having bring different men over all the time. She needs to think about her child more or she doesn’t need her anymore 
She needs to stop being a whore and be a mom is my opinion.
You lost me when you accused her of having the baby just to trap him. 
Once you said that I wrote off everything else you said to jealousy.
This relationship sounds exhausting
You been together 4 years but has a 3 year old with another woman?
So she harasses him until he helps pay for the child he helped make? 
and I’m pretty sure you weren’t there when the baby was made so there is no our child.
She’s only 3. It’s 100% normal for her to have nightime accidents but make sure she visits the doctor too just in case something else is going on. 2nd, it does not matter if she trapped him or not you will be much happier just accepting things the way they are and stopped wishing she would change. Either she will or she wont but there is absolutely nothing you can do to make her different and wishing she was different only makes you more unhappy. If that little one means so much to you, take it upon yourself to make sure she has a steady role model in her life and can come to you to talk about anything. It’s the best thing you can do for her.
She needs to go to the dr. If shes been having frequent accidents and mom has men in and out of the house, id be worried about abuse or at the very least a uti from spending so much time in pullups.
From this post, it seems as if y’all are trying to find issues with every little thing she’s doing so I don’t blame her for her defending herself with what you’re calling excuses. Maybe she realized before y’all that her daughter needed pullups. I’m confused as to why that’s an issue. A 3yo shouldn’t be expected not to have accidents. They’re still learning how to potty. If you think it’s an unusual amount, take her to the doctor and get her checked. She might have a uti. She might have been abused. You never know so it wouldn’t hurt to get her checked. She told you about the choking situation, but you’re saying she doesn’t tell you all about what’s going on which is confusing. Children do weird stuff. My child smacks me in the forehead sometimes. When I was a kid, I bit people. Children are little people with big feelings without the ability to know how to properly express those feelings. Maybe she was upset about something and didn’t know how to show it? If it continues to happen, sit her down and talk it out. Ask her what she’s feeling, explain to her why it’s not okay to hurt people, and show her new ways to express herself. As for the child support situation, the child’s mother probably actually needs it which is why she has to “harass” your husband for it. Either way, he should be doing his part and paying on time. If he is, there’s no reason for harassment. Idk yalls situation. It seems pretty complicated giving the child’s age and the length of yalls relationship. Children are smart and are aware of what’s going on. If y’all are bad mouthing the mom in front of the child, I suggest you stop asap. That causes A LOT of harm for little ones. They love their parents and don’t understand why you can’t, too. It seems to me like all three of yall need to sit down and have a grown, adult conversation. Maybe even go to counseling. He’s your husband. So basically it’s 2 against 1. It would be pretty crappy to constantly feel like you’re getting ganged up on. As for the random guys situation, have a talk with her. Express that yall would prefer her to not bring random people around the baby for her safety. At the end of the day, you can’t control what someone else does, but hopefully if yall come to her with the child’s safety in concern, she’ll be understanding. But seriously. Y’all need to learn how to coparent better. Be more forgiving and understanding of each side. It sounds like a lot of the problems you expressed about the child are coming from an unhealthy place. If she knows you all don’t get along, I’m willing to bet that’s where the issues are stemming from.
Sadly the way the law sees it is that it is “their” baby. If you and hubby divorced you wouldn’t get much say about the child. Like others said, the doctors told me after my tubal litigation is 2011 aND 2 back to bsck miscarriages in 2014/2015 I couldn’t carry full term. My daughter was born in 2016 at 39 weeks. She just turned 3 years old. Honestly, I don’t care how much you don’t like the lady she’s still that baby’s mother. You demand respect for your husband and yet still call her BM, where is your respect? I’m not even saying she deserves or has earned it, but you want so much that it seems you can’t even get away from the “baby mama” phrase. I’m 42 we never had “baby mammas” we always had a mom and dad or step mom and yet she calls you 2nd mommy and that offends you? As for him (your hubby) that’s a mess he needs to address and sort out. It’s up to him to talk to her and ask for respect. It isn’t fair to drag the child into yall problems and maybe she can sense that hostility. He has to deal with it. Feel sorry for him all you want but until he man’s up and takes the reigns his ex is going to do and say w/e she wants. Now for that precious child, I agree with taking her to therapy and getting her help esp since the bio mother is bringing in/out random guys. That’s not really a safe environment for her to be brought up. Could also be part of the regression due to drastic changes, but regression is normal for 3 year olds. If that concerned I’d of taken her to her pediatrician by now. Maybe change some of the parental attitudes and try to coparent better for the sake of the child. I know you asked for positive feedback, but I gave you honest feedback.
You have every right to be concerned follow your gut instincts sounds luke possible sexual abuse could be nothing take her to the doctor ask questions pm me ill help you
Why are all you moms so mean??? Maybe she’s genuinely concerned for this child?? She’s obviously been in her life since day one & cares about this child. She isn’t the petty one… all of you are !!!
Clearly you are only seeing things one sided! How dare you call her a BABY MOMMA! Get some damn respect for the mother of your husbands child! I have been in her situation and have had to deal with another female stepping in and interfering with working things out for my family! You are the step parent! What goes on with the child is between the FATHER and the MOTHER of said child. Saying it is a money trap is completely utterly disrespectful if you. Yes I see the new friend every time is an issue and maybe the FATHER and MOTHER do need to take the child to a therapist. There could be something more going on but jumping straight to that conclusion looks based just upon how you feel about the mother. She could just be sick, UTI, bladder infection, or maybe just maybe she is showing resentment because her PARENTS aren’t together. Regardless of your feelings the child’s feelings are most important right now.
My 2 step sons don’t have accident with my ontill baby mama showed up they started having accidents all the time long story short I followed my instincts and went off what my step sons were telling me and turns out I was right they were being molested by the moms boyfriend the whole time for 2 years I always took the kids to the doctor the boys would come home with bruises never left my house with bruises but she claims they were riding bikes and fell off I called bs and jumped her ass multiple times I ended up with custody of her kids and won and stripped her rights to her son’s moms know things don’t gibe up keep pushing play a game eith dolls record it with out the child knowing and see what is said and done
3 year old? Together for 4 years, whatever 🤷
“step” parents really dont have an equal say in who or what,
The mother and father are both active let them handle it and just be there for support,
3 years old have accidents,
maybe your just now noticing because you don’t agree with whatever is going on with her (mom)
Maybe his little girl may have gotten touch by one of those men i.would get her checked out
Y’all been together four years and she’s three everything else went out the window when I saw that no but seriously are you sure you’re not harboring bitter feelings toward the mom?
Any chance of taking custody?
Please take her to dr.
Share your concerns with Dr.
Check for UTI (urinary tract infection)
Also make sure mommies new friends have not violated her.
Please talk to her about bad touching and how to talk about it.
It’s always a good idea to keep a running journal.
Finally, stay consistent, positive, and provide a safe place for her.
Good luck.
So you’ve been together 4 years, but he has a 3 year old with someone else? She only had the baby to trap him? She harrasses hin until he pays the child support? Wouldnt that be solved by paying on time? Mommy has a new friend? Youre accusing the mom having having new men in her life, when you husband had a child with someone else during your relationship??? You’re coming off a a jealous woman that got cheated on and hates the other woman.
Also Children can pick on the vibes we give off. So if there is tension between you all she can pick that up and show it in her behavior.
Lots of holes in this story. She sounds jealous and immature to me. Her little “add” makes her sound worse to me. So this child’s MOTHER encourages a good relationship with HER daughter and you but you trash her?? YOU are the problem and this attempt to save face addition makes you look worse…
Childs 3 you’ve been together 4 years? Hmmmm… Mind your business theres apparently alot more to this story than you’re telling… You seem bitter and like you want any reason to pick at mom leave her alone…
You need to stop calling her baby mamma first off. That is her Mother.
You seriously called your stepdaughter a trapbaby. That’s so wrong. Id hate you too if I was the mother. Grow up
U seem kinda bitter towards the childs MOTHER and u r trying to nitpick at everything she does with THEIR child(ur husband 
and the childs MOTHER)
I would call CPS and mention the choking and regression, pee in panties. She from what you say sounds like she has some anger issues and possibly some emotional needs not being met. You could see about getting her evaluated related to the same when you have her with you.
I’m sorry you all are going through all of this mess. I feel for you cuz I’m in the same position but it’s my daughter sperm donor. Abandons her for 5 yrs now wants to play daddy of the yr. All I can say is document everything n try to get custody of her so she will have a constant safe loving n constant house to grow up in.
They posted an “add on”. If you read the original post and then the add on and still give her advice about taking someone else’s daughter to therapy or to a dr for abuse or anything else along those lines other than sit down and stop trying to destroy a child’s life, you are crazy! Kids at that age regress on potty training, it’s so common. Kids act out. Kids at three can hear something and it be repeated. Kids can agree or disagree with anything given to them at three, they don’t know. He obviously doesn’t pay, or she wouldn’t have to harass him. She includes you and even has her daughter call you mom and you bash her and insinuate she is terrible because she shows respect to her daughter by introducing people as friends?! If you put as much effort into loving this baby and giving her support and treating this woman like the mother of his child as you do bashing her and making up reasons to “need advice”, you wouldn’t have any problems. You contradicted yourself in the “add on” and proved it isn’t about being concerned, like most comments suggested. 
That ain’t a baby momma first of all. She’s cared for that child, can’t even get child support from your husband , and it’s her blood. You have no right to say you’re trying to be civil when you’re coming on here slashing her name accusing her of god knows what at this point. Grow up. You’ve been together for four years and that child is 3.
Judgy ass hateful girls in here holy shit. Glad she posted anonymously…
You spelled their wrong. It’s t-h-e-I-r not o-u-r. I’m all for loving those kids like your own but come on, your doing alot of shit talking considering for four years you’ve heard one side of a situation. You want full disclosure for your stepchild maybe you should get more comfortable with speaking with her mother “BM”. I’ve been with my husband father of my children for 14 yrs and still as a stepmother I feel your over stepping
wow you moms just like to be mean to other mothers just because she a stepmother doesn’t give her rights she married to the father.your doing good mama. we are supposed to help other mothers out not beat them down… but my daughter is fully potty trained too and still has accidents but my daughter gets UTI…im so sorry your going through this all you can do is write everything down…
My opinion you really don’t have a say in anything in the end that is her child and his child you sound bitter also she’s not a baby mama that god the child’s mother you need to respect that hands down
I’m a Stepmom myself, thankfully she’s in her 20s now, so this is coming from that perspective:
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you say “our” daughter. She’s not. She’s his daughter, you are married to him, which makes you a stepparent. Your job (in the words of my therapist) is to support him in being a Dad. Even if BM calls you Mommy to her, I wouldn’t go that route. She has a Mom, like it or not, and it’s not you. There’s nothing that makes a BM more difficult than when another woman is overstepping with her child. You need to back off on the “we” and “our child” stuff. It will diffuse this situation a lot. Dad needs to do the communicating, the pick up and drop off, as much as he possibly can.
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How / why she got pregnant is irrelevant. Let it go. They both made this child, the child is here, child support / visitation are now issues he has to deal with since they split up. It is what it is. If it is sent and received through the state, there should be a way for her to check on the status of a payment herself. Send her the website and refer her to it every time she asks. If there’s not an electronic way for her to check on it, and he pays it on time every time, then he needs to tell her to stop calling and asking. If it’s late sometimes, he needs to tell her when it was sent out / it wasn’t sent out yet, etc. Paying it on time will make that whole situation easier.
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Coparents SHOULD communicate, but that doesn’t mean they do and it doesn’t mean they have to. More words from my therapist on coparenting: the minute the parents split up, you lose pretty much all say in what happens in the other house. You can’t make her do anything she’s not legally compelled to do. Just worry about what is happening at your house and deal with it accordingly.
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If you truly suspect she is being messed with, have her seen by her doctor. Tell them your concerns. Sudden accidents can be a sign of her being messed with. It can also be a sign of a 3 year old who is being moved between 2 homes with 2 different environments/ rules/ parenting styles. On top of that, there is tension between households. That’s a lot of weight for a little one to carry - especially if she’s hearing bad things being said about either parent by the other.
Peeing on herself can actually be cause of sexual assualt I was told. I’d get her checked out by a dr and also bf needs to get a lawyer, keep a record of everything, record or write down things his daughter says, keep any texts that show harassment or anything in that nature and take her to court ands get custody. Also call CPS if you’re that worried because I would
The baby could be having problems going back and forth from mom to dad. It can throw a little ones potty training off
Just wondering but i think its ok that they call it their child she is helping raise her and take care of her as well makes the little girl feel like thats a home too and she isnt singled out just because she’s the stepchild . yes i agree she should step back and rethink certain things (im a stepmom also have been a stepkid thanks) some but no if she is helping raise that child, helping put clothes on her back, feeding her and all that, its her kid too .
There’s something going on with little one —- I would say it’s BM behavior and lifestyle.
Children don’t start having accidents like that for no reason; there’s something she’s subconsciously processing while she’s sleeping.
Get someone involved, a therapist or a group for children living in separate homes (our school district/ area calls their program FISH ** Families In Separate Homes ) she needs consistency and stability— fundamentally children need this to grow into functioning humans.
Love & light
She shouldn’t have to harass him…he should just be paying support. There would be no reason to Harry’s if that was being done. So i call bullshit on that. She’s not “ours” as you put it. She’s “theirs” Let’s not start in on how the baby was made. You got one side of a story…this just sounds like you’re trying to start something and maybe if you post on fb it’ll make you look good in court or something. If you cared you would’ve spoken to your man and maybe suggested bringing her to the doctor and start there. That seems logical…but nope. Let’s ask a bunch of strangers on fb and “experienced moms” while I drag her mother through some shit too…3 year olds have accidents. Even fully potty trained especially going back and forth in this mess and hearing and sensing discourse. Maybe if the adults got it together the child could too.
Something is going on with ur stepdaughter at home. Looks like she has emotional behavioral issues. Soiling her self is a sign of possibility of sexual abuse. CallCPS and let them investigate her home life.
It does sound like some sort of trauma. My husband’s ex wife cheated on him and got pregnant. Then when she was thrown in jail we got her. Only on nights after seeing her grandmother would she end up wetting the bed. After said grandmother died she stopped wetting the bed and opened up that she was being hurt. I’d try and get full custody of her
I’m really confused by what you’ve written. You’ve been with him 4 years but the child is 3?
If you’re concerned about the child’s welfare, go for full custody.
Your opinion of how and why she “got pregnant” is completely irrelevant and makes you sound spiteful. Women don’t generally go through the trauma of pregnancy and childbirth just for a little child support. There are way easier ways to make money and also, child support doesn’t come close to actually covering the full cost of raising a child let alone, profiting lol.
She actually doesn’t have to tell you everything that goes on, aside from medical issues or something like that, she owes you nothing.
On the matter of child support, it’s up to him to support his child and to do it on time. If he would pay on time, she wouldn’t have to message him to ask for it!
I’m sad by the people that keep pointing out shes “a step parent” and “it’s not your daughter, it’s his daughter” it sounds like shes been around since she was a baby, to me that makes her a parents as well, she may not be blood but she is still there and obviously cares for the child. It’s sad that you make sure to keep the label of “step” in there, that shouldn’t mattered, what matter is she is looking for advice in what to do, if you were in her shoes and was worried like this, reading these comments would break you, not help you… it’s sad how so many of you jump to there’s nothing you can do, and it’s not your problem, and it’s not your child… step parents have feelings to and are just as much parents as any other parent…
This concerns me
Her mom has a bunch of different male “friends” coming around and the little girl is peeing herself when she’s potty trained? She may have suffered trauma, I think y’all should definitely look into therapy of some kind. Hopefully it’s just the mothers inconsistency and bouncing from guy to guy that’s causing it but I think you guys should seriously consider other possibilities like sexual assault, sometimes even grooming can cause abnormal behaviour. I hope all goes well and your little girl is okay
I was told as a teenager that I would need assistance with fertility and lo and behold I was pregnant at 18. The trying to trap him and get child support gets old. It happened, you choose to be with the man who had kids, it’s time to accept it. She’s obviously trying to move on with her life and that’s not easy with small children, but he did and it’s okay, why not for her? You should consider how much is jealousy on your part vs what is she really doing wrong, because it sounds nit-picky. It’s long to be a long hard road to 18, especially through the teenage years and beyond.
This sounds more like you have an issue with the mother based upon what you were told about her from your husband.
Also, why are you questioning a 3 year old? You will not get a straight answer that way and you will coach the child into saying what you want her to because they want to make you happy.
Also, together 4 years but the child is 3?
So did he cheat on you with her; or did he cheat on her with you?
You’ve been together 4 years but the baby is only 3? So he cheated on you and now you want to blame the mother? Why doesnt he pay his child support on time? I cant believe she would get pregnant just for a tiny bit of child support that will in no way be even close to what the custodial parent is spending on said child. Sounds like you might be making a bigger deal out of the situation bc you are still bitter about him having a child with someone else while in a relationship with you. What a sad situation for the child. By the way you speak about the mother in this post I can only imagine how you speak about her in front of the little girl.
Some positive advice… Mind your business. Follow the court order. And stop with the drama.
Sorry you lost any chance of my support when you complained about bm having to harass your husband about child support payments
Your husband should be paying on time
Also 3 is not too old for nighttime accidents
It’s not “our” daughter, it’s THEIR daughter. Don’t blame her for the pregnancy, your husband is damn well old enough to know how babies are made and he must be stupid if he believed that she “couldn’t get pregnant”… Follow the court order, stop causing drama and STOP QUESTIONING A 3 YEAR OLD! Are you trying to screw up her head? Know your place and it isn’t trying to control this child’s MOM.
🤦 Maybe she got cheated on and that resulted in a baby or the “step” mom was a side chick and “won” founds out ex is pregnant and now she’s just bitter because she has to deal with the mother as long as she with the father, or maybe she’s blaming everything on the mother and not owning up to her part🤷. Or since the child is having accidents maybe she’s seeing her mother being disrespect by the “step” mom and she don’t feel safe in their house, WHO KNOWS. There’s alot of holes in this story and we don’t know the whole thing. The “step” mom just needs a bowl and chill out, rethink things because most of this post is making her sound very very bitter and controlling.
If she loved the child as she says, she shouldn’t be bashing the child’s mother on social media.
It sounds like bio mom isnt keeping a very stable environment at her house, little girl probably has no schedule or sense of security there.
She shouldn’t have to harass him to make a child support payment. Y’all are not as “good” as you’re trying to pull off here.
Why didn’t he get custody? And its sounds like you’re full of crap. How and why she got pregnant is none of your business boo!
No advise because I dont particularly like this chick. “Our daughter” my ass.
Errr read the BM told her hubby she couldn’t get pregnant, it’s her hubby view… Sorry just cracks me up that all you can’t read
I think i would check in on getting full custy, thier a reason shes peeing all the time, i think u should take her to a doctor to see if anyone has hurt her.
I think you all need to chill out with the whole cheating thing and assuming that he doesn’t make his child support payments. She NEVER said anything to hint at that. Everyone is so damn rude and judgemental on here that it is sickening. Did you all forget that there’s a baby, a friggin 3 year old, who is having some issues and this woman is just trying to help? Jeez people. Anyways, to the woman who originally posted this, I am going to have to agree with a lot of people that it sounds like the girl has suffered some sort of trauma. Even if it’s not sexual assault, or molestation, or whatever, it could also be by the sheer fact that she’s going back and forth between parents, she can sense the tension and stress, and of course the mothers revolving door of men in her life (which by the way is a HUGE red flag in regards to the possibility of her being sexually violated). My advice is to speak to the mother and have a serious sit down fucking chat and tell her that you are all supposed to be a team raising this baby girl. The animosity, the lies, thebullshit needs to quit. Everyone needs to act like an adult and get it the fuck together for the sake of this little girl. If she cant seem to get with the program, take her ass to court for full custody. In the meantime, look into therapy for the little girl and also yourselves. It could do you all wonders. Good luck to you!
Someone is reaching out for adcive and a lot of you guys have nitpicked her at a lot. As a step parent, if you have been a part of her life for most of it, no you qrent q blood parent but you qre still a parent. This woman blatantly said she thinks this girl tried to trap her hubby, which it isnt uncommon for females to do so. If you’re just going to go after her, dont offer your advice!
On the other hand, the BM doesnt need to tell you everything sadly; however, ive seen situations like this and its very complicated. If your concern for her well being, have your husband fight for primary custody amd have BM be the one with temporary. At least she will see her mama and be less exposed to any inconsistencies that can stump her growth.
As a medical professional if a child has been potty trained and hasnt had accidentsand then suddenly begins bedwetting it needs to be evaluated and document everything between mom and urselves documentation is key if the child shows up with injuries document those as well…dates times etc…but definitely have the child checked out good luck