this is 100% on that man. if he has a problem with it, then he needs to be the one to handle it. its called co-parenting. not ‘let the new wife take on my co-parenting responsibilities’.
When my kids are with their dad and step mum to be. I text in a morning and maybe 1-2 times during the day literally asking are they all ok? Then ring after tea time.
There’s no need to keep being in constant contact. I know where they are who they are with I know they are safe.
The bio mum is jealous, that her ex has moved on.
We’ve also been in this situation with my husbands ex, of constant calls ect even got told for us not to hold hands be affectionate or talk about anything other than the weather when in presence of their child…. At first be polite as in the child’s fine, having fun your at the beach ect and they will call when your back home ect . your husband has to set the boundaries. Or just mute the calls.
I just can’t with you calling YALLS child “the child, it” that child is your baby. So maybe try my child.
Have the child phone mom in the morning and at night, as one person suggested. Tell mom these are the phone calls, then don’t answer the phone during the day. Why is a phone call needed on the beach, at a park when the child is having fun? BM needs to get a life and do something fun for herself too. Also, no need to answer all emails in length. Just write back ‘read it/ got it’ and move on.
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Set specific times of the day that the kids have to FaceTime her with you once in the morning once before bed a message n a picture at lunch just to satisfy her and anything else unless urgent in genuinely needs replying to ignore.
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Tell her you’re saving all the emails & showing them to the judge as harassment & going to sue for primary custody
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You have a phone in case of emergency so he should turn his off so he can devote his time to his child
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Don’t get involve. Not your child. Your husband is a grown up let him handle it
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Set boundaries. Her job as a mom is to do what is in the best interest of the child. This exact job extend to his father and yourself and any adult involved directly in his life. Interrupting the child’s time with you is NOT in his best interest as he is your son too not just a visitor. Her jealousy and not wanting to see you is her problem not yours or your husband’s. She is the way she is because she feels she is allowed to be that way. Your husband is the only person who can set boundaries. Talk to him and make sure he responds to her email firmly and clearly stating the boundaries that work for you and him together. Keep copies of all communication and a log of all incidents. If the behaviour continues consult a lawyer. You do not want to live with this issue unresolved and the child should be protected from such a childish and selfish parental behaviour.
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Boundaries. Set a time each day that is her time to call. No exceptions unless the child asks or other arrangements are made in advance.
She’s jealous and that’s her feelings. Her saying the child looked miserable … she again is projecting. Set boundaries.
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You have more control of the situation than you think. At the end of the day, she is the mom. If it bothers her that you are in the area when they are FaceTiming, be the better person and find something to do outside of the area. What’s it to you anyway…being a part of the conversation? The child is only 5 and whether she is jealous, being over protected, or still dealing with the fact that she is not with her child everyday, for now…just take a step back. Consider her side, what if it were you? Besides, there will come a time when the child is old enough and will tell her, I’m playing mom can I call you later, or just not want to come to the phone all together…but that’s between the child and the mom. Don’t give her a reason to say anything. For now, play it smart, be one step ahead of her and make it a habit of making sure the child calls mommy when she gets up and before she goes to bed at night. And let it come from you. Beat her to the punch, so to say. One day the child will remember how you always made sure, they called their Mommy! Remember, BM doesn’t owe you anything. Kill them with kindness. I was involved with someone for over 4 years…I loved them as if they were my own. They were 6 8 and 11 and they are now 10, 12 and 15. We are no longer together but I love those kids all the same. The reason why I am still close to them… is because no matter what, their mom was their mom, whether I agree with her choices or not. I had my opinions of course, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. My part was to help those 3 kids, get through and grow through the ugly separation of their parents. They needed someone to trust, they needed someone who was loving them for them, rather than feeling like they were in a tug of war, or being interrogated after each visit. You think it’s hard now??? 5 years old is a peace of cake. They older they are, the easier it is to manipulate and instill guilt in a child. If you play your cards right now, you will be better off down the road. A few months of being consistent on my end, making sure that they treated mom with the same respect I expected them to treat their dad with, made all the difference. I never gave mom a reason to not like me, because she understood that I respected her as their mom. She had no reason to question my intentions or question my motives. She knew, I would not allow them to talk bad to her. She would hear me say, don’t you talk to your mother like that in front of me! The first time I ever said that…the tabes definitely turned…LOL! I know this was a lot, but I share, because she it was me being the BM with my three kids…I made many mistakes, and I manipulated them and shared with them things they had no business knowing because I was hurt and insecure. Yet instead of hurting Dad…I hurt my kids more, because of my actions. My kids are 26, 22 and 20. I finally apologized to the about 6 years ago. So instead wanting other to act a certain way, just focus on what you can control…your actions. You will be better for it and so will they. Good Luck❤️
You and him are going to have to set the boundaries, and enforce them. Dont reply to the emails unless it specifically is about the kid. Dont answer phone calls unless it’s been arranged. You will have to be strict and follow this every time you have the kid. Basically have to show her you guys are in charge when the kid is with you and that she doesnt need to be involved unless it’s an emergency.
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Make a set time for phone calls. Before bed to say goodnight and any time the child asks to call her mom. It isn’t convenient to be on FaceTime in public settings. In fact, depending on where you are it could be considered rude. Your husband needs to be the one to set those boundaries though. You can’t say shit to her because it will just fuel her fire. Nothing is more annoying than a baby mama that can’t let go of the past and let their child enjoy their father, don’t get in the middle. Just talk to your husband and have him set the rules. He doesn’t owe her constant updates and 24/7 access into your lives. Good luck 
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Just say it’s our time n not to text or call too much.
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Ignore her calls.
Tell her its your time with Johnny let us enjoy the time alone with him…
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Have your husband, yourself and the ex make a contract to let the child talk with her in the morning and at night before bed. The child can answer her questions. She is kind of controlling. You might ask her and all of you to go to family counseling
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Go back to court… Have a set calling time. Period or this will never end
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Well honestly… If dad only has the child 20% of the time it seems perfectly reasonable that the real mom is worried and stressed when the child is in the dads custody. Especially at such a young age.
It might be a bit extreme but you have ti take into account what she may have gone through with this man.
Im mean. Boundaries are good and all but so is reassuring someone.
And FYI all moms have a hard time hearing how much their child loves their step mom. It’s normal.
Perhaps you two sho go have lunch and try talking through things together.
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I drew the line at my kids spending the night with people I didn’t know. Their Dad and that chick didn’t live together, but she wanted to spend the night with her girls at his house while my boys were there. Or she’d want them to stay at hers… It was an absolute HELL no and was not negotiable. Aside from that I let them enjoy their time together and I didn’t mind that they liked her. I texted my sons from time to time and maybe a phone call once during the weekend. We each have our own concerns and reasons behind why certain things are deal breakers… both parents should try to meet each other in the middle and the partners should just follow along respectfully. That’s how we’ve handled it and it’s worked out.
We had set times for communication with the other parent so there is none of this random interruption going on. Say in the morning between certain times and in the evening between certain times for a set length of time. There is nothing in any court document saying that you are entitled to unlimited access to communicate with your child 24/7 while at the other parent’s house. He will have to say look, to be fair to everyone involved and to not take away from my time these are your times to talk to the child daily. It doesn’t have to be FaceTime everyone either. He already only gets 20% of his time, she shouldn’t constantly interrupt it.
Journeys Of Herstory
Maybe if u & ur husband come up with 1 (maybe 2) “Set Time” each day y’all have the child to CALL HER… & He NEEDS to be the one to tell her & be Firm with her. Tell her this is my time to enjoy with my child & based on “OUR Activities” today these are the times that will work best today for a phone call & that he will NOT be available to answer any phone calls from her or anyone else for that matter. because when he has the child he is not concerned with holding onto a phone, that y’all are directing your attention to the child & enjoying each other’s company. Make her understand that when he has the child that the child is HIS PRIORITY NOT THE PHONE!! So IF she does call it had DAMN WELL BETTER BE A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION!!
Then once he establishes these ground rules with her & she calls several times & gets NO ANSWER she will get the picture!! *So each morning or the night before, just TEXT her the EXACT time y’all will be making said call(s) & make sure y’all call ON TIME, that way she will then have NO EXCUSE if she does not answer the call since y’all gave her plenty of notice. And IF she does “miss” the call when y’all call her OH WELL TOO BAD!!! Don’t answer the phone even when she tries to call RIGHT BACK either!! She is holding y’all hostage emotionally because she’s NOT OVER your husband!!
This is NOT about the child for her it’s about ur husband!! That’s WHY she WANTS/NEEDS to FaceTime & does not want you near while call is in progress, she wants to see ur husband’s face NOT THE CHILD!! & DEFINITELY NOT YOURS!!! So when y’all do make these set calls **Girl this is kinda mean but necessary – you need to make sure that she HEARS you talking during the call (not necessarily to the child, but in general, background noise if you know what I mean? Simple little thing’s like: Honey do you need me to refill your drink? What do y’all want for dinner? Don’t forget we need to stop by CVS to pick up your prescription!!) make yourself HEARD because BELIEVE me the more she hears your voice the more annoyed she will be getting & I will bet you that these phone calls will get shorter & shorter over time!!
Maybe this might help. Good Luck sweetheart. 
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Best have a conversation with her, ask her what you can do, to make her comfortable, bridge the gap, assure her that you deeply acknowledge that she is the child’s Mum and truly respects that, and understand that it is a difficult situation but YOU are happy to do whatever to rest her assure about her child, when with you guys! Leave your partner and the child out of this, two grown women can figure this out, you just might end up with a friendship, which can only be amazing for the child and family! Goodluck
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Well as both a divorcee and a child of divorce I would say two things, your husband needs to step up and set boundaries by either speaking with his ex or going to court and handling it that ways unfortunately when the step parent try’s to help it becomes a big issue over something it really shouldn’t. But it does 
as far as the kid goes, if they are speaking about you they usually like you. Stay focused on your relationship with their father and with them and try not to let the other stuff get to you, because when that child grows up they aren’t going to remember the times mom tried to FaceTime, they will remember the drama that came of that FaceTime call. Speaking from experience, you don’t want to be the parent that provoked the drama. Good luck and I truly hope it gets better. Split family’s/blended family’s are so hard, but when they children remain the priority, they can be so beautiful. Don’t lose focus about that.
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……. When you marry someone, his or her issues become your issues. It may upset the lot of you salty BM’s 
but it’s still a fact. It’s her job to set boundaries just as much as it’s his job, she’s his wife not you 
they are a unit, a pair… you all may not like another woman having say but she does. Maybe just let your child visit their father and mind your business. You all would NEVER let him do the same to you sooooo grow up. Mother your child and let him father his child because he’s the child’s parent as well and so isn’t his wife.
Omg sounds so familiar
I think I know these people 
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Sorry its not your place to decide when she does or doesn’t speak to her child. Let your fella deal with it, if he’s not happy with constant contact he needs to speak with her and make arrangements about contact when she’s not with the child
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I call my son when he’s at his dad’s. And video call, however if he’s busy then he doesn’t speak much. Dad’s girlfriend is an amazing woman who my son is happy with. You sound like a great person. It’s a hard situation try to be patient however maybe your husband can say we’re out today so call before or/and after? I feel for you it’s such a shame when people use their children xx
I totally get what you are feeling. I have my son for the same fraction of time, and we try to maximize the time I have with my son. My ex is constantly interrupting our limited time together… and he is 12. She even withheld access if I didn’t get a dedicated cell phone for him!
It’s all manipulation!
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I use a co-parenting app with my daughters father and dont allow communication any other way. That way it all remains about the child. Google some free ones as some can cost. You can schedule in call / video time via the apps.
So many salty single mums on the thread
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I’m super impressed by your maturity and eloquent post. You seem to be completely understanding as well as fair to the whole situation. Personally if I were in your shoes I’d sit down have a conversation all three of you about boundaries and communication and if that doesn’t work I’d start documentation of everything. After building up some documents of the events and such I’d go to court and have the custody agreement modified to either a phone call in the am or pm or both depending on y’all’s comfort level to check in and have it all set in black and white. Because it seems like a court custody agreement may be the only thing that’s going to work in this situation. Otherwise y’all are going to have to let the child check in with her in the morning and then just completely ignore her the rest of the day. As long as you guys have a custody agreement in place there’s not much she can do.
The mother will do everything he allows her to do.
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Set boundaries…let your hubby set a meet between the three of you…make it clear you’re the wife and the stepmother to her son so he will talk about you often because the child is your responsibility when around…
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You need healthy boundaries set. Your husband needs to tell BM that she is welcome to FaceTime or call between 6:30pm-7pm only as it is his time with the child and he will address any emails at that time as well.
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Tell husband how you feel. I remember times like this. She will talk to her child when her child is back in her custody. You guys do not have to keep answering the phone for her. Females not all but some be doing this on purpose. He has to put his foot down. When child asks to speak to mom then call mom. Until then enjoy your relationship. If it continues to be a problem move on.
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Similar situation here… Hasn’t gone to court but we have the children 90% of the time. My man’s and his ex’s older child (no bio connection to older child at all). Mom wouldn’t see them but maybe 5-6 hours a week… For 16 months. Once every month and a half or so she would take them over night. Always an excuse for not being able to. Until recently. But she calls and texts my man all day all night for nothing that pertained to the children. And mind you she lived in town, about 10 minutes away. He also is court ordered to pay 300 a month in child support. Absurd! We pay to support both kids in our home, cover all medical appointments, schooling, clothing, diapers, food, literally everything. 3 weeks ago she moved 2 hours away. She’s trying finally. But the older child has now started showing significant mental issues. The children now are seperated until the older girl stops hurting the younger girl. But the kicker is we are now straddled with the child that isn’t ours. She took my man’s child instead of her child. We don’t know how often now we will see the younger one. She still calls and texts all day about random stupid shit. Some people have no boundaries. Some people don’t care about boundaries. I wanna tell this bitch right where to eat it. But if we don’t get his daughter soon it’s going to court. We should not be raising this child while not seeing his. His child should be here. Her child has made this house chaotic. We all walk on egg shells. She can’t be around the younger because she smothers her, tries to drown her, and strangle her when we aren’t looking. She’s a vicious, mean, disrepectful child. And yes she is in counseling and is being tested by a behavioral specialist. I can’t get my man to talk to mom about boundaries at all. Idk but I’m lost on all this.
Ur boyfriend/hubby needs to tell her to back off and that he will contact her if he needs to. She’s imposing on time he needs to spend with his kid/s and she shouldn’t be doing that. I’m not saying u can’t be sivil to each other just to let dad have time with his baby/s.
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When I was married to my ex we found out shortly before we got married that he had a son, it was awkward at first but eventually it was me and the mom that communicated with 1 another. So I hope things work out for your child, its obviously he has 3 wonderful parents that truly care about him
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Maybe she’s feeling seperation anxiety about being away from her son, I’m the same when I have to work, and I worry about my 4 year old with my mum lol. Its very natural. However, she’s very excessive and intrusive. You and your husband should have a proper talk with her, explain to her that it’s not fair for her to do what she does. It’s your time with the child and you want to give them your full attention, but can’t do that if you’re having to answer email, phone calls and whatever else. Tell her that you’ll have a set time, maybe in the evening, when you’re child can face time their mother, and even wrote up a contact so she feels like she’s being taken seriously.
Co parenting can be hellish at times, especially over the summer - hopefully she’ll get a boyfriend or get a life and realise she could be making the most of her free time.
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This is really unhealthy. She needs some counseling. She is projecting onto her child. That is unhealthy for him. Easily let her know that though you don’t mind sharing all social media with her later, while y’all have him, you would like to enjoy your time with him. The statement of you being in the picture and being brought up a lot, she isn’t happy about that at all. She may be “trying to win him back” by inserting herself everywhere. I feel it will only become worse. She doesn’t sound stable…it is technically stalking, beyond the circumstances. You might want to look into a mental heath check. It is unfortunate to say, but I would rather be upfront to the potential of harm in many forms, if things don’t go her way. Are there mental health issues in play?
I’m in exactly the same situation, however about 2 years ago we made a stop to the calls/texts/FaceTime. During our weekend there is no communication (she literally goes 1 day without seeing him) and during holidays she will get 1 call every 4ish days. I should start by saying BM had an affair and made my husband move in with his parents, and he ran around after both of them for months and months, still paying half of mortgage and bills. I think her affair was a little escape that’s gone too far. No one can be so horrible and argumentative and passive aggressive if they aren’t completely jealous? He moved on and has a much better life and she HATES it. So the Calls to the child I am convinced are to keep tabs on us. She’s extremely nosey and has always used my SS as a weapon, and tries to turn him against us.l and belittle us. A full time narcissist, part time wife & unemployed friend to none. Luckily my husband knows exactly what she is like, and after years of her bullying him, he won’t stand for it any longer. Now he is free to dress how he likes, look the way he likes and can stand up for himself without being in the ‘dog house’. Your husband needs to set some boundaries. I guarantee she will get the message, although she won’t like jt
Turn phone and computers off. If there’s an emergency, she will be contacted, or at bed time to say goodnight. Other than that, she does not need to be in contact what so ever whilst it’s dad’s and your time with him. Surely she would enjoy a weekend of whatever to herself without constantly be sat on the other end of the phone phoning and typing. Your husband needs to step up a little more and put his foot down with her x
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I wish my children’s step mum was like you!!! I love that you have started with saying how wonderful your step child is!! Obviously mum’s going to be worried so reassurance is essential, knowing ur child is safe happy and healthy and then facetime goodnight. You keep doing what ur doing, there’s no such thing as too much love for a child
I’d understand if you were a new girlfriend, but you’ve been married 3 years. It’s ridiculous
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I’m a stepmother to 2 awesome amazing boys. Their birthmother and I get along great because in the beginning we sat down like 2 adults and discussed the way she wanted things handled with HER children. The boys are happier for it. Its about what’s best for the children involved not us.
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Personally me,if my child is with dad for two days,I don’t even text or call,its them time. Of course if there is reason to ask or child is gone more then 2 days ,I just send text asking how is child or we do video call.
Sounds like she is not over him and in some way she want to know what u all doing,and maybe in her own way get him back… that’s weird.
I lived with this for years and years,I hope you can get a resolution. My sons mother just got worse and worse ,doing it on purpose to spoil the time we had,constantly, was all about power and control. Best of luck,hope she’s not a nutter .
Sounds like she is gathering evidence for a custody battle. She is only FaceTiming so she can take pics of the child and say he looks miserable and she is only emailing to create a paper trail to say these are issues she’s discussed with your hubby. An attorney probably gave her this advice to create a paper trail. Sounds like she is very shady and you two need to be careful. Stop telling her everything you’re doing when the child is with you and set boundaries with the phone contact.
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We actually only called to say good night. This way we were able to hear able her day with the other parent and not ruin it for them.
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She does need to be told but it would jeopardise any peace you have between you all. Myself and my childrens father broke up a year ago and we both have new partners, my ex doesnt like my new partner but I think his new partner is great and will even openly have a conversation with her while he doesnt like. I think even in your situation it all comes down to jelousy
Depends what the visitation order says, she might be required access at all times for reasons not shared with you
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Try to play her game. be kind and provide her with all the information until she gets enough confidence. this may take a while. soon she will get tired because she will realize that it doesn’t bother you anymore and will think about her own life. 
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Why do people think it’s ok for the mum to be a control freak just because the dad’s happy with someone else 
it’s pathetic. This woman is MARRIED to the dad she is the STEP MUM she is allowed to be involved, the women on here saying “not your child nothing to do with you” are the type of mum’s that don’t let their kids see their dads but still want maintenance 
absolute scum if you do that to a man just to be bitter.
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Your husband should be the one who deals with this ! He shouldn’t open FaceTime he can message her. He should tell her he will send pictures when his son goes home right now you both want to just wants to enjoy the time that you both have with him. He should tell her if there was some kind of an emergency he would definitely contact her and ask her to stop doing this!
To be honest when ‘the kid’ as you described her is having FaceTime with her, this should be done privately without you or her father in the room. Just for the record just because you are married to the child’s father , you legally have NO say over the child whatsoever!! If you were put in the mother shoes I can understand why she is in constant contact. She is the child’s mother and all conversations and decisions should only be between the father and mother.
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Jimmie Ravenscroft sounds familiar?
Unfortunately with the child you get the mama .
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Long term this isn’t healthy for the child or either parent. I co-parent with my ex and I wouldn’t dream of interrupting his time with the children for their sake not his. They go all that time without him that what time they do get is precious for their future development and relationships that they will have when they are older. My gut feeling is that the child’s mum is a still emotionally attached to her ex-husband or b could perhaps have separation anxiety from her child and is worried that the child isn’t safe out of her care. Both scenarios may need some intervention so that the mother can feel okay every time the child goes to the dads without having to resort to those behaviours to alleviate those anxieties. (Opinion said with love not judgement) 
Speak to your lawyer and see if you can get some designated times she can call and text.
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We only see by boyfriends kids on the weekend , and my by and the warden ( ex) only talk if they have too… or she doesn’t communicate at all … but you guys are doing the right thing … just keep a notebook of what’s going on, so then if it does go to court you can be like here, and have examples of what she’s done … it’s helped us !
Schedule face time so all 4 of you will be happy. Texts could be because you are so far away, I’d just answer them when you see it. Really shouldn’t be like that but idk might have to go to court 
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands ex will not leave us alone when his child is with us: Advice?
Turn off your phones?
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Boundaries are a must. She needs to respect that.
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Unless it’s written in the custody paper that she can FaceTime/call whenever she wants just stop. Tell her it’s your guys’ time, which you don’t get much of, and you’d like to spend it without getting interrupted so much. You guys need time with them without being interrupted so much. Tell her she can talk to them in the evening if you guys don’t have plans. Or in the mornings. But set some boundaries
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Give her set times to talk to her kid and go by that. She has to let go alittle bit and if she won’t willingly than you guys will have to make her by placing boundaries.
Turn off phones. Give her a limit. Maybe FaceTime or call morning and bedtime unless child asks to more often.
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Put her in check, you’re the wife, shes the baby mama. Make her understand as long as her child is happy in you and ye or husbands custody theres no reason she needs to know every move you make. Shes jealous
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Don’t answer her. Period.
Have the boy call, once a day, when it’s convenient for you.
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Set up a set time that she can communicate with the child daily while visiting. If something important comes up, notify her. Beyond that, he does not need to respond or reply to anything. If necessary, go to the courts and set it in writing that communication will be strictly for the child. If she cannot respect his time, then it’s time to mediate it in court.
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Make it clear she is only allowed one 10 minute call a day. The child can call her as much as they wish, but she can only initiate one time at a set time, and all other communications will not be responded to. She is infact interrupting his parenting time.
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He needs to set boundaries. Like face time at xyz time for 15 minutes daily. That’s it unless there are extraordinary circumstances like an emergency or something that it more than sufficient.
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Block her phone number then unblock when you need contact. Update her at night/dinner time allow the child to tell her about what they did during the day. Start saving her emails as they can be used as documentation (never delete them as they can be used as evidence) just don’t respond to them or read them.
Don’t respond to her until a specific time, like right before bed. Tell her she can FaceTime then. Maybe put it in your custody agreement that she can call at these specific times.
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Let your husband tell her to back off if I was you I wouldn’t get involved for real
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Do not feel the need to jump every time she beckons. Put her on “do not disturb” in your phone contact list. This way you won’t get the texts and notifications until you actually look for them.
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Sounds like BM might have a bit of separation anxiety. and doesn’t realize it
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You and hubby need to be on the same page. Boundaries need to be set. For example, if you’re on a beach vacation, tell her that her child will call her before bed to tell her all about it. Keep the phones off otherwise. Tell her if she’s concerned, if there is an emergency, you will call her. Otherwise, she will not hear from you or your husband.
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He needs to stop answering every call/email/text. Simple
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This is probably not a popular opinion but I’d send her pictures or little videos. Befriend her. Get to the beach? Snap a pic and say “kid” loves the water, we remembered the sunscreen. Hanging out at home? Snap a pic and wrote a little message. I’d be miserable if my “baby” was off somewhere and I couldn’t be there. Even if he is with dad. Acknowledging that she misses him and wants to feel involved,especially since he’s with her all the time otherwise may help her to back off while he’s with you guys and possibly involve you guys more when the child is with her.
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Have it put into the custody agreement. During visits no communication with her needed. Preplanned drop offs and pick ups.
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There’s no reason for her to be in contact with your husband during the time you have the child, stop responding to her messages and eventually she will give up.
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What you allow is what will continue.
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Set boundaries and a certain time out of the day when you know y’all won’t be busy that she can call. It is completely unnecessary for them to have to have constant contact. Let her know you will contact her outside of the set time if there’s an emergency and she can be updated about their day when it’s the set time to call. If she cant go without messaging constantly all day then mute her until the set time.
Hes going to have to set a time and just tell her to stop with the rest. And she doesn’t like you being around bc shes wanting to be in control. I’d put her in her place real quick. Sometimes you have to break the peace to make things change. Don’t let her push you out. You’re his wife and that child’s step parent. You should be just as much involved as both of them are. Stand up for yourself.
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It takes time for her to relax and let go and focus on her self. She’s learning to share a child. You could go two ways, enforce the boundaries of no calls or just say hey we are going to be leaving our phones down more often to focus on the kids… and child will call you before bed.
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First, don’t you say anything. Let your husband deal with his ex. Who cares if she sends 100 emails. He doesn’t have to read them or respond if he doesn’t feel up to it. If he has an issue with the contents of the email he needs to tell her so or ignore the irrelevant parts.
Also, consult the divorce decree. It may say something like reasonable communication. He can have a discussion or even an email discussing what that means. I’d say a phone call or FaceTime every evening or every other is sufficient. Once the boundaries are established I would simply ignore calls or communication outside the set boundaries. As far as you not being near. She doesn’t call the shots in your house and as long as your not interfering with the the calls she can get over it. I coparented for 16 years. It was not always easy. Good luck.
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Don’t let her continue to think she’s welcome to contact you “any time” any longer. Set a time (like 7pm) in writing where she will have an opportunity to talk to her son every day and let her know that you will not be answering any other communications from her unless it is a dire emergency. Affirm that the child will never be denied access to his mother when HE requests it but that she cannot continue to interrupt Dad’s parenting time. If it continues, petition the court to amend the custody agreement to set contact times.
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Set clear boundaries. Your Husband’s time his rules! Set a schedule (she may call/ FaceTime at this specific time etc.) You guys are not obligated to stroke her ego or include her on your time with the Child.
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Set up a schedule in writing of when she can FaceTime with her child, bed time, the morning after he wakes up, etc. it needs to be reasonable, 2 or 3 times a day. And stick to it. You can add that if the child wants to call and speak to his mom outside of that schedule you will allow, but only at his request.
When the child facetimes with his Mom, you and your husband shouldn’t interact or participate. This call is your child’s call, you are not calling his ex to speak to her, you and your husband need to make that clear.
This should help. If you have a court arrangement already I would petition the court with your lawyer to have this in the agreement ASAP.
As far as texts or emails you will not be able to stop her communication and keep her from speaking about their past relationship. Your husband needs to only respond and answer with respect to his child and ignore the rest. Do not validate or acknowledge the rest.
(Of course in case of emergency a parent can reach out to the child as needed outside of the FaceTime schedule.)
Lastly, just be aware that once you implement this you and your husband will have to abide by those same rules and schedule when he is with his mom. Good Luck 
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The little boy looked miserable because the mom kept interrupting her fun time. There is a huge difference between checking on the children & harassing the father or custodial parent. This sounds like harassment & not healthy for the child’s mental health. Mom is out of line. Bad.
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Ask her what her own expectations are and speak on yours, being direct and diplomatic can go along way. This is easily solvable with communication and cooperation. I am coming from a place of being that mom, who’s had to deal with multiple women in and out of my sons life and I would have loved if just one of them would have been willing to participate in a co-parenting plan that was well developed and also coming from a place of mutual respect as well as defined boundaries, so that everyone is on the same page. I can’t even get a single meeting with the people my son has been exposed to, and all of them literally didn’t make it longer than a year or two, and my son now doesn’t attach to women his dad brings around because he knows they will not be around and he’s been hurt by these women. If you’re in it for the long haul definitely do all you can to work with the mom. Remember who’s watching and let that motivate you to bring everyone to the table now before the situation becomes unmanageable. It will go along way with her if she feels respected and she knows that you love her child and want to be there for her child outside of your affiliation with the father.
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Set a time ONCE day for her to facetime and at that time send a couple pictures from that day. Besides that ignore it
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Sounds like you’re attempting stealth parental alienation…
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It has to be your husband to set boundaries. You and him need to be on the same page with boundaries and he has to be the one to set those boundaries with the BM
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Be straight with her. Tell her sorry we can’t talk right now we are doing such in such we will call when we are home. It might annoy her but she is just pestering right now it seems.
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Not your place, it’s the child’s dad who needs to set boundaries with the mother. They need to come to a healthy agreement.
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My guess? Mom was abused by a stepparent or someone else close to her. Maybe even a parent.
This seems like the opposite thing to what you would want to do, but you both need a closer relationship with her. If I’m right it won’t be easy to win her trust with her kid, but it may be possible.
Though I could be wrong and she’s just a jealous, controlling bitch. Could even be both! 