Tell him to check her ass. Your feelings matter to. Idgaf whose the biological parent. She needs to get it that your not going anywhere so stop being a helicopter mom an chill or her kid doesnt have to come around. Simple as that. She wants to act like a child treat her like 1
My stepdaughters mom was a lot like this. The judge added to their custody that one phone call a day between 6:15-6:45 was all that was allowed for both parents when the other parent has them.
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Set once a day. What can she do? A judge will tell her it’s his time. As long as the child is not endangered its none of her business.
Following as I go through the same thing. Ugh it’s easier said than done! If you ever need anyone to talk to please message me! We can vent together and possibly help one another! 
mother to mother:100:
If they have a court arranged custody agreement he could ask that something be added that states she can only contact so much. My brother in laws court papers states she can only call the kids once on his weekend with the kids because she was so excessive.
I’d first have your husband try to reason with her first and if she continues to harass you guys then proceed
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My ex didn’t set any, which is why he’s my ex. I was all for her texting and calling, but an emergency every time we were on a date? Come on…
Playing devil’s advocate here since there’s two sides to every story…. 
No matter who my daughter is with, including my mom, it’s nice to get updates. I genuinely want to know that she’s having a good time, she’s safe, she’s happy, etc. I would love a simple text that says “we made it to the beach!” Or “we’re home from the beach” or even a picture of her in the sand. Especially if this is new, it would take me a little while to loosen up a bit but I’m sure I’d relax after gaining your trust and maybe even your friendship.
I will say however, the facetiming, texts, and emails is a tad overkill. Don’t feed into all of that. Be the first to text her updates so she doesn’t have to constantly ask. Let mom know you mean well and she can trust you
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Jealousy is a disease. Been there done that. Take it up with the court. You won’t get anywhere talking like an adult with her. Trust me
Foster moms send a nightly email detailing the child’s day. Maybe if you headed it off at the pass instead of fostering resentment you could maybe have an amicable relationship with her. Don’t estrange her. Biggest mistake ever.
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Stay out of it. Not your place or your business.
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That isn’t gonna work having her close just communicate for the kids an cut her off otherwise she’s already being petty,irrational, an cutting your familys quality time.
yes can answer call but not consistently. The children are obviously safe text her later on.
My personal opinion though.
Just let the dad handle it!
Their are boundaries u can set an times for calls.
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Sounds like your dealing with a narcissist.
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Stop being at her beck and call. Respond once the child goes home.
Your husband has to deal with this, not you. He needs to make it clear that their child will contact his mother, if child chooses too, before bed, where child can fill his mother in on their day.
Maybe send a few nice pictures from your time.
My daughter has regular contact with her dad. Every weekend, and throughout holidays too. I only speak with my daughter, if she calls me. Her dad will send me a picture if she’s gotten her hair cut or if they are on holiday etc. My daughter enjoys time with her dad and his new family, no way am i going to encroach on that.
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Have him let her know the kid will call her every night to talk about the day they had and say goodnight. Otherwise unless she’s having some sort of emergency, it’s dads time and dad isn’t getting to enjoy his time if the mom is calling and emailing and FaceTiming etc. and that’s exactly why she’s doing it in the first place.
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Look up pathogenic parenting and triangulation…
Look up “grey rock” communication and establish boundaries. Your husbands time with his child is his time. It’s absolutely needed to create a healthy BALANCED child
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It sounds like the bio mom is having separation anxiety. She is so attached to her child she cannot handle being away from her. It sounds like bio mom really needs some mental health help. Your husband really needs to put a limit to her interrupting the visitation. Document everything keep copies of the emails and texts and if she does not stop take her to court for harassment.
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Document every call, FaceTime, email, text, etc. You will probably need records to ask that her contact be limited during the time the child is in your and your husband’s care.
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She sounds like a total control freak. Parents like this are ridiculous. It’s so obsessive to think she needs to know what the child is doing when she is not even around. Let the child enjoy the other parent. If anyone disagrees you need to learn how to efficiently co-parent and this is NOT IT. So glad my kids have a phone and can call me when they need to talk to me at their dads. Other than that I let them do their thing. They are safe and IDGAF who their dad is with or what they’re doing. I trust him. The only thing I probably nag him about is to make sure my kids have sunscreen on LOL
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Does she have any other children or this is her only child
There’s a certain times for her to communicate specifically with the child. That’s the only time they have to…
Ist) keep copy, pictures ect that’s been sent to you & reponses
2nd) you be probably need to find out if there is an N order/law to limit communications & only pertaining to child’s welfare
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it will probably take having her served to prove your serious.
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also make sure being served won’t make her crazy enough to ja be the ex create any false allegations towards y’all
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Good luck !
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You may want to revisit custody arrangement in courts? Share how excessive the messages, etc. Have the courts set limit on how often a she can communicate
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When my sons dad and step mom started sending me little tid bits throughout the day while he’s with them it calmed my separation anxiety as well as my little guys significantly! While we really tried to respect each other’s time and boundaries at first we found ourselves getting on each others nerves due to lack of communication. Now that we send random pics, texts, calls, facetimes to tell when something funny has happened or just reassurance or to even to let him talk to us while the other has him has cut back on the tension! We all communicate more openly and freely! And I don’t feel the need to check in as often! For me I was not still attached to his father but had a fear and anxiety of something happening to my child without me knowing or them not adequately caring for him. His step mom and I get along great now. I understand your situation is a little different since she keeps bringing up the past but open communication between all adults really can go a long ways. Unless one party isn’t willing! Hoping you all find common ground and come together to make it a great coparenting experience for the child!
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That’s her baby. Separation anxiety is sickening. Give her a break. The baby is 5.
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If they have a court ordered agreement there should be something in regards to communication obviously communication needs to be open but not at a constant, For example she can reach out from this time to this time I’m and obviously you guys are doing a great job with notify her of wherever whenever however you guys are spending your time with the child. I would also suggest using a communication app is a communication app or something that the courts can also have access to as well so they can see How obsessive the communication is, Some can argue separation anxiety others can argue just narcissism narcissism and flat out control issues but at the end of the day what’s gonna saveSome sanity would be a court order or at least some type of communication that can be tracked because this is way outside of the normIn my opinion constant calling constant emailing constant face timing and then comments on the activities that you guys choose to do on your ordered time this time is none of your business.
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He’s gonna have to put his foot down and say y’all will call and catch up at the end of the day before bedtime. And she needs to respect that and he will not be responding to emails or phone calls during the day. If it’s an emergency he will call her.
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I would tell her too back& if she didnt i would put a restraining order on Her that will stop that.or she will go too jail.
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Maybe let her say goodnight on facetime…thats it
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My bfs ex wife is encouraged to call when ever she wants about anything. Shes his best friend and always will be. 
let them parent as they should. Together:) you re a bonus mom
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You can’t blame a mom for being worried about her child. And I would say the same thing about the man if he were to call and ask so much.
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Dad needs to set boundaries with BM. We’ll be home at x time, the kids will call you then… that type of thing.
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Okay so I’m sure that the 80% of the time she has the child you both aren’t acting this way towards her. That’s respect. Because I’m sure you still have contact with the child when they are with Bio mom. Just on a normal level.
Set firm boundaries with her. This 20% of the time is yours and if you happen to be around she should be grown enough to accept that. I’m sure she has a boyfriend, fiancé, husband in the picture that gets to have 80% of the child’s time. And is around the child as a role model.
Sounds to me like she has a lot of growing up to do. I’d be firm with her. You are allowed one good night FaceTime on the childs willingness. If the child doesn’t want to then she needs to get over herself. She needs to think about her childs feelings over hers. Period.
Keep everything saved and if needed if she doesn’t respect your time with the child then go to court. Ask for 50/50. And the limit of harassment she does.
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If child is with Mom 80% of the time she NEEDS to know her baby is well and safe. Give her that. EVEN if you have to respond, give her that. Anxiety is real!
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Im our custody agreement the opposite parent can only call once a day to check on the child. Unless there’s an emergency
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That’s a baby, not even school aged yet. Her mom misses her. Have dad start sending pictures without her asking, send her what activities you’ll be doing in the day so she knows what’s going on and finally try to think of her feelings. You’re a strange woman she doesn’t know and her child is probably very fond of you. It’s hard to share that love when you’re Mom.
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I can understand a little about birth mums worry! But only to an extent! My 18 month old son went to his dads for 3 nights for the first ever time this month, 250 miles away from me. It was hard as anything for me because it was the first time, but dad was great! Sent me pictures, offered me ft when I wanted, to keep me from going loopy. He was very understanding and knew it was my first time away from my lil man, apart from a couple of unavoidable hospital stays for me.
BUT now I know that they will be fine! And hes well looked after and having fun, next time he goes I wouldn’t dream of constantly nagging or wanting to ft. I will take a step back and only make the same amount of contact as my ex does with me per day, usually a chat at breakfast and another at dinner time. We send pics sometimes when we manage to get a good one, but that’s because we both love our son and enjoy seeing him happy and having fun.
We also message if our boys unwell or, having issues but keep communication to about our son. (Some light hearted banter but we always had that before our relationship, during and now after)
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Just because you have a cell phone doesn’t mean you have to answer it. Leave it in the car when you are busy and call back at a convenient time.
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Maybe organise a morning time and evening time for a short face time call that way Mum knows she will have contact and you know when so you can work around it like I don’t mean anything excessive say a 5 min good morning chat at idk 8:30 and the same for a quick goodnight at a set time. This might ease mums anxiety and she won’t feel the need to bombard you guys and then you can enjoy your time with your child. It’s better to be proactive than having to be reactive all day and night
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Has she always done this since they separated or is it more often now? If it’s more often now could it be because we are in a pandemic? That could raise her anxiety level or separation anxiety?
She needs to back off and let you guys enjoy every minute you have with him!!
Like you said she has him 80% of the time!! Therefore she should respect that and leave her child to be with his dad🙄
She sounds like an attention seeker, and possibly still maybe has feelings for your husband🤷🏽♀️
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Maybe try inviting her, I know this isn’t going to be a popular opinion, but try. Become healthy coparents with her, let her see that you’re not taking her place as momma, let her know she is family too and the kiddo comes first. 
sending love
If the mum and dad are happy enough to talk thats up to them. But you’ve said your a “new” step-mum, but you live there? But you’ve know the child for 3 years? How quickly did you guys move? Sounds to me like use had intentions of each other while also being friends? If you’ve known them 3 years you should of known they talk this much?
put electronics away and enjoy unless the courts say 100% communication is required
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I can’t say I wouldn’t try to do the same thing if I were in that situation because my kids are everything to me. Everytime I am not with my children I worry about them. Maybe before y’all are about to do something have the child facetime her before hand so she won’t interrupt your fun time. And then tell her you are leaving your phone in the car or turning it off for a while for whatever y’all are going to do and send her a text afterwards.
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Or maybe just agree to facetime or talk as soon as she wakes up and again right before bed and explain to her that during the day you don’t have time to pick up the phone all the time because y’all are doing things together
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Maybe send a text and or a pic during the day about what y’all are doing so she don’t be sitting there just wondering if her baby is okay.
Record all the times she calls and insists on taking up your time. You might need it sometime. Keep a tecord of it.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things, and it is her problem to deal with, its been long enough, hubby needs to remind her of that often and encourage her to use the spare time to make a life for herself, it should be seen as her break too. Otherwise, it is what we sign on for when we put kids in the middle, cannot help doing that, so try to relax and let time resolve the issues. The little girl is what is important in all of this and the relationship you are building with her now will reap rewards in the furture for you, her and your family .
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We have it wrote in our agreement 1 phone call 1 hour before bed… summer is from 7to 8 school days from 5 to 6. That is all, unless something else needs to be discussed then when they are done with the call child gives phone to parent.
If they have a court order for visitation I would have it added to the court order that while the child is with you guys she is not to contact you guys unless it’s an emergent. You guys can have the child call her at night to tell her about the day and to say goodnight. There’s no reason for her to message you guys so much.
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Put your foot down and set boundaries. And schedule a time for her to call .
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Mediation now ! Set some boundaries !
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U don’t have to answer every text or call u know. That’s what our friends chose to do. Sometime you r just to busy to answer every text or call
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Stop responding to her unless it’s an emergency. She isn’t doing it because she misses her kids. She is doing it to check up on what they are doing. There is absoutly no reason for her to be involved in what you 2 are doing with them.
She probably still in love with the dad and really in reality just wants to FaceTime him 
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Keep record of everything even if it seems little keep it. You Do not have to answer her every call, text email etc 1 call at night and I HIGHLY SUGGEST communication kept through a court parent app such as talking parents
Maybe create a FaceTime schedule? So that you can schedule your fun events around that schedule.
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When my daughter goes to her dad’s I call her a few times a day and I make sure to call her right before bed to tell her good night every night. I’m sorry if you wife don’t like it. I’m not doing it to bug her or my ex I do it for me.
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Yes, set boundaries. The dad needs to set times in which the children will face time her / or call her. And that’s all. Keep it simple. Matters not how many times the BM attempts to call, text or email unless it’s an emergency. When you have the kids, it’s your time.
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Went through a similar situation but it was over different reasons. Had it put in our custody order that only “reasonable conversation about the Child could be had”. You can also request to communicate only through the Family Wizard App” where the legal system can monitor all conversations. You can try to have a bind with the Mother which might be helpful but by the sound of it, it won’t change anything due to her behavior that you’re stating. This stems from jealousy and control, which will probably continue to happen. Hope this helps!
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Follow the court orders infinite be the absolute best other mum with the child take a deep breath a d adore this child never get into it with the mother just love and enjoy your ti ewith her child
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Mediation would be the biggest priority in this situation, seems like she’s just using this as a way of communicating with your husband. As women we all know women are fkd 
I see quite a few people trying to compare her to a worried mom, but between her emailing things about her ex relationship and asking for you to not exist inside your own home, I totally disagree. She seems not over him and I think he either needs to take her to court or set hard boundaries during his time. A mother, of course, has the right to worry, to know if they are safe, but a father deserves his time, too. He only gets them 20% of the time, she can wait to hear how their day was at the end of the day. You sound like you are really respectful of her and I think that’s awesome of you. I don’t think y’all can do more than what you are.
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Give set times for her to call and she is only to face-time call in those times. Maybe 1 in the morning 1 at night to start off with. Other then that she doesn’t need updates during the day if you want to reply to her texts if not don’t. I am a mum who shares custody of my kids with their dad 50/50 him and i do not get on at all. I had no communication with my kids while they were there until they were old enough for a phone which by my standards is high school so 14. I survived it was hard at first but got easier
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Put your foot down been here got the T-shirt spent thousands in court due to her jealousy never attended mediation which was set, 11 years now my partner hasn’t seen his son it all started like this xx
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All I’m going to say is that you can’t fix ugly & bitter inside ANOTHER human being and to put that burden on yourself is just unrealistic… hopefully when she’s finds someone of her own, she won’t be so bitter and jealous towards your husband. Staff parenting is even harder than parenting at times… it takes years to reach that smooth road at times. But your husband is doing the right thing by ignoring all of that she won’t get any response from your husband at all, ft she will eventually grow tree to of wasting her time…
I have a problem with the part about you being in the background during
FaceTime. It is evident she is not over her ex. This has nothing to do with her wanting to see what her daughter is up to. Keep a solid record of everything you guys do, calls, emails, texts and any other form of communication
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I agree with Alli See to keep records of EVERYTHING and take lots of pictures. I have a feeling she is trying to block you out. Be careful not thill give her any ammunition to use against you
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It’s been at least 3 years of this? Dad usually lets the child facetime/call/text often and when she doesn’t get her way she blows you guys up and brings up their past relationship.
Keep a record and set boundaries. There’s parenting apps that can be put into the court order along with communication limits when you each have the child. It be great if it can be handled without the use of parenting apps but some people can’t and that’s okay and not your fault. She apparently needs that accountability. She already gets the child 80% of the time because of distance and those percentages could easily be flipped.
This isn’t just a worried or anxious mom 
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Tbh I was told by layers that communication should only be about child’s needs or living arrangement nothing else n that we let the other be during the time unless needed. We ended up on friendly terms on n off but yeah we didn’t call n msg kids but did visit here n there but I just wouldn’t answer
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Shes not over him,
I would get him to have a word with her and say 'look this cant carry on, when it’s my time the child will ring you before bed and say goodnight and a message in the morning other than that this is my time so I won’t be accepting facetime etc at any other time than the set time.
You need to set boundaries with her
X
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Jen Dempsey sound familiar lol
Boundaries…set up a certain time to FaceTime and stick to it. Don’t let her interrupt the child’s time with her father. She is trying to control him by bothering him and not spending time with child. She will keep doing what you allow her to do
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I’m not sure its a you problem tbh. Maybe tighten up parenting order to include phone contact. My ex was the same, I had it added to our order to stop what I saw as constant harassment dressed in the guise of a ‘good’ parent. Not an easy situation, good luck x
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Get a communication book
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I would refuse it’s your time with the child and she’s making it difficult for the child also
Dont answer the calls…dont read the emails…if hubby isnt on board he is part of the problem
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Dads time is his time. She can only do this if he continues to allow it. He needs to set up a time for her to call, be clear that she’s always welcome to call during this time and stick to it, ignore calls or texts outside of this time. A judge will back him if it comes to it. Also ignore emails that are sent out of pettiness or nosiness. The email about you being in the area? Ignore it and ignore any emails about the child looking unhappy🙄 if it’s not an emergency or a legitimate/court order issue ignore it tbh.
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Set up a schedule of when she can facetime or talk on the phone with her child. Run it by your mediator or lawyer. Your husband needs to ignore other communication when you guys are having family time
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Tell him to text her and tell her that she can FaceTime kiddo before bedtime. Other than that you will not accept facetimes or anything. Also speak to your lawyer about getting this added to the custody plan.
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She could just be use to so she misses the baby and it makes her sad to see you because you have the family (with their child) she wants. I think once she moves on it will get easier.
Tell mom it’s your time with said child and can’t slewsys accommodate her it yhall so time sh has hers
This is some Betty Broderick shit. lmao The answer is simple. When you are out on an outing having fun, he needs to turn his phone off. voila.
Look and see if there anything in the court order about communication. I know mine specifically says one communication a day w me about my child and one with my child. Now my son is older and has a phone so realistically we don’t need it since we can each contact him whenever but if it has something in your documentation it may help you guys be able to put your foot down a little.
Sounds like my fiancé’s ex. She’s still obsessed with him to this day. Idk what to tell you bcuz I was on the same boat
Do you have children with him also? Obviously, you’ve never had to let your baby go alone for days at a time. It’s scary, even if it’s their own father, especially when they are very young. I think it’s more of a nervous, scared mother verses the other. I noticed many of you respond with “ignore the calls etc…”, ouch! Put yourself in that position, youre not talking about a teenage kid, this is a small child. I’d try a different approach and go out of your way to communicate with her first, maybe she needs extra reassurance. And this could also allow you guys to set the times for calls , FaceTime etc… I do not think this is about him, if youve ever been a mother that had to share her child with their father and his GF, you could def sympathize. There is jealousy, not necessarily jealousy over the father but jealousy over the role the GF essentially provides.
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She may not trust him to care for her child safely. Have compassion.
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It’s up to dad to set boundaries. A five year old child away from their mom, you best believe I would want to talk to and face time my child. Does she deny the father phone calls or FaceTime ?
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She seems very jealous and like she’s having pretty bad separation anxiety. Unfortunately all you can do is what you’re doing. Don’t let it effect your relationship with your step son. Keep trying to be the better person. Maybe set up time slots for their conversations? Try to have him speak to her about boundaries.
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It’s really important for you to set boundaries now. It will not get better or change if there are not clear and consostent boundaries. Only your husband can do this. Any boundaries you try will only cause conflict. My stepson is 10 and there are still not boundaries because they were not set from the beginning. I have 4 other children and she thinks he superceeds any and/all of them. My advice is to set clear comminication on what is expected and will or will not be tolerated, especially if you ever plan to have children of your own.
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It doesn’t sound like you have children. Many mothers myself included have separation anxiety when It comes to my children. Especially when I know there father is far less attentive than I am when It comes to my kids. Having your kid away from you is scary, having your kid away from you at a beach is a nightmare. Especially if the mother is the primary care giver.
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I think a facetime before bed is sufficient, you shouldn’t be stopping daily activities to check in with her im sure she doesn’t show u and your husband the same courtesy when she has the child
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Honestly if my kids were away from me I’d want to check in with them daily too so I don’t see an issue with that.
I’d be suggesting a set time eg a breakfast morning FaceTime or a bedtime FaceTime.
That way you’ve got control of the timing and everyone knows when to expect it.
Also means the child can tell them all about what they did that day or what the plan for the day is.
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Court.
Our orders specify we must all make a reasonable effort to allow the child to contact the other party during their care times, but it has to be within reasonable times and not excessive. Like 1/2 calls a day max.
She’s clearly not coping with not having her children around, but that isn’t a “you problem”, this his her problem. She needs to work on it. You seem very reasonable, and your points are extremely valid.
Otherwise, set certain times where the child/ren will call her. This may give her something to look forward to rather than sitting there running over what she will say in her next email.
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It’s difficult giving your child up for a few days. It actually is the most gut wrenching feeling in this world. Maybe yo u could get on good terms with her and send her pictures yourself? Moms love that shit. I don’t like my exs new girlfriend bevause every single time we speak on the phone she makes some commentary in the background and has no right. So when she’s around my child I have an issue. He sees nothing wrong so I stopped allowing my child to spend so much time with him. Be respectful, think of how you would feel not having your child with you and how upsetting it is. Talk to her, have them come to mutual grounds. At the end of the day this is his child so the issue may persist.
Answer her call once a day, one morning text one afternoon text and one evening text, she will get bored, stop playing into her hands and just IGNORE her advances. The children need to settle with their Dad without being on edge xx
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It’s too much. She is being excessive
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She is likely worried about her child. As for her bringing up the past, ignore it. A deep the fact that she sees you on face time…oh well
When my daughter is w her dad, I talk with her at least once a day.