Need advice. My husband’s family has never treated my son as part of their grandchildren. Now that I am pregnant with my husband’s child, they can’t wait for her to be here and want to do all sorts of things for her. Should I let them? Should they get to spend time with one and not the other. I feel (and my husband does too) that it will be unfair to my son for them to want to be apart of her life so vigorously but not his. What should I do?
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It’s not fair they need to start treating your son like family to blood or not love is love and family is family plan and simple
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If they cannot treat all of my children with love and respect and kindness, they don’t get to see any of them.
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You’re a package deal so they either accept you and your child or they get cut off.
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If they won’t accept your son as their grandchild then they do not deserve the right to act like grandparents to this new baby. They have to be fair to both and not just one or the other. Do not let them pick and choose what kid they want to favor. They either love both or they don’t get to love either. Just my way of thinking. It’s just not fair to your son if they do all this stuff for the unborn child and don’t do it for him.
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Need to be treated the same. Some people just find it hard to connect with children that are not blood. It took my partners sister ages to accept my daughter was part of the family. Sit down and talk to them. Maybe they don’t even realise they are doing it
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No either both or none. They are both your children and deserve the same treatment x
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Cut that shit off now. Tell them if they’re not treating your child in fairness, you tell them they better not pull any favoritism shit.
Sit down with them and discuss it.
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Your husband needs to speak up
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If both aren’t treated the same then no, they will have nothing to do with her.
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No child deserves to be excluded like that…plain and simple.
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If they’re not willing to do it for your son then they shouldn’t be doing it for your new baby either. It’s not right nor fair. If you do allow it, your son will probably grow up with a lot of anger and resentment about it
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Nope, it’s a package deal. Can’t have one without the other. My brother had a baby, he doesn’t help with that baby, but we stepped in. We’re a part of my nieces life and I’m so grateful to her Mom for allowing us to be there. Since then, she’s had a son with her now husband and she’s pregnant with her third. We include them all. They don’t belong to us, but we make damn sure that they don’t feel left out. We have birthday parties, they all come. We do Christmas, they all get gifts. Those are my nieces brothers and I would never do that to her or them. All or none 
Cut them off now before baby is born. He needs to let them know due to lack of live fir our son we will nit let y’all be a part of our daughter. Walk away
If they can’t treat one child with the same love and attention that they do the other then no they shouldn’t get the chance to. As the kids get older that could really take an emotional toll on your son. It would not be right or fair to either of your children to be made to feel like one is better or more loved than the other.
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i wouldn’t allow them around his child an tell them that’s how my existing child feels if y’all don’t wanna be fair an treat both children with love an affection then you don’t get to see or be around either 
No, definitely not. His family is not your blood and you don’t have to accept their toxic behavior. There it goes both ways.
In all seriousness, your son will feel he isn’t as important as his sister and it will hurt him. That is wrong.
Where is his grand parents dont they spend time with him. If so how do you explain that to her. Yes they should have some type if relationship with him.
I agree with you and your husband if they do for one they have to do for both you and your husband need to seat them down and make that very clear to them treating them different will not be tolerated period good luck and both of you be strong
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Talk to husbands family and tell them to treat your son the same way or have no grandchildren at all! 
My husbands family doesn’t treat our kids like grandchildren either and they’re actually related.
No, if they won’t accept both then they shouldn’t be able to see either. It’s not fair and they’ll know the difference and it could cause resentment between the siblings.
We’ve decided to walk away from my husbands family. When we visit you can tell how involved they are with the other grandkids but have minimal contact with our kids.
I went through this with my stepchildren vs my bio children. You cannot expect anyone to love ur kids. Period. No more than you can force your kid to hug someone they don’t want to. You gotta pick ur battles and this one u will lose
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I don’t think it’s fair to try to stop them from spending time with their blood grandchild but I get your issue, maybe sit them down (without kids present) and explain your concerns to them, let them know you’re worried that your son may feel left out and you don’t want to cause any negativity between him and the baby? 
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My step dads parents do nothing with me. Like nothing at all but take my brother every weekend and to any family function that my parents don’t attend when I’ve expressed that I’ve wanted to go. It’s been like this since he was a kid. They even do the same with my sister. She desperately wants to be involved with them but they favour my brother and my sister constantly says that they don’t love her and that they hate her. It’s heartbreaking and it sucks but my parents see nothing wrong with it because family on my moms side takes my sister and I. You guys are a package deal. If they want to spend all this time with the new baby then they should also spend time with your son. If not tell them they’re SOL and once they start treating your son like family they can spend time with the baby but till then not your problem.
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Shouldn’t play favorite on kids son should be accepted no matter what an yes the husband shouldn’t have ever allowed that to start needs to speak up
Don’t let them see her, they’re a package deal! either you treat them both as such or neither! No in between.
Put a stop to that shit already… The child shouldnt b treated like that !!!
I was ‘that’ stepchild. Feel free to message me if you like. I’d be happy to tell you how my parents handled this and I’m grateful for it. 
That depends.
My first husband had a child from his previous marriage. I got pregnant. They did treat my son differently but his child already had maternal grandparents who did all “those things” for and with her.
Had i cut them off my son wouldn’t have. It wouldn’t have been fair to him.
Now my first husband doesn’t see our child. My husband is the only “dad” he’s really known. We have a child together. And his mom doesn’t treat them differently. To an extent i would understand if she did a little bit. Its a different bond…knowing a child from the day they were born and meeting a child at 3-4. Its not intentional just different.
Personally depending on your situation…its not ok to just cut them off/out. Instead I’d suggest sitting down and communicating with them. Maybe they don’t realize they’re doing it or maybe they’d feel like they’re overstepping some boundary with a child that’s not really their grandchild.
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How they are behaving is completely unfair to your son . I would have that conversation with them as uncomfortable as it will be but you are your child’s advocate when they are little like this . If they can’t or won’t treat him as they will their biological grandchild then they don’t deserve to be a part of either of their lives. You and your husband at the end of the day your job is to make sure that both of your children grow up in a healthy and nurturing environment . If it means cutting out family that won’t contribute to that in a healthy way then then it sounds like you and your husband have a decision to make . You have to do what’s best for your children .
All or none! If they cant accept one then they dont need access to the other. BOTH are their grandkids so they need to treat both as such
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Then your husband needs to put them in their place and let them know that they need to treat them fairly or not at all
Have you talked to them about your feelings?
Is your son’s paternal grandparents around?
Nope! If they don’t wanna spend equal time with both your children then they don’t need to see them at all.
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No I wouldn’t if they can’t spend time with both they need no time for just one. This shit infuriates me.
Well,it not his grandparents and not because you with him makes them obligated to be a grandparent to YOUR SON
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I dont care what anyone says, if all children of mine arent treated equally by someone they have zero access to any of them.
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Make it very clear to everyone that every child in the family is treated and loved like family or they see no part of my family.
I don’t care if they have 1, 2 or other sets of grandparents or not, you respect those children and those that marry into your family.
If you love your children you respect those that they bring into their lives especially the children , they didn’t ask to be there.
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Nope. They treat them equal or see neither
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It’s not fair but that’s their biological grandchild. They’re not obligated to do for or spend time with a child their son didn’t make.
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I was in your position. My 1 year old is not biologically my husbands but hes raised her since she was born . We have been together since I was pregnant. I was pregnant with my husvands child and refused to let my daughter get treated unfairly. Both must be treated equal. I wasnt letting them play that game. I put my foot down and said u either accept both and treat them equal or u dont diserve to be around my kids. It took alot of fighting and arguing but eventually it got better. We still struggle here and their because now both my girls r being treated unfairly. But u do what’s best for those babies
If they csnt accept both they dont need to be around
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I’m sorry I don’t agree, unpopular opinion I guess. My oldest has a different father and I never ever pushed my son on my hubby’s family. I let my daughter hang out with her grandparents and aunties no problem. My son has his family. My hubby’s family treats my son very well. Never rude or mean. But I never expected them to do with him what they do for my daughter and younger son. And I never keep my other kids from their family because my son doesn’t get to hang out. That’s their blood. No matter what it’s going to be different. Their legacy is being carried on. It will have different feelings that’s only natural. And honestly my son doesn’t care. He has his dads family that he doesn’t have to share with my other kids.
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include both kids in all the activities! if they wanna see the new baby they get the other kid as well.
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I have personally gone through this. My daughter, I had with my ex husband. I met my now husband when she was 3. He has been raising her since she was that age, she is now 14. His family wanted nothing to do with her. He made it crystal clear he was her daddy to all of his family. When she was 5, we got pregnant with our first child. He’s a boy. At first they told him to get a dna test 
we were only dating at the time, and he is in the military. I was like ok go ahead… we needed one anyways for him to get health insurance. Anyways as soon as they found out he was in fact my husbands, all of a sudden they were so damn excited. We got married two months after our son was born… at the court house. His family hated me. Because we “eloped” 
… they still don’t like me for the most part… I’ve been called many names… finally I told them to fuck off… and we now have 4 children… if they cannot respect me, and treat our oldest as their own… they can kick rocks. It’s not about how they feel… imagine what the child feels when they see someone that is suppose to love them, as they love the other kiddos… be treated unfairly. I’ll be damned if that happens. Be an advocate for you child momma! Please don’t let your son feel rejected. He trusts you to protect him. You and your husband need to sit down, come up with what and how you want to approach the situation, then put your foot down. “This is how it will be… or you will not be in any of our lives” …while you cannot make a person love someone that is not biologically theirs, you CAN take a stand. I don’t understand adults that act like this. Children are love! I learn more compassion from my children than I ever had before I became a mother. I’m so sorry you are experiencing this. Just be firm in your decision and do not budge. I know you are probably having pregnancy hormones which is normal but you already know what you and your husband need to do. This will probably bring you and your husband closer too. It did for me and my husband. Good luck! 
Sit down & have a conversation with your husband about this… in a perfect world he would set them straight & you wouldn’t need to say a word…
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You are fighting a losing battle you can not make them spent time with your children it was a battle I fought for years
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Speak to them about it then make sure they are treated as equals if not then grandparents are SOL . Limit to healthy contact. Nothing is worth hurting your children over. Their lives will always be affected by it. Their son chose you two they should respect and honor that. Also respecting the little one one the way who will love his big sister. Kids always know when they’re treated differently.
Talk to them and let them know exactly how you feel about it. It is not fair because the kids dont know the difference. If they refuse to include your other child I would not let them see the baby. They should understand.
You and your child were a package deal that your husband took on - he must have loved your son as much as you since he married you and took on the father figure in your son’s life and his family should have done the same thing - you and your son are their family now and all children need to be treated equally - I’m a gr.ma and never could I do that to a child nor did my mom and she had a few step gr.children and loved them as if they were her own like any gr.parent should. I personally would speak with your in-laws about your feelings and how they treat your son with your husband there as well to support you and tell them either treat both our kids equally or not at all. Kuddos to your hubby for feeling the same as you do now to see if he will stand with you…and it sounds like he would…good luck sweetie and congrats on the coming new addition to your family…God Bless you all.
I have cut family out of our lives for less then that. Either you treat them both with equal love or you just wont k ow either one!
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I think you should talk to them and explain how you and husband feel…if they any kind of decent people they treat your son right.
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You first need to confront them on the issue. Next time they bring up how excited they are to do things with the new grandbaby ask them are they excited to do anything with their grandchild, then read the body language and go from there.
I have both biological grandkids and non biological grandkids. All are treated with the same love, admiration and respect as the others.
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They need to be told this is not fair, my eldest child is not my husband’s but they have never treated her differently to him it is not fair on your boy as he will see that he is treated differently to your daughter when she is born you and your husband need to talk to them about it, no your son is not their biological grand child but they should not single him out either he is a child and will not understand why the is is happening good luck
My oldest isn’t my husbands son. I was so terrified of this when I got pregnant with his child. I made it very clear that if they intend on treating my son different than his brother then we would not be around. I will not allow someone to treat my children differently. My husband and I now have 3 kids together and all 4 are treated equally by everyone.
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Your son should have his fathers family. They’re relationship should flourish naturally since he’s your husband but I wouldn’t keep the new baby away from their real grandparents bc you have a child with someone else.
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All children should be treated equally
I am also going through this. Being 30 weeks pregnant, with a 13 month old. My fiancè family bought a lot of stuff for the new baby, but nothing for my son. My fiancè told me that they won’t even watch him, unless it involves our baby. His mom said she’d watch my son while I’m in the hospital, but her and my fiancè father won’t watch my son, unless they are also watching the new baby. They are also demanding my fiancè gets a dna test to prove the new baby is his. The father and I already agreed to do a test, to prove that he is their grandchild. I’m fearing once this baby is born, they will want to do things with him and not my son. Which my fiancè and I are going to raise them like they aren’t half brothers. Since my 13 month olds dad only pays child support and doesn’t both to talk to me, or make effort to see his son.
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I think fhag totally not fair for them to treat him like an out cast. My sister had a kid before she got with her now fiancé and his parents treat her kid like they do their biological grandson. I would tell them how you feel.
This is such a hard situation to be in! You can’t force people to change.
They should be treating both children equally, or don’t bother at all
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Is your son’s biological father and his family part of his life?
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The right kind of grandparents don’t have to be talked to. They love them all the same. (Except maybe just one might be a little special) shame on me!
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You and hubby need to sit down and talk to them and express your feelings and that you realize your son is not their biological gchild but your husband loves and treats him as a step son and they should respect that fact and understand that this is an innocent child. Reguardless hes blood or not hes part of the family now and should be loved by all. Why some people can be douchebags and not accept it after that then you and hubby are the mom and dad and grandparents can miss out on all of it. I would not let my children be emotionally neglected like that for anybody.
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I dont see how people can do that… my son I’d getting back with his first baby mother… an she has two other kids… what do I look like treating my grand daughter good an leaving the other two out… that’s not right at all… I love kids regardless if they blood or not… kids are innocent… I would talk to them…an if it happens then remove your kids an u from.her…
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You can’t control how they treat him unfortunately but you can control how much contact he has it with them. And no, they need to do for both or none. I wouldn’t allow anyone to buy my one child a gift and not the other or to take my one child somewhere and not the other.
I understand everyone says they should be treated the same. But you married your husband NOT his parents. His parents didn’t ask for their son to marry a woman with a child. To be fair it’s not their grandchild and you can’t force your kid on another family. Your child has grandparents on his dad’s side. Reach out to them.
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This is where your husband needs to stand his ground and tell his family that both children are to be treated equal. Sounds like his family is heartless!!
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I was a child in a newly blended family. The grandparents in this scenario had already passed away but I was always made to feel welcome at gatherings by Stepdad and the Aunts/Uncles and cousins. I chose not to go a lot of the time because I have social anxiety in larger groups. I was never “left out” I just didn’t do big groups but I was always thankful for the invitation. Feeling included/welcome makes a world of difference even if you can’t join in due to your own personal reasons.
I would be ideal for them to treat both kids equal but you can’t force any one to do so. The only who should really matter is your husband. As long as he gives him love & treats him right. Remember your husband signed up for this his family didn’t.
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They should acknowledge him yes but to them technically it’s not their grandchild so really can’t get mad at them for being excited for the new baby
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I cut my entire husband’s family off with the exception of only 3 who’ve always been fair, equal, loving, and kind toward my children. And I love the 3 of them as my family for always making me and my children feel as if we are family. I had 2 children from a previous relationship as did he. My family always treated his kids just like family and his family did not. We had a child together and they honestly I don’t think have much for him either since he’s apart of me. My other children are older so they realized it and I just said enough is enough. They shouldn’t feel like they do, and see his other children same age as them matter but they not. I cut every single one of them out of our life (mine and my children’s) and have zero regrets.
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Don’t let it start. There is no reason they can’t treat your child as they do the other grad children. Don’t allow their immaturity to hurt your son or drive a wedge between your children. Let them know now that you and your husband will not allow it.
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I grew up in a house, my mom was the step mom to my 7 siblings and always pressed the 1/2 brother issue. I hated it because she would not let us for get it. Today We are seperated but I know if I need them they will be there for me. I love them totaly we are family.
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please do not keep telling the son and new babu they are 1/2 any thing they are blood brothets period.
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Your husband needs to talk to his family.
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I’m in the same situation only thing is they still don’t care much for the three kids we have together. My husband has a son as well and they go above and beyond for him but have endless excuses for my kids. Im over it and want to just cut them out. His whole family is the same.
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When a child is involved then every child should be involved. If it was me and they couldn’t do that then they don’t need to be there
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What’s the age difference? It’s also not tit for tat… The only thing I agree with is that they should acknowledge him the same when it comes to birthdays and holidays but you can’t expect them to go beyond that unless they want to… I always include my stepson when planning things but he also wouldn’t care if my parents took my daughter out alone (my daughter is with my husband) there’s a big age difference between my stepson and daughter.
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Nobody woke you up today to have multiple baby daddy’s or multiple husbands but I get life happens. I’m sure you don’t expect your ex’s family to help raise your new baby. You can’t continue making these choices and then decide you don’t like how they “leave” out or aren’t as excited about your ex husbands kids from your first marriage. Stop being bitter. You can talk to them about it but don’t be bitter and hold the other baby against his/her will to receive love from their paternal grandparents.
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they either treat them the same or they can not spend time alone, only when you are ALL TOGETHER. BOTH YOU AND HUBBY HAVE TO BE ON SAME BOARD NO WAVERING
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Now is the time to sit down with them and sort this out while you’re pregnant. Hopefully you can find a resolution but if not you have time to decide what to do that is best for your family
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Blood is thicker than Water. Run!
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They should receive equal love support and everything else other wise they can’t be around I have dealt with this before and it sucks
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That’s cause he isn’t blood related. They have a poor foundation with him, they weren’t there when you 1st found out you were prego, went to the baby shower, waited eagerly to know the sex of baby, worried and drove to the hospital when the baby was born, seen him grow and do all the first crawl/step/words/etc. Nope, they missed all the earlier stuff that builds the emotional connection hence why they treat him differently because it is different with him and they have that foundation with the other grandkids. He may be legally related but he isn’t their actual grandkid. I’m sure they care for him but realistically they will probably never love him the way they love their grandchildren that they have been around since before they were born. Give them time they will come around and you’ll see the change. And remember you didn’t marry your in laws, they never vowed to accept your son or signed a marriage certificate, your husband did. He married you and agreed to care for your other child not them. Give them a break and be thankful they are trying.
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I had this issue for a little bit. So we came with the rule it’s either take both or don’t bother. They figured out quick that I was serious and stopped. But tell her that if they can’t include your son they don’t get the other grandchild. It’s that simple
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You can always divorce him like you did the first one and get someone new. Solves a lot.
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Your husband needs to take the lead here, but you both need to be united on this. It’s not right to treat one child with more love than another. I’ve seen it happen between biological siblings as well as step-siblings. Either way it’s wrong and detrimental to the children (both of them). Stick to your guys and do what’s right for both of your babies.
First think of the child your having she will have 2 sets of grand parents and does your other child now your want it to be fair and expect your first born to have 3 sets and your second born to have 2 … so who is making who left out
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Tell your husband and if he doesn’t do nothing leave him and child support him. That’ll show his family.
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So is your new baby going to go to your ex’s grandparents and have them be a set of grandparents too? When you’re over there visiting they should be nice and loving. When holidays come and Christmas is here and y’all are at their house unwrapping presents your first born should have some presents to unwrap too. But they’re not your first borns grandparents.
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I personally have always felt all kids gets treated equal or nun of my kids are around that person
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I agree with Cassandra
Is it there first grand baby?
If it’s there first grand baby I can see where they are totally excited.
If it’s there first grandchild I can understand the excitement it’s a hard postion too be in you need be upfront and honest about it and how your feeling towards it now before baby comes all the best 
Say nothing and keep distant. With people like this there is no reasoning just absolute drama and contempt will be happening from this point on keep it civil and at arms length maybe they will get the hint and ask hubby.
Husband needs to talk to his parents and make things clear to them.
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What about with my situation. my inlaws doesn’t treat me well or doesn’t treat me daughter inlaw. They love my son, but we used to quarrel my mother inlaw its because of an issue that she can’t afford to accept me for her son. I am seeking for an advise, would it be good enough to stay from distance with my inlaws and forever have no communication no more? I can’t take it of their insults.