My husbands family treats our kids badly: Advice?

Easy answer… don’t take the kids for holidays, let him go to spend time with grandma… and make other trips just to see HER. Stop taking your kids around them and creating trauma yearly. Period. You and him can do Christmas together and then he can go visit his grandmother. Spending time with loved ones doesn’t have to JUST be holidays. YOU and the kids don’t have to go. You and those kids order a pizza, enjoy gifts from “Santa” and he can do his thing with his family. But again… I’d have him visit grandma on days that weren’t holidays and if his parents say something I’d simply inform them that the way they treat the kids is hurtful and you refuse to expose them to that. Plain and simple. With things like this you cannot beat around the bush. You just gotta do it like a bandaid. One and done.

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Invite only grandma to visit or visit her at her home. Cut everyone else off

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Cut all ties , your kids won’t give a crap believe me

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I’d keep my kids home with me and let him go. My babies are not going to sit and get treated differently. He can go spend time with grandma and my kids can stay home and get treated with love, respect, and equality. I’d be going off on them every chance I got too. No reason to treat innocent kids like that.

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If your husband isn’t defending his family then he’s part if the problem​:bangbang::bangbang: i personally would call them out on it and keep my distance… you or your children don’t deserve that kind of negativity :relieved:

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HELL NO thats the most awful thing ever for the kids do not go there w kids n take them to great grandmas house bring small gifts for kids if she cant afford to buy anything bring ice cream n cookies to!! kids n grandma would love it

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Yes speak your mind! Don’t go to the family gatherings

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They should treat your kids with love and kindness…

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My husband’s family is like this also. I see no reason to interact with people who would treat children poorly.

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This is what I would do with a narcissistic family.

:scissors::scissors::scissors:

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My kids and I would not go over there anymore no matter what reason. If your husband wants to go then let him but no way in hell I would go through that or let my kids go through that!

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Family or not, you can cut ties with them. If you have talked to your husband about it and he still wants to continue with the family get togethers, let him go on his own. I’m sure the kids don’t want to go just as much as yourself since they’re realizing that type of behaviour from your husbands family. If he knows and has for so long about how you feel and he still continues to choose his family get togethers over his kids and yours feelings then I’d say you’re allowed to re-think some things such as choosing to leave. If his grandma is not like the rest of them, I’d say invite her around on her own and he can see her that way. Don’t need family get togethers just to see someone before they go.

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Besides obviously not getting anyone else’s kids anything for holidays and what not. How are they treated by the other children? Do they play and stuff when they get together or would they be missing any wholesome family interactions if you just decided not to go and just tell your husband to attend these events? My dad family never got me anything for holidays but we still attended and at food and us children would play. I never thought anything of it because we were poor and I just figured they were too poor as well and only got their immediate family gifts. My exes family used to just say just to give gifts and not to spend over $10 and only for the kids. We usually just gave money. My mom had no family, my husband now both his parents are passed. My dad passed in '97. And I’m grateful to have just been with my cousins. I didn’t need gifts.

Can you talk to his mom?

My hubby’s family is oft the same. We started going late so they can finish with the gift giving before we get there.

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That’s so messed up they would gift one child and not another. Let your husband see HIS family. That isn’t your family. Family don’t do that.

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Cut ties. Doesn’t matter who is about to pass away. Your children should be your first and only priority here. Any real man would support you on this without question.

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This is one of the many reasons why myself and kids been no contact with my inlaws for 2 years and they will never be alloweed back in our lives.

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Just let your husband go. Don’t put your kids through this

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Don’t go if they can’t love your kids your kids don’t need em

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Make sure you don’t get them gifts. For anything. That’s horrible

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Stay away from them they’re :smiling_imp:

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let him go to events & stay away!

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I was the least favorite grandchild on my dad’s side. The child knows and feels it. Just cut ties.

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My family ostracized me a lot when I was little because they didn’t like my Dad, and it effects me to this day. Your kids come first. If he wants to go, let him. Doesn’t mean that you need to put your children in that situation.

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Keeping the peace is not worth the trauma it will cause your kids. They will pickup on that and not understand why their grandparents don’t love them as much as their cousins.

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I don’t think you need to say a thing to his family. Just stop going! Your kids need to know you got their back above all others. He (or you all) can see his granny other ways!

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For the Grandma’s sake I would visit but once she has passed I would not. Maybe do visits on days other than holidays so gifts aren’t needed. If you have to go on a holiday visit bring a gift for your kids and sign it from Grandma since she may not be able to do so herself. This way the kids are happy, grandma is happy and you can give a big f u to the fam

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How old are the kids? If they are old enough to notice the difference in treatment, I would talk openly to them about it so that they can tell you how it makes them feel. They can decide whether they want to continue visiting.

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Maybe he goes to see Grandma and you all skip it. You can say something if you feel so inclined but garbage people are garbage and they don’t change

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Do you buy gifts for his family and their kids ? If so stop buying for them instead. Bring gifts wrapped up with your kids names on the gifts . From Santa . Your kids get gifts there and the others don’t . Than let one of them say something to you about it . Look them straight in the eye and say now you know how I have felt about you excluding my children. I wasn’t letting my kids not get anything while yours did . You don’t like it touch crap . Next year I will do the same thing until you learn to treat my children like all the rest

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Don’t bother and don’t allow your kids to be subjected to that.
If your husband wants to continue he can go alone

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Do not attend anything, skip all get-togethers entirely. Leave them in their pig ignorance, they are no role models for your children and your children do not need their nasty negativity at all, nor, do you!!!

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It’s not the children of your inlaws faults! Everyone is basically telling you to punish children for the adults crap

Well if the grandma is the same way I wouldn’t feel guilty in the least about not visiting her before she passed. If she is nice then I would try to see her whenever the rest aren’t around. Kids are like sponges and remember stuff. They may grow up to resent you guys for forcing them to socialize with people who clearly don’t care about them. Personally I would wash my hands of them and tell him if he wants to deal with them then he can by himself.

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Saying something to them is not going to change anything. They are just going to deny they treat your kids and husband differently. There is going to come a time when you’ll have to choose to protect your kids from being hurt by them, even if that means they will no longer get to participate in your lives.

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Go see grandma when the other nasty people aren’t there! Don’t put your kids through this.

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He should say something to his family. It’s his family, he should be dealing with it out of respect for your family.

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He’s a big boy, he can go all by himself.

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Grandma can be visited whenever, doesn’t have to be family functions…I would cut that off quick, being treated differently hurts…

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Avoid family get togethers & privately visit grandma with the kids. Be done with the rest of the family. Its not worth traumatizing the kids.

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This is not fair to your children!

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I could tell you what to say but i might get banned

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Let him go visit his family. That doesn’t mean you & the kids need to go. Plan something else !! Park time or pizza party or library time or mall time or movie… or… whatever ! you got this !! Let your husband know WHY !!

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He’d needs to say something. And then go see the sickn grandma during other times. Like when the toxic people are not there. I WOULD NEVER stand for anyone treating my children like that. EVER.

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He can see his grandma other times. Or he can explain to grandma sorry we won’t be there my parents are pieces of :poop: and I’d never ever ever let them see my kids again.

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Girl I would put my foot down. Tell your husband that if his family can’t find respect for y’all then your not going anymore and neither are the kids. I had to put my foot down to my mom a few years ago about the way she treated my kids versus my sisters kids.

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Jus let him go and u and the kids can do something else… i would if that happened to me…

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You and kids don’t need to go

Organise to visit grandma separately, unless she’s part of the problem with favouritism.
Speak to the kids so they are aware it’s not a reflection of their worth, it’s just other people’s narcissism. I wouldn’t even bother to call them out on it because they know what they are doing. Better to be unavailable and busy for family events.
Your husband will have to step up but may need counselling to recognise the severity of their behaviour.

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I would bring gifts for my kids to open on Christmas. I couldn’t compete with what their cousins got but they’d get their big gift on Christmas eve except when it was big in size. My oldest is an adult now. His cousin admitted to him he is was spoiled. Kids know what’s going on. They know what’s wrong.

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I feel everything my kids feel.
I can’t sit back and let them be treated badly or even differently to other kids of the family. So I just never let them go without me.
I won’t make a fuss in front of my kids but I will make the room awkward asf and make sure they know by my attitude that they said the wrong thing… Idgaf who they are.

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Snip snip to his family.

Cut them off. That’s,it,no discussions.

Nope! Your children are depending on you to protect them from monsters like your in laws! They’re just children, they deserve unconditional love and NOT emotional/ mental abuse! If your in laws ask why? Do not mince words! Good luck🥰

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Keep your kids away from that toxic family ASAP….

Advocate for your kids. It’s not fair for them to feel this rejection from your husband’s family. Sometimes, it’s healthier to go NC with them.

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You and the kids don’t have to go anywhere you don’t feel welcome I fully understand only it’s sil

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Well one of you need to step up and be a parents for these kids! Tell him he can go but you and the kids will not. If he wants to be abused that is his choice but don’t keep your kids in it. Unfortunately in abusive relationships, the kids cling to the hope they will be accepted, even far into adulthood. Your husband needs therapy but your kids need you to protect them from this same abuse.

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I’m going to be straight up blunt about this ! HELL NO! Why even ask this question? How horrible to even allow your children around such bullies! Your husband is shaped into this environment! YOU don’t need to have your children done the same way! Shame on GRANDMA to even allow her family to act in this matter, she is the rod to the family. Keep your children away from this social abuse!

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I wouldn’t go with him I would take the kids n go to my family/ friends where ever or stay home .

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He can visit grandma separately

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It’s not fair to your kids to subject them to that. He can visit grandma without the rest of them around. Your kids should understand that when people treat you badly, you shouldn’t spend your time with them. It’s a big important lesson that they need. I wouldn’t care what hubby thinks in this case.

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This is Toxic and you do not have to attend family gatherings. Let him make his own choice but those are your kids too and you should have a say who they see. I would not allow my kids to be around people who intentionally treat them badly.

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We cut my inlaws off…Best thing we ever did

Just because he is invited doesn’t mean you need to go. Try some independence

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Really need to set husband straight. Grandma dying doesn’t justify the lifelong feelings that will impact your children. He wants to he with his grandma he can go visit alone.

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Just go see grandma. You don’t need all those other people to just be able to see her.

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I’ve lived this for 15 years. It absolutely sucks so I have written them off.

Say something go see gram without talking to anyone else and once she passes sever all ties

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The kids and I would stay home.

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Live your best life. You don’t need their approval, their love, their gifts, their time or for them to actually care about you and your family. Dress your kids up, put on your biggest smiles, teach your kids their gifts/love come with conditions and that’s not how you want to live or be treated so you aren’t going to allow them to hold that over you. You show up for family functions to see Grandma. If they say anything that’s rude or cruel, remind them gently with a smile that they are entitled to feel the way they feel, but their comments aren’t necessary. Make it uncomfortable for them to act the way they act by not allowing it to bother you. Most people don’t like confrontation and will go out of their way to avoid it. Start confronting them. When they say something, ask them why they felt it was necessary to make that particular comment. Ask them what they hope to accomplish by acting the way they do. Laugh off their insignificance and a couple things are going to happen; they are going to stop acting like complete toads out of their own personal fear of being called on their BS or you’ll stop getting invited. It’s a win win for you. Tell your husband that you are tired of letting his family walk all over him, you and your kids and that you aren’t going to allow your kids to grow up thinking that is how a family is supposed to act. Make him accountable as well. Stop in to see Grandma outside family functions and skip the functions. There are many things that you can do. Good Luck.

My kids wouldn’t be going to their house!!!

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Sent your husband alone to his family events

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Bring gifts for everyone , let your children distribute those, tell your children giving is a blessing that doesn’t need any in return, you’re answerable to who your kids will become as a parent … what ever or whoever is your in-laws , let them deal on their own . Don’t get affected

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