Everyone on my husbands side of the family are horrible and i have honestly had enough…my husband is not the favorite in the family and apparently that means they are going to treat our kids differently too and its starting to really get to me…it goes as far as them gifting other kids things for holidays and intentioannly not getting my kids anything…it didnt bother me when they were younger because they didnt realize it was happening…but now that they are older they realize it…my husband doesnt want to skip family get togethers because his grandma is about toi pass and i get it…but idk what to do anymore…should i say something to his family?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My husbands family treats our kids badly: Advice?
Let him go while you do something with your kids…
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Just because he’s going doesn’t mean you and the kids have to. I’d nuke that bridge and when they question it, then I’d flip out.
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First, if he don’t see an issue with it you need to have a sit down with him and let him know why u think it’s wrong. Second Let him know u will not tolerate it and if your kids can’t be included they aren’t going. If he wants to go, let him. But family or not, I cut them off them toxic and they sound toxic
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I would stay home with the kids and let him go alone. I don’t put up with being treated badly by family and I’ll drop you like a bad habit. I. Don’t. Care.
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Start skipping after grandma goes
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I wouldn’t allow my children to go where they’re aren’t treated right. Husband or yourself should of said something back when they were little.
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Start getting them gifts just in case and hiding them and saying well here look what dad and I got you guys as a surprise gifts. 
idk I’d be pissed
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Sexual, physical, verbal abuses, along with abandonment are the only things higher than disfavored child status on the list of what causes adult psychological dysfunction, you should not let your children be exposed to any more of their toxic bias
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I’d call them all out at the fsmily gathering. Like “wooo once again our kids didn’t get shit!” Lol. Make them feel bad. And if your husband doesn’t see it leave him too
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No. You don’t. Because they know. You cut ties. This is toxic behavior. Go see grandma privately.
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Let husband go but don’t you or the children go. If they can’t treat the children properly and include them, they don’t have the right to see them. I refuse to expose my child to toxic enviroments you should too.
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Don’t go with him. I’ve been there and I couldn’t be around some of his family due to how badly they’d been to me and left my kids out. You don’t have to go with him, you can stay away. It’s best to stay away from anyone when you’re not wanted or welcome. Burn that bridge if you have to, it’s not a loss to you or the kids to not have people that treat you badly around. He should say something though, the fact he hasn’t says something. Sit him down and talk to him and make it clear you and the kids won’t have anything to do with them.
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The kids don’t have to go and neither do you!
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Never knew love was about gifts !!! Could be beacues the other kids are poor and you are rich could be many reasons that you have not fully stated on the post.
Your husband can go alone.
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Don’t let your kids be treated any way you would not want to be treated. Hubby can go but my kids would not be.
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Oh hell no! Your husband can visit his grandmother all he wants. You and your kids stay home!
Cut those toxic people out of your lives. Your kids will realize it as they get older and that’s unfair to them.
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Just hold on for the grandma, then don’t go when she’s gone. Save your money and take your kids somewhere else
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You better protect those babies visiting the grandma is one thing dealing with the rest of it I wouldnt
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I let my kids know I got them. Everything else is just bonus. Whatever my kids want/need I got them.
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I would first explain it to the children very very honestly. And KEEP explaining it, so they understand that the problem does not lie with their character, but the character of the family members. Second, I would not subject them to that type of behavior. A relationship with the Grandmother can be completely separate from a relationship with toxic family members. Schedule visits so that your children aren’t subjected to their abuse, or don’t go. If questioned, be honest about why you stopped participating. If you wouldn’t allow a stranger to treat your child that way, you certainly don’t need to allow a family member.
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Honestly this is exactly how my sister an I grew up. The love from my mothers side was amazing. My Father’s side treated us like we were nothing, and even at a young age we could FEEL this and it was very hurtful. Please do not make your children even go there. Let him go if he likes the abuse, but you and your children should not…
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Cut them off there’s no other option some people are just shitty idk your husband can be as involved as he wants but I wouldn’t subject my kids to that personally
I think there are a few options here.
- don’t go to any of the family gatherings and see grandma on your own without his family around.
- only he goes to family gatherings.
- buy something for your kids and keep it in the car for visits to that side of the family and when the other kids get a present, guess what, so do yours and that will make it blatantly obvious that you’ve caught on to their game. Kids won’t notice it so much but it would be a nice middle finger to them.
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Clip the Thai sweetheart! You don’t need them and neither does your kids!
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He can still go to family gatherings. That doesn’t mean you and your children have to go. Don’t subject your kids to toxic family. They aren’t going to change. They see no problem with how they act. The best thing you can do is protect your children from it
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Stop taking your kids around all that mess. Ya hubs can go see his family by himself. The babies shouldn’t be treated that way & definitely shouldn’t be forced around it.
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Dont put your kids in that toxic path. Surround them with loving chosen friends and family. Let your husband attend family events solo if he chooses.
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Dont go…seperate yoursrl snd and no contact…what i did 20 years ago with my child.he calls and visits and i dont
You should’ve stopped it and said something the minute you saw it happening regardless if the children noticed or didn’t notice. You need to stand up to his family and tell them how you feel etc. if your husband doesn’t want to skip family get together then he can go by himself because why should the children have to suffer in the end?
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Don’t say a word give them the distance they deserve, they want to act like they don’t exist then allow them to have that pleasure and let your kids know by actions that they are worthy of your support not learning to accept shitty behavior from anyone
Once she’s gone. Cut it all down!!!
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Don’t bring your kids around them. Don’t say anything. Just set the boundary, don’t let your kids experience that abuse any more.
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Your husband should say something to his family; they’re his family.
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I would stay home with my kids and let him go by himself.
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Don’t bring gifts. Simple as that. Stop going when grandmother passes.
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Don’t take the kids there let your husband go and when they ask why then you tell them
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You do not treat my children with love and respect - I will NEVER show it to you, no matter who it is
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Nope. Don’t go around them. Cut them completely out of your lives. Why let them hurt you or your children? What you allow will continue. Put an end to it now.
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Visit the grandmother separately and not see the others.
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Same here. My husband has a very bad relationship with his mom but she’s always been nice to me and I encouraged her to see our kids. She did for the first couple years and always brought a little something to them. Now she only buys for her daughters kids and she will actually tell me she got them something but couldn’t get our kids something. My sis in law and I are close, she found out and flipped out. Told her mom don’t buy for hers if she can’t for ours. I told her that’s not even the point, she can do all she wants just don’t tell me about it if my kids are left out. My dads mother did the same to my brother and me growing up. She’d go all out for my cousin but get us some junk that broke and it never got replaced. We are about to move 3 hrs away and my MIL hasn’t asked to see the kids before we go. Her loss.
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Let him go to his family gatherings alone if he wants to,keep your your kids far away from his famiy and live as if they dont exist,its the best
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Unfortunately, we cannot tell others how to spend their time or money.
We can however, let them know how it makes you (& your family) feel when they ask why you (or kiddos) do not come around.
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Just tell your husband he can go by himself to visit his grandmother. Why should you or your kids be there if they don’t even care or like you and Your kids. That’s Ridiculous.
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He can go for grandma and you stay home. That is just wrong on all levels
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If they treat your children badly you should not make your children be around them. They know what they are doing. Let your hub go alone.
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Just cut them from your and yours kids life, you do not have to go to the family gatherings , neither your kids, your husband can go by himself or you guys can go separately
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Don’t take them around!
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Your husband should be a man and stand up to his family if they are mistreating you dismiss treating you or those kids! He should always defend your family’s honor. (Family meaning)his wife and kids.
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Don’t show up. My family keeps to itself. We don’t really mingle with anyone and we are ok with it. Time to just do you.
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I had to cut my ex in-law off all together! She wasn’t fair when it came to my children. I have a son & a daughter. She loves boys and always got my son much more and better things than my daughter. I had to tell her if you can’t treat them equally then don’t get either of them anything.
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His family knows exactly what they’re doing. If your husband goes along to get along, you don’t have to when it hurts your kids.
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Narcissistic family dynamics- look it up.
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Protect your children, your husband can go alone. Just because he’s ok being treated poorly doesn’t mean you should do it to your children. Teach them they don’t have to be around toxic people and they have the choice. If they are old enough have an honest talk about it and let them decide. This is a teaching moment that will affect them.
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Avoid them completely. Pretend they don’t exist.
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I wouldn’t go or bring my kids anymore.
Invite Grandma over to your house for a small holiday celebration on your terms.
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First sentence in/ leave
You are letting your children know that they deserve this until you leave and teach them that they don’t. 🫶🏻
There’s no reason to treat them like family if they can’t do the same. Cut em off
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Tell your husband to trade his ovaries in for a set of balls, and make his family understand.
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Arrange times to just see grandma yourselves and cut every one else out
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He can go, but keep your kids away from them. One might ask themselves if they are willing to sacrifice your children’s mental well being to see an older member of the family. Is it really worth it? Instead, arrange to see that specific member aside from all the other family drama/ gatherings.
No… this is a valuable lesson. Pay attention to how ppl treat you.
Show them this and ask them WHY?? Disrespecting your children this way.
He goes Alone or go see grandma exclusively
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Stop putting you and your kids through that.
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Your husband can get over it. Exposing your children to behavior like that and allowing it is not acceptable. He can go by himself.
In private, talk to them
It won’t do any good to talk to his family. Sit your husband down and tell him you are more than willing to go and visit his grandmother, but you are tired of your kids being hurt by the rest of the family. There is no need for that and if he wants to continue to go to Family doings, that’s fine, but you and the kids will have other plans. Period. Don’t be angry or hurtful. Don’t be militant or challenging. Just quietly tell him that your kids’ feelings are important to you and you don’t want them hurt anymore. Then give him examples of what you’ll do. Movie day with popcorn and pop. A special dinner included. Game day, where there will be board games and cards. Maybe dinner out at their favorite fast food place. A trip to the park for a picnic. At Christmas, you’ll have games and watch Christmas shows and movies on TV. Do your gift exchange and have a big dinner with all the fixings. Maybe he’ll even stay home with you and the kids. But let him know that the kids don’t need his family.
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Let him go by himself. Don’t subject the kids to that
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I wouldn’t care how my husband felt about skipping the holidays with his family, if my kids aren’t being treated like all the other kids they won’t be around my kids period. We can go visit his grandma by ourselves.
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I would say have your husband go by himself. Don’t put your kids through that anymore. Once Granny is gone, I’d say go no contact with them. Your husband, kids and you deserve better.
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He needs to say something to his family and leave it up to them you and your family deserve to be respected as part of the family and if not then that’s on them not on you guys
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Jeesh if they are leaving your kids out of the gifting and that is a deal breaker andthe biggest problem them don’t go there. Got to be more to the story then you are telling.
He can go. You and the kids can stay home.
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Cut all ties with that family and run!
Its up to your husband to talk to his family
Do not let your kids be treated like that. It will cause so much emotional damage and have them questioning themselves and why they are not good enough. I would be telling my hubby to f off they ain’t going. Stand up for your kids
I wouldn’t waste my breathe. But I also wouldn’t bring my kids over there anymore. If they care enough to ask why then I would let them have it. In the meantime hubby can go see grandma on his own while you and the kids go do something better with your time.
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Just visit the grandma on your own and cut ties with the toxic
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I would tell your husband to just go make an appearance and then come home and start your own family traditions and screw the rest and show them that you and your children will not be treated poorly and to go hoop it cause that’s wrong and just plain mean and with the kids older they don’t need that discrimination from supposed family
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Oh hell yeah! Gather all the perpetrators together and call them out on their bs. Stand your ground and stand up for your kids, if nothing else but to show them that you love them enough to speak up. Too many people keep their mouth shut to keep the peace and so jerks get away with crappy behavior. “All it takes for evil to prosper, is for good men to do nothing”. You’re husband should be standing up for his family, but if he doesn’t then you must 
You got this!
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When my MIL tried this my husband went off. I didn’t have to say a word.
He should be saying something. It’s his family.
If he won’t, yep. Let it fly. When you don’t show up, tell them exactly why.
He can also go to family events by himself. Your children should never be subjected to intentional emotional abuse.
This is one of those times I’d put my foot down if he tried to force them to go.
Yes tell him and let the kids tell him also
He should speak up. If not keep kids away from negativity. They don’t need it and. Either do you. If family Members want to see them then they’ll have to learn to have some respect.
Let him go but you and the kids can stay home
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Just cut ties with them
When my children were younger I went through that with my parents and that side of the family. The only thing we could do was sever ties with them
It won’t do any good! Just have your husband go to the family gatherings and you and your kids do something else that’s Fun! I definitely wouldn’t subject my kids to that CRAP!
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Treat them badly back…
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Dont waste your time and energy. Keep your distance
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I wouldn’t include them if they don’t include you. It’s as simple as that! The hardest part of that is explaining to your kids when there isn’t one to give when you, yourself have no idea what the problem is so I go with the truth. People are awful. I’m sorry your kids are being treated this way. Tell your husband that your not going to go or make your kids, but he can if he likes
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I wouldn’t let my kids go there not fair to your kids to be treated like shit
Let the kids as them why…let them explain it to them
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Visit gramma till she dies and cut the rest out, it’s a no brainer when your kids are being treated less than they deserve by their own family. Why expose them to that and teach them it’s ok? Eliminate them and stop dwelling, in laws suck.
If he hasn’t checked his family over you or his kids, he isn’t worth a penny. Dump him, let him keep his horrid family and you get yourself and your kids far, far away from all of them!
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Oh heck no. Let your husband go alone. He can subject himself to immature behavior like that but you definitely don’t have to nor do your kids. I will say that he can find some other time to spend with Grandma if she is going to pass soon… he doesn’t have to be there when the family is there. There are other ways around this. Some families are just a-holes and don’t need a reason but I would give them a reason to NEVER like me again. Messing with my feelings is one thing but I’ll be damned if they intentionally mess with my kids feelings IN FRONT OF ME and get away with it 
Invite his grandma over. He needs to understand the kids WILL engender, and this is going to impact them in the long run.
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