Has anyone had a similar situation? My husband’s parents and grandparents compare our family to my husband’s brother’s family EVERY time we see them, with the exception of when his brother’s family is around. It’s getting so old. We’ll call my husband’s brother Ben to keep this anonymous. He and his wife have a 3 and 5 year old. My husband and I have an 18 month old. Obviously these age differences are huge and having 2 toddlers is way different than 1. If our son is eating something, they have to say “oh he eats way better than Ben’s kids. They’ll only eat Mac and cheese.” The 3 year old is having issues with gaining weight and growing hair, and my MIL who’s in the medical field and thinks she knows everything says “it’s because she’s not getting the nutrients she needs. Those kids just snack all day.” If we’re reading a book, it’s “Oh Ben’s kids don’t like reading books anymore, they watch tablets.” Our son throws a ball and it’s “wow he throws better than Ben’s kid.” It seems like they have to bring up Ben’s kids whenever our son does anything. It’s so weird and bothers us. My husband and I have said so many times how mean their comments are. If you wouldn’t say it with them around, you probably shouldn’t say it. Their response is “oh no, we’re not being mean. We’re just saying. It’s the truth.” But it’s SO unnecessary to compare our children/parenting. As our son is getting closer to 2, he’s starting to understand a lot more, and his cousins are his friends and he loves his aunt and uncle. He does not need to listen to judgmental and rude comments about them. I’ve decided that we won’t be returning to my husband’s parents house until they’ve agreed to stop making negative comments about these family members. Also, my question is: if you were Ben or his wife, would you want to know what your parents/in laws are saying? I certainly would, and I’m sure if they’re talking badly about them to us then it goes the other way as well. I’m curious what kind of comments my husband’s family has to say about us. However, I don’t want to open that door because Ben’s wife is so so sensitive and and I feel like it would hurt her more than anything to know what our in laws think of her kids/parenting, but I would love to ask her what our in laws say about my family when we’re not around because I truly want to know. Wow, thanks for reading if you’re still here. I’m just so tired of the negativity and rudeness around my child. I’m usually pretty nonconfreatational, so if you have any good responses for how to tell my husband’s family that their comments are inappropriate and super unnecessary, please let me know.
Start doing it back while my mom. Will my dad well my brother will my sister or my friend.
Just ask them to stop , why would u even want to ask your SIL ,knowing its gonna cause an issue within the family. What u don’t know won’t hurt u. Keep up the good job of being a wonderful parent.
If people be toxic we cut them off. I don’t have time for any of the nonsense personally and the constant comparisons can have some negative affects as they get bigger.
A great rule of thumb to live by, is “what other people think of me is not my business”
We go through this with my husbands mother but it’s opposite, she just constantly compares us. Like we bought a camper and he called her to tell her and her immediate response was “Your brothers going to be so mad. He’s been looking for awhile.” They just had a baby who turned one at the beginning of this month and I have a six year old that I had in highschool that my husband helps raise (her dad is in and out of the picture) and his mom has started deliberately excluding my daughter from things since the baby was born. We finally had a LONG talk with her and told her she needs to stop comparing us or we are going no contact and so far, that’s worked. Best of luck. 🩵
I’m 100% straight up. Tell them. Clearly it bothers you, if they don’t stop cut them off. Buh-bye.
I’ve honestly never heard of someone complaining that their child and parenting is being praised
I would ask them to refrain from making those comments in front of your child for sure. If they argue I would just mention that he is going to be talking soon and you don’t want him repeating any of that and hurting his cousins feelings unintentionally. And it’s NOT a competition, all children are different. As for sharing what’s being said with Ben and wife, I would leave it alone. You are inviting drama if you tell them what’s being said. In my opinion it’s way better to put your foot down with Grandparents and tell them no more, even say you sincerely hope they don’t talk about you and your child that way when your not around, then it is to stir up drama by telling the other family members. You just have to trust that if it’s happening behind your back that Ben and his wife respect you enough to put their foot down as well. I dislike drama and avoid it as much as possible and this is a he said/she said situation if I’ve ever heard one. You will get stuck in the middle. If Ben and Wife find out in the future and ask why you never said anything you tell them you put a stop to it so there was nothing to tell. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you protecting your child or even other family members. If Grandparents continue I’d stop visiting.