I’m having trouble making a decision and I could use some solid advice. I absolutely cannot stand drama. I try my best to avoid it and people who create it, at all cost. I am the woman who sits at home with her kids and doesn’t bother a soul. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable. My in laws are extremely petty, self centered, and disrespectful. There are only a select few that my husband and I have anything to do with, for very good reason. If I told you everything, we’d be here till Christmas next year, quite literally. Here’s my issue! We don’t have anything to do with my SIL, MIL, and FIL. However, we join his Grandma for the holidays every year. She is my rock! They usually don’t show up for their own family dinner because we are there. Like I said, extremely petty. Every time something big happens, they show their faces just to stir some trouble and be the center of everything. This year, we have a new baby! He’s 3 months old and they have yet to meet him. They have destroyed my girls time after time and I’d rather they stay as far away from my son as humanly possible. Thing is, Thanksgiving this year is going to be the perfect opportunity for them to show up because they’ll want to meet him. Being civil with these people is not an option. They are instigators, and will turn anything into a fight. I just ignore them anymore, which they also make a huge deal out of. When they do show up, we end up having to leave because they start trouble every single time. Grandma is sick! She’s old, weary, and going downhill fast, especially these last few years. I don’t want to go to dinner this year, but because I know it very well may be our last thanksgiving dinner with her, I am completely at odds with how to handle this. I’ve thought about leaving my son with my sister, as we do dinner with her after we leave his families house, but just the thought makes me feel like a terrible mother. To fully understand the situation, you’d honestly have to live it. I don’t play petty games where my kids are concerned, I will shut that crap down in an instant. These people are always using my kids to hurt me and at one point even threatened with CPS for literally no reason other than trying to hurt me. Which is why we don’t associate with them anymore to begin with. I would really like some advice on how to come to a good decision that doesn’t create chaos in front of Grandma. This woman means the world to me and she’s technically not even my family except by marriage. I will not let them disrespect her home by using my child to start more trouble.
Host the dinner at your house and invite Grandma.
Ask to have dinner with Grandma a different night?
So the in-laws don’t come to your house because they are not invited. So go get Grandma and let her stay the night or a couple of days ditch the family thing with his family this year and you and Grandma fix dinner together at your house. This way you will be putting yourself and Grandma first as well as your children. If your husband still feels the need to go to his family dinner let him have yours earlier or later. Good bless.
Have dinner at your house and get the grandma there for it to. Screw all them dramatic people
Im sure your grandma does not like the drama herself and doesnt need it with health issues.
I would invite the grandma to your home and enjoy her and your family.
Then have it earlier in the day?
I think this may be the one that you have to bite a huge bullet hun. You just need to remember that its all for grandma looking if they start something just look at her and remember why you are there for her. I think sending your son with your sister would be a good choice since he’s young and you will see him later that day as you said, and let your spouse know you need extra support that day
Plan it the day before that way they won’t know… then have ur hubby go to gma house on the actual day to drop off a meal just in case they do show up u n the kids won’t be there
Tell them the wrong time and be gone by the time they decide to show up.
I would pick up your grandma and head over to your sister’s house.
Have your grandma tell them she will be leaving at a certain time( I would tell them about one or two hours before real time) . I would take all your children to your sister’s house and just you and your husband go pick her up.
Just get with grandma a diffrent time
Personally I would still have dinner with grandma. Close the blinds, lock the doors, and ignore anyone that’s at the door that’s not welcome
Have Gramma to your house for dinner
I recently just cut contact with my in laws as well for them being such drama starters. It was constant and all they would talk about, whether it be with the family or just like their own personal lives they were always talking about drama it got annoying. My mil has seen my children twice while my husbands sister has seen them once and the other not at all but she has a sick child of her own. If they want to grow up and be civil for the sake of having a relationship with your children they will you can’t force it. Personally I wouldn’t allow for them to be around they sound extremely toxic and god forbid that rubs off on your children.
Host it at your house, or go the day before.
Set up a day with her before Thanksgiving and spend Thanksgiving with your husband and kids solely.
Take the grandma with you to your sisters house. The other in laws aren’t welcome, and can be arrested for trespassing if they try anything.
Cook dinner at your house and go pick up Grandma!
If all else fails beat the crap out of them, and move on
Ignore them. Hold your baby. Enjoy your family’s last holiday. Let them be petty. Don’t react to it.
Just leave before they get there or go another time.
Take her out to dinner and let her play with the kids on a separate day. Take her wherever she likes to go and just let her know your very busy with the kids and wanted some time with just her.
Bring his grandma to your parents house for dinner or you host at your place.
Have dinner with Grandma the day before or the day after, and avoid the in laws completely. You still see grandma for the holiday, have more one on one time with her and your new baby…and avoid the drama by not allowing it to happen in the 1st place. Win win.
Have dinner with Grandma a day or two before Thanksgiving, and stay home on Thanksgiving. It’s about grandma, not what day it is
Do a separate dinner for grandma. F that shit. If I saw my mother in law she best be turning the other way! Been there. Cut them off after 10 years of constand bullshit.
Bring grandma to your house for dinner ,don’t invite them ,grandma shouldn’t have to cook ,she needs someone to cook for her
I would do a Thanksgiving with just her the day before. Then post photos the next day.
My in laws are the same way, but I will be petty af if you hurt my kids. Or make them feel unwanted. 
All your children should be at your sisters till you pick them up if the in laws complain tell them to suck it it up as your family is important too and it’s their turn to be with your relations children are affecting for life with any drama and they don’t forget spiteful words being passed round …so better to be safe put all your children to your sister for overnight stay might be a better idea
Maybe this thanksgiving will be last with them so kick back & try to let it roll off your back like water rolls off a ducks back. I know it’s not the answer your looking for but, it’s the best that I can do
You could always bring grandma to your home for a small thanksgiving. Make happy positive memories. Don’t waste your breath on negative influences!
I’m sorry your going through this know that it’s in the best interest of your children to protect them from foolishness like this. I would go a day before Thanksgiving to Grandma’s let her love you guys and enjoy quality time with her explain only that this year you will be spending all day at your sisters and that’s it don’t bad talk no one and stick to your plan sadly there are family members who don’t understand that life’s to short to be unhappy.
Take Grandma to your parent’s holiday dinner and post pics all over Facebook. Be petty back. I had monster in laws exactly like this. My relationship with my daughters dad ended because of it. Well thats not the only thing but it did play a huge roll in the break up. I’m better for it. My daughter is better off. Her dad is in rehab because thats the only place with a roof over his head he can stay at. His family left him in the streets even after he FLIPPED his vehicle. After the accident, they left him in my apartment complex area. Just dropped his shit off in my moms storage unit and left him. Pathetic.
Might it be possible for you to “start your own tradition” and have your Thanksgiving turkey at your home and envite who you would like Maybe some friends who cannot go home
Then visit a Grandma at some time before or after “ the day”. Take her out or bring her to your house.
You and your family deserve to have peace and quiet yourselves. Without drama— with NO guilt. Certainly protecting your children from the hurt that will forever mar their good memories of Thanksgivings of their youth. I have wonderful memories of mine. They WILL remember those times for the rest of their lives and you can create the right environment for that time and yours.
I hope you work it out, very soon. 
If it was me - I’d go get Grandma and have her over to the house for Thanksgiving Brunch. I’m sure she would understand your reluctance to interact with unruly relatives while you’re caring for a new baby. Enjoy your time together, then take her home so she can have dinner with the rest of her family.
Have grandma come to your house this year just HER
Have a separate Thanksgiving at your house with grandma, even if it’s on a different day. Then she can have another dinner with the rest of the family if she wants to and you won’t have to participate in any of it.
Then I say, shut that crap down in an instant. What’s the problem? Tell them to go F":)* themselves and live your life without their drama.
Her home and who disrespects her is her business, don’t add that to your wheelhouse.
Remember this: Kind words turn away wrath. You take that expectation of conflict and toss it away! walk in there like they are your best friends! You be kind, hand them their grand baby like that’s the reason why you are there! Kill them with kindness!
If they choose to be asses then that’s on them. You make sure you walk away blameless!
Since Grandma is getting older how about doing dinner at your house it doesn’t have to be a big deal just love family let Grandma enjoy the day with no drama let Grandma enjoy the day
Start your own family tradition with your husband and children. We are not ‘obligated’ to keep up the old traditions once we start our own family, especially when it gets too large a gathering or family are at odds with each other. Simply let the family know it is you and your husband’s decision to do this and stand united. You can have your grandmother over at another time. Get with grandma and prepare a few dishes for her gathering and take them over ahead of time. You, your husband and children will appreciate this much more than being around drama. Think about how your children feel, they are bound to pick up on the drama and this is not healthy. Happy new family tradition. P.S. I hope you are including your children in the preparation of the meal and decorations. They need to know this is their special time.
Bring grandma to your house this year and don’t invite the trouble makers
I’ve been in a similar situation for 28 years… our drama comes from both sides. Have your own dinner at home and go over to Grandma’s either that evening after everyone has left or the next day. Let Grandma know not to expect you so she’s not upset. Use the newborn as an excuse if you have to. If it’s not a huge extended family that comes to her house, invite her to spend the day at your house. If the in laws show up there, you can deny them entry and even call the law if they persist. Sadly, as long as you’re married to your husband, you’re stuck with these people. But if he’s anything like mine, he’ll have your back. Good luck!!
Call your sister and see if see would mind if you bring her to her house for dinner. Then have your husband go alone to pick her up while you help your sister prepare dinner.
She might enjoy civil conversation with well mannered people. Im sure your sister has enough to feed and elderly lady.
You have Thanksgiving and go get grandma and bring her to your home.
Why don’t you have thanksgiving at your house and not invite them. Your grandma is not feeling well so help her that way you don’t have to deal with the drama
Grandma probably wants it at her house would be my guess. Ask her though. If she wants Thanksgiving at her house, let her. Leave the baby with your sister. 3 months old? Won’t know and won’t be around drama. Keep your husband by your side at all times. Make sure he knows you expect him to protect you from his family. If they start anything, leave.
An option is invite grandma out to a nice restaurant for Thanksgiving dinner. Don’t tell any of the family where your going. Tell grandma its a surprise
Are you concerned about the other children? Or do you think that they will focus on the baby? I’m just curious why you would drop the baby off with your sister and not the other children? Not that I think it’s a bad idea!! I actually think its a great idea if you feel your protecting your child! That’s what a mother does😊 I agree with others who have suggested you celebrate with grandma and your family at your house! You would all be comfortable and enjoy the day! That’s what its about.
How about having Thanksgiving dinner at your house. Being grandma over and treat her to a spectacular day of being the special guest for the day. The ones you have issue with don’t need to be invited. Let them stew in their own pot of negativity.
Maybe you could have a “Thanksgiving Day” dinner the day before at your house and have grandma come there.
I would be done. Over all if things aren’t working fine. Rest of the family has no business. Your call stopping the drama now.
Oh boy…sounds like my in-laws. I had to move 1,000 miles away for mine and my family’s sanity.
Have thanksgiving at your place and bring grandma and told tell anyone?
Have it the day before. Or the day after. 
Sometimes you gotta cut the good with the bad out… Sacrifice for a peace.
Do family dinner at your house… Or better yet pick up grandma and take her out to eat as a surprise so you know for sure that nobody knows where you are!
You can’t allow anyone to hurt your children, or use them, or set them up in a position that causes them to become a victim. So don’t do that ever again. You got this momma be stronger and more graceful than anyone every expected.
Keep you marriage safe by staying away from toxic people that like to start problems. Marriage is sacred and sacrifices need to be made sometimes, even if it means keeping a distance from certain family members. I known this too well it has affected my marriage and well being greatly. We are still recovering many years later and holidays bring on the tension.
Have a separate thanks giving with grandma…Remember this quote…“If your in laws stir up trouble when your dating or newly married they are being immature and overprotective of their son or daughter…once you have kids if they still behave badly now they are toxic assholes”.
Go get grandma and bring her to your house!