I need advice. My in-laws don’t like me and I think it’s because I can’t have kids. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and the first 5 years were very rough and had a bad relationship with his family. We tried for years to get pregnant and after 7 years we finally got pregnant. The same night we found out about the baby, we also found out it was ectopic so we had to rush into surgery to save my life and of course sadly my one and only baby wasn’t going to make it. That was the most traumatic experience of my life and not one of our family members was there for us during that time. Not even my own mom came to see me in the hospital and that’s caused a lot of mental damage to me. After that I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, PTSD, and I suffer major abandonment issues from that experience. My in-laws have shown no sympathy to me or their son about our experience and it really takes a toll out on me. I moved from a different state away from all my loved ones to be closer to the in-laws and they literally act like we don’t live 2 minutes down the road from them. They never try to spend time with us, come over to visit, nothing. While I see how good they treat their other daughter in law who does have kids. It really makes me feel like they don’t like me because I can’t have kids and I’m super depressed right now. I never had a good relationship with my own parents, so I always hoped I would marry into a family that loved me like their own but it’s just not like that. But it is like that with their other daughter in law and son in law. The only difference is, they have kids and I don’t. I take care of their son, I love him unconditionally and he loves me the same so I can’t understand why they still don’t like me. I do have a bad past but I’ve been living a straight path for 3 years now so I don’t see what the problem is now? We still try to get pregnant 3 years after our loss but it’s just not happening. My mental health is not good right now, and I could really use a family to turn to but they would never be there for me because they don’t like to talk about the loss. I’m so lost
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My in-laws don't like me because I can't have kids
That is not their business adopt if you can
I’m so sorry for your loss but you’re in-laws sound very toxic and toxic and laws are very hard to deal with. But Facebook has amazing infant loss support groups they helped me with my four losses join one of them find the right one for you
You can’t make people like you. Stop trying, it’s just making you sadder.
HUGS TO YOU!! It is not their business and they need to be more supportive of you. I am so sorry this has happened to you. STAY STRONG!!
HUGS 
I know how you feel hun,
my in-laws don’t like me because I am different and have ADHD. It has made my life a living hell and my husband doesn’t really stick up for me from their emotional, mental and verbal abuse.
You cant force people to like you or care…focus on the ones that do. And get some therapy.
You wanna talk message me
Things like this make me so sad, my inlaws are the best humans I have ever met, and go above and beyond to do anything for any of their kids/inlaws. Im sure in 10 years you probably have but could you not talk with them and find out what the problem is? Other than that id just move on without them, you and your partner. Hugs to you.
I’m so sorry, what you just said say it to them.
To Hell with them. You and your husband need to live somewhere you are “both” happy. Stress is one major factor keeping from pregnancy. You cant make people like you and putting your self thru mental Hell is doing nothing but breaking you down even more. You and your Hisband can live a happy life, keep them out of it. I am soooo sorry for your loss. We have cut my Inlaws off twice ( going on 4 yrs now) because of the constant drama. Much happier without them and their daily bs.
You said you’ve been with the husband for 10+ years and had a bad past that you just recently got over 3 years ago. So 7+ of your years with husband have been during your “bad past”. Maybe it isn’t the pregnancy, maybe they don’t like you for those 7 years.
If you need a friend message me….we can me friends
it’s not you it’s their loss. Don’t ruin your happiness for anyone who makes you feel like this. This is so sad and I can see why your so hurt. Try a therapist 
and go to less family functions so u can avoid being hurt. Or you and your spouse can go have a heart to heart with them let them know how u feel. Then go from there.
Quit giving these people space in your head. Move on without them. They’ve made it clear what their feelings are. Be done with it
Did your husband ever have a sperm check, maybe it’s not you, and if he’s ok & your eggs are not, find a surrogate have ivf and have your child like the rest of America, then tell your in- laws so, how do you like that!!
I feel your pain. I’ve gone thru simular if not worst. Try living with you handed your kids to one of your friends because not only were you facing some time but you knew they would all be raised together not knowing where my life would have been. Sorry toopainful to continue
MOVE! Somewhere warm & tropical year round, get therapy by a doctor, not family or friends.
GET YOUR GROOVE BACK 
STOP trying to get pregnant!
Just enjoy your husband, a new home with a new life and the baby will follow 
Prayers for you & your husband
If you’ve been with him on a bad path for 7 years , and a straight path didn’t start until more than half way through the marriage then allow them more time . You can’t blame not having kids if you were not doing good things for so long . They probably didn’t want you to have any at that point anyways . You can’t expect people to just turn a corner when the majority of the time they’ve known you wasnt a straight path and they probably thought you weren’t good for him. Give them more time, don’t use kids as an excuse . Sounds like you didn’t get on a “straight path” until after and that’s probably why they didn’t come to the hospital .
I’m sorry for your loss, the important thing here is what your partner thinks, he should put limits on his parents, stay away as much as possible from those types of people, I lived it for that reason and I know how one feels.
First, I’d like to say, I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Second, if your in-laws don’t like you because you can’t have a baby then that’s ultimately there loss on building a fantastic relationship with you.
Last, don’t lose hope on a baby. Reach out to a doctor for fertility options. There are good ones out there. Additionally, work on a “healthy” you. Don’t let the in-laws make you feel less about yourself.
My 1st pregnancy was an ectopic, I too landed up in intensive care fighting for my life. I was told I would never conceive naturally due to the one remaining tube being so damaged. My life spiraled into depression, my parter at the time didn’t understand neither did his family. I moved away and despite the odds I went on to gave 4 healthy children within 6 years ! I had the same fertility test after each child and each time I was told it wouldn’t happen again lol. Point being give yourself a break, stuff them all go and work on being you. No one understood how I was feeling either and it was quit frankly shit! You don’t need people like that in your life, sack them off and cut yourself some slack.
Oh Darling, what an awful time you have had…sometimes when we are feeling low, we imagine people don’t like us, when in fact they just don’t know how to deal with our grieving. Reach out, have a family dinner at yours…all the best.
Ya you’ve got your own family, a husband and you can build on that, even if it’s bringing friend-family into the mix. Friends are the family you get to choose…
A lot of the advice is simplistic “don’t care what they think” but it’s not that easy…stuff like that cuts deep
They’re essentially tearing an open wound even further. Get rid of them as soon as you can…
You need to heal about your child loss…
That’s hard to do with these inlaws tugging at the stitches
Worry about your husband and no one else 
Quit worrying with people that could care less about you or your husband and you two concentrate on your life together
Married 10 years, until 3 years ago, life was unsavory. I’d think that may have something to do with it. Some people are not forgiving when people make changes. I’d move away.
There was no question either so I just winged comment.
10 year relationship, you’ve been ‘good’ for 3? Is there more context of those 7 years of ‘bad past’. Some wounds take longer to heal than others. I’d need way more info to even attempt to give advice.
I have had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy, I understand the trauma and the PPD, it’s not easy and it’s something you will never forget. Remember that your husband is your rock and family. Don’t despair for people who don’t care about you. Find a community around where you live and make friends that will become more family than them. Also go to your Gyno and ask for fertility help. You got this.
You say you’ve been on a straight path for 3 years now? No context. Maybe your past is what they can’t forgive, in laws can be judgemental as hell. You need to take time and heal from your child loss. You really really do. Hugs.
First rule as an in law is to understand how your in laws feel about you doesnt matter. Only your spouse’s feelings are what matters. He loves you and you love him. Yiu both have a good life together and that’s all that matters. Don’t want the love of other people because you will be disappointed your entire life. Stay away from toxic ppl and do what’s best for you and your relationship. I know what I said sounds cold but I had to learn this myself and it took me years and alot of pain to finally understand that my in laws and their inlaid reasons for disliking me doesn’t matter. All that matters is my husband’s love. I wish someone had said it to me the way I’m saying it to you. Live your life with your loved one and who refuses to be a part of that it is truly their loss
Well, I will be your family. You can send me a request and I’ll lend an ear also.
Hey girl. Don’t give up hope. Warm hugs to you and your hunny.
I just want to say keep your head up I have struggled with ectopic pregnancies one was 8 yrs ago and ruptured had to have emergency surgery got pregnant last yr just to find out it was another ectopic because of the scar tissue from the surgery from the first one me and my bf had been trying and trying and finally I kinda just gave up hope thinking it just wasn’t going to happen. But last week I found out I am pregnant and I’m so anxious to get into the dr to make sure it’s where it’s supposed to be and healthy. But so far it feels like a normal pregnancy no pains in my side or anything like I felt with my last 2 pregnancies. I know that that loss is soo hard to deal with but just try to stay positive. As for the in laws don’t worry too much about it a lot of people don’t understand infertility issues they just want grand babies. They could possibly be dealing with the loss too but some people are just different and would rather not talk about it. It’s completely messed up that you don’t feel like you have anyone to talk to and sometimes it’s hard to talk about with people who haven’t been through the same issues. If u ever need to talk about it or just need someone to vent to you are more than welcome to message me. I’ve been there love and I feel your pain
Hopefully I don’t get banned for this and I honestly don’t mean any disrespect. Is it possible they don’t dislike you for not having children, that they dislike you for your “bad” past? Not saying that it makes the situation any better. But it may have nothing to do with children
Girl message me if u need to chat …stay strong
A child does not draw you closer to your husband or in laws. Sometimes it’s the opposite. You should have a good relationship before pregnancy. Than having a child is a plus.
go get you some outside help, just for you, so you can love yourself for who you are and it will not matter what others think
If your in laws don’t like you because you can’t have kids then too bad as long as you respect them then nothing to worry just Keep on Loving your husband , it’s HIM you have to worry 
Sometimes you have to love people from afar…meaning move away or move to different area of your city
What and why they feel that way about you doesn’t matter. Let them be. It is their loss. Don’t worry about your sister in laws or brother in laws. Worry about you and your husband, everything else will work itself out!
Adopt a child! You would be so busy you wouldn’t notice the in-laws!
It sounds like you have a wonderful husband,
Maybe some therapy would help you deal with issues. Stay strong 
,
Idk do you think maybe it’s your past that they didn’t like? Either which way if they aren’t treating you right then I would just distance myself from them and not bother with contacting them or anything anymore.
There are a lot of beautiful baby’s out there that need a home and love. You are not the only woman who can’t have baby’s. No one should ever shut you out of their lives but it happens. You are not the one certain family members don’t talk to or visit. Just remember God is always at your side and he loves you 
I’ll be ur family and a listening ear
It seems like there are deeper issues that should be addressed by professionals.
I don’t know what happened in your relationship or what You were doing in life that was rough, But you’ve been married for 10 years and you’ve only been on the straight and narrow for 3… Sometimes things can be done That just turn people away.
Keep living your good life you don’t need people’s approval
Have u asked them, schedule a meeting and if u don’t like the answers, move away start a new life, why live for the in laws, get away and fast
#childfree life. How about you keep off your husband’s family for your peace of mind.
My friend had 3 children after an ectopic pregnancy. They may not like your drama that you bring to the party.
Ive been down that road. And still is. My advice to you is, cut off with them, you are not born to please them. Focus your energy with your own family - your husband. If you focus on something negative, your depression will only consume you.
Wow so sorry try therapy it help me a lot try to be closer to your husband at the end of the the day it’s just you guys that’s all that matters make each other happy
Do you invite them for dinner? Do you ask your mom in law to go shopping or bake together? You have to be a ‘friend’ to have a ‘friend’. If you have and they still don’t come around, then make friends with other couples and spend time with people who like being with you. Move on from his family.
A therapist would help alot! The past is likely hindering you’re relatives and you need to come to terms with that, accept that while you changed they need time and they get to choose how much time. When we screw up we don’t get to tell them when it’s time to move past. Those who mess up want others to just forget and move on when we want it. We don’t want our past to be in our face and hope they forget quick but we have to remember we hurt them, we broke trust. It isnt about not having kids, it’s more likely that you aren’t taking responsibility for your past.
My mil has never accepted me, but, I show her unconditional love.
My advice to you world be, If you aren’t going to church, find one. Surround yourself with uplifting people. Read your Bible. Seek after God for inner peace, love, joy and healing. He hears your heart and tears. Talk to Him.
And honey, I promise you, once you have healed and received peace within your heart, mind, soul, and body, you will have a totally different journey in life, and you will see things so differently than you do now!
I pray for the Lord to give you healing peace and blessings from this day forward! Amen 
Counseling. Love your self. Still want a baby don’t do it for them that added stress will not help. Do it for you and him. Have you seen a fertility DR ? I know they can be expensive. if adopting Is something you Don’t want to think about at this time. there is other options. Get a surrogate? I have been a surrogate for 3 families so far in 3 years the wait can be long and crazy the process can be hard but it’s amazing. Just thoughts.
Stop placing expectations on other and don’t expect them to treat you like you’d treat you. Getting a therapist can go a long way with the issues you mentioned. That healing has to be from within.
Been together 10 years and been straight for 3… so has something maybe happened in the 7 years that they can’t quite forgive and forget?
Your in laws will never be your family, because they have no memories whatsoever of you growing up as a child. If your husband loves you, thank God. You are lucky. For me, even their dogs bark at me. It’s like I am Taliban in their homestead.
Please don’t let ectopic pregnancy define you 
I too lost my first baby to ectopic pregnancy, I also have ptsd, I went on to have two babies.
You need to get yourself a decent therapist to help you work through all of this. Believe me they are able to help you. Take care.
I can be your family ︎ please talk to me if you need to.
I feel your loss in my soul. People don’t mean to treat you different. It’s just your loss is uncomfortable to them and rather then face that they distance themselves. Just worry about your mental health and your marriage. Hugs!
You and him are happy that’s all that matters… but that sucks though they don’t like u… but ur with him not them… you’ll have a baby soon… don’t give up 
Some missing content—this is a rhetorical question(s), but what is your bad past about 3 years ago? You were married then, so do your in laws know about it? Sadly, maybe they have their own reasons for the strain in the relationship. All it seems you can do is focus on yourself and husband, go to therapy, try to find other reasons and instances of happiness in life. Good luck. 
Try using a surrogate and the hell with them
Seems to me you care too much to what they think and it is causing stress. As long as you continue to stress your not going to get pregnant. I honestly would not worry about it. If you and your husband are happy stop dwelling on something you can’t control. I’ve been with my husband for 19 yrs been married almost 16 yrs and most of my in laws don’t like me either. Sad part is they told me they don’t like me because I took their son and brother away from them. They call our son names who is only 15 and on top of that she has other grandchildren and she only has something to do with 2 of her granddaughters. She hasn’t done anything for our son in 15 yrs. I’m not even kidding. She doesn’t even send so much as a birthday card for him. We went to visit over a yr ago because they live I’m NJ and our nieces came back with us to spend time with us. She gave them money right infront of my child and didn’t give him anything. Now he is old enough to see how he has been treated constantly he doesn’t want anything to do with her. So trust and believe I know all about the in law problems. Honestly it prob doesn’t even have anything to do with you not having children.
Try therapy n maybe consider adopting also while ur still trying to have ur own
I hope you’re getting therapy for your birth family abuse and your pregnancy loss. Look into Resolve.org for infertility issues they’ve helped a lot of people. Congratulations on kicking your bad habits! That’s tough to do, but you succeeded.
That said, the in-laws saw the problematic side of you for 7 years and so may be wary. Maybe once you hit 7 years as the new, improved you they will know it’s for the long-term and be more inclined to consider you family and a good candidate for motherhood
In any case, keep in touch with friends you had/have if they help your recovery, make new friends in your neighborhood, at your job, through hobbies and support groups, and at spiritual/religious institutions of your choice.
I grew up with a small birth family but had many honorary “aunts” and “uncles.” My kids likewise are blessed to have wonderful people in their lives who love and support them but are no actual relation. I’ve “adopted” the kids of a single mom with no support from her sperm donor’s family (and baby daddy was abusive, so that’s probably for the best). Three little girls call me “Grammy Pammy.” I tell them we are related by love.
A family is a circle of friends who love you, so start creating a family of friends who will love and support you and your husband.
I wish you the best and I’m glad you and your spouse seem to have a strong marriage. Keep up the good work! 
what about your friends? And if no one is that close to you, how about a support group? You are never going to get what you need form this family, so just forget about them, You have a living husband, be there for each other, maybe move farer away from these people, But again, it’s never going to be what you want. Don’t think about having any kids or at least trying for one, until you resolve or get over the fact these people are not worth it
Make your own family unit. Adoption is an option. I couldn’t have a biological child due to endometriosis. We adopted and our son is loved immensely by all,including my inlaws.
Find a good friend that can be like family and start to understand the in laws don’t owe you anything.
It hurts, ik that for sure. I’d your husband close to his family? They will most likely be the way they treat him to you.
And thats fine. Keep your composure, find people that do love you and enjoy that.
I’m sorry to hear about your pregnancy issues, I couldn’t imagine. Definitely seek med help of you have not already.
And maybe you and your hubs should consider to relocate closer to your family ? I know you said your not close to them either but possibly could work out differently if you moved by them.
You need to love yourself first. Ask yourself why you would want such toxic people in your life? Maybe you and hubby need to move away from everyone and start fresh,and please seek someone to talk too. Good luck!
Adopt,sounds like you would be wonderful parents to a child that needs a family. When you raise one it’s yours! Blood or NOT! Trust me,I know!
First, If that’s the case and your in laws don’t like you because you can’t have children, eff them!! I wouldn’t wanna be associated with people like that! Second, for you and your husband and ONLY for you and him, look into in vitro (a lot of insurances cover it), a surrogate or adoption. Again, don’t do it for the in laws, do it for you and your husband. In the mean time, don’t stress it. If you love your husband and he loves you, focus on that, on your marriage. I wouldn’t want those kinds of people in my life anyway. And if you and your husband do conceive again or if you go a different route, I would still keep your distance from those people.
Get over the things you’re going through in your depression, I think depression is the problem of having hard time to get pregnant that’s what I believe. hopes up❤️
I think therapy would be great for you. You can learn how to accept that they don’t care for you guys and that the relationship isn’t what you’d like. Def treat the depression. It happens to so many of us. Once you remove people who add nothing to your life you may find that things turn around.
You need to speak with a professional about your mental health…it is very important!! And remember…there are good people out there who become family…make new friends for yourself and your husbands and build a close relationship that will last and be an important part of your life!!!
Time to get new family and leave the old ones in the dust
Keep the faith. I had an ectopic also and after that had 2 boys…
You need to see a fertility doctor. I had my 1st baby 8 yrs after married. 3 months after I saw the dr. I was pregnant. My youngest daughter had the same problem as me. She saw dr and was pregnant in 4 months. Good luck.
GIRL, WE ARE HERE FOR YOU! This can be a very supportive group! First of all, coming from someone who suffered several miscarriages, and fertility issues for over 10 years, had a stillborn child and ivf a total of 5 times and STILL couldn’t be a mother…. Once my life slowed down and I found happiness and could relax I got pregnant right away and had some issues but still delivered a healthy almost 5 year old now. Followed 3 years later with a rough pregnancy and a preterm nicu baby who pulled through & is now a happy healthy boy. I say this bc 11 Drs told me I couldn’t have children or that I would never be able to get pregnant and even if I did, I could never carry a child. So there’s that, the man upstairs has the final say, NOT THE DRS. Sometimes the stress and anxiousness of not getting pregnant is what keeps us from getting pregnant too. Hang in there. I have suffered from and struggle with mental health issues for a long time and a few years ago my past came back and I went on a bad path for a while. My husband was a champ and supported me and we have an excellent relationship, I work hard everyday to be my best and be better. We have a wonderful little family and we love each other deeply, my husband and I have a great marriage, he treats me wonderful and I do him. It couldn’t be better honestly, so why does his family hate me, which has made him cut them out of his life! They started doing some underhanded out of mind stuff to me and talking about me terribly. Spreading lies and being awful. It had been spiraling for about a year. My husband doesn’t even speak to them. They haven’t seen my 5 year old in almost 2 years and haven’t laid eyes on my baby, well 1x since he was born. My kids don’t exist to them. They/we get no birthday wishes, cards or calls. My kids get no Christmas or anything, never have. Yet my husbands sister and her boyfriend or whatever, she’s been married a bunch of times and a long strand of numerous boyfriends, anyways his sisters family including her kids, even the grown ones that are like in their 20s…. His parents make a freaking huge deal out of all of their bdays. Posting all over fb, having parties dinner and cakes…. Ridiculously expensive gifts and money and at Christmas omg they spend thousands on her and them. It IS NOT about the money let me make that clear, but it IS about the point and the bottom line. THEY SUCK AND his sister does too. That whole family can take a leap and although it’s sad, it no longer affects us as a family. My kids don’t even know them and won’t be the ones missing out. The grandparents are missing out on some wonderful memories with these babies. Husbands sister like doesn’t even work, has mooched off of them and is worthless pretty much, whereas my husband served proudly in the military for almost 10 years. He has always held a good steady job, never once has he asked them for anything, he is a great man who supports and loves his family… he truly is the best but they don’t see it, they aren’t proud of him, bc they are shitty people in general. I say all of this bc, girl we can’t change or control how people treat us or react to us. They are obviously toxic unhealthy people for you to be around… you deserve better! Do not let them doubt yourself or get you down. It’s sad that there are people like this in the world! Their loss though, girl we are all better off. Just remember, the only people you need to make happy is YOU & your husband. That is it. I know it would be way better to actually have an extended family you can count on but bc they are like they are, it’s better to know you can’t count on them than to depend on them for something and then never come through or let you down. Try to find a support group for women struggling to get pregnant or go to a mental health clinic to find someone to talk to or join one of their support groups. I don’t know what your dark past entails, but me personally, I hit an AA/NA mtg occasionally but I also see a counselor once a week and am in a sober sister group and a relapse prevention program where I meet 1-4 times a month depending on how I’m feeling. I’m able to be a better mother and wife bc of this. You can love yourself no matter what you’re purpose turns out to be. Try to relax, meditate to a great nature sound song, I love putting relaxation sounds or low classical music on my ear pods, and taking a hot bath…. Maybe do your nails or go get them and your hair done. Set up a special date Nite for you and hubby and get all fixed up for dinner and movie or dancing and then come home to have sex bc it’s fun and you love each other, not just bc you are ovulating or basically anything to do with getting pregnant. Just don’t think that a solid NO is forever, the man upstairs is the final word girl, remember that. Try to remember why you love your husband, why you love yourself and what you like to do. Make life about something other than being or not being a mother right now. Your story, this chapter isn’t over, you are just taking a break from the same page for a bit. And then you can come back to it. You are enough girl, you are amazing and strong and deserve better than the crappy in-law situation. You did the right thing by reaching out for some support, keep your head up! Ok hugs!!!
Worry about your marriage and your self and hubby .I dont know what you went through but if they can’t even try for thier sons sake then forget it .If you invite them to your home and other places and they keep making excuses then move on .we all make mistakes and insure they did to so if you a d your husband are happy with each other then move on
Honey, you’re more than a baby making machine. Your worth isn’t dependent on how many lives you bring into this world! I’m sorry they make you feel like it is. They sound really toxic and if I were you, I’d address it with your husband and maybe be upfront with them about it and if things don’t change, cut them off. Your mental health is more important than superficial people’s acceptance.
Get yourself together so you can adopt. Their are still children needing love and a place to be
The kid situation probably has very little to do with it. You said yourself you’ve been with your husband for ten years, have a very rocky past, and only been straight for 3 years. To them, that means you put their son through hell for 7 years. Probably caused a lot of hate and mistrust on their part. It will just take time to build that relationship. Trust can be broken over night, but can take ages to build. And they trusted you with their son for 7 years while that trust was broken. But you are on the best path for you, and they will come to see that eventually. I know it’s hard, but just stay right, and build trust again. I know it’s hard, but you’ve got this 
I want to give you a hug.
If they are not there for u now dont let them bother once u do have a baby… move away from toxic family ull be happier xx
This popped up in my emails and I had to create an account because I forgot my information just so I can comment on this . You not being able to have a child is absolutely not your fault and you should not feel guilty about it because your inlaws don’t like you. I’ve discovered that I might have P COS because because Me and my partner constantly were active sexually and never used any protection or Pulled out or anything so I should’ve been pregnant by now but I’m not and and if his parents ever got mad at me because I can’t have a child I wouldn’t give one flying heck about it. Ur fine 
There’s plenty of other ways to have a child it doesn’t have to be biologically yours you can adopt or suraget