Maybe that’s why the other DIL refuses to see them.
They are inlaws and as such should be told that their visits are welcome sometimes, BUT, you have a busy household and unannounced visits aren’t welcome.and they must ask if its convenient to visit… if they turn up unannounced? Get your bag and kids and go out . They will soon get the message.
Your house your rules. If hubby won’t talk to them. Then you can.
Your HOUSE your rules. Maybe u should send a nice text when they leave one day.
Sorry what I’f they died today how would you feel.
But don’t bicth about them tell them straight up if upsets them it does but imagine they died and last thing you trying Todo is bicth about them
Appreciate you have loving In laws if you don’t want then me and my kids will love to have someone who loves us so much
You are NOT being petty. It is disrespectful to just drop in on people like that without so much as a phone call. It would be slightly better if they were really nearby because then you could just tell them it wasn’t a good time and send them on their way. They need to get their own lives and stop trying to hijack yours all the time. Also tell them to check with ANY expert on manners, it is the height of rudeness to show up that early. Unless the hostess has specifically asked for you to do so to help with something people should actually plan on arriving about 5 or 10 minutes AFTER the stated time of the event. You husband is wrong, his parents are the ones being rude. He needs to gently speak with them. Done right it will leave all in happy place with many wonderful visits to come. It is NOT to much to ask for a call to see if you are busy. You are allowed to have your own lives and not have to stop everything to accommodate them whenever they feel like it.
As long as you’re not just showing up to their house unannounced, and you always are making sure you call first then no you aren’t being petty.
I can’t get pass the fact that the wife of the BIL won’t “allow” him/their son/a grown man to speak or see his own parents. I’m positive I read that wrong so let me read this again.
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There seems to be an even amount of ridicule and praise for you in these comments.
OF COURSE you should cherish your in-laws. And it sounds by your post that you do in fact. But again, you have absolutely every right to your own privacy in your own home. Most likely they don’t realize they are being rude.
I know it might be difficult, but it seems that you should be the one to have a conversation with them. And explain it to them gently. Hopefully they will understand. It’s a simple phone call from them.
Don’t let anyone here make you feel guilty for wanting that respect in your life.
It has absolutely nothing to do with not appreciating them.
Good luck! I know that is a very difficult situation for you to be in. 
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Next time they show up unannounced, open the door naked.
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They can be appreciated, treasured, love and respectful. A little chat might be all you need to have to explain that a little heads up or is it ok to come is not unreasonable
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Let them know you love having then over but to give a heads up in advance in case you guys are busy.
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No you’re not being petty but when they show up unannounced or three hours early they can sit out in their car and they can sit in the car and wait and also to with this virus going around you need to tell them to text or call and if they show up without doing either or don’t let them in
Clearly you love them and feel blessed to have them in your life, no question there, so I see no need in telling you to “cherish it”. You’re within your right to want advanced notice and your husband is wrong by saying asking for that is rude. If he won’t talk to them, perhaps have a sit down talk with them yourself next time they just happen to “pop in” unannounced.
If that doesn’t work, don’t answer the door next time. 
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pick your battles. they are early because they can’t see well in the dark. Anything after 3pm forget it. plan for 10 am to 2pm.
I learned the best way around the family. Get a camper or second place to stay. I know it sounds crazy but after 7 kids and dealing with big families and always getting told "why when I drop in why does the place look such a mess. … never was a good enough reason. So to help save my marriage we have 2 homes.
Just know if you put your foot down and your husband disagrees with how or something you say he might move back home or show a side to him you never knew. If you lay down the law with his family expect to do the same with him.
Also just know they will test you if you mean what you say.
If you give in at all they will keep testing you and don’t think hubby has your back or he wouldn’t have let this go on for so long. I always told mine if we didn’t have young kids I would so lock myself in my bedroom and watch movies until; the time I asked for company but I’m nice.
Make sure you know what you really want before you say “no more”… to help you out watch the movie:
monster-in-law… take notes not how to kill her but what do you really want from them.
Be thankful you have them. We lost all of our family members in our first 7 years of marriage. It would be nice to have a grandma, uncle or something other than no one but us. Makes birthdays and holidays lonely.
Omg I would be so upset… you’re not petty . Your husband does have to be firm and tell them again
I think it’s a blessing to have family feel that close. You will miss it someday for sure.
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Since you asked, yes, I think you’re being petty. If 2020 has taught us anything is to not take family for granted.
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Cherish these uninvited visits. We lost my MIL 3 years ago. And what I wouldn’t do to see her just walk through our door. Just to get to see the sparkle in Aaron Payne eyes one more time. You will miss it when they are gone. And this is coming from someone who didn’t have the best relationship with my MIL.
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Not petty. Your home. Set rules. You seem to really like them and thats a big plus. I, believe they will understand. How often do your kiddos see them, or spend the night. We, as grannies and paw paws love time with the grandchildren.
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Once they are gone, you will miss them driving you crazy. Cherish the craziness 
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DO NOT open the door!!
Okay we all know that when you ask a man to do something or say something they rarely, if ever, do. And yes you’re being petty. My father in law passed away when my husband and I were in high school. I never got the chance to meet him and my mil lives 3 hours away. I’d give anything for my in laws to pop by whenever. My kids love my mother in law and her boyfriend.
Definitely set boundaries in respectful manner. I agree with MeeMee Bri how often do your kids go to their house for a night or the weekend? Maybe make it a biweekly thing and take advantage of it by having a date night/weekend😉
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No tell them dont come over lock the door dont answer it tell them next time call before showing up
You could Softly ask them to call ahead. Don’t be Me or my Children. My Dad was killed a year ago in October. Remnants of Hurricane Olga. As we had not seen him in months from Busy work schedules and other things we had planned. That doesn’t mean anything now. Because he’s gone. He went outside as the wind started howling to get his dog off the runner and take him into the garage. The only tree in his back yard fell and killed him instantly. No opportunity to say Goodbye or See ya Later.
And their own Dad’s mother acts like my Children don’t exist while she drools over her other Grands and displays it on Social Media for my kids to see. The Hurt in their faces is Heartbreaking.
Be Thankful they want to be involved.
Nope, I hate unplanned visitors. When I was on maternity leave my sons grandmother texted she was coming over from my driveway. I let her stay there.
I would tell them you love having them visit but that your sex life is a big priority in your marriage and that if they could call first, that would be great, to save everyone the embarrassment. 
I would give ANYTHING to have my father in law pop in unannounced one more time.
If you truly feel that way why don’t you & your husband sit down together & talk about boundaries you both are ok with. The both of you talk with your in-laws about them.
You can just say something like “ We & the kids love when you visit but sometimes life gets hectic & id hate for you to drive all this way & we be busy. “
Then you could set up certain days for them to come visit or days you can visit them.
Take it as a blessing my mil passed away id give anything to have her help and my parents are thousands of miles away i wish i had this problem.
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It’s his house! his parents!
If he wants his parents over everyday all day long that’s his choice an you just need to see nothing hear nothing say nothing and there will not be any issues. BUT keep complaining and you will probably find yourself getting divorced and finding a new place to live… If I was your husband the first time you opened your mouth about my parents your ass would have hit the curb in a heart beat
If you show up at my house unexpectedly I will not answer the door
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They probably have no idea it bothers you and will probably feel so embarrassed they are intruding…definitely talk to your Mil she will appreciate you telling her. It’s sounds like you have a good relationship with them, tell them before it creates resentment
Start hanging around the house naked or in your underwear and refused to get dressed when they arrive. Problem solved
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I hate this shit. Do not show up at my house unannounced. I lose my mind every time.
Im gonna say this. Trigger warning
My mother used to also do this all the time amd of course I was like mama chill. My mother died 7 months ago from a sudden heart attack…please let them see your babies anytime because my inlaws barely see mine and i wish i had my mom over to help me
I mean maybe have certain days that they come over if they come over 4 days a week then maybe schedule like 2 or 3 days. Like Tuesdays and Thursdays for dinner. Or every other Friday the kids can go to their house while u and ur husband go to dinner.Then kindly tell them if they wish to stop by any other time u would like a phone call first. Maybe also help find them hobbies like bingo or something. Or if ur kids are in activities invite them to that so that they get to see the kids but ur not always playing host. Or fake a migraine.
I would’ve love my parents to visit us all the time but they’ve already passed on.
Enjoy the moment. Their happiness is seeing their grandkids. Let them visit so often so your kids would happily welcome you into their homes when they have their own family.
I definitely don’t think it’s asking too much to ask for a heads up if they want to come over. Just because it’s a good time for them or they want to come over doesn’t mean you feel the same. If you’re willing, maybe you can suggest that sometimes they take the kids out to see them rather than be at your house. That way, they get to see their grandkids and you get some alone time.
I like my privacy too. My mil was the same way but with other reasons i cut her off. Idc if you drove for 20 hours, let me know before you just show up. Many times we wouldn’t even be home and get a phone call about “I’m at your house, but you’re not here.” And would run home. After the first few times i stopped running home. Bc i made myself clear to call first. That’s thier own problem. Or if they show up and I’m home but not ready for ppl to come in, they can stay outside until i am ready.
Once i opened the door in my jammies. No bra, short ass shorts on, ass hanging out, the whole 9 yards with no damn shame. Sorry but not sorry. Should have freaking called first like I have asked 15 fucking times. 
I think its common courtesy to let someone know you’re coming over or to ask before leaving.
My sister did this to me once, and I did not let her inside my home.
I appreciate my boundaries, space, privacy. Sometines I want to he left alone with my son so we can spend time together. Or just vegging out at home just us over a rough week.
Just set boundaries
Just because your family doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give a heads up first . Some people aren’t good at social cues…
I could go to my parents house anytime without calling them first. But when it comes to this generation you need to call first.
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You are an adult and respect is a two way requirement. They need to respect you, as you are trying to respect them. I lived next door to my in-laws, and in some areas, they took great liberties,just barging in anytime they liked, I simply think they saw there son still as a boy, not a man. I had a conversation with my hubby after his dad turned up in our house, our bedroom, early Saturday morning, and another time my mother in law , came into our house,into the bathroom when I was having a bath, to deliver some mail. Instead of just putting it on the table and leaving. The conversation I had with my hubby was that he needed to tell his parents that those behaviours were not appropriate.
No you are not being petty. You are not only. Being a mo