My in laws told me they can do whatever they want with my baby: Advice?

My mother in law and sister in law babysit my baby when I am at work…my issu eis, they feed him on their own schedule and whatever they want (9 months old) and take him places without asking me if its okay…am i in the wrong to tell them to stop? they told me i was overreacting and when he is with them they can do what they want…


It’s probably best to use a daycare and pay someone if you want strict control over these issues. If you’re getting free childcare and want family to behave as employees, you’re probably going to be disappointed when they act like family instead. My advice is pick your battles, there are not a lot of foods off the table for a 9 month old as long as they are appropriate sized and if they use a carseat to take her places, then they are being responsible. :woman_shrugging:


Family support in the form of childcare, food and activities for your child? My kids have no grandparents or any family actually. Count your blessings or put the child in an actual daycare. Might sound harsh, but it’s the reality of the situation :woman_shrugging:


Why do they need to ask if they can take baby somewhere? That’s ridiculous!
What if they have things to do???
The feeding thing….ok…to a point…if they aren’t feeding baby harmful things…what’s the problem?
I have babysat, lots of kids…and have grandkids too….never have i ever needed permission to take the kids anywhere!


They are making memories yes he want remember them now but when he is older he can look back one day and say I remember grandma cooking this for me or taking me somewhere. I say let them as long as there not putting him in any danger.


Your the parent, what you say goes or baby doesn’t need to be babysat by them :woman_shrugging: when it comes to my kiddos going anywhere with grandparents they are to run it by me first to get permission and I must know where they are going , also didn’t allow them to take my kids anywhere til at least 1 year old. They need to be respectful to your boundaries and wants for your child even in terms of feeding. To many grandparents over step these days.


If you’re paying them, you should set the terms.

If it’s a favor, beggars can’t be choosers. As long as baby is fed, safe & loved :heart:


I’d find someone else to watch him then.


Tell them they are being disrespectful and you won’t stand for it. If they can’t learn to respect your boundaries for YOUR child then they’ll be limited on how often they get to spend time with your child.


They don’t respect you as a parent start looking for other help, they know you need them so they feel as if they can do what they want but also they aren’t obligated to be stuck at home allday just because they are babysitting


Not sure if you are sending the baby with food but if not then maybe you should. This way you know your baby is eating what you want him to eat. Also ask them if they can shoot you a txt when they go places. Just so you know where your baby is incase something happens. Good luck momma!


There is a difference in making a courtesy call to say we are taking the baby to the store and we’ll be home soon vs asking permission to do so. Her in laws aren’t children and they have lives. They do not need permission, they aren’t employees.


If you want free child care, you really need to respect that your family has a routine and a life. If you expect them to go by your rules you would need to pay them for their services of doing as instructed by you.


I would honestly find a different arrangement for child care. Maybe look into getting a child care voucher from your local dhs to help you pay for childcare or see if another family member could babysit.
Whole feeding him food and taking him places isn’t a high problem atleast in my book, if they were asked to stop doing something with your child and that’s their response then they can’t be trusted.
Like what would they do if your child had a allergy or a weak immune system and they were asked to stop those things because of that but they don’t because they think they can do whatever they want with the baby. That’s dangerous and shows they have no respect for the parent.
My mom watches my kids sometimes and she always follows my husband and mine instructions for our kids and she either makes sure she doesn’t have to go anywhere or she’ll let us know where she’s taking our children in public so we know where they are.


Grandparents are there to love an spoil grandkids you’re trying to be controlling over petty stuff now I could see if you was upset if they were putting said child down for a nap extremely late where said child ain’t sleeping well at night but to be upset over food an them wanting to take said child somewhere to spend time with child that’s petty if something was to happen they would call and give all info needed right then an there . When a kid is hungry you feed them. Your in-laws aren’t stupid they obviously raised there kids and already been through the process. Let them enjoy their time with grandkid and stop being controlling and ruining cause eventually when you need them to watch said child they aren’t going to want to deal with your pettiness


So… you want them to stay at home all day to watch your child?
And then feed him to your schedule and what you say to feed him?
Sounds like you need to be a stay at home mom. If you are leaving him with them you are trusting them to make the best choice for him If you don’t trust them take him to a daycare and be prepared to worrie 100xs more!
Sounds a little overboard. But he’s YOUR kid if you want him to be at home all day and on a schedule to a T you better be at home with him! Simple resolution


Personally. Nobody drives my daughter but my husband and I. So I understand about being upset about them driving your child without telling you. However these people are giving you childcare for free. That is a blessing in itself. I don’t believe they necessarily need to ask “permission” to take him. But they should most definitely inform you when they leave the house, where ALL they are going, and you should be informed when they safely make it back home. As far as the food goes, he’s 9 months old. As long as it’s appropriate sizes, why exactly are you mad that they make sure your child is fed?


As long as he is safe, let it go. He rather be with family than strangers in a creche or helper. Their attitude is bad. You pray over him. Work and provide. You will be fine.


Are they supposed to stay at home and do nothing or would you prefer your child is stimulated throughout the day?

Well then it is time to cut them off since they cannot keep boundaries. Find a daycare. Call 2-1-1 if you need help finding or paying for daycare. Also you can even add to the daycare that you are the only one allowed to pick up your child or you can ask that those two NOT be allowed to pick up child (in case they try to pick kiddo up behind your back)

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They should certainly follow your wishes, but unfortunately if you leave the child with them they may not respect your wishes and there’s no way to enforce it other then not leaving child with them.


Do you not realize they are doing you a favor? If you don’t agree find a day care have you checked into the price of a day care. If you stop them from picking the baby up you may find yourself in need of someone. If I am the in laws I would have to tell you it seems you have a problem. If you don’t trust them take care of the baby yourself. These people are taking their time to help you out. Be grateful


Personally I don’t like anyone driving my kids around unless it me or dad. My mom watches mine but I feed them. On my lunch break I drive home to feed them. I guess find a way to make it work. If not find a different babysitter. Because if they don’t respect you now ,they won’t respect you later. Find someone that does.

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Find another babysitter if you don’t like how the child is being taken care of. My guess however is that they are cheaper or free so you are dealing with it.

Thats why i prefer to send to daycare. :slight_smile:

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If you are paying them or supplying the food then they need to follow your dietary request. If you aren’t I suggest daycare or another childcare provider.

As far as the running where they go by you I suggest another childcare provider.

They wouldn’t watch my kids if they said that to me

Put child in childcare period!

Is what they feeding him harmful, are the taking him into dangerous situations?


I mean, if he were mine I’d like him fed when he was hungry and a simple text letting you know they were going out and where to would suffice. He’s with family not at a facility. If you trust them enough to watch him, you need to trust their judgment or find different daycare.


Are you paying them a completive wage as a child care provider? If not then you can’t use your child to restrict their routine or where they go. It’s still their time. You aren’t paying for it. As for feeding him foods that can be medical issue. As a mother of 3 kids all with food allergies it can be dangerous. If he were to have a reaction you’d have no idea what he’s eaten so you wouldn’t have anyway of figuring it out. Also there’s choking hazards. I’d stop taking there unsupervised if it were my child.

That’s when they would no longer be left alone with my kid. They can’t respect you as that childs mom, they don’t need to be watching him. I’d definitely look into other childcare options. Your child, Your rules, Not theirs.

they’re wrong and you need to take your baby to daycare and that will solve the issue. They will never respect you!

If you think your family is abusing your baby call child protective services on them. You’ll never have to worry about that again.

I would find a day care or new babysitter

Stop being so controlling. Nothing they are doing is harmful and it’s so much better to have family you trust than a stranger or daycare center. Be thankful and stop micro-managing.


I can understand the feeding but why do they have to ask you to take the baby any where?


Why do they need to ask where they take the baby?

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A grandparent blatantly disrespecting and not informing of where they are taking the baby is disrespectful AF.

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Don’t like then take the child somewhere else. Plain and simple probably not paying them a dime anyway…

If you can afford a daycare with a routine then thats what i would do. Otherwise make his food and send it with.

What does your husband say…this is one sided.

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They wouldn’t be watching him anymore, let alone having any type of alone time with him and I’d go low contact for that. If you want to vent about these things and not get dragged and actually be supported, I have the perfect group for you, just pm me

Either accept that they won’t abide by your wishes, or find new childcare and tell them exactly why. They don’t respect you, your boundaries, or your wishes as a parent. Personally, id find new childcare and limit interaction with them unless you can be present. Whether they or anyone else likes ot, YOURE THE PARENT. not them. You’re in control of the situation.

If its free and you dont like it maybe look for a daycare and pay

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it’s your baby if they can’t respect it tell them you’ll look for care elsewhere

These moms that say “it shouldn’t matter where they take the baby as long as it’s safe” - you’re going to be that horrible mother in law and I feel bad for your future daughter in law.

It’s completely her right as THE MOTHER to ask them to at least let her know where they’re going in case of an emergency or simply if she wants to know where HER CHILD is. Whether it’s free babysitting or not, that child doesn’t belong to them - it’s not their kid. They need to respect the mothers wishes and yeah, if they want to be immature and petty then they don’t need to watch the kid. I wouldn’t want someone I don’t trust or who clearly doesn’t respect my wishes watching my son.

We’re in 2022 so yeah - the mother has the final say.


Find a new child care plan… They are not acceptable…

Big nope. But you also might have to find another sitter.

On the food thing you absolutely have right to say something and enforce your own diet…
On the taking him places while they’re babysitting, not so much, unless they’re going to the strip club or bars. If you don’t trust them to take him out of the house then you shouldnt /wouldn’t trust them to watch the baby at all


For one they are wrong in all shapes and forms, they are not the mother or father, blood or not if you or your s/o are uncomfortable with soemthing they are doing and they do not stop when it is addressed then that would be the end of my child being around them. Your child is your priority and you are raising them as you see fit so that should be respected even if they disagree. Not there baby not there choice.

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I’d expect them to on demand feed a baby, yes. Also, if it was a here and there babysit then I’d expect them to be in 1 place but all day every day when you’re at work is a little extreme to expect of someone and then it’s probably best to find a trusted daycare or try find a work from home job xx


9 month old babies dont need feeding schdules…Just like us…sometimes we are not hungry at the same times every day.
They feed him when he is hungry, that is all that matters…and takinghim out is great!
I used to babysit my nephew from when he was a baby , I fed him when he was hungry and took him everywhere.
If your going to be that strict…stay home…but I thinm he is just fine with uiur family and having fun adventures and eating as HE wants


My stepmom has been keeping my son for me since he was 4 months old now 4 years old so I could work (single mother) she feed him when he was hungry and if she needed to go somewhere when he was there she took him with. I bought a carseat just for her car. It’s not about you as long as the child is being taken care of. My stepmom can take care of my son however she sees fit because she is doing me a favor. If you don’t like it pay for daycare


Well…No they shouldn’t be that way, but if that’s the case, then I would be taking him somewhere else.


Okay. So there are two problems with this. If they are watching your baby everyday, they should come and go as they please. They still got things to do and at least you don’t have to pay for daycare.

On the other hand, “I’ll do what I want with your child”. No mam, you won’t. That is a toxic thing to say. If someone told me that, they wouldn’t be keeping my kids because my child is my concern and you’ll do what I ask.


Is he getting hurt or sick from them doing this with him? Does it change his attitude to being a brat? If it’s not hurting him in any way. Then let them enjoy their time with him. You seem to be a bit jealous…


If their OVERfeeding & making him “chunky” then ya Id be mad too bcuz thats worse thing u can do is start them out that little getting over weight bcuz IF they continue to keep gaining forget it! We all KNOW how hard it is to lose weight & to start that young is BAD esp bcuz of diabetes etc & NO I DONT like that attitude of theirs either bcuz he IS yours NOT theirs & when you watch someones child you ARE supposed to adhere to what parents want! Going out w/ him is ok IF their safe about it w/ carseats etc but still need to give you the headsup! I personally would avoid taking out someone elses child bcuz GODFORBID something happened- The guilt alone! Forget it! Id only do so if absolutely necessary family or not w/o at least 1 parent there but thats just me!

If you’re getting free childcare, and they’re not endangering him then, yes, they are free to take him places and feed him when necessary…

They CAN, but they shouldn’t. Maybe you should find someone else.


You let them baby sit. If you don’t want that put the baby in day care. They go on their own schedules as well and at least for babies most don’t do field trips with them. But you can’t expect them to sit home all day when the child is in their care. They’re not a facility. As long as they’re feeding my baby. I fed on demand anyway. And not going to crazy places like bars and strip clubs with my baby or other people’s homes that you know are safe places I don’t see the harm. But ultimately you are the parent. If it gets too much like I said find a legit day care. When they get about school age at a day care you’ll sign paperwork for field trips. You can be a helicopter parent and be on the trips or I can’t keep the trips straight and I let them go and be a child. They shouldn’t say they can do whatever they want, but you are allowing them to babysit and they’re not certified children’s caretakers. You need to take a seat and if you truly have a problem with their care fund an alternative.

I don’t agree with the “do what I want” attitude of the in laws. I would say if they’re not willing to listen to your requests or honor them it may be time to look into alternative options.

If you want someone who follows strict food directions and never takes your baby anywhere than pay the thousands of dollars for day care. You can’t expect them to put their life on hold when they are doing you a favor by watching the child. A 9 month usually isn’t on a routine for food, the eat when they’re hungry. If they’re letting you know where they’re taking the kid and putting them in a car seat then I personally don’t see the problem. They probably told you that because of how controlling you are trying to be.

They can. To a point. Don’t give my kid known allergens ( pb, nuts, fish etc ) and be safe.

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Put him in daycare having family take care of kids never works out in the end for some ppl

Find a new sitter. They clearly don’t care and will do what they want

Are they harming baby? If not, let it be.

I feel you are overreacting. At 9 months my kids were eating what I was eating. And was always wanting something. They are making memories. You should be happy they are wanting to take him places and do stuff with him. They could be just sitting in the house all day doing nothing.


Stay at home or get a nanny or put him in daycare!!! Problem solved… what you want from family is crazy. They don’t work for you. He is with family and if you don’t trust them keep your own kid…

Then when they start texting and calling everytime they go somewhere, you’ll be on here complaining about that. :roll_eyes:

Find a different sitter :woman_shrugging:

If you don’t want your kids eating certain things, make that known. If they continue to feed them to him, find someone else to watch him.
If they need to go somewhere while he’s with them, they should be telling you beforehand with a text “we’re going to ____ just wanted to let you know before we leave!” if they can’t do that, find someone else

Do you pay them? Or are you making rules for free services

Quit letting them watch him

I agree with you they shouldn’t be doing those things, they’re over stepping your boundaries as a parent. Idc who you are grandma, auntie wtvr if the mother of the child says no they should be respecting that. But if you want more control over those types of things you should send your child to a daycare. That way your child stays on a set schedule.

I’d take my kid out of there care. that simple. If they can’t respect you they won’t/ shouldn’t get those privileges.

The only way they will learn is if you make a move. I had to do it to my MIL and my daughter flourished going into a daycare setting vs her care. Mind you I was paying my MIl and providing almost everything my child would need. All I asked was to keep her on a schedule like we do at home n that was impossible for her yet if my friends helped and watched my daughter they could do it flawless. Among her trying to break up our marriage but that’s a whole nother layer

They are right… You are over reacting.