Why would she stop acting that way .she knows if she does her daddy will give her anything she wants .it’s not a her problem it’s a her daddy problem .if you think it’s bad now wait untill she’s older . She don’t need therapy or anything she needs a father with a backbone
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Your house your rules
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Some kids know their behaviour is attention seeking, but also a tantrum, because not getting their own way, tell your girls to ignore her, they hate tobe ignored, you and your partner HAVE to be solid on this!! Together! She will get one warning, then time out. When she’s finished screaming throwing things, no phone no TV, nothing nice, otherwise you are rewarding g bad behaviour. Honestly this is the only way, then get her to apologise to everyone for her behaviour. They hate you at first, but believe me, they will respect you more. Always check where she is, always stick to your guns. Don’t faulted. Otherwise it will get worse. Then talk to her, and say we just will not put up with this behaviour it’s totally unacceptable, and your doing this to save her the embarrassment, she could be getting herself in all sorts of trouble. Some kids NEED structure, it calms them down
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Tell him that she either changes her attitude or she is not welcomed over as it’s scaring the other kids. The other kids have a right to feel safe in their house.
If he does not support you in this then, time to leave for good, because this is a TV viewing for the future with this guy, leaving you to deal with the shit.
Your kids are your blood. if you have brought this to his attention and he is ignoring you, then I would protect my blood At any cost .even if it means Divorce!
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tell her if she does not behave, she is not welcome
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Have you talked to her? If she is 11-and has no mental deficiency- she should understand a conversation-a loving conversation-not yelling and all. Just simply-"Do you know you are scaring your step siblings?
It’s up to her mom and dad to deal with behavior. You can talk to your husband and ask that he start to slowly work on this… but. This will be a slow change. 
don’t expect fast and be evil step mom. I’m sure ur hubby would choose daught over u any day,protective nature. And if the younger two are his well he’d get 50 50 if yall split so just be patient ,know ur place , and maybe take ur kids out more often when she is there? Or do hotel nights? Or simply ignore her fits. Have her dad or mom take away her extras. Have her dad or mom talk to her teachers and they be involved . And dad let her know you are gonna enforce his and her mom’s rules… as his wife. Notmake rules enforce rules and tell dad when rules are broken for him to enforce consequences. And his job is to tell her mom and Co parent .
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Do not record secretly. Tell all ppl over 18 and all legal guardians do I have permission and if so here is your copy … don’t be a c*** good way for her to aim for u in court
Take the little ones and stay somewhere else when the girl stays just leave her with her dad to care for her
He will either help her with her behaviour or not but keep your little ones away from this chaos
Speaking from experience
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dad needs to talk to her mom she need help sounds like ADDHD
He will choose her every time… this is very common in 2nd marriages when children are involved. Can you leave when she comes and go to your moms house for a visit with Grandma? Then he can have his special time with her.
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Brats will be brats especially when they feel hard done by. Tell your kids to act as if they have just started knowing her. Keep an eye on them and when she tries the bullshit lay the law down.
She probably is acting out because she is expressing her feelings. She needs love and support from everyone in the home. Includes her in all the hugs and kisses. She most likely feels like an outsider and is hurting. Hurt humans hurt others. Shes trying to tell yall she is hurting, feeling alone, or embarrassed by having her tantrums. Example, if she does something you don’t like, you scold her, she acts out because she’s embarrassed in front of siblings in her own home. Treat her like you would your own. That’s all she wants. I know I’d feel awful and hurt if I was odd man out. I have been that child. It’s not easy. Be patient and loving. Good luck.
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Maybe something is going on with her. Talk to your husband have him and the mother take her to the Dr. Sometimes a child acts out as a release. I understand its stressful but it sounds like she is struggling too.
Start holding that child accountable now or things won’t get any better.
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You should love her and treat her like your own. Work with your husband and her mom to get her some help and figure out why she behaves in this manner. Does she do it at her moms house, too? If not, does she feel less loved in your home? If she acts out at her moms, what has caused her to act out? Has she experienced trauma? Has she seen a child psychologist? Does she have issues at school? I know it’s hard when your younger kids are afraid of her behavior but when you married your husband you also took on this child as your own. I ask these questions because I, too, raised a child that is not biologically mine and he acted out alot in his younger years. He didn’t throw tantrums as he got older but he acted out in other ways. He lived with us full time and most people do not know he’s no my biological child. My approach was to love him through it. It was almost like he wanted to try to see if he could make me not love him and leave him like his bio mom did. I loved him harder. He is now 20 and in the Army and I’m so proud of him. Everything I went through with him was worth it and he knows I’ll always have his back, no matter what.
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Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your husband. If he’s letting her get a way with everything he’s the one that’s gonna have to start disciplining her. Maybe you, the mom, and your husband need to sit down and figure out how to handle it. Good luck
If I was in that position where my little were scared … I’d be making sure he took her elsewhere for the visit . No way would I or my kids be a prisoner in our home . I lived like that for 6 months , I snapped one day . I stood my ground and all visits were done elsewhere , things got better . Once boundaries were set and kids seen I wasn’t playing and that peace was a must in the home it stopped .
Stand your ground , it will get worse . Much worse . Hopefully she’s not threatening or hurting the younger kids. Maybe talk with them and find out what it is that’s scaring them
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Remember to her she’s the odd one out and most likely acting out because she doesn’t feel part of her dads new family… She’s a kid, show compassion, find out what she enjoys and help her feel part of her dads new family… Family counciling wouldn’t hurt you all.
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You say they’re scared but you need your husband to hear it from his other kids.
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She needs discipline and counseling. She’s acting out because she needs attention and she is having a hard time adjusting.
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Of course it will continue to get worse as your husband is allowing her to behave in whatever manner she wants, without discipline. You need to step up and get him to deal with his daughter or she’ll cause the end of your marriage. Choose!!
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Spoilt comes to mind why did the parents not stop it when she was younger. Your husband has to deal with it,its not fair on the younger kids.
When you get the man you are responsible for their children deal w/IT
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1st start letting ur kids spend the weekend with grandma and grandpa you know weekend visits and see how the step daughter is then reintroduce the kids if the behavior starts back then u really need to talk to hubby and something has to change and basically ur kids come before the hubby
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Maybe tell the hubbly he stops his daughter or else you should leave with your kids - your kids have to come before hubby and his daughter. As a mother it is your duty to safeguard your children.
he needs to get that kid counseling whether she likes it or not/she obviously has deep rooted anger issues from years passed
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I agree with Rollins.
Soinds like the daughter needs some help whether counciling or maybe haveing her tested for some mental issues. I dont know enough about your situation but it sounds like a cry for help and love. I hope you all can find a way to be a family.
She’s not going to stop as long as her dad supports her actions. Someone is going to have to put their foot down or have your husband spend time with her outside your home
As a parent with quite a bit of experience with tween girls, I just want to say that between the ages of (as young as) 9-12, girls are experiencing crazy hormone shifts and it makes them incredibly moody and dramatic. I’m talking PRE-puberty. It can be very difficult to reason with kids going through this phase. It also sounds like you’re dealing with a combination of things, alongside big emotions and there’s likely a lot of jealousy involved. I would suggest talking to someone if it’s becoming overwhelming for you and other family members. She would likely benefit from some extra help with emotion regulation. A super important skill that often gets overlooked. You’ll need to dig deep and muster up as much patience as you can because you’ll need to start setting boundaries with her and that’s going to be a difficult adjustment for her.
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I can give an opinion on this because I’m in the same boat. Your husband married you which makes her your step daughter. You have EVERY RIGHT to discipline her like you do your own. Don’t put up with it and don’t allow that behavior, especially around your children, or else it will rub off on them eventually.