Anyone had to go from sharing every weekend to 50/50 sharing with their ex and your kids come back being very defiant think they can talk back to you do whatever they want to do and start cussing around you?? Currently dealing with that and not sure if saying anything to my attorney or paralegal would do anything.
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Everyone is like … get proof, document it… Proof of what? Children having difficult behavior after being constantly transitioned? It’s been happening as long as parents have separated
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Make notes of everything. Let the kids know in your house you don’t use hateful or bad words. Set the rules and stick to it. Just because daddy allowed it doesn’t mean you will. Give lots of love too.
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Brenda Skanatra Absulutly true Let them know Your house your rules.
My son doesn’t come back cussing at me but he does come with changed behavior every single time . I’ll tell you what though… I let him know real quick where he’s at. He can act any way he wants by dad’s but in this household , there are consequences and accountability. PERIOD.
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Hold them accountable. If they’re old enough to cuss AT you, they’re old enough to be punished for it if you don’t want them cussing. They may do that at their dads and get by with it but at my house there would be punishment. It may not make them like you at the moment but respect starts at home and you’ve got to set the expectation. People will treat you how you allow them to treat you and kids will do the same. Stay strong momma!
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I had problems with my daughter when she was younger. She thought her dad hung the moon and she could treat me like crap. I told her to pack up and live with him she didn’t stay long she wanted to come home. With that came rules. As hard as it is on us it’s harder on the children.
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My son would do that as well after coming back from his dad’s. He would also bring toys home his dad bought him and wave it in his half sisters faces. I had full custody he got visitation. I told him and my son if he’s gonna bring stuff home and tease his sisters it will be gone. I also told the ex to talk to our son about his behaviour as I would be
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Keep documentation of their behavior, when they leave for the other parent, what day they come back, behavior each day and how long it takes to get control of any of it. Possibly start them with a counselor so there’s documentation on your end that you are trying to stop a behavior that starts elsewhere. Then go to the attorney.
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My gramma’s saying - “you’ll end up with what you’ll put up with”, it is the truth
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I’m not sure if they’d do anything about defiance or cussing in court unfortunately. It’s probably allowed in his home. This is a touchy subject because you want to do the right thing for your kids! Confronting the ex-spouse is a bad idea!!! I would NOT recommend unless you have a civil relationship. It is extremely likely to put the children in the unforgivable and untenable position of having to choose one or the other. But the solution is extremely simple, correct your children if or when you hear them using those words. Something like, “Such language is rude and low class. Please use the rest of your vocabulary to express yourself.” And it should go without saying, never use those words yourself. At the very least, they will quickly learn to assess the audience and weigh their words before they use them, which will serve them well throughout life. The other issue is even simpler to solve!! Always always behave with your children - and with the ex-spouse - in ways that show that you are a person to be admired and emulated! Patient, loyal, law abiding, dignified, always treating others as you would want to be treated, never submitting to any kind of low-class squabbling or dialog, the usual grown up rules. The children will be able to make up their own minds quickly enough. It’s very very hard dealing with an ex who is problematic. You can’t change his behavior or the way he parents his children when they are under his roof so don’t even try. Just be the best example and mom that you can be! I know that’s really really hard when you are in the thick of it, but in this situation you can feel very hopeless quickly. Take care of your mental health 
and I hope things get better for you and your children.
Kids will be kids in a difficult situation you are getting the bad behaviour because you are the safe parent and they’re comfortable enough to behave in this manner
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You can parent your kids?
Talk to your ex about it. He’s obviously allowing it at his place maybe even encouraging them to act that way towards you. But discuss it with him first
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Legally, probably not. Morally…don’t stand for it. Eventually kids learn how to manipulate each parent separately in order to get what they want, because they know they are not against a united front. Kids WILL play you, I’ll say it again
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Get cameras document and show what it’s like at your home befor they leave and come back than show them have proof
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Be cordial with the ex about the kids and see if you can come to a agreement about how both of you are treaded by the kids
Have you tried discussing with your ex? You two must be on the same page with discipline and language used around the kids. You might need some therapy to help with this.
Also, this is an adjustment for the kids too. Parents like 50/50, but kids usually don’t. It’s too much flux. Young kids especially need consistency, and if you two aren’t amicable and on the same page, this won’t work.
When you approach your ex about it, ask open-ended questions with an even keeled tone. Emphasize that you know both of you want the best for the kids. You know that any change can throw kids off at first. Currently, you’ve observed that they curse more. Is someone cursing in his household around the kids (even if not at them)? Are the kids adapting well when they’re with him?
It’s possible that they misbehave whenever they’re switched, and this is how they’re acting out and expressing their frustration and lack of control.
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Have you tried a bar of soap?
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You need to coparent your way through that.
Soap there mouths out.take away cell phone.
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Maybe your kids are full of anger at the situation and it’s spilling out…
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Pack their shit and tell em to go live there
I had this issue as a kid. Not cussing but being disrespectful. It was because my step-monster & sister badmouthed my mom all weekend, I resented going & in my kid brain it was my mom’s fault I had to go. I seriously believed since she was mom she had the choice. My father took my mom to court for more custody when I was 11. Mom’s lawyer held it off until my 12th bday so I could talk to the judge. He decided that how much time I spent with my father was upto me. I went maybe 3xs that year. He passed shortly after my 13th bday. I would’ve gone more if she wasn’t in the picture.
Talk to your kids. They’re probably feeling things they can’t explain to you. You’re their safe person so they take it out on you. Get them into counseling & petition the court that he has to pay for half of what insurance doesn’t pay & cooperate with their therapy.
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