My kids do not listen to me and I have had it: Advice?

I feel so lost. I had three kids under 3yo; the youngest is 15mo now. I am a SAHM. How do you cope with your kids, not listening to what you tell them? When they flat out ignore you, or say no and do it anyway? I am at my wit’s end here, I try talking to them nicely but end up losing my patience and yell and scream at them because I have told them not to do it like 15 times that day only. Time out sometimes works but with them crying and screaming in protest. I feel awful.


Wait til they are preteens :woman_facepalming:t3: my kid went from demon ADHD odd kid to sweet and loving to :smiling_imp: omg I dont know how I am going to survive him.


Girl they’re toddlers for one, they’re still learning. The only thing that gets my 3 yr old to understand we mean business is my husband flicking him on the butt. I have a stern tone that works on him but not all the time. When you feel like you’re going to scream and yell, count to 10 and take a deep breath, they will only shut down and still not listen.


I do a modified version of time out. For reference I have a 3.5 year old. I have him go to a chair, usually by yelling at him (I use it for major infractions, I also have a 1 year old). After he’s been seated for 20 seconds and calm I ask him what he did that got him in trouble. We talk about his behavior, have him apologize to his brother (hitting him usually got him there in the first place), give brother a kiss, and literally repeat.

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1 request, 1 warning, 1 consequence. I know it seems like they’re too little but they are not! Even the small one will understand when he doesn’t listen this happens. Realistic consequences, “stop throwing the toy or I’m taking it all day” not “stop throwing the toy or I’m going to throw it away” because that never earns the chance to be good with it


I thought I was the only one. Now I know I’m not alone. But if yelling and time out doesnt work the first time. I will spank them and make them sit on the couch. After 5 minutes I calmly explain why what they did was wrong. If that doesnt work I make them pick a toy to throw in the garbage.


Having three kids under the age of three is already tough, but the key is consistency in my opinion. They’re at the stage where a lot of their learning involves pushing limits and they’re learning to comprehend more. I’m not an expert but honestly, posting here, reading articles, being firm yet understanding that little humans are not perfect and neither are you-- you’re headed in the right direction.

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At such young ages you have to use physical prompts to change their behavior. I know you’re exhausted and it’s hard to physically guide them away from doing things you don’t want them to do. If they know you will come after them when they don’t listen they will learn to obey. They are just too young to have much self discipline. So choose your battles.

It’s tough enough with one, but three that close in age…it must feel like they gang up to disobey you. And being at home all the time means they know every button to push.

The best you can do is to set daily schedules with lots of activities, including transition times. Keeping meal/nap times consistent will help as well. At that age, 20 minutes is about the longest you’ll hold their attention…except for maybe a movie worked into the day.

Good luck mama. :purple_heart::green_heart: Believe it or not, it will pass eventually and they’ll be in a totally different stage.

Have to consistent with the any punishment! If it’s 5 min in time out, set the timer, if your child is still misbehaving then mite have to again and most importantly ask them if they know why they are in time out. Be loving but strict. Your the mommy! You got this! :blush:

Consistency, don’t react when they scream, redirect, time-out or a quick tap after the first no~ whatever your preferred method, & breathe. This too will pass. Praise good behavior ~ very nice, very good, I like when you…

Time out bottles when they’re in time out. Take an old water bottle out a bottle of water liners glitter glue in it and a small bottle of glitter fill with water then super glue it shut. Shake it up and tell them to watch there anger or bad feelings settle with the glitter, they have to stay seated with the glitter settles and if they mess with the bottle they stay longer. It helps teach most kids how to self soothe and calm down on there own. Does t work on my ADHD son but worked well for my daughter.

I can’t contribute any helpful advice. In the same boat with you! You’re not alone frennn :upside_down_face:
Kids are crazy lol

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Damn I thought I was the only one. My 3 year old is in therapy so I’m still trying to figure him out but what I’ve noticed is making a huge deal about the good things he does(when he listens) and making a big stink when he doesn’t sometimes steers him in the right direction. My 5 year old literally looks forward to anything so I tell him if he’s good and listens we will do this or that go somewhere etc.

You got to say it in away they get, kids don’t know all their vocabulary like we do. Simple words, very on floor, walking feet, toys in bin, short phrases. Try not to use no it’s hard day stop, please do this, and say thank you when they do it. Kids love to be praised. The more positive the better, it’s gonna take practice. But, it works.

I hold my kid stern and ask her if she’s ready to talk, she doesn’t get to get out of my hold until she’s ready to talk. When she says yes, I converse with her and we’re good. Oh and I make sure she’s looking at me when I’m talking. You could try it when you asking them to do something and they’re not listening, hold their hand, not to hurt but just not to walk away at all until their ready to listen. Hopefully it can help.

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I have 3 same ages…well they are all a little older now so im getting out of that all under 3 age with the ages soon to be 4,3,2. My middle tends to do w.e his big brother does and the baby w.e the middle does so if I can get to the oldest then I can get to them all. And if that doesnt work sometimes I just have to lose my shit and put some base in my voice…let um know im not playing around. I can say something a million times with no response but as soon as they hear a little crazy in my voice they start moving lol. They also HATE standing in the corner, that works well. Positive reinforcement when they do well also.

It’s usually low blood sugar and a need of a nap!

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WHIP THAT ASS. They are old enough for displine. And a good pop on the butt qill make them understand you mean the real deal.

Yup sounds like you have toddlers…

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You need to not give in to them,and try to be patient
Get there father to help in kid’s Listen more to their Daddy especially when there Dad is around but you have to be firm with them and don’t buy them what they want and say no your not buying any toy’s or what they ask you for because they don’t behave and don’t Listen to you

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Spank a butt, smack a hand, time out with their nose touching the wall.
Whatever you do be consistent.


Consistency. Easier said than done though


Watch That British Nanny show

You are in charge, dont loose it!

The belt usually works. :woman_shrugging: it’s what we were raised on.


pop there buts it not going to hurt them


Consider researching Love & Logic… It WORKS!!!

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Put them in time out, if they are olded and not minding I would take whatever they didn’t mind about (a toy, a game) away from them and not give it back for the rest of the day. Make them stay in time out. If they get up keep putting them back no matter how long it takes. Watch some super nanny videos she’s amazing. Good luck.

I can also relate, I have a 20 month old and a month old, my 20 month old has the ability to push me to my limits, at first talking to her calmly would help, now I have to use a a stern voice from time to time, on Sunday, I snapped and hit her on her hand. I felt so bad I cried, even though she didn’t, she just looked at me in shock. I apologized. I am sleep deprived and constantly exhausted. This post just made me feel better as I know that I’m not the only one

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I have a 3yr old. I have to be calm and patience with him. Be a great listener and get him engaged in fun and building activities. My kid may be off the walls sometimes but I noticed he only acts out because he is bored or has nothing to actively do at that moment or that I seem too busy to focus on just him. I changed my daily activity to get him involved with my daily chores so he can help with little things and feel more needed and added time to play with me and putting my phone away and shutting the TV off so we could talk more one on one and really get to know his self and him knowing me and connect together.


Its a faze.They will be better the older they get.Be patient

Thats why they dont listen because you give in so all that yelling and screaming was for nothing and now they how to get what they want every time

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A pop on the butt, slap a hand. I was the eldest of 5 and quite mellow so I didn’t yell. I was the second Mom to my 3 younger siblings. My son I also would take a 1/4 cup of water and pour on his head when he absolutely would not listen or throwing a tantrum (he was 3). Only had to do it once! More of a shock than anything. You really have your hands full with 3!! The younger ones are watching what the 3 year old is getting away with.


Read simplistic parenting. Channel your Daniel tiger and take a deep breath and count to four. Get down in their level and start playing with them than gently redirect them. Think about the fact that they get hypocrites at that age on whatever they’re doing and really don’t hear you. It’s not intentional. Hitting hurts their brain development and also teaches hitting is ok. I’m not flawless please know I tell but since I’ve learned this from a teacher at kids school it has helped. Distract redirect

They get hyper focused not hypocrites

You are the adult, not them. Consistency is key. The same rules have to apply every time and by everyone. Your husband can’t come home from work and allow the kids to do what they aren’t supposed to do. Only tell them twice. If the rule is to not throw their toy then the first time they throw it tell them “we don’t throw our toys, remember?” The second time warn them that if they throw their toy again you are going to take it away and they are going to get a time out. If the third time happens then you need to follow through and take the toy and put it up for a while and give them their time out(1 minute for each year of age). It will be hard to undo everything you have done by not being consistent but it’s not impossible. You just have to stick with it. You also have to pick your battles, some things aren’t as important as you think they are. Empty threats don’t work because kids are amazingly smart and they will quickly pick up on the fact that you say one thing but don’t follow through. Don’t take away something that is a tool for you. Like if they have tablets and the tablets keep them quiet, don’t take those away, you will regret it. Instead use it as a reward. If you clean up your toys (or maybe 5 toys depending on age) you can have 20 minutes on your tablet.


Pop that butt and get their attention. You don’t have to beat them to get your point across and be consistent. I had 4 kids within 5 years and never lost it because I maintained control. I would love them endlessly but when it was needed would be firm with the rules. If they couldn’t keep hands off yes I would pop the hand for everything else I would get that butt and they learned quickly what the limits where. It make life much easier since they weren’t always trying to push the boundaries.


They’re babies. Patience and repetition is key. Try to remember that your children should bring you joy. When they’re teenagers you’ll wish you could go back to this stage. I speak from experience.


Plan out your days and get them on a routine . redirect them when they are doing something you have corrected them on.(find THEIR Individual incentive.) I have 2 girls the 2yr old is STUBBORN but loves moana I can redirect her with moana activities. The 6yr loves arts and crafts( I have craft packs ready) they have played the game and learned you… now play the game better learn them and how to guide your day for a positive result. Momming is NOT EASY. We a feel a little crazy at times.

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If you cant fix it by redirection, time out, or screaming it may be time to pop their butts. As for time out, to make it easier on you try a time out bottle. My sister in law found them on amazon they have glitter in them and some other stuff, you put them in the corner, shake them up and when it all settles if the child is calm and ready to listen they may come out of the corner. Works for mine and shes as strong willed and stubborn as a five year old can be. Always has been. When it doesn’t work though best believe I pop that butt and send her to her room.


I put my kiddo in time out screaming and crying. I let him cry and after 2-5 minutes I ask him, “are you ready to talk?” If not then we sit and wait until he is

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Under 3 yo. is all you need to remember?! They are babies? Why do I constantly see posts about disciplining children and how to do it? This is really aweful. It’s stressful, yes, but it was your choice to have them so close and be a SAHM. My advice is to get out of the house more, make sure there is structure and routine as well as getting out of the house daily! Let the children be children and remember they feed off your energy and stress. They aren’t puppets you control, they are babies learning about their environment. Do not put adult attitude expectations on them.


It’s hard because at that age they lack impulse control. The younger ones don’t understand fully yet, and the one close to three years does, but still won’t follow direction as well as you hope. Give their brain some time to develop. We put way too much emphasis on needing obedient children, that they must listen to what we say that we forget they genuinely want to do good, they want to please us, they just lack the capacity to meet our expectations of that. I saved this article because it explains it better how we parents stress too much over the expectations of our children:

This link explains positive discipline for ages 2-12:

Make more yes spaces for them so you don’t have to constantly be taking things away or telling them no. Give the older one options (like if they don’t want to brush their teeth - “do you want to use the red or the blue toothbrush”) Redirect. Redirect. Redirect.

You can also join Gentle Parents Unite for tips. There’s lesson units to browse and learn from and lots of people with great insight and advice there.


Consistent time outs, temper tantrum be damned. My son gets 2 minutes (he’s 2) but he knows his time doesn’t start till he stops screaming. I’ll sit next to him and walk him through it, talk to him calmly and remind him that he has to be quiet in time out (generally only takes a minute or two) then his 2 minutes starts. When time out is over I call him to me and explain why he had time out in super simple terms like “You have to be nice to the doggies” “Mommy asked you to put that down and you didn’t listen” and then I give him a hug and tell him I love him and thank you for listening. It takes a ton of patience and I want to lose my shit sometimes but you gotta try not to.

Welcome to my everyday life

You all really think hitting them is the answer? Seriously…WTF? You hit one and then they’ll start hitting each other. Mom, you need to take control of the situation - starting with laying down rules they can follow that are age appropriate. If they don’t, they don’t get a break, they get a consequence. Get a time out chair, and make them sit. If they sit and can apologize when the timer goes off, then good. If they do it again, they sit again. You’re the adult. Good behavior gets rewards, crap behavior gets you sitting. Also, get them in a routine. Find something they love, like going to the park…if you’re good today, at 3 we will go to the park, etc. Hitting, or “popping them in the butt” is only going to backfire.


My 3 year old daughter defies me on the daily! I know where you’re coming from, as a matter of fact, she’s in time out as I write this. I’m at a loss too, nothing seems to work. I’m trying to come up with a new strategy and more activites for her. Distracting her does help but sometimes she is just impossible! I wish you luck, I can’t imagine what 3 is like.

Step back and ask yourself if what you are stressing about would matter if they died. It will give u a lot less to worry about


Whip their tails. Obviously talking to them isn’t helping and your going insane. Spank them. Do all of you some good.


All these “whoop their ass” and “bust their butts” comments are sickening. These are BABIES. Hitting is lazy parenting.

All y’all who are getting mad because people say spank them need to lay off the judgement. I’m sorry but if they aren’t listening and time outs aren’t working, a pop on the ass isn’t going to be any worse then yelling in their faces. My son and I’m sure one day my daughter both get pops if they continue with bad behavior especially if they are going to get hurt doing whatever it is. Y’all can caudal your kids till your blue in the face but don’t pass judgement. They are little they aren’t going to understand a lecture but they sure as shit can feel the little bit of pain from a pop and think “huh maybe I shouldn’t do that…” 🤷

Children are very different now than they used to be… the parents are too.
2 Timothy 3:2
Proverbs 13:24
John 14:6 :dove:


I don’t like spanking children that young but a pop to the butt occasionally won’t hurt. I’ll say it again, I don’t like hitting children that age.

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Take five minutes to breathe, scream in your pillow or read and jump back into the game. Nothing little ones and being a SAHM is hard work but there is never any reason to lose it. With our kiddos we do time out for their age. This helps if I do it consistently.

Guess what you are the parent if timeout works I guess they just protest and scream.

Let me guess you are towering over them trying to tell them something instead of looking them in their little eyes

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It’s hard but so necessary to discipline now before they get older and they are use to doibgbwhatever they want. Time outs…stern voice. Take something away. Sont let fun thing the wanna do. Go and physically remove them from what u said NO to…if the cry tell them to stop and if you can, tell them very simply WHY you are moving them “mama said NO so now I’m making you stop since you wont listen”. Tkme outs is 1 min per agw. So a 3 yr old will have 3 mins. Time is reset every single time he leaves the spot. Let him.scream and cry and say words…as long as he stays in the spot you choose, its 3 mins. Set a timer so he hears it. Once it goes off, you go to him and have a small.quick chat about why he is there and what he did wrong. Give him hug and kiss…say “good job staying in the spot, mama loves you”. And let him go back to playing. It does get annoying…but consistency is key. Following through is very important. Stay strong and NEVER bend. Not ever…they will remember, and they will use it against you lol.

I feel your frustration I think this is normal behaviour for that age. I am going through the same thing. I take away his tablet for a few days. Have him go to his room for time outs. I have even taken a garbage bag and toss his favorite toys in it ( That’s a winner ). Just be consistant on looking them in the eye… "You are not listening I asked you 3 times " then punishment. They still will ignore you not listen but they get the drift and remember the consequences. Best of luck!

Sounds good pamela but saying that i think this lady should take them to a doctor or some one to get checked out ?? as many years ago my son never took notice of much so the first year at school the shool nurse bought him home to show us how bad his eye sight was i took him to a specialist poor thing so he got classes never took them off his face only to sleep ( apparently everything was joined up so it was hard to make it out for him) so he went very well at school when he got his glasses

So you feel bad when they protest their consequences… there’s your problem. You… Kids need guidance and thrive on stability…
ask yourself… who’s the parent?
If they see you struggling, they’ll milk that opportunity as far as they can get away with…
‘We will scream in time out because she’ll let us out if we’re loud enough’
‘We won’t scream in timeout because she’ll make us sit here longer if we carry on’
:woman_shrugging: parenting is hard but it’s even harder when we don’t parent :blush:

Correct them now or you’ll regret it later a smack on the hand or butt wont hurt them

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Umm you have 4 kids under 3… all under 3. Educate your self on kids if you are gonna have them. Read read read… maybe it will help. If you read for their benefit.

Because they’re babies, trying to figure their own shit out?

Bust they ass! I already know some are gonna trip on this but IDC! I grew up in the 60’s & 70’s my parents spanked us & There’s nothin wrong with my generation! We didn’t have school shootings or three fourth the school population on antiphychotics or antidepressants. We respected our elders etc. Spankings NOT BEATINGS are not going to hurt. We also got grounded if we did something wrong. My kids got timeouts, grounded & spanked.

Do the 1,2,3 method. Once 3 comes, place them in a chair and explain why they’re in time out. Make them sit for 5+ min. Works everytime!!!

When they want some turn it back on them

Give them tough love take a favorite something away a deserter toy TV something if they know you’re going to do that and stick with it they probably will start behaving better

At that age you betterpop a butt or hand. Say it once ,raise youre voice then pop them .if you get these kids undercontrol now your never have trouble later.good luck !

Be consistent in whatever method you choose. When they learn you mean business and won’t just give in they’ll start to listen. But do what you say you’re going to do! Don’t tell them they will be put in time out or grounded etc fifteen times and still do nothing.

Complement positive behaviour, kids are natural people pleasers and will begin to seek attention in a positive way, we explain the bad very briefly and move on quickly so not to receive attention for negative behaviours, you will be surprised the changes you will see

This recipe sounds great, i’ll try making it for Christmas


Fan question: when are you going back to the full description on your page and not just dear Abby 24/7?


What has happened to this site. Needs a new name if these entries are continued!


Ask your pediatrician to recommend a counselor, you need support and affirmation of doing it right.
Library: parenting books by John Rosemond. He keeps it simple and his books are by age of child.

You need to go to a profesional and understand why you let your kids step on you. After all this is what it’s all about, not gaining respect from them. For me, it looks like you need serious help before those three kids are raised without any control and become 3 more delinquents to this society. Get help immediately.

Always do what you say you will if you chose to not pick up your toys a will take them away for a day or hour then do that if you do that i will hive you time out or no treats what ever you say you will do do it dont yell gently let them know their choice has a result for them and follow threw they will learn to make better choices on their own in the end

Time out and take toys away. Explain why and walk away. Do not give in.

Get a job and hire a nanny? :joy:


Consistency, consistency, consistency… they’ll get it eventually. Usually takes about 18-20 years.

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Dear Abby is the one to give you advice

Ever heard of saying no and swatting their butt??

Wow the comments. I guess if you don’t like the way the site has changed maybe you unfollow the page. Just a thought.


If the kids are over 6 & will not listen to you ignore them until they start listening to you

I’m stuck at SAHM…

I think you need a time out. 3 under 3 ? Ask for help before you do something you will regret.

This site has gone stupid

How annoying