I have a real issue and just wanted another take on this, I have two kids from a previous abusive relationship which I got out off a now 12&14 yr old, after several years on the push of my kids I went back into the market and found a nice guy everything was fine and my kids and him got along for the most part, I suddenly found myself pregnant with twins my pregnancy was difficult but my partner started making rude comments towards my kids of their race and their father and little things here and there which crawled under my skin, I at some point wished I wasn’t expecting at all, fast forward my partner has continued these side remarks and has put a divider between me and my older kids they don’t feel welcome when he is around and he has told me he dosnt want my older kids holding the babies which I don’t pay no mind, has anyone ever had an issue like this where the true colours of a person comes out when their children come I don’t know what to do I want to leave him, I would be happier but going at it alone again with two more kids is just scaring me I feel really depressed at times about all of this and just don’t know what to do, he is relatively kind to me and loving to his babies he dosnt dislike my older kids but can’t stand the fact who their father is because of what he did to me and says when he sees my older one it reminds him of my x
It sounds to me like you shouldn’t be with this guy. You should always choose your children before any man. Regardless of if he’s the father of your twins. He needs to learn to be a part of your family and if he can’t include your children in that that he needs to not be a part of it. That’s just my personal opinion if it was my kids that dude would be gone.
Thank you next!!! Leave! No one should make your kids feel that way smh
Your kids should always come first and you should leave him he sounds like a real asshole. No one should ever treat children that way under any circumstances. Get your children and make a run for it because it will only get worse.
Don’t stay with a guy just because it’ll make things “easier “ especially if he’s being verbally abusive to your other children.
Nope leave him!! Your kids come first.
And ur still there wow no wonder the older ones feel left out ur kids should come first before any pathetic male carnt even believe this is a real post poor kiddies!!
you shouldn’t even have to ask this question. your kids should come before anyone even if you are having his kids . hes rude and they dont like him and they are uncomfortable. i would never let anyone say anything like that to my children they would be gone straight away
I didn’t even need to read the whole paragraph. This guy is making rude comments to your KIDS?!?!?! the answer is obvious. Get the fuck out of this relationship
It’s time to leave
You have done it on your own before you can do it again . It will only get worse when the new babies come .
Hard to get over these kind of hurtles. Family is forever while men may come and go.
Mama you are your children’s shelter. If you don’t find the strength to protect them from racism in their own home, who will? I know it’s scary, but the worst case scenario of this is even scarier because children are vulnerable and racists who target children are cruel, sometimes dangerous. Reach out to your local shelters, even if you don’t want to stay with them, they can connect you to community resources that can help you forge your new path.
I also recommend seeking therapy, because something inside you is attracted to abusive men and you need to find out what, and work through it so that you aren’t as fooled by wolves in sheep clothing anymore.
U need to leave if hes making comments to your kids that make you or them feel uncomfortable that’s it he needs to go
Kids come first, if they dont feel welcome, then he has to GO!!!
Sorry but they are your kids, you should make them feel welcome, get rid of him, if he’s making comments about their race then he is being racially abusive to your children and you are clearly allowing it as he is still with you! Your children come first, get rid of him. Yes it sucks but your children don’t need to be abused in their own home and made to feel awkward
You have to make the break. The kids come first, all of them. You deserve someone who is more than “relatively” kind to YOU as well.
Kids first, he doesn’t pick and choose of and when he wants your children, bye bye idiot …
take it easy,it’s nothing but jealousy,
put it in prayer
teach ur older kids to respect him,
he wud change wit time
I wouldn’t even want him to father his own kids with that attitude kick rocks good guy he was never it was only an act. Leave.
The first racial comments I heard or heard of would get his ass kicked out … I don’t care how nice he was to me or your babies together. If he can’t treat innocent children with compassion and respect … Don’t let the door hit you babe…
Let him go. He should do know, that kids and those kids in particular need to be shown what love is from a father. Their dad isn’t such a great guy and if he wants to peruse anything with you he needs to know he has to treat them with love and respect just like his own. I’m a step parent and I met my step son at 9 months so of course it’s a little different but I would walk through fire for him, step in front of a bus for that boy. I love him with every ounce of my being. I was young when I stepped into his life but I knew if I stepped in then I had to give my heart fully or don’t come in at all. Kids are great at judging character. If your kids aren’t comfortable then that’s saying a lot. I feel for you momma it’s a hard place to be and I get it. But this guy seems to be a different version of your ex but relatively the same. He doesn’t deserve to be in your or their life if he chooses to hold what your ex did on those kids. I hope you know I’m not trying to be mean or judgements but just giving you a perspective.
do you really want your kids subjected to his shit. leave theres help out there
The guy is verbally abusing your children and treating them like dogs and you are on here asking what you should do? Ummm…stand up for your children and get out. Woman always want to pick the dick over their own damn kids…happens all the time and the kids are either abused or murdered and mommy wants to act all obvlious to everything. If you don’t leave your kids are old enough now to understand that you are picking this asshole over them and you will lose your relationship with your older children.
So you’re choosing some piece of shit over your kids and want validation you’re making the right choice?? You’re even making excuses as to why he treats your kids like crap!! YOU have built that divide with your kids by choosing a “man” over them!! Both of you are pathetic!! Hopefully the older kids can find someone that loves them and puts them before dick!!
New man is a dick. A man should not take out anything on children. He is giving you lame ass excuses for his bad behavior. He is jealous of your older children. They will always be in your life no matter what - he on the other hand can be temporary and he knows it. Seriously, tell him the truth and if he can’t straighten out this issues with your older children he needs to leave your life.
Seriously sunshine. DON’T LET ANYONE DIVDE YOU FROM YOUR KIDS. Don’t care how old they are they need you still too. Dump him and take the kids far the hell away. Before your younger babies learn bigotry behaviour from him!!!
Let me put it in perspective for you. I was with a jetk like that. He made my son feel so bad and did everything to put a rift between my son and I. He completely alienated my son. I had to choose sides. I tried to stay neutral but in not standing up for my son I ultimately chose the jerk. My son went on to kill himself and that is something I have to live with every day because I didn’t choose my child over him. I was an idiot. My point? Learn from my mistake before it’s too late
A real man will step up and act like a man. A real man won’t let your past be a problem with your now and your future. It isn’t the children’s fault and he should be ashamed of his behavior
Counseling required and quick or your kids will leave you.
I’m confused - What is your question exactly?
As a grandmother of mixed grandchildren I have to ask why the hell you put up with him talking sideways to your kids. The first time a man says anything derogatory about my children he’s out of the damn door. Should have kicked his ass to the curb the first time he fixed his mouth to say it.
He is also an abusive ASS. leave him
You let another man verbally abuse your children…
It’s not your kids fault, he either needs to change his attitude or get going.
If u have to ask, maybe you shouldne having more kids. And maybe u shouldnt have the kids you do have bc you obviously dont care about their mental/emotional health.
You need to leave him, how could you allow this man to treat your kids this way. You can make it on your own believe me, where there is a will there is a way. You are a MOTHER first. Get out of that relationship and live a happier one with your kids.
Really…you really can’t figure this out??? Stop putting your asshole boyfriend before your kids. Your first obligation is to your KIDS. The fact that you haven’t already kicked his ass out the door is actually disturbing. Get your priorities straight and get rid of him.
Sorry but NOT sorry
There are so many things wrong with this post I don’t know where to start. Number one, if CPS found out you’re letting this guy verbally and emotionally abuse your older children for the sake of yourself and your younger children your kids would be taken away. You could get charged with neglect and failure to protect because you’re well aware of what’s going on and how your children are being treated. And him not liking your children because they look like your ex and he abused you is weak. If you’re looking for validation to stay with this abusive asshole you may be looking in the wrong place. You’re just as responsible if not more so for the abuse your children are subjected too.
Throw the whole man out STAT
Leave! Get support from your family or friends; you don’t need him. All of your children come first. That abuse will only get worse.
Wow, did you really need to ask this question? Its completely obvious that you need to leave him! I feel for your children. They deserve better.
Get out as fast as you can
Call him on that bullshit!
Counseling, couples and family!
God above if my man said ANY of that id pin him to the wall with a CLEAVER
Not ok that you’re making excuses for why he does that to your children!!! There’s absolutely no excuse and it is not your children’s fault for what their father has done nor should they feel the rathe of a man that is not their father but also a mother is to protect her children from all and you are lacking. Should already have taken them out of that scenario! Point blank period
You went from one abusive relationship to another honey… only this time it’s focused more on your oldest kids than on you. That’s not okay you need to leave before he turns those babies on the older kids and the older kids turn 18 and want nothing to do with you.
So… do you want your kids or not? Thats what it boils down to. You can birth them but it seems you can’t take care of their best interests, mentally or physically. Do you want them thinking this is normal???
This “man” is a dick and the fact you’re questioning leaving him is actually quite sick. He’s belittling YOUR KIDS in front of you and this is acceptable??? You need out, and fast. You also need to get serious help for you and your kids.
Would you tolerate racist comments from a stranger? Why tf would you tolerate it from someone living in your home? Get rid of his racist abusive ass. You and your children need counseling.
So because this man ONLY abuses the kids but is kind to you this is ok???You cannot ever justify that,not to us,not too your kids,not to your God.YOU and only you are making the decision that the abuse shown to your kids is worth the pay out.When his twins get older they will copy their dads behaviour as well.You know this,you just don’t give a dang😠
Please just pick up your kids and run!!! Run as fast and as far away from this monster before it’s too late and he does something to one of your kids that only you will regret! this man is evil this is how it starts but never ends in anyway but bad, no man is worth your kids happiness and safety!
I had a situation just like this when I was married before. Stepfather was mean to my children. He’s an EX-HUSBAND now. That is all. Have a blessed day!
Sorry…something else. I’m now married to a man who loves my children with everything in him and yeah, I had a period of time I was a single mom, working fulltime, getting my advanced degrees requiring I was in school fulltime too. It can be done. You’re those kids’ mother. This man has no reason whatsoever to treat your children this way and for you to allow it makes you just as accountable…FACT! Be a mother and protect the wellbeing of your children! Now I’m done…I think.
If you’re asking this question it’s obvious the answer is at the tip of YOUR tongue…you leave him because once those babies are born he will teach them to treat your first 2 the same. Either you talk to him or leave him that simple. Your kids come before ANY man:woman_facepalming:
Get rid of him!! No excuse for these horrible comments at any time.
Found a “nice” guy??? Seriously???
1st off I’m glad you asked for advice but I think you already know what you want to do. It’s hard getting out of a relationship especially when there are children involved but you made it once and I believe you can make it work again if you really have to. Plus you’ll have your little helpers this time lol! Pray on it and you’ll get it right!
Your okder children and the twins deserve for you to set a good example. Lose this loser!!
You don’t know the definition of a “nice guy”. Your children should always come first.
The fact that your evening asking means you already know the answer… you are yourself abusing your older kids if you stay and keep letting him treat them bad… my mom did it and my brother and I have no relationship with her…
Put your kids feelings first, and get rid of him…
As a mother you should be putting your children first. You are allowing this man to verbally abuse your children and mentally abuse them, what kind of mother does that? Why would you tolerate a man treating your children that way? Stop making excuses for this pathetic excuse for a man and step up and be the mother that these children deserve.
Ummmm, how is this a tough decision for you? He’s a racist pig and he abuses your children. Wake up lady or be a racist idiot with him. Idc if people think what I say is harsh, WAKE UP!!!
Are you for real. Your kids come first no matter what
You’re ok with him not wanting your older kids to hold the babies?! Ummmm. What?!
All Your Children come first! Leave his ass! Stop choosing him over your children !
Damn that! Get him away from your children now. I wouldn’t even sit on this and think about it. My kids and their well being are first! Your children deserve happiness and peace. If you don’t drop that man from your life immediately, you are going to have some huge problems with your kids in the future.
I would be gone he would never see my first children and I wouldn’t be letting him know when I was going into labor with his kids either he would have to find me fuck that.
Why is this even a question? You’re kids should be first priority. If he’s abusive to your children quit typing in Facebook asking for advice and leave. Simple.
The fact that you wouldn’t leave the first time he said something is so terrible to me and means that you’re basically condoning his abuse of your children.
Wow! Really, I’m sorry but their your kids!! They already probably witnessed or heard horrible things from your first relationship, now their still being subject to abuse!! that’s not right! You’ll end up with 4 dysfunctional kids if you don’t act now, not only 4 dysfunctional kids but 4 kids who will probably not even get on with each other as he’s making a bond difficult!! That ain’t right either! Your their mother you’re supposed to love and protect them against all others! So think you need to realise this, and leave his racist ass!! You left an abusive relationship but because he’s not abusing you just your kids it’s ok, that’s far from ok! I’d rather be abused 100 times over as long as my kids weren’t subjected to it never in a million years would I allow my kids to be subjected to it, you need to think long and hard about what you’re allowing your kids to go through feel so bad for them!
Let some man degrade my babies. Bye bitch boy!
i recommend birth control it’s 2020 !!
Hes clearly an ass hat and you can’t allow him to treat your children like that.YOU have to protect them and their mental well being, that is your job.
He is a fucking idiot and needs to grow a pair. U should of stopped that nonsense since day one.
Those are your children he needs to accept them as a part of you and get over the fact of who their dad is. Go to counciling cause something is bothering him that or make him leave if he can’t change his attitude. Children come first and you don’t want your young ones picking up on his bullying.
I didn’t even read past the question. If you’re kids don’t feel comfortable around him, get rid of him!
Is he any better than your ex treating children that way?
He’s a grown ass man and those are children. If he has a problem he needs to go take it up with your ex. Those kids are in no way to bla.e for their father’s shortcomings. I personally would tell your man to kick rocks cuz my babies regardless if they are mine or not come first.
Yes kinda. When my son was 6 months I got custody of my 2 year old niece and the good guy started acting resentful and eventually we broke up. The health and well being of my niece was more important. I had to put her first and I wasn’t gonna let her be mentally fucked up being raised in a house where she felt unloved.
And your description of how he treats you isn’t great either…relatively kind is not the way you describe a healthy relationship
If he is making smart remarks in front of you to your kids, what do you think he may be capable of when you arent around? Hes being a bully to your kids and at this point you need to talk to your kids. But I personally would step back and tell him exactly why. It’s not right for a grown man and a “nice guy” at that to be acting this way to children.
First of all my kid comes first and you not going to come into their space and treats them like crap
Who is more important to you??? This man, or your kids??? Wake up! Your kids depend on you and you are failing them
I’m the only one out of 7 children that still has contact with my mother because of this. I hate the man she married and never felt like he was Family I’m 34 and still hate him but am so happy they separated. She started seeing him when I was 14.
This guy sounds like an ASS!!! You need to leave him yes it’ll be hard with 4 kids but at least your kids will be happy…think about what your kids are watching history has a way of repeating its self
Why are you still with him? if my kids don’t like a man I’m dating or even worse have a reason to not like him he is getting dropped, pregnant or not.
You can always get a new man but you can not get the years back or time you have with your children and your bond with you and to be there for the days to come knowing that they will reflect on your behavior that was built on love and not choosing a decision based on this man who entered your life the answer to this only you could make but deep down you know what you need to do people who come in to your life is either a blessing or a lesson don’t let any one get between your peace with your children I’ve been there and I pick them over the stress and I will love them more than life it self just remember your children will love you unconditionally and will learn from you how you are supposed to show them how to be loved and not to except it from anyone else a lesson that is understood now will be something they won’t have to deal with as an adult if the man is acting up now how do you think he will be 10 years from now if you stay and what damage it will put on your children and how they will fill about you as adult later in life.
Get rid off him your kids should not have to put up with his abuse your kids should come first
leave him please, he put a divider between you and your kids, he made race comments about their dad, how and why? Can’t you be firm with him? Those kids will stand by you the day you start crying.
Your not happy with him so just leave it’s not going yo be easy but you don’t need your children influenced like that, for him to resent you mixed race children he probably deep inside resents you for sleeping with their father just be careful thus can only get worse leave now this man’s dangerous and wants to control you. He’s using layout children as an excuse he wants to isolate you from them so they don’t see him kicking your head in. Please be careful
Your children should ALWAYS come before your love life. The fact that you’ve allowed this man to treat your kids poorly in infuriating. You have perpetrated the strain on the relationship your children want with you and only time will tell how deeply rooted it is and if it will ever be completely repaired. I want to hug your children, they dont deserve this shit, they have been through enough
You need to leave! That is absolutely not acceptable! If you dont leave him your kids will always feel like you chose him over them. Shame on him for trying to say your older kids remind him of your ex & that’s why he has an issue with them! I call bullshit! He just let his true self show once he got you pregnant & in his mind feels like he’s got you locked down now. You need to take your kids & leave. Protect your children. He is verbally & mentally abusing them.
The fact your even writing this and seem unsure of “WhAt tO dO” concretes the fact you are only thinking of yourself. Think about it.
My children would come first, and he would be gone. Period.
Your kids are being abused. Leave and protect your children
That’s not a man… he’s an insecure little boy… grow some wings and leave him, you can do this. sending you lots of gentle momma bear hugs and love and good thoughts your way.
Find a way out. Where’s there. A will. There’s a way !!! Get out
Nope. I’m not judging because I was in that position once with my ex… I was thinking about getting back with him and he commented about my unborns race (wasn’t his baby) and I wasn’t having that.
Anyone who treats your kids any different than they would THEIR own isn’t worth your time. Or your relationship with your children
Leave him and run. Red flags are literally waving in your face. You treat all kids as yours no matter what, when you date a single parent. Never a side remark and bullshit like that. It’ll only get worse. Do you want your kids or him? Because that’s how he and the kids see it. I can promise you that.
Leave him ur kids need to be more important than anything else.
Never put a man before your kids his no better then your x if a man can’t respect your kids he shouldn’t be in a relationship with you my mother always told me a man that can’t love you and your kids the same isn’t a man at all