My last baby shower was upsetting, should I have another?

We’re expecting again and just found out it’s a girl! They’ll be 20 months apart.My last baby shower was upsetting for a multitude of reasons. Since it’s a girl my bff wants to throw me a baby shower. Do I let her? I just don’t want to be as upset or let down again. But she’s SO excited for us. Also, what are necessities for two under two ?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My last baby shower was upsetting, should I have another?

Diapers lots and lots and if she wants to celebrate you I’d let her do it. :heart::heart:

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How was it a disappointment? Never had a baby shower with my two. No clue why it wasn’t good but I’m sure the gifts were appreciated. Go for it and congrats

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Necessities would be contraception so you don’t have 3 under 3.

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So how was it upsetting?

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My last baby shower was upsetting to ( family drama ) that’s why I planned my own this time around. ( baby girl came early so didn’t get ti have one ) do what makes you comfortable it’s your baby. I bought all the big stuff because I wanted certain things and only asked for people to get diapers and clothes for her because we already got everything else just made it easier on us. Not having to worry about returning something or feel.bad for people wasting there money cuz its something you won’t use.

You should be thankful for any kindness not upset.

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You sound like a brat.

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I never had one for either just let your friends bring you stuff whenever it’s convenient for them…

Then you don’t get upset just tell her you don’t want one.

If she asks say you perfer it that way

Sorry you were disappointed. Definitely toddler/baby safety devices. For toilet ,fridge and outlets. Maybe a door safety knob. Two yr old are so smart. People usually underestimate them. Maybe pullups to start training and diapers for baby. But , honestly a baby shower is for the new baby. Not the siblings. I hope it all goes well this time. Don’t get upset if it’s not. Just remember she’s thinking of you and trying to make you happy. God bless.

I would. With my second baby literally not one person showed to my baby shower, but with my third pregnancy I had a great turn out. Maybe this one will be different for you.

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You should accept it and be grateful. Iv had 6 children and never bothered with a baby shower i see no need for them. If someone threw me one i would just be grateful for what they have done. If i was your friend and knew how ungrateful you were i wouldnt even think of throwing you one

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I wouldn’t. You’re either going to feel bad that people came to celebrate your daughter or people aren’t going to show up and will ruin it again for you. Same people so likely the same situation.

I had 2 boys. Didn’t bother with a shower for either. All I wanted was some free cake and no one gave me any.

Maybe a diaper shower

I never had one for my 3. Mainly because I have no one to come. Plus I had 3 girls under 3 for a few weeks :grimacing::grimacing::blush:
Just do what you feel like doing.

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I was told I could only have a shower for my 1st child… I hosted meet and greets for my next 4 births. Perhaps you could suggest that idea?

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It depends on why you were upset the first time.
Also a lot of woman who bypass postpartum depression with their first experience it with the second right away. Your body is under a lot of stress and you haven’t healed completely yet and are now pregnant again. Be aware that your emotions will fluctuate for about six months after
Hugs let her do it. And expect nothing.

Two exersaucers (baby jail) or the little won’t be able to use one because having a little sister is exciting and it hard for a one year old to understand that her 6 month old sister needs space.
There’s toys on it so they’ll be entertained
Buy them used so you can take them outside until the smallest can walk.
Formula?
Wipes
Diapers
Bottles
Suckie
Little blankets.

When the second comes the first will be a bit weirded out. They all of a sudden don’t get all the attention. So you should get a bunch of hard books you can read while feeding the baby. And they can turn the page and you read.

Double stroller that fits in your car!!!
Chest carrier for baby

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You are unappreciative and don’t deserve a baby shower. Buy all the stuff yourself…

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I didn’t have for my first and my bio had my second what was just awkward af! People where invited that was all drama. I had a newer friend leave and come back after because there was so much tension.
If I were to ever get pregnant again I don’t know if I’d do one(idk people anyways lol). I do think you should and make sure you invite and make a list of things your hoping(not demanding) for. Just remember to be thankful for having people around to support and love you/baby.

If she wants to then fine but work with her and discuss the last one and what you’d prefer for this one. At the end of the day it’s you and your baby so if she gets the hump about specifics you’ve stated then tell her you’d rather not have one at all

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Take one step at a time slowly ever so slowly.

I think it might help to know what happened before that would prevent you from wanting another one. I’m not going to assume the reason why. I love baby showers all around so I’d definitely have one with every child I have. I did with both of mine. They are 7 years apart so I’m not sure about your 2nd question. Again…I never assume so nit sure what your afraid of being let down about but either way it’s just great to get together with friends and family anyway. If someone else is doing it for you…what’s the concern? If you’re concern about turn out then just have your BFF save the money and tell her to just spoil your baby. Maybe help you design a nursery or be her godmother. Idk. :woman_shrugging:t2:
There’s other ways she can express her excitement of your new baby girl besides throwing you a baby shower.

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Every baby should be celebrated. :heart::heart::heart:

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Let her throw you a baby shower. Don’t invite anyone that will up set you. If that was the problem … just saying.

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Have no expectations, it will make life a lot less disappointing.

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What happened at ur last baby shower is the question I wanna know

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I don’t know what happened at your last baby shower. I would sit down with your friend, plan out a guest list with as few upsetting people as possible. Keep it short and simple. As for necessities, ask for onsies, diapers, crib sheets, stuff like that. Maybe another pack-and-play. With two little ones, you will need one for each. Try to relax and enjoy it. My kids are 16 months apart. It was a challenge to get them raised, but I wouldn’t have traded them for anything. They’re grown now with children of their own, one has a grandchild. It’s so worth it!

Can’t really advise you either way as you don’t say what was so upsetting about your last one but I’m sure this one will be ok.:kissing_heart:

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Every baby deserves to be celebrated

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I can empathize with the disappointment. I found out we were pregnant in Sept 2019… I live in a different state than any of my family and long time friends, and then the world changed. COVID. My daughter will be labeled a pandemic baby but she really wasn’t. Many of my friends and family weren’t permitted to travel because of their lines of work. Tried a “virtual” shower and it was heartbreaking. So for any of you saying that she’s ungrateful or stuck up… I pray you never have to experience a pregnancy truly isolated, second time for me, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how I would have felt if it would have been my first.

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Yes, celebrate it. I’m assuming your firstborn is a boy, just the way you said it’s a girl. Let your friend have one for the baby.
I have 2 girls that are 18 months apart and I had a baby shower for both

It’s up to you if you want one or not - if it was upsetting last time due to certain people being there try and make sure they don’t know about it

I think it will ALL depend on why your first baby shower was such a let down? Was it due to you not receiving the things on your wish lists or most of the things you asked for? Because I know some people can ask for hundred’s of $$$ for certain things and some people’s friends/family are just so excited to get them, BUT then there are the ones who truly can Not afford to do such a thing so they tend to just buy a few things that they can afford in their price range?? If it’s due to not receiving the thing’s you asked for then you prob don’t want to have another one because if it will be the same people invited again they will MOST likely do the same thing again and upset you once again! But if this was one of the many reasons you should ALSO just be thankful you received what you did! I had 2 different baby showers and both times I only received clothes, diapers, and a few other small things while I see others who receive bassinets, cribs, car seats, swings, and so on!! It does feel like a sting seeing people you know receiving better things, but you have to understand that our friends and families are all different and what one person can afford doesn’t mean everyone else’s family can afford it!! Good luck and hopefully you can have the baby shower you would like! :heart:

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I thought it was traditional to only get 1 baby shower. I didn’t get one for my first or third. First was from another relationship. I would feel happy if someone cared about me enough to throw another.

You said your last baby shower was upsetting , I say that you keep having those baby showers until they get it right…and maybe after baby 14 you’ll have what you originally asked for.

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Why don’t you just have a small gathering. So you can enjoy it.

What happened that was upsetting? That info could help answer your question.

For the last question a double stroller is a must. Besides that your 20 month outgrew most of what you’ll need for this baby, infant car seat, swing, etc. You may want to transfer your older baby to a twin bed so you don’t have to buy another. Baby isn’t going to care about colors either. I had a girl then a boy 18mos later. I reused the flowered pack n play. I would’ve reused the car seat but their father bought him 1 last minute if you do have another shower ask for clothes & diapers. Most things can be reused until they get older then need double of everything because they last longer.

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Have the shower, hate your concerns with your BFF, maybe you can eliminate what was upsetting.

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It’s called a sprinkle! Lot’s of people do it! For sure do it! Congratulations on your new addition!

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Just let her but do it differently

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If it was because of other family members or friends then, don’t invite them.

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For two under two a double stroller is a must. (My youngest two are 14 months apart). Get the older one a baby (doll) to take care of while your taking care of baby so he/she doesn’t feel left out. Let your friend throw you a shower just don’t expect a lot that way you’re not disappointed.

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l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $20814 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

https://goldenjob16.wixsite.com/makedolar

Could you have your shower in a park or somewhere with lots of space so you can spread out and keep people separated? Guests also might be better behaved in a public place. Also room for little ones to run if they’ll be there. Better for the age of pandemics too. Maybe set ground rules (no politics or vaccine talk if that’s going to rile people up, for example—if anyone brings up a taboo subject they get a frowny face sticker immediately).

Plan games to keep people occupied instead of gossiping, and keep the time short. Have guests make silly hats from the paper & ribbons (maybe pick up some fake flowers, feathers, tissue paper, or whatever from the dollar store so there’s plenty to work with) while you are opening presents. Less chance for snarky comments with their hands and concentration occupied. Have lots of tape & scissors available. The best hat gets a blue ribbon, tiny box of chocolates, a bottle of wine or other prize.

Look up other games (maybe race with people carrying eggs on a spoon—you can hard boil them or blow out the insides first (save for scrambled eggs) to make it less messy. Or write a secret message on a piece of poster board, then cut it up & have people put it together like a puzzle to read the message.

If there are clashing personalities, have two smaller events to separate people. Maybe one can be a lunch where you eat beforehand and while they’re eating you open presents so less room for talking, carping, sniping; once people have had cake, send them home right away so you can take a nap. You might not get one but that gives you an excuse to shoo them home.

Don’t have alcohol available if it’s going to make things difficult. If disaster strikes, go into the bathroom and make horrible vomiting noises, and your hostess can say it’s time for all to leave & they shouldn’t argue.

See if you can get some people to bring something for your older kids to open so the don’t get jealous and feel left out. Any small toy, pinwheel, nerf ball, sticker book, coloring book, something to keep them occupied during the proceedings. Designate people to pay attention to your other kids for a few minutes too so they’re not ignored.

l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $27412 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

https://goldenjob18.wixsite.com/makedollar

If certain people are what made the shower upsetting don’t invite them family or not. You need to be able to enjoy that day and I personally feel every baby should have a baby shower.

l get paid over $125 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $29074 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

https://goldenjob20.wixsite.com/madedollar

I see no reason not to have a shower… and or what they call a sprinkle. What happened last time that was so upsetting? If it was expectations of getting a lot of stuff then don’t set yourself up for that heartbreak again. Set up a registry with things you like that are within reasonable prices and let folks know to chose from there if that’s what you want to do

To have a 2nd baby shower would be fine, except maybe don’t register for gifts. Especially since the kids are so close in age. Id even lean towards having a “sprinkle” vs a shower.

What was upsetting? Talk to your friend about that and do something else. I’ve never heard that you only get one baby shower. I come from a place where people have 5 plus kids and there’s a baby shower every time.

Double stroller, I liked the one on front of the other instead of side by side.
Make an Amazon gift list. Then people know what you need. My sister had a “donate to diapers” option too. It just gave her Amazon credit to buy what she wanted.

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Had 3 beautiful boys but never had a baby shower. After the children were born, friends & family came to see the baby & brought gifts like blankets, diapers, rattles etc. We threw a shower for my baby sister & it turned into a money pit, catering, venue, bartender, almost like a small wedding reception. I don’t think she really enjoyed it but she was appreciative! Never again!

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Why would you be let down, just be thankful for the help

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Some people don’t get baby showers .I dint know what upset you on the first one .was it the fact that you didn’t get what you wanted. There isn’t enough info here to give good advice. Be lucky and blessed!

Every baby deserves to be celebrated :relaxed:

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Upset & let down??
Personally, I feel the baby shower is a one time thing.

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Every baby should be celebrated if specific people ruined the last one don’t invite them

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I have always thrown my own so there isn’t any frustrations

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What happened that was so upsetting at your last baby shower? And remember, it’s your baby, not your best friends baby. I understand she’s excited but if you don’t want one because of what happened at your last one, that’s up to you and no one else.

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So why were you upset? Was somebody being a jerk to you? Did you not get what you wanted? We need more details

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If you don’t want a baby shower, politely decline. Alternatively, you could have a low-key “baby sprinkle” and make it a potluck or something.

Two under 2? You need the Force. May the Force be with you.

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If it was certain games that you found upsetting(I think that cut a ribbon the length that you think will fit around moms belly is a little insulting to the mom’s size especially if she’s self conscious about her size or how much weight she’s gained.) Just tell the friend you don’t want to have those certain games. If it is certain people you don’t want to have just don’t invite them. You don’t have to invite people just because they are your family or in-laws if it makes you feel uncomfortable or upset to be around them.

I hated my baby shower, I never wanted it! my mom threw it because it was her first grand child but I made sure to have EVERYTHING that I needed early on so I thought it was stupid. :woman_shrugging: I won’t attend baby showers either, like I really couldn’t care less about someone having a baby, and if I do care I don’t need a party to shower them with gifts.

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I didn’t get a baby shower for either of my children. It’s really not necessary

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Do it, every baby deserves to be celebrated.

I think every pregnancy should have one. I had one for each of my girls.

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Ask her to make a pamper raffle.

You’ll need: a second pack n play or a bassinet (somewhere to lay new baby down where the older child can’t get to them). Diapers! all the diapers! Baby carrier (like a ring sling or moby wrap), maybe a second bouncer? something to keep both littles busy while you shower or make meals. A double stroller with lots of storage! Also, something to make the older one feel special. Congrats on your new little one!

ell her to have a diaper shower for you, from birth to how big your other one takes.

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Mine are 15mos apart. Girl then boy. No baby shower for either even though it would have been nice to have one. Someone else said a baby carrier and double stroller already. Another one said “the force” and while I laughed at it, whew honey is she right! If, for whatever reason, you don’t want to have a baby shower, maybe explain the situation to the lady wanting to throw it and see if y’all can come up with something else. If she’s your bestie as you said, she’ll understand and would rather you tell her how you feel than her throw it and you seem miserable during.

Each baby deserved their time. I had 4 kids and 4 baby showers. Some people didn’t like it, but that’s their problem not mine. Why was your last one upsetting?

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Have a diaper party!, everyone bring diapers ( biggest expense for two kids)

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I had one baby shower. Period. There was 6 years between my boys and my daughter. I didn’t get another shower because it used to be that you got one shower t get the big things. Now people want one with every kid. The whole meaning has changed. The expense of having a shower is no joke either

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We have a baby shower for every kid. I dont get the whole only 1 shower. Every kid deserves to be celebrated

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I think the baby shower should be for the new baby… not both the new one and the older one that you already had a shower for :woman_shrugging:.

As far as the baby shower itself… we don’t really have enough information on that. What was so upsetting about it?

My first two were stressful and definitely not fun. But this time I threw it myself and it worked out well. You are the only one who can make that choice.

Showers are usually a gift grab. They are not an entitlement. Were you disappointed with the gifts that you got or didn’t get? Why not just a small party to celebrate a new life coming into the world?

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I would definitely do another baby shower! Every baby deserves to be celebrated. And just let your best friend know what happened last time and ask if the two of you could do something to make it where it doesn’t turn out like that one.

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I think I would have appreciated anyone celebrating my second with me.

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I had a shower for my boy then my best friend threw me a “sprinkle” for my girl (second child)

The invite said something like “Big brother has plenty to share,
so this is just a sprinkle to show we care” and I had a registry with smaller items and a diaper raffle option.

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If your friend wants to let her anything helps to be honest. I mean why not get even just a couple of thing even if it’s just some clothes. Whatever you can get help with take it!

We had one with our daughter and we plan to have another one with our second. (Don’t know gender yet) we believe every child should be celebrated. Yes we already have the big things, but there are special clothes/toys for each

So i will give you my story it might help lol . my boys are 18 months apart and by the time LO was born he used everything his brother had used. I kept LO in a bassinette nrct to my bed until he was 6 months old and then he went into the crib oldest went into a toddler bed. And since u are having a daughter the only real thing u would need to baby girl clothes. U got this mama it can be difficult at times but the bond your kids will share is worth every second. And honestly u should have a baby shower to get girl stuff but u wouldnt need another swing or anything like that mainly clothes and diapers unless you got rid of alot of your baby items best of luck to you :slight_smile:

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If someone is offering then yeah why not? My baby shower with my first was beautiful but kind of heartbreaking at how few people showed up or showed any kind of support so I didn’t waste the time or energy throwing myself another with our second and won’t be throwing myself one with our third. I believe every baby deserves to be celebrated though so why not have another if somebody wants to throw it to celebrate with you?

You left your story way too open and vague. Maybe explain what happened with the first one to give actual context to the story. No true answer will come out of this without the reason the first shower was a disappointment. Was it not enough people? Not enough gifts? Nothing you asked for? What was so wrong with it?

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Make it. Diaper and wipes party

susposed to be shower only for 1st baby and not all —

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You can have a baby shower for every baby. Have five if you want. If someone wants to throw a shower for you, let them.

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