My man kicked me out because I refused to clean: Advice?

So my man of 5 years kicked me out with our two kids because I refused to clean the house even though he works. But he’s the type of guy who believes he shouldn’t have to do anything but work. He’s never even washed the dishes or changed a diaper in 5 years. The reason I refused to clean was because the shape of the house. A broken toilet, broken washing machine, so I was hand washing and rats as big as a grown man foot. And no I’m not exaggerating. And not one either, a colony. So after months of begging, ( since January) I gave up. I did the trash, the yard the house the kids and he came and went as he pleased. Doing whatever he saw fit to do while I haven’t physically left the house In months. Now that I’m gone hes blaming me for everything, and while I’m willing to except some blame, I feel like I’m in the right in giving up on a home that no one cared about but me. Now though he’s cleaning and trying to fix it. Now that I’m gone, it was good enough for his kids to live in but apparently not good enough for just him. AITA for letting go, I feel like the bad guy for leaving the house in a mess but at the same time I also think that a person can only beg for help so much before its time to let it go


Nope. He was content to live in trash and do the bare minimum. Hopefully you’re either with a friend, are now with family, or are in a shelter. Stay far away from him unless he wants to see the kids. You are not a doormat. Point blank period.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My man kicked me out because I refused to clean: Advice?

1 Like

I think that’s extremely disgusting that you and a grown man allowed children to live in an environment like that. I wouldn’t give up cleaning knowing my kids health was being jeopardized, I think you both could’ve done better. Go find a better place for your children to live.


I totally understand your reasoning, but when kids are involved, you gotta know the limit you’re willing to go. Maybe instead of letting the house get completely trashed (he is to blame as well) and living with colonies of rats, it may have been better to leave first vs waiting for him to kick you out


Thats no excuse to stop cleaning :neutral_face: i have 9 kids, im a sahm, suffer from physical disabilities and depression but i would never allow my children to live in squalor. Learn how to fix things and stop depending on someone else :woman_shrugging:t3: my husband works long hours so if something breaks and it needs fixed asap i.e a toilet :roll_eyes: i google what i got to do and i do it. Its called pulling up ur big girl britches and being a parent.


I wouldn’t have wasted time waiting for him to kick me out, I would have left on my own account with my kids. He clearly isn’t interested in you or the kids.
So its time to move on.
Hold your head high. You can do better, you have your kids, you need no man.


You let the house get that bad to prove a point to him? He isn’t cleaning so why should you? That’s terrible logic. What if CPS had come and taken the kids because you chose to let them live with literal rats because he wouldn’t help you clean​:grimacing::grimacing:


He did you a favor. You shouldn’t be expected to live like that and neither should your kids. Take your blessing and run for the hills


File for child support and move on from him. Find a liveable place and do it on your own.


So if it was that bad, why were you staying there anyways?

And you clean for your kids and if you weren’t working, you should be doing a majority of the cleaning. As he should be fixing stuff. But a washing machine isn’t a necessity, it’s a luxury


Depression, no depression… you allowed your kids to live in deplorable conditions? If you’re not working, you should be cleaning the house and taking care of your children. Just because a man isn’t doing his share, doesn’t mean that gives you a pass to let your children live in a rat infested house. Goodness. I struggle with depression. My house gets messy. I get behind on laundry and it might pile up on me(currently folding 3 baskets of clothes as we speak) but there aren’t bugs or rodents roaming in my house. My floors are swept. My children are clean. This is boggling my mind. You should have left before if it was this bad, or you should have cleaned the dang house. Period. Not waited to be kicked out.


Sounds like he’s done you a favor! Go get whatever assistance you can and rebuild your family up in a clean and safe environment without his dead weight! If you havent file for what you need to! If he’s not in the BC see if you can move to a place where you have more support.


To you this might be a blessing. He’s obviously not a partner, or a good one at that. Just because your a SAHM doesn’t make you 100% responsible for everything. Your kids deserve better than that, you now have a chance to give them better. I’m at SAHM and my husband works long days full time or more, he still comes home and helps with everything. Kids, cleaning, shopping, fixing stuff.


If you cleaned and put out traps or poison you might not have rats , toilets can be replaced I think you should be doing better or go to work.


You should have left with your kids after you saw the first rat.
Now the house is his problem. Get a lawyer asap, get a custody agreement done, and move on.


At this point who cares who is to blame? We are talking about kids here. They need a safe home to live in. An environment much better than the one you are describing here.


Listen I can’t really judge on some of this because there is always 2 sides to every story, but the part I will judge on is the the fact that as a mother it would have been a cold day in hell that my children would have been living like that! Ok he doesn’t want to call and exterminator fine, you do it! Your kids no matter what come before everything and everyone!


If it’s not a fit home for you,then it’s not for the kids either obviously.Try your local social services or HUD and get a place more suitable.Nobody should have to live like that…


Don’t feel bad at all, if your husband felt the way he did as a man. Then he failed you & his family he wasn’t man enough to keep you all in a safe environment. Move forward with your children don’t look back, but if you do know you’re going back into the same environment.


I would have left when there were rats…thats no way for kids to live.


Soo, having a broken washing machine, and broken toilet = no cleaning ? I don’t mean to put the blame on you but this really shocked me


What am I missing here? You refuse to clean and therefore the house became infested and you don’t understand why he was upset?

Do I think that he should pitch in and help with things like fixing broken items? Yes. But do I also think that if you’re a SAH that it comes with the territory to keep house and take care of the children? Absolutely yes. It doesn’t mean that he has to be 100% hands off but it’s also extremely disturbing that you allowed your home to get into that state and were okay with your kids living in that type of environment.

Honestly, you both need some serious help and to get away from one another because you’re both toxic.


Count this as a BLESSING! Living with rats with your children NO THANK YOU! You were NOT in a partnership and you were going to be doing that FOREVER. Part of him being your partner is loving and caring for you as well. At this rate, that man has no quarrels about running you so hard that you have a heart attack. Sounds like he wants a maid and his Momma not a partner in an intimate relationship. YOU ARE WINNING Chuck the :v:t4: and be OUT!


Hell no, sounds like you escaped a nightmare doesn’t matter how much you clean it’s not enough if you’ve got rats they uses their tails to spread urine trails everywhere they go and they go everywhere, him kicking you out is a blessing trust me focus on yourself and your kids get a better home for all of you and you will see the problem was him and not you,


Your kids deserved better from you both!


Well if he doesn’t do anything but work and you do everything else, I would file for divorce and get child support and find a better place for you and the kids! :heart: