Wow, what a Bitch!
At least they want to send something
I am that mil for my neices. They are jnterstate and we can’t afford to visit. We work we have own kid. I dint have time to spend with my nephew who is 15mins away yet alone in another state. I send gifts to let them know they have family and support if ever in out area. I think its rude of you to say nothing even of the grandparents want to send something
What happens when they can’t travel but are still thinking of your kids enough to want to spend money on them?
Your just pushing them away
Why haven’t the grandparents made a trip to come see all of you?! I find that crazy, especially since you said y’all haven’t seen each other in years.
It’s for the kids and about the kids. Not about either of you. I say let them have the gifts, unless there is more to this than what you are saying.
If she wants to send anything send gifts for experiences that way you can take them places my kids barely see their dads mom because of their work schedules I’m not all bent out of shape over it my mom died two years ago sounds to me that you live in different areas if she is still working then schedule issues could be the blame
It ain’t about you!!! Do your kids want a gift? Do they want to know that their extended family acknowledged their existence even if only to send a card??? Better than feeling like grandma and grandpa don’t think about them at all. Seems selfish af to me.
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Why would you deny your kids Christmas gifts? It doesn’t matter if they talk to them or not.
This sounds super petty. Just accept the gifts.
My husbands mom does the same thing. Will only send a card with a check in the mail for Christmas. Nothing for birthdays. No phone calls or anything. Hell she don’t even call and ask about our 1 year old daughter or her unborn FIRST grandson. All she cares about are my husbands older kids 20/19/8. Never asks about our kids together
Stop being petty it’s not about you it’s about your children, effort is two way thing you don’t contact them? Grow up
at they are trying. tell her a visit from gma. if anything 
yea u are the asshole btw
My kids have family in another state, it’s always about the kids. Gifts are sent to them, sometimes they make the phone calls and sometimes we make the phone calls, they have lives just as we do and we understand they won’t always be the one calling. So when we think about it or the kids wanna talk to grandma we call. It’s really simple. Plus the more people to love on my children, the better. They definitely know who grandma and grandpa in Alaska are, just start initiating phone calls, and video calls make it a habit. It’ll become easier with time.
Those phones work both directions. If you aren’t encouraging your children to reach out, it’s a bit 1 sided to expect it for the grandparents, and then to hold such contempt for them not making the effort when clearly you aren’t either
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U are 100% wrong ! Sounds like your feelings are hurt. And totally understandable. But do ur kids enjoy getting gifts and cards? Ofcoarse they do. And at least they care enough to do that much. Some ppl don’t have that. The second they don’t send something u will be like that can’t even send a card. U need to work on ur issues with this and leave the kids out if it. Its not fair to kids. U can only control u. U can’t make someone else put more effort then they want too. Family is important even if its very little. Please talk to ur family about how this is making u feel. Don’t put kids into it… good luck. I feel so sad for ur family
Turns out, my aunt stole any money our grandparents gave us for Christmas. Anyway, we wanted some kind of way to know that my grandparents cared because they didn’t visit or call and we thought they weren’t sending gifts either. So, we had zero to do with them and they are dead now…Only to find out what I said above and they did care. My dad wouldn’t allow them to talk to us which is why we never thought they called. That is also why they didn’t visit.
Wow, life is busy. Sometimes that is the relationship that grandparents have with out of state grandchildren. Sometimes those memories for the grandchildren are golden. Why take that. Why not have your children make the effort to face time a thankyou when said gift is received. I bet those grandparents would love that. Maybe they don’t call because they don’t feel like they know when it’s a good time. Idk but why all in them. If they send gifts Why haven’t your children called them to thank them. Wven if they haven’t met and don’t talk regularly. Maybe look at it from another perspective
The phone works both ways.
You’re seriously being a di@k! At least your children are thought of. Is something wrong with your fingers to where you can’t dial the phone to initiate calls between relatives and kids? Don’t deprive your children of family just because you’ve got your knickers in a twist.
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What about you putting effort into making the relationship better…you can go see her just as much as she can come see you… I feel it’s a two way highway!
Your kids are seeing how you treat your parents and in-laws. They learn what they see. So when your kids treat you how you treat their grandparents you will only have you to blame!
Why the F would you not let your child have a free gift 
petty and weird.
She obviously calls your husband. Why doesn’t he put them on the phone to talk to grandma? Do your kids ever contact her? It sounds like a 1 wat road here. Grandma tries by sending gifts, cards but you/your children don’t follow that through.
Do you make a effort. The phone works both ways. You can call for them. We lived very far from our family for a while and I like you blamed them. But as I got older I realized I should of tried to call for my kids and start the process.
Why cant they call her? Its a two way street.
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You are being immature phone calls work both ways children usually are innocent in these situations you can either be right or allow your children to be happy and thankful you can either be bitter or better the common denominator between your children and their grandparents is you I think you should allow the gifts I would if it’s more important to be right then guess who suffers your children just stop already
You’re mad they are thinking about your children and sending gifts?.
Get a life 
And what effort are you putting in here? No where does it state you make any effort to have a relationship - it works both ways
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Let her send the gifts. It’s for your children and for her. Be kind, even when others aren’t.
How many times do you have your kids called them ? Because it go both ways
It may be their love language. People have different ways of showing love and affection. You can always call them afterwards and say thank you. I tend to have a lot of quiet shy loved ones. They don’t talk much, but them taking the time to pick something out and send it to them shows they care.
You might need to try and see things from someone else’s point of view.
So that whole phone thing works both ways. I love how most every Mom in here thinks that everyone should just fall to the floor and flourish their kids with love and attention because “my kids are worth it” and if they don’t then they can just go to hell. 
Lets look at a couple of things. Heaven forbid anyone else have a life outside of your children. Have you ever heard the phrase, you get what you put out? Yes, you are the the AH here and I’ll give you my perspective on it. I have 4 sets of Grandparents. I’ve only ever met 3 of them. One side alone, I am the 54th out of 73 grandchildren. I can’t even tell you how many of us there on between cousins and great grandchildren so every year without fail when I got a birthday card from a women that I had never met it meant the world to me because out of those 73 grandchildren, I got a card on my special day. Not to mention the holidays. Hell we’d even get Halloween cards. I was 13 when I threw my first fit about never getting a phone call from her; but my mother explained to me as I am to you now that she has many people she cares for and she’d never get anything done if all she did was call her kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. I could not fathom that she might have her own life outside of all of us and you know what, she did; but that didn’t stop her from trying. By the time I was born, she’d left the country to begin a new chapter in her life with my grandpa once her own children were grown and that’s fair. So my mother encouraged me to exchange letters and cards with her. Since grandma always sent me something, maybe I should return the favor and remember her on the holidays. We ended up exchanging letters and cards until she passed and the first birthday that came and went and I didn’t get a card from her, I was shattered; but the whole point is, had my mom been an echo chamber to my attitude, I’d never would have known her, even if I hadn’t ever met her. Not all families are huge, I get that, but you are an adult. You can ask your kids, “Hey guys, should we call Grandma and Grandpa and say hi?” If they say yes then call. You don’t tell your kids, “Welp, if grandma loved you more and wanted to make you a priority, she’d call you so to hell with her presents and attempts at being a apart of your life because it’s not the way I want it done!” You teach your kids that a phone call works both ways just as a gift, card or letter does. How many of you actually reach out to these family members instead of just expecting them to reach out to you? I can only imagine the communication problems you have not only in your lives, but with your spouses and kids. Accept the damn gesture for what it is, her trying to be kind and maybe while you are at it, you should grab a copy of the book the little red hen (it’s 4$ on amazon) but it teaches you the value of helping with the process so you can reap the rewards, instead of just waiting to enjoy the end product.
I saw my grandparents for 2 weeks out of the entire year. Got calls on my birthday. Some holidays. But not all the time. The presents still made me feel good that they remembered me. That’s my take on it.
I think you should grow up a bit.
Sorry but that’s childish. It’s about you’re kids, not about you’re personal feelings against her.
Most people would be thankful to even have that, hopefully you don’t end up alone with you’re children one day.
A grandparent is a grand parent, the obligation is for the people who laid down and had the child or children, not the grandparent, reaching out just by phone is literally making an effort sorry if you don’t view it like it.
Well at least they even think of them to send gifts. That was childish on your part to refuse a gift for them from their grandmother. Communication work both ways. If they old enough you can let them call as well. Take the initiative since your bothered
Tell her the kids want a Bitcoin under your name
I feel your in the wrong. What would it hurt? Do you ask your kids call or mail them letters? Maybe they don’t know when it’s a good time for them to call your kids. My FIL lives far away, he has seen my kids a couple times. He does send them presents. My husband will call him so he can talk to our kids. (Our schedule is always hectic) It’s a 2 way street.
I mean- a gift is a a gesture of kindness and love imo. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want that for your children? I mean , it’s better than her not reaching out at all. Yea. YTA
What? Seriously she called to ask what your kids want for gifts and you said nothing? That’s so rude!! I hate talking on the phone so I’d love is based on calling I’m in trouble. I love my family a lot so your idea of love is messed up. She apparently is trying but you are being brutal. Wow.
So you are punishing your children because the relatives dont call they just send gifts .
Tell her they would like a phone call on Christmas and a relationship w her for their gift.
Yes you were wrong just because they don’t communicate a lot doesn’t stop the love. Times are hard especially for the elder . Have some compassion. Let the kids enjoy they may not come but at least let the kids decide if they want gifts … Not your call. They are grandparents they may not be able to travel. It’s the thought
That is sad reaching out is a 2 way street if you get calls you can give calls. I have grandchildren and love them dearly some close by and some not so close. I don’t call them often because of having it Awkward sometimes as to what to talk about. I’m sorry but shame on you for not putting more effort into a 2 way relationship.
To answer your first question, yes. You’re the a**hole. 
Listen you said that y’all live VERY far from each other, do y’all even live in the same country?
Next you said you’re sick of people not contacting your kids, how often do YOU have your kids to contact them? 
You also said that your kids are more than old enough for phone calls, are they old enough to make the calls themselves? They’re your kids so you can do what you want. But please be sure to tell them WHY you won’t let them accept gifts/money from their grandparents. 
She asked what they wanted which is thoughtful. Your expectations could be too much. People are all different, meet them where they are or at least half way
Have the kids contact them since they’re “more than old enough for phone calls”. Also, let them love/spoil the kids on holidays and birthdays-etc. You’re being unnecessarily petty and selfish.
Just because you got your feelings in a watt doesn’t mean your kids shouldn’t have a present for holidays. Quit trying to distance your relatives and in laws from your kids.
You are the a**hole.
I highly doubt you encourage the relationship, it is a two way street.
Honestly your in the right of their not their in person and just sending the gifts you don’t need them in your kids life they need to do more and show more yes it’s nice to get them gifts and all but at least they should visit you and the kids more often:bangbang:
Are you allowing your family to send gifts? Do you have contact with your family? The kids deserve to get gifts from their grandparents even if they don’t get to see them or speak to them that often. I WISH my parents would do anything for my son, heck even when we lived with them they rarely would do anything for him.
So because You’re mad, the kids get no presents??? Thats fair. 
You’re kinda TA. It takes two to make an effort, have you also called and visited them? I mean you can do video calls and stuff with your kids. I don’t think that you should tell them not to send anything because then you are taking away presents from their grandparents. And how is that going to make them feel? The kids didn’t get anything from gran and gramps?
Atleast they are trying. Geez
I certainly don’t understand where you’re coming from with this🤔 Why on earth would you decide for the kids that they shouldn’t receive Christmas from their grandparents who live far away? That’s just strange behavior on your part. You’re depriving them of any love their grandparents are trying to send them. My family lives far also and we rarely get to talk (except)
my mom) which we text everyday and talk for an hour once a week, but we all try and reach out atleast during holidays whether it be by mail or phone. Lighten up.
Your lucky they are sending anything at all. Your taking away from your children by telling them not to send anything
I would like to know what you have done to foster a relationship beyond gift giving. Do you have the kids call. Do they write letters or draw them pics? Do you copy progress reports and send them? Do you send updates on their interests. Do you send pics? Maybe they feel left out and can only send gifts because if they knew your children they wouldn’t have to ask what they wanted in the first place. Look within instead of out.
Unless you have made attempts to try to foster that relationship and their grandparents have chosen to remain absent, then You are 100% the Ahole! Phones work both ways.
My kids wouldn’t even know their grandparents if I hadn’t made the effort. It’s not about you, get over yourself… let me guess you were born in the 90’s?
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You sound incredibly high maintenance and petty. They are making the effort and your making your husband do the dirty work by shutting her down?
As a parent you have to teach your children how to develop and maintain a relationship. You must make the effort to reach out to them as well. Teach your kids it’s the right thing to do. If the in laws don’t reciprocate than that’s on them. The relationship will develop as it will. But it’s a two way street, so your husband and yourself should also be making the effort. Teach your children that relationships need to be watered. A plant will die without water.
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Ask the kids what they want. Shame on you for trying to control even a holiday. Maybe you need a hug and suggestions on how to communicate with family members. What does your husband say?
Grow up! Did the kids say that didn’t want any gifts from her?
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My kids grew up with 2 dif types of grandparents. My parents who were very involved on a regular basis and their dads parents who were only involved in the sense of sending gifts and cards on their birthday and holidays never bothered me I’m a firm believer that as my children grow up they would develop their own opinion about their grandparents and they have and they’re adults now and they have an ongoing regular relationship with my parents and their father’s parents not so much except for holidays and birthdays. I get not wanting people to half ass love your kids but they are grandparents and if they want to send birthday cards and Christmas gifts I personally don’t see an issue with it it’s just the kind of grandparents they are, u said they live far away and if they’re old enough to talk on the phone with their grandparents if they call, they’re also old enough to pick up the phone and call their grandparents once and awhile.maybe it’s all about the type of relationship you encourage them to have with their grandparents especially since they live far away it can’t just be a one-way Street your children learn how to treat people based on the way they watch you treat people. but if they want to spend the money on your kids why not let them? Either way as their parent it’s your decision how does your husband feel about it?
I think you being nasty she at least still thinks of your children and you don’t have the right to stop them from getting a gift it’s thier family members to and they can decide when older for them selves if they want to write them off or not
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Do you or your kids call any of them? At least they are reaching out somewhat and you know your kids aren’t forgotten. Maybe they feel the same way as you, that you should call or go to them. Just my thoughts.
Well I mean you guys moved far away have u tried keeping in contact at all or just left it up to them ?
Let me start with this, have you made attempts for them to have a relationship? It’s not all on you, ANYone who wants to be apart of your kids lives should make the effort being yous are far, if you’ve tried then it is what it is. If you don’t want to push your kids to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t try than that is reasonable as well.
IMO, You’re not wrong for how you feel, if grandma isn’t making any attempt to be apart of her grandkids lives then I wouldn’t go out of my way to do the same. However if she wants to send stuff I would let her, it’s not going to change your kids view on her. Reply with a thank you and so be it. I wouldn’t talk bad about her to the kids, Your kids will see it within time.
What? This is what you call not making an effort? In our family, one side of my grandparents gave us nothing. No happy birthday, no gift, nothing. That’s not the issue here. This IS effort. It’s just not YOUR preferred effort. You can’t force people to do what you want. Especially if you’re the one that moved far away. The way I see it, they’re doing what they’re comfortable with. I’d rather they send a card or gifts than do absolutely nothing at all. They could be so much worse. You’re being petty. Let it go and let them do what they’re willing to do. You’re worried about YOUR feelings thinking it’s not enough. I’d be willing to bet your children are more grateful than you are to have a card or toys and are just glad someone loves them enough to surprise them with gifts on important days. Im just curious what you are doing for your families back home. Are YOU calling them on their birthdays and Christmas and special days? If so, good. Have a conversation about it. But don’t expect them to do it without at least a conversation. If not, maybe start practicing what you preach before you expect them to do the same.
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A letter or a gift is still an effort
I mean what’s the problem. If you live very far away then why not accept gifts from your children’s grandmother. I mean you could make it a point to call Grammy every Sunday for the kids to say hello just as well as she could. I think it was kinda mean
The road runs both ways. It isn’t all on them.
You’re so wrong here!!! Have YOU made the trip to visit them…called them…do you send them gifts?? She’s not asking much…what she could get them for gifts…just because you live far away doesn’t mean she’s not still a grandparent! My husband’s grandmother lives far away and sends us money for xmas to buy them gifts from her…we always make sure they’re marked from her and they thank her. You could do video calls with them so they can see her if they’re to young to call…or maybe you call her and hold the phone for them!!! This is so sad…I feel bad for the grandparents!
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Don’t punish your kids because you have a case of the ass.
Gifts at Xmas time are harmless. It’s the thought that counts. The gifts aren’t even for you so who are you to interfere
What is AITA? I’ve been meaning to ask 
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I think you are being mean and you are probably a control freak
I understand where you’re coming from, but some people learned to show their love in certain ways and sometimes people are busy or live a far distance away etc. If she’s making some kind of effort, why not ask her if she wants to come visit or if she wants you to bring them by for one?
I don’t agree with you either. It’s not about you. It’s about your family, who your kids never see, showing your kids that no matter how far away they are, that still love them. You could encourage the connection too. You could call them. Maybe they don’t want to call at an inconvenient time or maybe they go to bed early. I think your being mean to your kids and family.
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I understand because they can video call or phone call. A relationship is more than sending cards or gifts.
I would let them send gifts though. Your children will like that.
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Perhaps you could “get the ball rolling” by setting up a zoom type call/skype with the grandparents once a month? Or at least a call.
Make the first move for your kids sake.
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The phone works both ways. Make an effort & they probably will too
I can see both side maybe grandma wants to surprise them with something they weren’t expecting. And the other side put forth the effort grandma pick up the phone. Listen and learn from them if you read between the lines you might be able to figure out what they want or need
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You are an ass what you tired of them sending gifts on holidays they live far like you said at least they try there are grand in the same city as grand kids an don’t even bother
I never did the obligatory let’s send a present thing
all 4 of my grandparents died before I was born. I had a twin brother and both of our godmothers sent lovely gifts to both of us for many occasions I still remember them They also lived out of state and the gifts were the connections.
They could just not want anything to do with the kids,and the kids end up hurt… I’m sure that’s so much better right:joy:
With today’s day and age there are plenty of ways to communicate with the children. You could live across the country and have a relationship if they aren’t even trying I don’t blame you
Thatscthere gram who are to step in on gift it’s the THOUGHT of it
My bio dad does this. When he does send stuff I tell my kids who it’s from and they can choose whether to keep or regift. Hey it’s free stuff!
You’re being a jerk to his parents for sure. Who cares if they send gifts??? They are thinking of your children. They could only be thinking of themselves! We don’t see certain family all that much and it works both ways. Do you call them? Do you try to see them? It’s expensive to travel. I definitely disagree with you. I am no good at cards or sending gifts, but if other family members are and want to send even a card to say “I’m thinking if you.” Why not!??
I am kind of sick of parents complaining about how so and so doesn’t contact their child, it works both ways. Maybe the parents that complain should be making a FaceTime/call weekly to the people they wish would visit or call their child. 
I’m sorry but it’s the thought that’s counts as in gifts, and it’s better than absolutely nothing trust me as a child iv been there, I would have rathered a card in the mail then nothing and knowing my mother stopped it there would be anger towards her not family…. U need to grow up it’s not about how you feel, it’s about the kids and stopping all contact cause u feel a certain way is selfish imo…
You need to grow up, and stop being a control freak ! So many unloved children in this world would love to have what your in laws are offering!
I had family like that as a kid … aunts, long distance grandparents, etc … my mother would say no, the girls don’t need anything, don’t worry about it, just give them a call that day and wish them a happy birthday/merry Christmas and so on … they would get us something anyway, leaving it at our closer grandparents house where most of the family would be going to visit or (like you said) mail a card … my mother would then say “look what so and so got you, go and call them to say thank you” - which, me or my sisters would … but it was always an obligation rather than a joyful conversation that was really awkward and made me feel uncomfortable and, while a lot of them are still alive and well, I still can’t see myself calling or visiting with them because they’re strangers to me and I’m at the point in my life I don’t care that it may or may not be “the right thing to do because they’re family”. I totally agree with you and believe that if they are not in a position of being willing to have a relationship, then they shouldn’t accept gifts either because, depending on the ages of the kids, it teaches expectation instead of respect
Well sounds like you ,husband or your kids make an effort to call them, must not, or go visit them , especially since your husband has well paying job, ,really get sick if seeing post like this, when the phone works both ways
I think you over reacted. Have her call the kids and ask them. I don’t think she is half loving your kids.
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Yes. You are. That is them trying. Jeez.
Maybe you should make the effort. You should be taking your kids to see her and phoning. You know when the kids are free. This is on you. When your grand kids don’t call or come to see you- it will be because you didn’t teach them that respect. Look in the mirror.
What’s so wrong with her wanting to send gifts? It shows that she is thinking about them. At least you have a MIL that thinks about your kids my MIL has not been in my kids lives at all no phone calls not even cards since my oldest two were 6 years old and 8 months old. My youngest has never even met her and she just turned 8 years old.
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I 100% agree. You’re not buying my child’s love. Either be here for them or don’t
OMG yes!
You are totally TAH!
What a drama queen you are. Jesus Christ grow tf up.