Feed your child the food that is there. If she doesn’t eat she doesn’t eat. Feed her when you get home. If you only offer what is there she will probably eat. Its something she will have to accommodate through out her life, might as well start now.
Thank God your mother in law gets it. Allergy that could kill my child comes before your child being just picky. Sorry not sorry feed them beforehand.
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Sounds like your child should be sick on that day. I mean the grand parents are protecting the other child’s allergies what is the deal. Cook something different for your child
So my son has FPIES(a type of severe food allergy) and as a toddler has a magical way of getting ahold of food you think is out of reach. I totally get where MIL is coming from trying to keep the kiddo safe, as the parent of the kid, I’d probably just skip food related celebrations. Everyone thinks they’d be so sure to keep the food away from baby but one slip and that kid is in the hospital, or worse.
Pre-fees your child before you go and have options that are allergen free for your niece. I get it is a pain in the rear. But allowing your BIL/SIL a stress free meal is priceless to them.
Keep it in a container self plated. You’ll be fine. If there’s an issue remove yourself and go home. Favoritism should not be tolerated and if they won’t respect your kids limitations then say goodbye politely.
Ok so are you really kidding me . There is a BIG DIFFERENCE !! Your niece is highly allergic that means she could die if she comes into ANY contact with these foods . Your daughter is picky oh well get over it . If this role was switched you be blowing a gasket over it . KEEP YOUR ENTITLED BUTT HOME .
Gen X here, no comment 
Is there anything your child does eat that avoids dairy and banana. Then bring that along as a back up!
feed you child before you go and let them eat what they want to try
Shouldn’t let her be picky like that that’s ridiculous. Out of the 20 things you make on Thanksgiving your kid won’t eat? Setting both of you up for failure!
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Feed her before you go to mil house?
Teach ur kid to try new foods. Duh.
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You politely tell MIL and or SIL to shove it and your daughters Needs WILL always come 1st.
Ive done it and it sucks but as a Momma of A LO with food issues what my kid will eat will always come 1st. That said I’ve always tried to make concessions using egg substitutions/ we don’t buy normal milk because youngest is Lactose intolerant
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And especially at the restaurant what the niece has nothing to do with anyone else. Sit on the opposite end of the table or a separate table if you have to and order what your child will eat.
Bring the child’s food in your own Tupperware and feed that way.
Your priority is to feed your child. That may mean explaining to your MIL that you will make your child’s food and bring it. If she’s not okay with that then don’t go. I’d rather miss out than deal with a cranky, hungry 2 year old.
Pack her food and bring that. It sounds like these are items that IF your niece ingested them she would have a reaction, not just being near as the place for breakfast the following day will have all those items at the table.
take your own food or feed your child before you go to the dinner
Girl my kid is the same way he’s 5 an don’t eat nothing but a handful of stuff very very picky. But at the end of the day your kid has to eat. I would either pack her a dinner to take an when everyone is ready to eat maybe you an her sit away from the girl that’s allergic to foods?
It is one day one meal. She surely eats more than 3 foods. You can give her fruits or bread or veggies. I would feed her prior to leaving the house and again when you get home.
Take your baby’s food separate
There are dairy free and egg free frozen pancakes and yogurt that fit the restrictions. They do have Mac and cheese that fits that description, but it tastes terrible. The yogurt and pancakes are spot on though. I like the Vans brand for pancakes and waffles. Silk brand has some pretty good yogurt with both almond milk and coconut milk options in multiple flavors. Open your mind. Do a simple google search. The options are honestly endless.
It is one day.
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Feed your child what she usually eats!! Not everyone has to be restricted because of one “picky toddler”
You need to feed your child, that is your priority. Feed before you go and stay until you have to leave to feed her again. Or If MIL won’t make accommodations for your child, I wouldn’t go 
She can’t expect you to starve your child (also her grandchild) just because someone has an allergy. Offer to take foods your child can/will eat and keep in car until it’s time to eat, and make sure an adult is sitting with them so niece isn’t taking stuff off your child’s plate
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Your child eats like that because you’ve created that… if that’s all she will eat then bring it with you.
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Having had a 3 year old where foods could send.him to the hospital its so kind that your MIL is banning those foods. Your child can be safely served what is available. They can eat before you go and when you get home and try what looks good there. Don’t risk a hospital trip for your niece to feed your child preferred foods.
Feed her before hand or fix her a plate to bring. 
Stop playing lol your MIL is nuts. Pack your baby whatever she will eat. Period.
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I understand where your mil is coming from. It’s easier to make food for everyone without these ingredients . Take your daughter’s food with you ready prepared that can be heated up. We had to take my grandson’s food where ever we went because milk is in so much food and he was allergic to it. You can still offer your daughter what is on the table. It’s not as if no milk or eggs will make much difference to the food. I make Betty Crocker cake mixes with flavoured soda so children with milk and egg allergies can still have cake you wouldn’t know the difference unless you were told.
Ok - you MUST ignore your mil . Bring your own Tupperware divided dish ( or whatever you use) and have your child’s food in it for her . Bring her snacks too . This is nuts and I am a MIL . I’d NEVER do this to DIL !
I’d feed her before hand. Or cook her food before hand and keep it in a cooler, away from everyone (your car) and all other food. Definitely have to respect the wishes. If the shoe was on the other foot and your child had the allergic reactions you’d want those wishes respected. Just time to get creative mom.
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While I’d wanna respect her rules… ultimately my child needs to eat. It’s just as important your kid gets to eat as the niece having safe options available. I’d bring my own snacks forsure. Let your child try a bit of some of the options but if that doesn’t pan out then too bad so sad. Lol. Depending on the situation I might bring my kid elsewhere to eat just to avoid the niece being upset she doesn’t get the same food. My nephew and son always had to have the same snacks.
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Assuming Thanksgiving is at your MIL house, you cannot just take in food that she has asked you not to bring.
I don’t think people are understanding, she’s not just not cooking with those allergens, it sounds like she doesn’t want them in her house at all, and you need to respect that.
It will not hurt to just feed your daughter beforehand.
Pickieness and a deathly allergic reaction are two different issues. Truthfully I would be the same way if I know my child could get ahold of something that could kill her. Your just going to have deal with the Pickieness and feed her when y’all get home if she doesn’t eat what’s in front of her 
Take what your kid eats!!! If they can’t watch their child to make sure she doesn’t eat it well that’s on them. I can promise if someone told me I can’t take what my son eats we would NOT be going EVER again
I get some toddlers are picky. But at some point you can teach your kid to eat and explore what’s in front of them. If your always making only 3 items for this child your actually causing a bigger problem.
I have a autistic 5.5 year old and I’ve played the picky eater game. At some point it’s in the kids best interests to have them eat what’s offered. If you never put your foot down your child won’t learn. Then they will be stuck eating only a couple options for years to come. Food flexibility and exploring go hand in hand and it’s should be a norm for a toddler. If you never serve it to them it will never look familiar and thus they won’t try it. Hence why you should Always serve a variety of foods to kids whether they like them or not.
If a child has a serious allergy it’s responsible to ask that the only food at the table be those that are okay for that person. I think maybe this requires some inward thought and reflection instead of trying to control and worry about other people that are trying to keep other kids safe.
I feel if the girl with allergies can deal with that diet so can your child. Seems like dishes that will be at every single family event and she’s going to have to adjust. Don’t understand how they could get the girl with allergies to eat the food when young but your acting as if inedible for yours?
I have picky eaters and I would never have a fit that someone else’s dinner that we got invited to wouldn’t accommodate my child if the other kid their could potentially die if she eats the wrong thing 
get over yourself and feed your kid before you go and have snacks in your purse that she can munch on until you leave and then she can eat again at home, people are weird figure it out
personally i wouldn’t go why should it be made special for one child especially if your child is picky when it comes to food it’s not easy for moms with picky eaters to get them to eat
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You said all of the foods are being made with substitutes… to me, that says there will still be mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese… they just won’t be made with dairy.
So don’t tell your toddler that the food is made any differently and she probably won’t even notice.
There is a difference in being allergic and being a picky eater.
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Make your kid try other stuff.
I think it’s nice of grandma to consider the child with allergies. A lot of the time they go to events and have nothing that’s safe for them to eat.They have to bring different food or not go at all. I think being considerate of a food allergy is more important than being concerned with a picky child. It sounds like she hardly eats any variety at all. Bring your child her own little thing of food. Offer food they made first, and see what she does. If she doesn’t eat it, then you have a backup.
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Call the allergy kids mom n ask her if she can be around thise foods as long as she isn’t eating them.
I have one child with food allergy and one without. Your daughter will find something to eat if she’s hungry. If you don’t make a big deal about it she probably won’t even notice.
All the niece is allergic to is dairy and bananas 
Are you really throwing a fit over this? Just pack your kid up food that she will eat. There are thousands of options that doesn’t use dairy or bananas And unless there is a medical reason on why your kid is picky, it’s your fault she is. So just stop causing drama. Sheesh.
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Being her something and keep it as far away as possible from the other child. Obviously if it’s a life or death allergy done bring it but if she can be in same room with it then you do you. Your child has to eat too. I would try to find things that aren’t gonna cause the other child to have a reaction she can in contact with it. But like you said if you are going to we restaurant next week with them they can’t make a whole place not have what the cold is allergic too.
That child is allergic to stuff which is way more concerning than your child being picky. I’d say it is time to stop giving your child what they want and make them try new things. They will not starve themselves, when they get hungry enough they will eat the food given to them.
Pack your toddlers food. If you show up & they don’t allow it & you know your child won’t eat I would leave & tell them you tried but your child won’t eat. Just explain to them While you understand your niece has allergies & respect that, you still have to feed your child. If others have an issue with you leaving to feed your child for the safety of your niece then they are the problem. Not you.
Feed your daughter before you go and then don’t worry about what food they serve. If they ask why she isn’t eating just say bc she doesn’t like the food they are serving.
If she has allergies, cooking meals for your daughter in the same kitchen the same day could obviously creat conflict, I can understand that. I’d pack food and feed her separate or not go at all. No one should be telling you what you’re “allowed” to do with your own child.
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It is allergy kids parents place to monitor…food cab be present. But not eaten…thwt is a mom and dad chore…nkt yours…bordering on ridiculous
You’re being rude and self entitled. The other child has an ALLERGY, your child is being picky. Milk eggs and gluten doesn’t rule out everything, ypu cam find something else. Why do you think your child choosing to be picky should be given preference over a child with an allergy that could make them physically ill or worse. I can’t believe someone would even have the audacity to write this 
Picky toddlers are only picky because they are allowed to be. Give her dinner and let her eat
My son,my 2 Grandaughters—-ages 5 and 8 and myself all have Celiac disease……no wheat,oats,barley or rye. I also have Mast Cell Activation syndrome and need to avoid citrus,alcohol and foods high in Histimines. Next weekend we are having our Thanksgiving…I will make regular and gluten free stuffing, 6 gluten free desserts, gluten free green bean casserole,etc,etc. it can be done and everyone eats and no one gets sick. In the 16 years since I found out, I have over 18,000 pins on Pinterest…….and I’ve found I can make or buy anything I want gluten free. I think the MIL should make dishes that the child and everyone else can eat……and the little one that is a picky eater should be able to bring her own food and eat it without being banned……the allergic child will have to face situations like this all her life……just like my grandchildren……they both know to ask, “Grandma, is this gluten free?” And they know when there is a party at school, or a Birthday party, they take their own pizza and cupcake.
Everyone just needs to cooperate,eat and enjoy themselves.
Please let us know what you decide and how it goes.
Being picky is so much different than having an allergy. I think your MIL is doing a good thing by making sure your 3 year old niece doesn’t have food around that will be harmful for her. At 3 years old she’s unaware to check labels, ask what ingredients are in something etc. what happens if she were to grab something with an allergen in it? That’s more than likely why your MIL is banning those foods completely. My step daughter also has food allergies and restrictions and when she’s with us I prefer to completely stay away from other peoples cooking and do it all myself so she doesn’t end up with something someone says is safe but it really isn’t. At that age she could easily get into the wrong thing.
As for your child, I’d try to find a few things to keep in the car incase your child just won’t eat. Out of sight out of mind for your niece. And promote trying new foods for your daughter. I understand there are a number of reasons why children are picky. But it’s not going to hurt your child to try and get them to try some new foods. And if she hates it or there’s a meltdown then you have back up.
I get that it seems like a huge inconvenience for you. But think about how you would feel being a parent to a child with an allergy. Watching your child have no foods they can eat on the table, being scared they’ll pick up something they shouldn’t have, hoping someone doesn’t mess up and give them dairy on accident. It’s scary for allergy parents. Be thankful you’re not in those shoes. As far as eating at the restaurant goes, there are ways for them to allow your niece to safely eat breakfast for everyone there also. Most restaurants do accommodate allergies. And if you’re sitting down at the table all together and eyes are on her constantly there’s a lot less of a risk of her getting something she shouldn’t
Use common sense and take what your kid will eat. The food is only going to be in front of her.
If neither you or your family has the common sense to make this happen with no fanfare or drama…there’s no help for you
Seriously? There is NOTHING else within the guidelines she will eat? No veggies? No fruit (besides banana)? Nothing from the Thanksgiving meal itself like some turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes?
I mean she’s alergic, maybe try to get your daughter to be less fussy
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Food allergies are scary. I have worked in childcare where two of our children were SEVERELY allergic to rice. Contact with one grain of rice sent a child to the hospital with high fever and bloody stools. It was an eye opener. Same
Children were
Also allergic to soy and would have similar reactions even having contact with a crayon. Cross contamination is real, I get where you are coming from but I also respect your mother in laws concern. Picky eater vs life threatening allergy…. I would feed child before and offer all amounts of the foods served. If child is hungry she will eat if not she will eat again when she gets home. Don’t risk someone’s life by bringing known allergens into the home.
While preparing the foods your daughter would eat in the same kitchen that foods your niece can eat can have cross contamination effects; so what I would do is pack a little cooler with the food already prepared in containers from your home that you can heat in the microwave, etc and when it’s time to eat, separate them. So there’s no chance of reaching over and grabbing food she’s allergic to while giving appropriate space to allow your child to eat. If that’s not okay with your mother in law, don’t go.
Pack your kid food in containers and bring your own utensils and make sure when they are done you pack it all back up in a bag. That seems like a reasonable option. There’s no chance of cross contamination that way
Just stay home, there’s certainly things that your child could eat for one day, that won’t put her cousin life at risk. Also is the lunch gonna last the entire day?or feed her before dinner or lunch so she won’t be hungry.
Seriously??? You can’t find one thing your kid can eat. Nonsense!! Your niece is allergic. What do you want her to do?? I’m sure your child will survive the hour it will probably take to eat.
Bring your toddler her own little plate of food
they can get over it
why accommodate one but not the other
Dumb attention seeking question. She’s really just pissed and venting gurl bye
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If the life of your niece isn’t a priority for you you should stay home and spoil rotten your 3 year old and make her feel entitled for the rest of her life. And don’t cry back to us when she is pregnant and on drugs as a teenager
Offer your toddler what is available if she doesn’t eat that ok
Umm no one is reading the part where the MIL doesn’t think it’s okay to have said foods at the house but takes the child out to a restaurant that will have food with the allergens? It doesn’t make any sense.
Pack a fucking lunch box and make sure its kept out of reach of the child with allergies…
Duh. How dumb are you?
OR stop coddling your daughter and offer her all of the foods anyway, if she chooses not to eat, hunger is the price you pay for being picky!
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Give a little of the foods she’s used to prior to leaving. Boom done. This is also a great opportunity to introduce new foods at the holiday table, and let her explore the textures and tastes! You never know, she may find a new like! 
Try not to think of the can’t haves and think of all of the new possibilities Happy Holidays 
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Food allergy mom here.
What gramma is doing is actually such a kind act of compassion
Kids navigating a world full of things that can kill them isn’t easy. Many times they miss out on gatherings and events because of this
Most restaurants have dedicated lines or pots and pans etc for the top allergens these days and have strict guidelines on how to handle it/ wash the dishes.
You can find pancakes that don’t contain any of the allergens - same as yogurt. I’d use this as an opportunity to teach your child compassion and what the food she likes can do (age appropriate) to her cousin.
I’d maybe feed her before hand - wash her hands very well with soap - and try to offer some new foods 
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If your toddler doesn’t have any allergies herself, then I really don’t understand the problem. Give her a plate with a TINY bit of everything on it and let her try everything. If there’s anything she doesn’t like, fine. The stuff she does like, you can get her more of.
Take your own and feed her.
It’s just one day. It sounds like your kid could do with a healthy meal. My kids are all different but making separate food for each is just a nightmare and just… no. I have 2 picky eaters and 3 that are good with anything. If we go somewhere and someone goes out of their way to make food for us it’s rude not to accept the hard work prepared for us.
All of the foods you mentioned are now made in vegan alternatives, that taste like the real thing… So just ask your MIL to use vegan alternatives, simple.
No need to fret so much. Very simple!:
Feed her before going to the dinner & pack snacks for her to have just in case (hang out with her in an area where she can enjoy them separate from everyone for a moment).
The following day?: Not give AF and ask to be sat separate in some sort of adjacent table and order her food and yours to be enjoyed by you both without having to adhere to whatever the other dictates. If they don’t like or accept that… Treat yourselves to a separate place and convene again after once you’re all done.
I have kids that have special dietary needs. And everyone makes me feel like crap constantly because " well I can’t use the right kind of food coloring" or “I know it doesn’t taste right but my hands were tied”. We stopped doing birthday parties bc I am not tolerating it anymore. Literally was in tears at my daughter’s 1st birthday bc someone made it all about them. Take your own food if it’s too much for your kiddo. Or you’ve got a few weeks, start adding things to you child’s diet that will be there. Or definitely just pack a meal for her 
Also always an option to try to find allergy free foods and learn about them. Just keep things separate
Idk maybe it’s time to move on from frozen pancakes and Mac n cheese.
- Feed kid before you get there.
- Substitute doesn’t taste much different. We had to do that for many years and a lot of us were allergic or picky.
I usually eat before hand. Also have snacks in the bag or purse with me. Eat afterwards. At the table I just eat turkey so I’m not completely rude haha…
If it was your child with a deadly allergy you’d probably hope that other family members would care enough to keep your child safe. Maybe feed your daughter right before you go and then bring snacks for the visit? See if your daughter will try the new foods that are there? My son had feeding therapy so I know it’s so tough when they only eat certain things or hardly at all but I’d definitely want to keep my niece safe. I’d feel horrible if something happened.
i agree with everyone saying to prepare your daughters food at home and bring separate containers/utensils for your daughters food. in the real world, people have allergies(severe and not so severe) and still have to learn to get around it. if you keep an eye on your daughter and her own food, it shouldn’t be a problem. if it is a problem, i’d pack my family up and leave. that’s a little ridiculous. we’ve had friends with allergies come over for dinner and all you have to do is not let them have something if it’s got their allergen in it. simple
Some of the comments in this thread are wack & I’m literally laughing at how insane people are 
You can purchase allergy friendly versions of what your child will eat if your mil is being that strict.
As a mother to a child with many food allergies, I would never expect someone to eat the way my child does. Limiting food items present will not help the child learn to avoid the foods they are allergic to.
Have you raised concerns with your mother in law?
They shouldn’t ban food she needs to learn she can’t eat certain things and be supervised. If it’s an issue I’d pack food and prepare it for your child. If there is an issue then say “if she hasn’t learned not to touch other people’s food yet then today is a great day for her to learn because when she starts school they aren’t going to ban such foods.” I bet it’s an intolerance not an allergy meaning she won’t die she will have an upset tummy. So schools won’t ban these foods at all. Then if they carry on I’d say you can’t accommodate one child but not the other, and if this is how it is going to be my child and I are staying home and your son can just come. Or alternate houses say next yr we will be doing it at our house. Then when it gets to the day and they arrive say there is no food ban however I made her, her fans with substitutes. This is just for her.
If the mother in law, can ban the foods for one child, then she can allow foods for one to eat. Who the hell, is she to “ban” food being on a table? Ummm I would tell her to mind her business and feed your child what you know she will eat!! Or I would stay home!!
Your daughter is not going to get sick or day from one day of eating less food. Your niece however could get very sick. So you understand how selfish it is for you to think that you should be allowed to bring food into someone else’s home that could make someone else very sick. Feed your child before you go something she will eat and then her tummy will be full and then she can pick at what she will eat at your in laws.
Why is this even a thing?! You’re kid is a picky eater…the other kid has legit allergies! Either feed your kid the food before you go or feed the kid the food on offer and if its not eaten get something on the way home.
Why is this even an issue for you? They’re trying to prevent your niece from accidentally ingesting something that could kill her……….
Suck it up buttercup. Sounds like you also need to advance your child’s food pallet if all they eat is Mac n cheese, yogurt, and frozen pancakes. 
the allergic child is only 3, therefore there is a risk that she can get to the food and eat it, she does not yet understand why she cannot have it. So try to be understanding and keep anything she is allergic to away from the home. Your child can be fed at home before, or bring foods not in the banned list that she will eat. When they age more, the problems will be reduced as they learn to understand.