My toddler is very picky and likely won’t eat normal Thanksgiving food and the Saturday following Thanksgiving we are having Thanksgiving with my husband’s family and because his niece is allergic to dairy (milk & eggs) and bananas my mother-in-law has banned anything from being on the table that contains any of these. All of the food is being made with substitutes for things she’s allergic to. It was the same last year but my daughter woke up sick last year and couldn’t go so this wasn’t an issue. Assuming she isn’t sick this year the banned food really limits what my daughter will eat. My usual go to foods for my daughter are mac & cheese, frozen pancakes, and yogurt but all of these fall under the banned food. My niece is 3 and the following day we are all going out to breakfast where banned food will be at the restaurant. While I understand our niece has severe allergies, I’m not sure what to feed my child. Any suggestions?
Take ur babys food with u.
My suggestion is, cook at home, the foods your family enjoys…
I would let her have her favorite foods before y’all go. That can be her Thanksgiving:)
How about she eats before you go and just make her try dinner.
Have your own Thanksgiving
Feed her before hand. Most kids are too excite or anxious at bug holiday events to actually sit and eat when it’s meal time.
I have 3 grown grandsons. When they were little one wouldn’t eat meat unless forced to. One couldn’t have his food touching. One didn’t like sauces of any kind. Most kids are picky.
Depending on severity I can see this, could you feed your daughter before hand. Or you can make her a plate and bring it just for her.
I’d have her eat before you go over. Or prepare food for your daughter and have her sit next to you to eat it so your niece won’t be near it. 
Could she eat something before y’all go?
Umm for us it’s always been the other way around with my ex brothers having the same allergies we just if him his own stuff and everyone eats what’s made y’all’s kids are lil grown ups should fix regular food and make that one kids something they can eat not force everyone seems to me your mother in law has a favorite grown child and doesn’t want to be the bad guy
Food preferences are food preferences it doesn’t matter if there is an allergy or if they just prefer certain foods…both should be considered at meals. If your child was vegan or gluten free…it would have to be considered. Not eating at a table if my kid can’t eat.
Stay home with your kiddo…do your own thing…IMO sounds like you just don’t wanna go… my kids are extremely picky so I get it…but feed them before and after and don’t make them eat there…IF you wanna go, of not it’d your excuse out 
Pack something for her to eat. Also, she might just eat what’s there, you never know.
I would bring a microwave single serve Mac and cheese if they will eat that and if you have to feed it before the meal, do so.
I’d say either feed her before you go to these things or just don’t go. If you don’t really want to start stuff you could just say you guys are sick again.
Get dairy free cheese for Mac n cheese, its good! Get dairy free yogurt. it’s not real hard. Better than kill an allergic child!
I would bring your own food for your child. I always bring my kids their own food cause its my responsibility. On the flip side the niece’s parents could bring her food so she eats what’s safe for her and all the food isn’t cooked to her specific need. If its mil house and she wants to cook everything to be safe for niece that is her choice and you can have your daughter try the new food but have a back up
Respect her rules just like you would want yours respected. 
feed your kid beforehand or bring your own stuff
Bring lactose milk and Yougurt. Easy peasy. My kids are on it. They do not notice the difference.
One day out of the year I’m sure you can figure it out. 
allergic reactions are far more important than the one meal you’re going to feed your child. Make adjustments and be flexible and possibly feed the child before they go if it’s that concerning to you.
I’m not going to miss a family gathering because my kid wants to be picky eater…pack the things she will eat and show up and have a good time.
How about make your child a plate of the food that is available and see what she chooses to eat. You might be surprised. My nephew used to refuse to try new foods but if he sees everyone else eating he is more than happy to at least try it. We have noticed he has started eating more variety of food.
Being allergic and a picky are totally two different things! One can kill a child and one can cause a tantrum. Please don’t compare the two. As suggested above pack food for your toddler will eat or like mine will eat 3 rolls with butter only!
Cruz Fam she’s allowed to ban certain foods from her own house
2 of my grandchildren have nut allergies. Nothing is served in my home with any nuts. Feed before you go
Feed your daughter in a separate room before the meal then during the meal she can pick bites off your plate. Toddlers love to steal whatever is trying to go into your mouth. If it was your child with the allergies you would want to feel the respect the grandmother is giving to her grandchild. I’m sure it will be fine. And a restaurant is different because if the little girl sees some random person eating scrambled eggs she won’t care but if you are sitting next to her with a big helping of scrambled eggs I could see how that could be upsetting. Out of site out of mind
Make your daughter food at home and bring it with you. If the parents of your niece are okay with it then your mother in law can’t say anything especially since you are all going to breakfast the next day
I certainly would not want to by any means bring anything into the house that this child is allergic to… can you imagine ?!
Either kindly pass or maybe it’s a great day to start new foods with your toddler! 
don’t stress too much about it.
Maybe bring snacks in your car and go out every so often?
K so I read 3 things banned ? Your child eats more then 3 things I think your fine and your child can eat whatever else will be there.
Food allergies can be deadly! Please respect your mil decision to serve these foods. Offer all of the food being served to your child. You may be surprised. Pack a few other things for your child. Pasta with butter, non dairy yogurt, vegan cheese. There are tons of dairy/egg free alternatives.
Get some vegan pancake mix - egg and dairy free; there is also dairy free yogurt made with almond or coconut milk. It’s one day… I’m sure you can figure something out for your child while avoiding an allergic reaction for your niece.
Pack her a lunch box with things she will eat. Its not rocket science, you are her mom…
Make your own food for her and take it for your daughter. OR is she saying that you can’t do that either? If she is saying that you can’t bring your daughter anything that the other kid is allergic to then I would tell them to shove it and we wouldn’t be going because that is extreme.
My suggestion is let her choke on her food and stay home and create your own traditions with your family.
Throw your own Thanksgiving dinner and invite everyone except her to your party
Side note eggs are not dairy.
Being allergic and picky are two different things.
Her house her rules. You can either go or not.
Your daughter might surprise you and eat what is being served.
Feed her before you go, just in case.
Are you sure there is NOTHING your daughter will eat that does not contain dairy, eggs, or bananas?
Have your own Thanksgiving Dinner. No one says you can’t start your own “FAMILY TRADITION”!
Invite your family and friends over. Have fun!
Just decline. Let her know you have your own values for your family and are not willing to put make them feel uncomfortable.
Cook the food for her at your place .
Feed her before hand .
Do not go , feeding your daughter is as important as feeding your niece
I would let her know your child needs to eat as well and you will be providing her food for dinner. If she doesn’t like it then don’t go
Maybe use this opportunity to introduce her to other foods. It’s one day. Feed her before hand or bring different things for her
Feed her before hand & bring allergy safe snacks that you know she’ll eat
Why should your niece’s allergies affect what other people eat. My sister can’t eat dairy. Doesn’t stop me from drinking milk or eating ice cream.
We have almond milk and butter for my sister. If I make mac and cheese I use the almond milk. Regular milk for my drinking milk.
Guess that means no gravy. For the Turkey 
Feed her prior to attending Thanksgiving or pack her a plate that you prepared that excludes the 3 ingredients that are banned from Thanksgiving. Or don’t attend and host Thanksgiving at your home. If your niece has life threatening allergy surely the family accommodating one day should be an inconvenience everyone is willing to put aside for the child’s safety. My daughter had a childhood acquaintance die from a sudden reaction to a food allergy of milk, that was in a dish he specifically asked to not be prepared with any milk products. Accidents, happen and I can understand your MIL concerns.
Take her food already prepared and feed her away from the niece. Problem solved.
Feed your kid before you go
Take her food already prepared, along with separate utensils and a container. If the MIL doesn’t allow it then I’d tell her you will not be able to come due to the inability to feed your child food she will eat.
It sounds like since the MIL is keeping the medical needs of the other child in mind and you can’t guarantee to follow those medical needs that you guys should stay home for eating. Maybe just go for some visiting if you choose. Please do not listen to others saying to bring her food in anyways. That’s how there’s an accidental exposure and you don’t know if that would kill her. Seriously allergens can go deadly from one exposure. And that is something you could never undo and the family would be ripped apart. MIL is requiring a safe space so respect that. It’s her home and an invite is not a summons.
Also idk if you’ve talked with the doctor but now would be a great time to so you can get her into therapies and see if there’s a diagnosis going on. Both of my kids have/had very rigid eating choices and both are neurodivergent.
I feel this so hard since my son is in food therapy due to how little he eats. We also deal with an allergy in the family, we keep things very separate but we don’t say no to the things that contain the allergy, we are just VERY careful. On that note, you definitely can find those foods that are allergy friendly! If your child won’t eat the allergy friendly version and you absolutely cannot bring stuff for your own child… just do your own Thanksgiving at home. If it ruffles feathers you can just tell them that you’re doing what’s best for your family. You understand there’s an allergy but your child also struggles with food and you can’t just take your child and not have anything for her to eat. I would also ask your doctor for a recommendation for food therapy, it has honestly helped my son so much!!
My daughter has a deathly allergy to kiwi, I still buy it for my other children and o don’t ban it from other people lol I just don’t let my daughter eat it. If it was a peanut allergy I’d understand cause that can be air born but to ban anyone from eating food someone else is allergic to is insane to me. Sure have options for the child that needs special requirements but to totally ban it from everyone and then go to a restaurant the next day is silly
Ummmm, I wouldn’t want food that could kill my 3 year old niece out on the table. Why do you want that? I get your kid is picky but frozen pancakes and yogurt aren’t even Thanksgiving foods, so what is the likelihood that they would actually be served without the nieces allergy? This is the perfect opportunity to teach your child grace and respect for other people.
Pack her food. My cousin’s kids are really picky eaters and she always comes with food and snacks prepped for them. She even once asked the waitress to heat up mac and cheese at a restaurant. You need to feed your kid, that’s priority.
Take an individual bowl of just your kids food.
There are no dairy versions of those foods your niece can’t eat like yogurt made with coconut milk. Vegan versions are dairy free. Communication with the child’s parents on what you can bring for your picky eater that she will eat can be helpful they probably know allergy safe alternatives.
Smh it is a family get together no one is saying your child can’t eat sounds like a good time to try something new. I know being a parent we want our children happy but sometimes we do or over think to much which allows our children to think they are in control. Sounds like the family is trying to be safe which is understandable they are not being that way to ruffle feathers. Go enjoy I’m sure your child will find something they enjoy and you’re just over thinking the situation. However in life we don’t always get what we want it’s a life lesson and respecting others is another. If you can’t at least try and be positive for your child and yourself then don’t go it will be your loss. If you go and things are not going well excuse yourself go do your thing but at least you tried. Wish u the best!
I cooked entire Thanksgiving meals for years without peanuts, wheat, eggs, milk, and bananas because my son was allergic to those things. I get that it’s an inconvenience to you, but it could be life threatening to your niece. There are thousands of foods that don’t contain milk, eggs, or bananas that I’m sure your kiddo can eat. Graham Crackers, Oatmeal, plain pasta, pancakes with an egg substitute (you could use flaxseed) and a milk substitute, fruits, jello, mashed potatoes made with chicken broth, most crackers, pretzels, potato chips, vegetables…
her house, her rules 
How about teach your child to eat what’s put in front of them or go without , that’s what my generation got told , either that or stay home, and don’t go to gathering , I’m sure your child will not starve to death , if they don’t get catered to. You might be surprised if you make your child try new things ,they might like them.
I would bring what your daughter can eat & only enough for her
Tbh if my child had an allergy I would totally not want anything on the table that might cause a reaction, how old are both of the children
Feed your child before going, don’t go, or offer what is offered. Your child is being picky, the other can die due to allergies, safe options for the other child is more important than pickiness. Your child has the ability to eat a wide range of things. Can eat new things. Children with allergies cannot eat their allergens. The allergy child most likely won’t go to the restaurant. I would not being things containing the allergen, if you were to take the allergen to that house after they made specific arrangements to make the meal safe for the child you would be defeating the purpose and making the place unsafe. How would you feel if a little of that allergen you brought had some crumbs on the floor and the other child unknowingly came and contact and ends up in an ER fighting for their life? Show respect and don’t bring allergens. You wouldn’t want them to risk your kids life if it was your child.
Literally… She can eat almost everything else at the dinner table…
Stand up for your daughter and tell her it’s no different than being at the restaurant the next morning. Your child needs to eat.
Feed her/him before you go! My kids didn’t eat at Christmas Eve at my aunt’s house. She always had traditional Polish Christmas Eve foods. Worked out well. As my kids and my cousins kids got older- we bought and brought pizza and wings for the kids. Now they are all grown up and still have pizza and wings for Christmas Eve.! (40) years and now the same with the grandkids…
Children will never starve themselves to death. They’ll be difficult lol but they will eat when they’re hungry. Try something new or find something that she will eat and take it with you. There’s heaps of substitutes you can try in the foods she does like.
Feed before you go but not full. Let her eat what she will and feed her again after
Bring their preferred food for them.
Skip going stay home eat hardy
I wouldn’t be going to thanksgiving or the breakfast at a restaurant the next day. I’m sorry but your niece isn’t the only person in the room and it is up to her parents to accommodate and make sure she doesn’t get what she’s allergic to. My kid is going to eat as I would and would like to enjoy whatever I want to eat. Good luck trying to go through all of that, your Mil sounds a little meh 
.
Their house, their rules! Personally, I wouldn’t attend and I’d do something at my own house. You definitely want to respect food allergies but you also shouldn’t leave your daughter out of an entire meal because of it. Separate holidays would just make more sense. My daughter has a severe allergy to shellfish. If there’s going to be any kind of seafood I always bring her a plate from home. We never ban foods for our family we are just extra extra careful with hers.
Just take what u want her to eat on a Tupperware easy peasy
I don’t know, maybe bc i have children in my family with food allergies, I’m more sensitive to this. Feed your child prior. And bring things she likes that don’t have dairy, eggs or milk in it. Buy school safe snacks; they’re delicious. Dairy free ice cream too. Be supportive.
We don’t put food on the table that my cousins or my children are allergic to. Their well being is important
Ridiculous! Bring a plate and snacks for your child. Only your child. Put name on it. Everyone should hVe a wonderful Thanksgiving. A 3 year old should not rule the dinner. A plate should be made for her and put her name on it. Her mother should be doing that.
Sounds like a good time to encourage the child to branch out and eat real food.
Have you ever saw a child having allergic reaction to food? I understand your kid needs it but seriously you’re going to compare your child not getting their favorite food to the possibility of another child having allergic reaction and may be dying. I realize I’m being harsh but sweet, merciful Jesus in heaven, could you be more self-centered you deserve the Karen of the year award
Bring your child her own plate… why is this so hard?
They make dairy free macncheese and yogurt
You make your child try new foods… picky does not equal to allergies. Growing up we ate what was on our plates or nothing at all, especially when it was a big dinner that took a lot of time. Encourage her to branch out and try new things unless you want every holiday ahead of you to just be mac and cheese. - mother of 3 boys.
If she’s hungry she will end up eating what’s in front of her stop encouraging her pickiness
If there isn’t anything on the table your daughter likes then the problem most likely isn’t your daughter’s, it’s yours. Kids shouldn’t be forced to eat something they don’t like but they should be forced to try a bite of everything. There’s no way your child doesn’t like absolutely everything in a thanksgiving meal.
Being a picky eater is not the same thing as being allergic. Accommodating a child who refuses to eat something because they don’t like it is not your MIL responsibility, it’s yours. Accommodation for an allergy IS a priority. Ensuring that food is prepared safely to not cause harm, significantly and completely outweighs a picky child. Pack your own food. Feed her before or after. Deal with it yourself. Or don’t go. But don’t expect people to accommodate children who refuse to eat more then 3 things. That’s ridiculous.
Dairy free and egg free Mac and cheese exists… you can even get it in a box like kraft 
You could just stay home? Let your daughter and husband go and you won’t have to worry about how it’s handled.
Im not sure about this year. Bring food and keep your kid next to you. But for next year and the next I would suggest to go to home parents’ home instead. Have a good time with your family and let them eat their substitute foods
Feed your kid before or in the car, or stay home.
It would be good to have her eat something other than Mac and cheese, frozen pancakes, and yogurt. - from a mom of two very picky daughters.
Make a little to go plate for your daughter
Wait… they’re completely banning those foods all together? So they can’t even be present? I’ve never in my life heard of someone with an allergy so severe to milk or eggs that they can’t even be present in the same room with them…. Personally, I’d either not go or bring my child their own food anyways. And clearly if y’all are going to some place that serves those things the following day… she can be around them… so why cant your child have her own foods there?! It really makes zero sense. I completely get having options and alternatives for allergies, but completely banning foods for everyone else when it’s not an allergy that restricts her from being around her allergens? That is just excessive. Honestly if it was me, I wouldn’t go. Make my own food at home so that me and my kids could eat our own foods. Just my personal thoughts. One of my little cousins has a tree nut allergy. He just can’t eat them. So we make sure he knows (and his parents know) if anything contains tree nuts so that he doesn’t accidentally consume them. There are TONS of options besides the items he can’t have. Not sure why your family can’t do the same.
Feed her before you go and then at dinner fix her a plate of watermelon, cantaloupe, grapes, and add some of the foods that are there on the table.add some chicken nuggets and fries, applesauce.
The entitlement in the comment section is real sad… would rather compromise a small child with a allergy to certain foods rather then making your kid try something else. I would not bring any certain food that the other child is allergic to in that house bc a child that young could quite possibly get ahold of it, unless you pack them a food that they like that’s not on the list of allergies. I get kids have certain aversions to food/texture but there will prolly be a whole array of foods to try, let them explore it. Or feed them before you leave, I have very picky eaters and I would never put another child health at risk to accommodate my child bc they want to be picky, yes the child needs to eat but it’s not like you’re starving her all day, you can feed her before you leave and when you get back, leave early if you have too. But I would absolutely not bring into the house something another child is allergic to so if you pack snacks or something that your kids would eat just make sure it’s something else on their list. Some food can literally kill a child bc their allergic to it, I mean could you live with that? But I guess as long as your child gets to eat their fav foods it’s worth it right? Your child’s pickiness does not override another childs health. Again I have 2 picky eaters and I would give them a array of foods to try and they eat it or they don’t and then I’ll feed them when we get home if they’re hungry, and no I don’t have any kids with food allergies but I know many that do that can put them in anaphylactic shock if they even touch it, but I also care about other ppl/kids well being
So ur child cant eat Thanksgiving because someone is allergic? Why cant u bring a mini meal for her. Ur mother in law should understand this
Feed her before you go. Your daughter not eating for a few hours isn’t life threatening, the other child accidentally coming in contact with their allergens may be.
Accomadating food allergies trumps accomadating picky eaters.
My youngest has allergies and while I don’t ever ask people completely exclude them from social gatherings you have no idea the relief that comes with attending a party or dinner where I know none of the foods contain her allergens.
When you have a child with allergies you truly spend every second of parties on high alert worried that they’ll touch something (food, a surface) and react. At a young age, I also have a 3yo, you also worry about other children touching them or shared toys.
One child could have smeared their face or hands with an allergen and then tried to cuddle the child with allergies.
Take this as a great chance to discuss allergies with your own children and explain the importance of good hygiene before and after eating.
Perhaps have a seperate meal prepared of your child’s favourite non dairy and egg foods because I’m sure your child doesn’t exclusively eat dairy and egg for every meal. While it might not be her absolute favourites she’ll still be fed.
Consider too that this is what most allergy kids have to do every single place they go. It’s just flipped around for once.
My aunt has severe celiac disease. On holidays or any time she is there when meals are being prepared, the gluten free food is cooked first, covered, and separated. Then food with gluten is cooked. We are able to distinguish to everyone what is and isn’t gluten free. We make the same dishes twice. There is never an expectation that everyone has to also be gluten free.
I totally understand it may be easier to just cook the whole thing allergen free because you don’t want to deal with added work. However there is no reason why her parent’s can’t bring allergen free sides for their child.
I feel like unless the child has had severe airborne reaction to her allergens, microwaving wouldnt be an issue. Shouldn’t be an issue bringing prepared food, plates and utensils.
If they are all going to a restaurant the next day for breakfast and the child is going, her argument for Thanksgiving is moot as far as im concerned. For real is this just safety concern? So if she says no to bringing your own, I’d ask her if she plans on finding a dairy, egg, and banana free restaurant.
3 year olds aren’t going to eat every aspect of the meal so not sure why all items must be prepared like this for Thanksgiving. This seems to be part not wanting to say no to the 3 yr old, and part not wanting to have to put in effort to ensure she doesn’t eat something she shouldn’t.
One day out of a year your complaining that your daughter won’t have foods she’s picked while your niece is limited to what she eats throughout her life. You sound crazy…
I totally get why the mil is doing that
I’m an Aussie (we don’t do thanksgiving here in Australia)
At Christmas time only gluten free items are allowed to go on the table
Reguardles of who is there
Is it possible for you to feed your little one before you go
Or take your own food?
I wouldn’t go other people shouldn’t have to suffer 
They sell gluten free pancakes and tons of gluten free dairy free items heck out the section in your grocery store and make something for your child to eat the day of! Also lots of restaurants offer dairy free GF items! It’s one day I’m sure you all will survive!