I would ask her to take either both kids
Or niether of them
In some cultures
boys are favored over girls
As they can finacally take care of his parents
While girls are considered a commodity
Hard one.
At the end of the day if you’re playing games with my kid’s emotions then you won’t be in their lives period.
Point it out to her. Or have your husband. Both or none.
I had this issue. My MIL favored my son and only asked for him.
I talked to my significant other and when he realized, it pissed him off too.
We agreed that if she wants them, its both.
OR
If she takes one, one time, she HAS to take the other the following time
No ifs, ands or buts.
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All my kids or none of my kids.
Well then… your daughter can call her Mrs. Ms. Whatever her last name is instead of grandma or just straight up call her by her first name. Leave the choice up to your daughter, either grandma or whatever her name is. Being a grandparent is a privilege being a stepchild or step grandchild isn’t the child’s fault and should not be treated any different than the rest. And until your MIL can treat your daughter like her own grandchild she shouldn’t have to address her as grandma, she can address her by name or “this is my ‘grandma’.” It’s petty but the point will be taken and they will see it as disrespect but they disrespected an innocent child first! And Momma, you’re gonna have to stand strong while standing your ground. You back down over this you’ll start having problems with your daughter. Let her see you defending her, show her you have her back. And when it comes to the mil if she sees you faulter she’ll take it as weakness and run with it.
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My family was the same way, at first they would only take my daughter and every single time my son would stand by the door crying… I got tired of it and said take them both, take turns, or don’t take any of them… since then they take them all
She doesn’t get access to either.
I stopped visits and everything
I don’t tolerate narcissistic behaviour toward my children.
Once that was done and we went no contact; we were taken more seriously about how our family as a whole were treated.
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He is her blood. Perhaps your husband should be doing the talking to his mother about the issue.
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No ma’am! Not good! Totally not ok. Do NOT allow this. I was her ( that girl) This will stick w her and she’ll never feel as if she’s enough. This is generational toxicity. Also, unintentional enabling of this behavior or any favoritism needs to cease… SO NO MORE plz… seek some kind of Literature, research or support. It’s great that you’re asking but be plz don’t stop here. She is worth love time and attention just like he is. I know you know this. If grandma doesn’t have time for all them, then she needs to stop taking any away. She’s to come over & do short visits w the whole family around. Set boundaries mama and change the generational curse favoring boys over girls. New generation!
It’s all or nothing, my daughter has 2 older kids and is involved with a good guy, his whole family treats the big kids as cherished grandchildren
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If it were my MIL and I was in this situation, 
Felicia! She can have her internal feelings about her own blood grand child but she doesn’t get to publicly display that. She can choose to have a loving relationship with all grand kids or none at all. At this rate, you don’t need a single relationship in your life that is not healthy for your daughter/kids. IMO she’s not healthy.
your husband needs to deal with that
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That’s an easy fix. YOU stop the favoritism. Stop allowing your son to be involved unless your daughter is too. It’s both or not at all. You dictate who does what who goes where. Stop the problem. You can’t allow her to take him and not her. Put your foot down
Nope not in my life. Either she takes both or none. Tell your daughter if she does behave like that to dial it back but I don’t think that’s the problem as all kids get rowdy. She doesn’t see her as she sees your son and that is so wrong. My stepdad loved my son from the day he was born till my dad past. They were best friends. He also treated both my nieces the same as they weren’t blood. She’s a shocking woman who needs to be told to sort herself out but not by you but by your husband. He should be telling her she’s out of order leaving his daughter out of things she may not be his blood but I bet he treats her as if she’s his own. Talk to him and see what you can come up with but if he’s ok with her doing that then I’d go with the both or none.
You can’t force YOUR stepchild on a person who honestly isn’t her family . I know it’s not your daughters fault , but it’s also not the grandmother’s either . You got involved with a person whom had a child previously , not her .
I know it hurts her , but you need to figure out a way to explain this . Because you can’t force anyone to have feelings for someone who they aren’t bonded with by blood or not .
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Yeah … that stuff wouldn’t be happenings!
Both or none ! Or rotate even but not just him
What does your husband think is what im curious about.
Don’t let your son go then
If she can’t do for both she can’t do for your son
Simple as that
I would say if she can’t handle both at the same time, then she needs to take turns. Either that or nothing.
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Don’t let either go. If you are going tommake a difference than you don’t get to hurt one of my children just because it don’t work thatbway.
Unfortunately, there isn’t much you can do unless you give her the ultimatum to take both or neither. But personally, I wouldn’t feel comfortable forcing her to take both because if she’s saying she’s too much for her to handle then you’d be risking her getting frustrated and yelling or being mean to her. If that’s really the reason, of course.
Honestly, I would just try and make fun dates, time or activities with your daughter when Grandma takes your son to try and keep her mind off of it. Maybe when both the kids are a little older grandma will be able to handle both at the same time? Or see if she’s willing to take them at separate times so she doesn’t feel left out? I just don’t think completely cutting her off because she can’t handle both kids at the same time is right.
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Ew. I would tell her if she can’t be equal with both grandchildren then she doesn’t get to see them.
My son would not go with her either. I have a step granddaughter and I treat her like my other grandkids. I think of her as a bonus granddaughter. It doesn’t take much for kids to feel love and acceptance.
Where is your husband on this ?
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Thars so rude take them both lover her as your own i do i love all my grand kids the same
I am sorry this happens and it really sucks. I would have your husband speak with her and going forward all or none.
Or maybe - always call over and ask to speak with your FIL- ask to take him to lunch and do things with him but not her.
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It is obvious that your MIL does not consider your daughter family. Explain to your daughter that your MIL is not really her grandmother and that she is the step grandmother, and speak to the MIL about teaching your daughter to call her Mrs. _____ what ever her last name is since she does not treat your daughter like a grandchild your daughter shouldn’t have to call her grandma.
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Do not send your son. You can see the problem but you’re allowing your daughter to develop confidence and low self esteem by being rejected like this. Be her mother and advocate for her. If she can’t take both, none go.
If you aren’t taking both your taking neither. Years how id do it
You’re in control of your children, it’s all or none
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As a step child who was married into a family. I would get hurt same way. I would get it where my sister was getting gifts on my birthday no one stuck up for me. I love my grandma and step side. I was hurt but I overcame. As an adult, I have family members who would say they’ll take one of the two oldest and make the other feel left out. I told them no to any time they’d ask because I seen my child hurt. The kids both have the same dad so it happens but as a mama I had to stop it.
If all don’t go ,none goes
Sometimes grandmothers can’t handle 2 children at a time. Have her take turns with them.
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Mom should pick a day and take both kids over. That way grandma has back up and granddaughter can feel included. Two kids (depending on age and temperament) can be tough even in us youngish Grandma’s. Maybe grandma needs some help. It sounds more like her doubting her ability to corral them both.
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Put your foot down now have a serious conversation with both husband and mil and let them know that you see the favoritism going on and no more visits until both are treated fairly
He should praps set aside time for the occasional extra special “father-daughter” activity. To make up the difference. And be up front about it with her brother. “No hard feelings son, but grandma spoils ye rotten.” He’ll understand. Kids ain’t stupid.
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Me and my husband are trying to conceive a baby of our own though we both have children from previous relationships,if my ex’s parents can take in my girls step brother and allow him over w them etc bc "that’s their brother " but my MIL who lives closer and sees them more so bc of it couldn’t or kept making excuse as to why not keep my girls but can the child we eventually have together if we can and their step brother then visits overnight and such would simply be cut ,I don’t allow any type of favoritism our house or about our kids blood or not .
My only grandfather was not my blood. He had bio grand kids and married my grandmother when my mom was a teen. YOU WOULD NEVER know it though. He loved us all and we all thought we were the favorite. So it’s possible!
Sadly my own daughter went through this she’s an only child but her cousins were favored for a long time. I took too long to put my foot down. Things got worse when I removed ourselves from the situation and I still don’t know if doing a complete cut off was the right choice in handling but things did repair after a year. Things did not get better until my husband got on board though it needs to be a group talk then group action
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My parents always favored my son but not my girls.
At this point I’d say neither - and she can come to yours to see them. If this is her behaviour - I wouldn’t trust her with this level of favouritism, going forwards in treatment of my daughter without me about
Sometimes you got to read in between the lines. OP said her MIL said she can’t handle her daughter inside because she’s too rowdy. Notice how she didn’t say her daughter wasn’t rowdy, she just said her daughter couldn’t go over there during the summer either. There’s a possibility that her daughter is rowdy and the MIL just can’t handle her. We don’t know how old this lady is or
how old these kids are so I’m gonna give grandma the benefit of the doubt. 
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If she won’t take BOTH, she Should NOT be able to take your son as well. BOTH or NONE!
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Stop letting her take your son. Simple as that
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My aunt always took me out more then my brother, and her other neices/nephews. 
If only one of my kids were allowed and not the other then neither one would be going period end of story I hate the favoritism crap!!
Quit letting her take your son…
Whatever you do, try your best to make sure you’re son understands that it’s not a punish for him. I was your son in this situation growing up and it made me favor my grandma, here’s why. She bought me stuff and so my mom would buy my sister stuff, well my sister got in the habit of getting “suprises” from mom and when I wanted one my mom would say your “grandma got you something or grandma is doing something with you “ I never got why my mom didn’t buy me anything, we became disconnected and it made me feel like she loved me less. There were others reason behind it too but you get what I mean? I would make grandma take turns or supervised visits only
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How rowdy is the girl child, is MIL health capable of handling smaller child and rowdy child together. I’m usually treat all fairly person. But is they anything else that maybe preventing her from having two at once
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WHAT DOSE the other GRANDMA on the other side DO?? Sometimes their is a reason so ask her. Let her know it’s okay.
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At this point I wouldn’t even want her with my daughter. She wouldn’t be taking either!
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Don’t try to force her to take her. Putting your daughter in her care is setting her up to be treated unkind. Just keep your daughter away from her. Sometimes it just is what it is.
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I wouldn’t tell her if she can’t get your daughter at times she can’t get your son either, tell her it doesn’t have to be at the same time but let them take turns who stays the night. One time she can keep your daughter and then the next time she can keep your son. But if she don’t wanna do that don’t let her get him
She wouldn’t be taking my son anymore. Don’t let her continue to make your daughter feel unloved and left out.
Where is your mother? Why doesn’t she take her? Or you could use the time with her! Don’t make your MIL take. She likely will not feel included
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As a mother of 4 kids and one side of the grandparents doesn’t want anything to do with any of my kids cut them off completely, she doesn’t give the time of day to your daughter then she doesn’t get time with your son SIMPLE!
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That the daughter is now aware and feels the favouritism and has said so it is the deal breaker.
This narc mil…won’t change…and knows exactly what she’s doing. She doesn’t like the girl , rejects her and its obvious.
Do not tolerate this.
Stop the visits & contact altogether.
She’ll triangulate those kids …and give the daughter an inferiority complex.
Don’t allow it and then your daughter wouldn’t feel that way.
Cut off all visits. Immediately. If it continues through presents and phone calls, cut off all communication.
Thats what we did
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dont let son over unless daughter goes, simple
Stop allowing your son to go there, or spend time w her.
Let’s be clear and obviously MOST on this page can’t comprehend this BUT a grandparent DOES NOT have to treat their step grandchild the same as the bio grandchild. They didn’t choose to bring that child into their lives, you and your spouse made that choice for them. You may not like it but that’s the way it is and for anyone to say to take their bio grandchild away, is ignorant because that’s their grandchild from THEIR child that they chose to have. It may suck but just as you and your spouse chose to be together as a family, nobody else chose that, they were brought into it and they choose to not interact as much with your child. I’m sure they’re not mean or rude to her when she’s around them but you can’t force them to take on your child as their own.
Had the same issue with my mil
I put a complete stop to ALL VISITS with all kids.! Love all and treat them the same, or forfeit all. She chose to forfeit all. So be it. Kids didn’t care. Grew up happy and healthy.
Stop letting your son go with grandma. Let her see him at your house.
Stop letting her see either of them favoritism only hurts the kids and they absolutely see it. Place your boundaries and stick to them.
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Just stop her visits.both children are equal.
Hopefully grandma will see the error in her ways but she may not.ive parented 7 children,his mine ours and a couple more threw foster care.we cannot correct another’s behavior.in all my kids lives someone has favored one to another most of them are grown now and still keep that special bond with my friends aunties and grandparent.its hurtful and you so much want every child to feel loved and cherished by both sides.my marriage is 18 years strong because we did not let outside forces break us.turn lemons into lemonade.use that time to bond with your daughter.i.e:grandma’s taking your brother so we can get ice cream,do nails,go to the park.not everyone is going to love all our kids but be greatful for grandma’s bond with the boy.
It’s a package deal but this is where your spouse needs to step up and speak up to his mom on your daughters behalf. If they don’t then they are just as guilty in my opinion. There is no excuse boy or girl whatever a grandchild is a grandchild. That’s just a bs lame excuse for favoring blood over nonblood relations and they are telling you they don’t expect you / want you to stick around very long.
She wouldn’t get my son if she couldn’t take my daughter that’s not a good grandma
The son would not be going again. Neither of them would. Nope.
Take it in turns or she doesn’t have any of them at all! If the kid is old enough to realise then that’s not fair at all! X
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My daughter was treated like this!! I told her they’re assholes. She agreed 
. We don’t associate with them any longer
Be honest with everyone involved. And put a stop to it. If your son wants to go, allow him too. People are shitty 
you can’t force morals
Stop letting the favoritism happen. Where is your spouse in all of this? That would be the grandma we don’t see often.
I mean the fact that you’ve had the conversation with her and this is like nothing she isn’t aware of I would simply inform her that if she doesn’t make changes in her behavior in regards to the children and treating them equally or at least more equal that your son will no longer go there. She will be allowed to visit the children only in the comfort of your home so there won’t be any issues with her behavior. Like I’m not trying to not have you around your grandson but I won’t allow you to harm my daughter over this. Give her some time to make some changes. When she doesn’t take your girl make it a fun mommy daughter day or date with dad so it’s less sad for her.
You said “she’s too rowdy “. Maybe grandma just doesn’t do “too rowdy “. 
I know this grandma doesn’t do “too rowdy. “ I want to enjoy the time, not be stressed out by it. Just my opinion. 
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That is awful 
I would say take both or neither. You can say that you want your children to learn that boys and girls have equal value and if they can’t do that then honestly they don’t deserve time with your children
unpopular opinion: she doesn’t have to accept what your husband does. thats not her grandchild,
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Put a stop to it now or she is gonna hate grandma it happened with my kids. My oldest and only girl now 19 let Nanna know how much she wants absolutely nothing to do with her because of the blatant favoritism over the years with her brothers (her dad’s sons). Now as her brothers are becoming teenagers they no longer see their grandparents.
Don’t let her take your son either, that makes it all fair and equal because boys can be just as rowdy and a handful
Well instead of forcing this person to give a crap when they don’t where is this kids bio grandparents let them spend time with them
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She wouldn’t be taking either if she can’t take both or atleast take turns
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Its okay that she doesn’t want your daughter. Not all people are ok with stepkids or step grandkids. Where are your daughter’s grandparents? Its not her bio grandchild and you cannot force that on her. Truth is, they will never see your daughter as their own and its not up to you to force that upon them but you also can’t limit your son from being with his family. Its just how it is. Its what comes with having children with different people. You cannot expect the same treatment from everyone. Thats just not how it works. If they are inviting and accepting then they would be and thats ideal. If they aren’t then so be it. Its not their fault and also not your child’s fault but as a parent you do teach them the difference. They have their own grandparents, let them enjoy their own. You don’t make the MIL or the child feel worse because its not what you wish for. Neither asked for the position they’re in.
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I just can’t imagine that. I have a step granddaughter and i love her just as much as my own!! Makes me sad that people are that way 
I always took all of them, I usually took them to fun places. When I got older then I started taking turns and spending real quality time with each one. But if I’m just taking them home, they all go.
I would make them take turns or just keep the kids and she can visit. My son is easier so he gets to do more with his grandparents than my daughter so I’ve been there. Now they’re more busy so I have both kids 24/7 unless I’m working.
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Either both go or neither of them do. I have a son from a previous relationship and not once has my mother in law ever left him out. He was spoiled long before our son together (he’s 6 weeks old today 
) was born and she always makes sure to include him in everything. We went shopping for the baby (he needed socks and a couple other things) when she visited and she made sure to get things my other son would love too (even though he didn’t need anything)
If she can’t take them both she can’t take either.
If she cant take both then she gets neither. Do not let your daughter go through that!!!
Your hus band needs to privately handle this
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Were in a similar situation, recently my husband said both or none. It is hurtful to the one being left out, as she doesn’t feel she is as important as her brother. But my husband has 2 kids not just one, so it’s not fair. Kids see it for what it is though, and I would never want my daughter anywhere she isn’t loved equally.
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This baffles me and is so sad. I wouldn’t send either kids . My mil has just as good relationship If not better with my oldest ( step grandkid ) as she does my youngest ( bio grandkid )
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She can do exactly as she pleases. Like it or not, your daughter is not anything to her. Don’t push a child on her she doesn’t want or care about. She will make your daughter suffer for it. This is the family you married into. Do something special with her yourself when your son’s grandmother takes her grandson out.
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My son wouldn’t go with her anymore unless my daughter went as well. If she wants to spend time with him and not take the daughter then she won’t have anything to do with either.
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Was commenting to say both or none but glad to see most have already
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Both, one at a time or none at all. There’s no reason why she can’t alternate which grandchild she has on her time if she can’t handle them both at once
I’ve dealt with this for 8 years with my ex MIL. They’ll do things with my daughter (their bio grandchild) and not the others. Including just random buying things. I’ve said something about it multiple times and nothing changes.
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do a visit that is age easy- maybe a movie for both kids and gma??
I’ll be her grandmother!! 
She can come visit them at your house. Wouldnt send one and not the other, but also wouldnt risk sending her to be treated differently at MILs house.
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Neither get to go. Idc who bio and who’s not. As family, and especially as an adult thats had children, if you can sit there and let a child feel unloved or unwanted, you don’t get access to my kids anymore.