You don’t let one go without the other unless she takes them both separately!
Have one on one time with your daughter while he’s with grandma. Where is her grandma from her Dad?
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My rule for my family is, if you cannot take all, you get none. (Unless the child says they don’t want to go), period. We don’t do “half” or “step” all are family and should be treated the same.
I wouldn’t want to force my daughter to connect with people that I don’t trust with her emotional health and I don’t want to risk my son’s relationship with his family. My daughter and I will have our mommy daughter day anytime son visits. I will also try to build a connection with her people.
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At this point she would visit both at my house or none. You called her out she may miss treat her if she takes her.
Then i wouldnt let him over either, thats just me
Tell her she can see both or none at all
I would have a real conversation about it with your MIL. If it IS behavior related, find a way to compromise with your MIL. What can be done so she feels more comfortable keeping your daughter for sleepovers? I know growing up, my brother was diagnosed bipolar, ADHD and ODD from a very young age. He was completely out of control. And my Nana couldn’t keep him for sleepovers because she couldn’t keep up with him if he was acting up. She used to come baby sit us as young kids after school until my mom got off work and I remember many days where my Nana, in her late 60s, was having to physically restrain my brother because he would get so out of control. He was just a wild kid. He eventually outgrew/learned to manage those behaviors with proper therapy and medication. But during that time, unless my mom could physically be present or my grandfather was going to be home? My Nana never had my brother for extended periods. She loved him with every ounce of her soul and tried as much as she could, but everyone has limits on how much they can handle. So i would definitely suggest talking to her to find a reasonable solution regarding spending time with your daughter. If she refuses still, than I’d give her the all or nothing ultimatum.
If she’s too much for her to handle I can understand but then that’s a learning opportunity for you and for mil and even child. Yes she’s young so of course she’s rowdy but there a point. Mil should be asking to come over then and get time with her. But if child makes it miserable that could explain. Not saying it’s right. But it explains.
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Our parents are tired y’all we gotta realize this they aren’t trying to juggle more than one kid at a time no more. They done raised us all I think this is why. Older kids require less little kids require more.
Health issues come to play for some as well.
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Neither of my kids would go back over there untill the favoritism stopped. If one can’t go none can go. If you can only do for one don’t do at all
Packaged deal. It’s never one or the other over here. Bio or not. I will NEVER allow that
When she takes your son you should take your daughter and have a girls day. I have 3 grandchildren and I can only handle one at a time ( all 3 are over the top wild lol ). So when I take one out she makes sure the other two have something else to do. It works great. She’s grateful that spend time with either of them because she gets a break from having them all at once herself all the time lol.
Theres no both or neither. Why would you send your daughter over there knowing that she isn’t welcomed? Just because the MIL may say both, I’d have the feeling the daughter wouldn’t be treated equally. With that being said, my son would longer be allowed over there. If she wanted to spend time “with both”, it would be done at my house. No exceptions!
As a grand parent that does this exact same thing … it’s because one doesn’t know how to act right
I would be saying to her that they both go together or she can’t take the son, absolutely no way would I put up with this, I understand that it might be difficult for her to take them both at the same time but she needs to take it in turns one goes first time then the other goes the next time, that is actually cruel, what is she going to thing when she grows us and understands she is the “step grandchild” if she loves then like she says she does then it would not be a difficult thing to do.
You don’t get one without the other anymore… simple as that…
Oh ffs…y’all “boy moms” are getting on my last nerve! Freakin weirdos maaaaannnn!
Pull you big girl panties up and tell mil that since she “doesn’t know what to do about it” you’ll decide for her: they go as a pair or not at all.
Personally I would never allow one of my grandkids to be treated differently than another. Grandma needs to put on her granny knickers and owe up. Stop sending your son and see how long it takes for her to except responsibility for both. She’ll get her knickers untwisted pretty quick
It is possible mother-in-law has some depression and anxiety. From personal experience I know children can often cause anxiety and panic. Teach your daughter how to behave at Grandma’s house. Ask Grandma to try 2 hours for a little bit and see how it goes.
You can’t change your mil and its her loss. What you can do is make special memories with your daughter with the alone time you have when your son goes to grandmas. Let your daughter know how important your private time is to you and how you appreciate your mil for giving you the opportunity.
Keep ur daughter. If she doesn’t want to take both you can’t force her and it’s not your sons fault his grandmother is biased. It sucks for sure but it’s not ur sons fault and shouldn’t be punished. In saying that this is a great opportunity to shower ur girl with affection to let her know she is loved regardless of the stupidity of others
Both or nether
Unfortunately when my daughter is older just turned 3 and goes to grandparents for few hrs or finally over night lil one won’t til same age as daughter went which I can understand to a degree but then it leaving other out
My dad says it to much for baby or toddler exspecailly if something happened like an accident and my mum not able to ie health wise
Sometimes it is what it is but I would say if nothin like this it both or none or alternative or pay or help take play centre or something x
It’s probably true that she can’t handle her. My own mother would never take my 1 son when he was younger because she just couldn’t handle him and frankly she didn’t have to. He was a handful. Even taking him outside was a lot on me I wouldn’t expect my mom to do it. Instead of making her feel bad about it I would just always go over so my son could see her and she didn’t have to get stuck babysitting him when she already told me she just couldn’t handle him. The take both or neither thing is silly. If she isn’t up for it you need to go there to watch your daughter so she doesn’t feel less loved than her brother. They are your kids you do what you feel is best. But now my son is older and he goes over to her house a lot more the last few years because he is much easier now. She doesn’t gave to chase him around or keep him constantly supervised now. It evens out.
Have you tried to have your husband talk to his mom? Maybe if he talked and said that she is my daughter as much as my son is and you need to treat them both the same,
That would be a big HELL NO! I have a stepson (since he was a year old) and I also had a child coming into the relationship and marriage. They are 6 months apart. I never allowed my inlaws to take my stepson somewhere without taking my son also. My husband has raised my son from 7 months old, he is now 30. I also didn’t allow them to buy him toys or whatever else without buying my son something also , they also had a son the same age so there were 3 of them little at the same time. I would NEVER buy my son something and not my stepson. The only way they were allowed to take the boys overnight or places is if they both went if they wanted to go, if my son said he didn’t want to then that was fine but he wasn’t going to be intentionally left out. That’s wrong on so many levels. My parents/siblings always embraced and included my stepson in everything .
My husband’s aunt (who didn’t like me) brought some stuff over to my MIL’s house at Christmas time, it was a stocking with candy in it. She brought one for my little brother inlaw and my stepson. I was livid and i took my stepson’s stocking and put it up somewhere because she INTENTIONALLY left my son out because of her feelings towards me. She was pissed and said “ oh I didn’t know he would be here” talking about my son…mind you my stepson lived in Colorado full time with his mom and we got him on holidays , my son was there 24/7 and my family lived 1,200 miles away… I don’t play favorites in my house, if you give one child something, you give to all…
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Stop letting her take your son. Period. She’s playing favorites to a point where a child can see it. You put your foot down and protect your kids.
My son would stop going over as much.
Can’t force her to be a grandma to a kid who’s not biologically related
Both or neither but, also make sure that she isn’t treating your daughter badly as well.
Honestly don’t even put your children in that environment! She’s toxic and you don’t want your children around that bs! It will end up doing more damage than good if you try to force her to take both!
Not her grandchild… As sad as this is… it’s a reality.
Then you no longer allow sleepovers unless both are included. Or she comes to see them at your place. No favorites. I don’t play that crap either. Blended means exactly that blended. All or none. Packaged deal. Kids know when you play favorites they absolutely know. Don’t hurt them babies feelings that’s for the stepgrands bc they love you more than you can imagine they only want love in return and that is the most abundant thing readily available to give.
I Would Tell Her If She Can’t Take My Daughter She Doesn’t Get My Son Either
As a parent, why are you allowing your mother-in-law to pick which child she has a relationship with? If she isn’t treating them equally she deserves neither
Wouldn’t fly, all of none. And when she’s around there’s no favoritism to boys because that’s some BS. Since it’s your MIL, what’s dad say about this.
I would straight up just tell her it’s either both of them or neither. That’s awful and so sad for your daughter. I would not put up with that toxic shit.
Perhaps your daughter is too much of a brat. She might be too stressful to have around. Maybe she could take each one separately.
If that’s how she is… Why would you want your daughter over there? As a matter of fact… Why do you want either one of them over there so they can see what’s going on? Create the boundaries and protect your kids. Your mother-in-law certainly doesn’t give a shit.
I was this as a kid. My step dads family never seen me as family. My mom forced them to take me and I would just be treated like shit and left out of things there in the house. I resented my mom for making me go. I just had to learn that not everyone is always going to like someone. Can’t force it. I still hold a grudge but I understand it. I don’t force people to take my kids now. It never works out the way you want it to.
My mother in law has nothing to do with my children or her bio grandchildren from me. But she takes my husband’s ex gf’s daughter all the time. It’s not even his biological child. They also let his ex move in with them bc she needed help after losing her job (sleeping with a co worker on the clock) and tell my husband all the time that he needs to step up and help her as well. She gets child support from the bio dad!!! We decided to go no contact with his mother due to my children (not his biological) getting upset bc she wouldn’t acknowledge them. And bc my other kids are her blood related grand kids, never get her attention.
How old are these kids? If she really is hard to control you can’t fault Grandma for not being able to handle her. Maybe go over with both your kids and see how your daughter acts. Talk to your daughter about her behavior, and explain that she will have to calm down to visit Grandma.