My mom and I have a tough relationship. She loves me more than anything but has many of her own demons she has not dealt with (and is not interested in dealing with). She is going through a tough time in her life, and I am trying to be there for her, but it’s hard on me. She says that my kids and I are her life and her only source of happiness, which is honestly a lot of pressure. She stresses me out when she’s around and is always making comments to start an argument. I think she feels comfortable and is used to it when we argue (as weird as it sounds). It’s exhausting always having to keep my mouth shut and ignore her actions. I have small children and am currently pregnant, so my days are busy! My goal is to stay calm and have a happy household, but it’s not easy when she’s always calling me or texting me with her drama. She doesn’t respect boundaries. If I don’t answer her calls, she will call and text my husband now, which is insane. She is caught up in her own pain; she has no idea what I’m going through or the stresses I feel. I have tried for over ten years to talk to her and explain why I feel the way I do and what hurts my feelings. She quickly says she’ll do better but never does. I’m usually in a bad mood when she leaves or when I get off the phone with her. Which is starting to bother my husband, seeing me upset after the visits? I need to protect my own sanity, and I don’t want the baby to feel any negative emotions that I’m feeling, but I don’t want my mom to feel like I’m abandoning her. I love her, but I do not like her most of the time. -It took me years in therapy to say that sentence.- She has always been there for me, so I want to be there for her, but I’m suffocating. She isn’t doing anything to better her situation; she just clings to me. Please, no rude comments. I don’t want to feel the way I do, and I wish I could change the way I feel, but I feel like I’m letting her walk all over my life. If I try to take some space and go a week or two without seeing her, she goes nuts and acts like its been ten years, or she will just show up unannounced. Also, I don’t trust her to babysit my kids. She’s lazy with them and doesn’t respect my wishes and will do whatever she wants behind my back. So I don’t feel like I can send my kids with her for a few hours. I’m sure if anything ever happened to her, I would feel bad, but I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t do things maliciously. She is just looking to feel whatever void she’s feeling in the moment and doesn’t think about anyone else. I’ve lost many nights of sleep over this. I am just at a loss. I know family is important, and I want my kids to have a close relationship with their grandma. I don’t want to cut her out completely but the current situation is costing me my happiness. I dont know what to do… but it does feel nice to vent a little bit. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do?
Sounds to me like your mother is gonna need some separation from you perhaps. You can’t be constantly upset when interacting with her, takes a toll on you and your family.
Erika R Martinez Story of my life with your mother… 
Toxic is toxic, family or not. Your mother is being quite selfish by putting her happiness on you. It is not your job to make anybody happy…well except for yourself. I cut my mother out 2 years ago and I will never go back. I do not want my daughter to see and experience the things I had to when I was young. Protect your kids.
This is extremely toxic!!!
If you don’t set boundaries for her and make her get the physiological help she apparently needs, you will turn out exactly like her and will lose your husband and eventually YOUR children.
Someone has to step up and take control of this situation. She needs professional help and you are not equipped to do that. Do something before it is tooooo
late for everyone involved.
You need to let her read this, then take it from there. Might not be pretty, might be the best thing ever, but either way you got to tell her your truth.
Talk to her again. Set boundaries. I’d give anything in this world to argue with my Momma again. It can all be fixed sweetheart.
If she just shows up dont let her in ask her to get some counseling if she wishes to stay in your life. You have your own family to worry about shes being selfish and entitled set boundaries and dont fold on them
I’ve cut my mom out… Had too. Can’t deal w the drama. Mine is a little different though. She hates us and tells us she does
This is toxic. All healthy relationships need boundaries. In order to have her respect your boundaries though you are going to have to communicate them to her and if/when she crosses the line you are going to have to stand strong. It isn’t going to be pretty. But you have to protect your peace for the sake of your children, your husband and especially yourself. Hopefully in time she will understand and respect your boundaries so that you can build a strong and healthy relationship with her and her with her grandchildren.
Never let anyone or anything poison your peace. Do what’s best for you, your children, your family. Either she will act right or she won’t, regardless your sanity is worth more.
No you are a good daughter but send this letter you wrote to your mother ??
I wish I had a good opinion or advice. Sounds almost exactly like what I’m dealing with as well. All I know is no matter how hard it is you have to do what’s best for yourself and as the Mother of your kids. I’ve learned we can’t fix anyone, and we can’t help someone who don’t want or acknowledge they need help. Im so sorry, and this seriously hits my heart. Sending so much love your way 
Your feelings are valid. Take care of yourself and your family. Your mom needs to expand her circle.
You’re mother sounds like a narcissist. I separated myself from my mother 4yrs ago, she lost grandma rights at the same time too. I told my kid she isnt a bad person she just constantly makes bad choices and doesn’t own her mistakes or own up to how she hurts others. My kid took it really well and she was a nana’s baby. Blood maybe thicker than water, it just means you can suffocate faster. Plus nana doesn’t make a happy home, you and your hubby do. If you’re not happy that can reflect down to your kids. I hope you’ve talked this over with your therapist, they should be the key perrson to help you stabilize your feelings, not us. Good luck though.
My moma and I didn’t speak for years.my daughter and I have had our differences and not spoken for months.My mother died a few months ago.we were speaking but she had Alzheimer’s
My daughter and I have agreed to start over and were doing great
Trying to say you can’t get the time back once it’s gone.try family counseling
Hello, it sounds like your mother has demon’s such as alcoholic or abusing drugs or simply psychologic problems. Either way you can’t fix her not is it your place to fix her. You can however set boundaries and let her know that if she doesn’t seek help you don’t want her around your children and she is not welcome at your house. Then tell her you will meet her some where for coffee and a chat once a week and that is the best you can do under the circumstances. Don’t let her drama over cloud your families life. This will not be easy but stick to your guns change your husband’s phone number if possible so he won’t have to deal with her as well. If she comes to your home after you tell her to stay away don’t let her in and call the police if you have too. You will have to show her that your life doesn’t revolve around her that she now comes last and your family comes first. Good luck.
I’m going to have to do the same thing with my dad my mom passed 3 years this November and my dad sees me as a replacement for my mom but I’m not and while I love him my dad is a child in a 62 yo body so I’m gonna have to move away again which he needs an adult to help him but won’t listen to me
(sorry it’s long, I had to rant about my mother too, once I started typing, my thumb just kept moving. sorry 
)
sweety, you just described my mother. I know the pain. I love my mother so much, but my mother was the controlling type. she wanted everything her way. I moved out at 19 because I couldn’t take it anymore. untill recently, she always tried to give us things we never asked for and said we needed it. I know it was her way of trying to help and be there for me to make up for the past. in the past she was never there or knew what we (my brother and i) were going threw emotionally and mentally until we were older and out of the house. She had been threw a lot when we were little and still has her demons that’s she’s working on. she would call me all the time just to talk and tell me drama. she go on and on. I finally told her enough is enough. I know she has things on her mind and needs someone to talk to, but I couldn’t be that person because I have my own things I’m dealing with. I don’t trust her with my daughters because she’ll lie to them saying “daddy doesn’t love you” to my older daughter which is my partner’s stepdaughter. yea, me and my partner seprated and he took our daughter with him, my younger one, and it hurt my older daughter just as much as it hurt me. But he realized his mistake and came back. He loved my older daughter and me to come back with our younger daughter to be a whole family again. he tells my older daughter sorry and that he loves her. but because of what happened, my family don’t trust my partner and it hurts me that they judge him on his actions, what hurts even more is that one set of my grandparents are pastors of a church. my other grandma (widow, my grandfather on their side passed away this year) accepts him in our family. my mother doesnt and compares him to her exs like hes the same way they were. But he isn’t and is the opposite of the ones she ever was with. They just don’t see him as a good guy just because of one mistake. so I don’t talk to my mother very often any more, she was the reason me and my partner almost seprated again. And I told her to stop and fix her own things before butting into my life and only seeing the negative things.
Sounds almost like my mum 
Have you tried going to therapy together?
Your mother is so toxic.
Is your mother an addict by any chance . This sounds like addict behaviour and if that’s the case you can’t change her she will stop if and when she is ever ready that may be never . Focus on you and your babies and make sure your mother knows you won’t accept her behaviour
Maybe you just need to put your foot down. Pick a day and a time once a month. Say this is when i have time for you dont budge. If she texts just say i’ll see you on blank day we can talk then. If she calls say i’m busy mom i’ll see tou blank day then hang up. Focus on ypu and the kids first then hubby then if you have energy mom
She needs help council tell her if she gets help you will help but if she don’t stay away tell her you love her but don’t like her or her ways
Set healthy boundaries and enforce the hell out of them. Everyone deserves some peace once in a while and she sounds like she needs everything to be about her when she’s around you. My mother was the same and eventually I had to give up because she refused to change and it was killing me trying to be her therapist all the time
She loves you and doesnt want to loose you. Sit and tell her how you feel.
It’s absolutely wonderful that you love your mother and want to be there for her but do you love yourself? Sometimes the very people we love or those who say that they love us do the most emotional and psychological damage to us. It’s not love that you are experiencing from your mother because love doesn’t make you feel like you do.
Your mother sounds like a narcissist and narcissists are extremely toxic. What you perceive as love is not. A narcissist only loves whatever void that you are able to fill for them, they do not respect boundaries, and when you separate yourself from them - they feel abandoned by you, and have a melt down. They are dramatic, and argumentative. Your mother isn’t trying to change her situation and she never will. A narcissist will dump negativity into whomever will allow it because they are extremely selfish and they don’t care how anyone else feels. As long as you allow it she will take out on you whatever she’s going through.
Regardless, of your desire to be there for your mother she needs professional help and you need to end all contact with her. This is for you and your family’s overall well-being. If you don’t feel that you can walk away from your mother, then I would advise you to take her to therapy with you.
She is toxic. She has never listened to you or respected you. She will never change. Keep setting and honoring your boundaries. I have had to once again go no contact with my mother as she is horrible for my mental health. My family and myself depend on me being mentally healthy. I am NOT responsible for my mother.
Honey the best thing u can do for your mom is sit her down and have a “safe” conversation where everything is safe to discuss and get off your shoulders. Sometimes we moms don’t understand we can be draining. We can be so focused on the chaos we don’t see what your feeling. Hope it works out.
My mom was an alcoholic (she has passed away) I loved my mom dearly but I did not want my kids around what I grew up in. Sometimes you just have to distance yourself for your own well being. If she sees that you are done with her drama it may be the push she needs to help herself. My mom was sober the last 10 years of her life but it took me staying away for her to get there. God bless you. You are in my prayers!
It’s not your position to “Take care of her “
She’s being selfish all about HER! She should leave you alone and let you take care of your family.
As long as you take care of her she’s happy.
Tell her you are going to put your family and self first . Then when you get the time you will call or text her.
Prove it don’t take her calls until you can or text. She will have to do something else.
Tell her to go to church find friends and live her life as her own.
Take care of your little family dont feel guilty be there for her when u can other wise dont get stressed out because your babys need a happy healthy mom…good luck and god bless i wish you the best…
No you aren’t wrong for your feelings a lot of us deal with this problem with my mom I sat her down and laid it all out I told her how I felt and I loved her and she could take it however she wanted but I have to work on my family and self. She didn’t take it well and she didn’t talk to me for a few weeks but then she realized what I had said and everything has been great sence I really hope things work out for you keep your head up
You are not wrong for feeling the way you do. You love her and that’s why you feel guilty. Since you’ve already talked to her about it I don’t know anything else to say. Venting to someone you trust is definitely a thing you need to do.
sounds like u need to be an example and show your mom what personal boundaries are. if not for yourself set the example for your children.
First of all, it is possible to love someone, yet accept the fact that the relationship might be considered toxic, even slightly. Your mother needs counseling and I am not trying to be ugly by saying that. You mentioned that she has demons that she doesn’t want to face. Until she does, she will never heal from them. As a woman of faith, I can pray about things that bother me and, if I felt the need to, go to my pastor for help. If your mother doesn’t have a pastor, perhaps she could find someone else with whom to talk. She is using you as her sounding board, but that’s not good for you…especially being pregnant. I have had a similar situation with a family member and have learned that limited contact is the only way to protect myself. It’s sad, but you have to set boundaries with some people, no matter who They are. Perhaps, if you do, she will finally understand the situation. You can’t risk upsetting the balance in your little family. They deserve better and so do you. I applaud you for being a good, loving daughter, but it’s not working to try to mother your mother. There is a wonderful book entitled “Boundaries” that might help you understand the how and why of your situation. I suggest you get a copy of it and read it with an open mind. I say that because you have got to be willing to accept the advice of professionals. Tough love hurts both people involved, but it will help in the long run.
You’re definitely not wrong for feeling the way you feel. And you also aren’t alone. A lot of us have messed up relationships with our parents. Maybe just start speaking up. Be blunt about it. Even if it comes off as rude. Get it off your chest! I don’t hold anything in anymore and it feels so good. Just say what you want when you want to say it. She will get the picture. I promise.
Ask her to get a hobby or something to take up her time .
You need to leave her as it is a toxic situation which you know and it’s ok to leave you and your family don’t need the drama