My mom and I have parenting differences: I need advice

Hi, so I’ve noticed it for quite a while but never had the energy to bring it up because it would start a humongous fight, but my mom is still young, and because of that, still pretty into drama. I haven’t brought it up because of this, and because if I did, it would start a huge fight that would probably make my family not want anything to do with me. Anyway, my mom is super distant with my son and doesn’t interact with him at all when we are over, but she is always all over and hugging on and talking to my sister’s daughter. They are the same age, and you can tell that she doesn’t put in the same care with my son. My son will try to talk to her or play with her, and she ignores him, and she is super strict with just him. She also is pushing really hard for me to stop breastfeeding since my sister has stopped but never said a word about it until she did even though she was planning on going longer. She judges my mothering skills hard, as well. I do not like to spank my son unless it is really needed, which is hardly ever the case because he usually listens the first or second time around, but she insists I need to be harder on him or I’m going to make him a “p**sy.” I just would like some sort of advice with this on what to do? I love her to death, but it really bothers me. And if I bring it up with her, it will turn into a huge thing that won’t ever end. They may only support the system, so I don’t want to cause any drama. She is super into controlling everything I do with my life, and a lot of my decisions are made with her in mind because of this. Maybe just some advice on how to deal with it, so it doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore? Am I too sensitive? Please no, mean comments, just trying to figure this whole thing out!


Just ask her if she wants her grand son to resent her. Just saying, kids aren’t dumb and he’s going to notice pretty quickly how hardcore she is playing favourites.


Mama, it’s your baby and it’s your way or the high way. She had her chance to raise her babies the way she wanted to. It’s your turn now. Maybe instead of doing it in retaliation or while you’re angry, sit her down and have a heart to heart with her about it. Really explain how it makes you feel and how much your son loves and wants to interact with her. If she doesn’t get it then, maybe a more aggressive approach is your only option. You can’t walk on eggshells with raising your son the way you see fit. He’s YOUR son.

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Doint let her push you around you are the mom of your child not her stand your ground with your children it’s your decision on want you want to do if it piss her off then so be it I know you’re felling iv been throw this with my family

I think you should take a step back from her for a while maybe then she’ll realize what shes doing. Your son has to come first. Bringing him around your mom to treat him like that is showing you’re ok with the way she is treating him. Dont ever allow anyone to be like that to your child. Your mom or not.


Honey no mean comments just because someone else Sis. Stopped breast feeding doesnt meAn you have to as well do what you feel is right for your child and as for spanking there are other ways to deal with your littleone in othet words do what /
What you feel is right shes Grandma not mom love her but your child.comes first just sayin

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Pray about it♡
God is awesome and can do amazing things.
Just give your son lots of love momma and try not to let it cause you to have weird feelings for your sisters baby.


If you can tell she treats your son differently compared to your niece then imagine how your son feels. Sounds toxic. Remove yourself and your innocent little boy before its to late. I sure wouldn’t trust her watching your son by the sounds of the situation. Huge RED FLAG when she used your son and the word p***y in the same sentence.


I have 3 grandkids by my one daughter. The first one was a girl, the second was a boy, the third was a girl. I’ve never really been around boys. I didn’t grow up with my brothers, my dad wasn’t really around and like I said, I had one child, which was a girl. I’m never around boy’s so I don’t feel as close to my grandson as I do my granddaughters. I love him the same, I’m just not as close to him. And of course I’m never mean to him or dismissive of him. Maybe your mom just feels closer to the girl and doesn’t mean to be rude to your son. Idk why she’s so controlling over your life, I just thought I’d see if my story helped at all. Good luck sweetie.

I feel like if it’s bothering you and how you parent or values it’s worth the argument or standing up for yourself. Anything you believe with your whole heart is worth going against the grain for and there is nothing more worth it than your kids. There are ways to approach it respectfully, and if she doesn’t reciprocate the respect then is she who you should be worrying about upsetting?

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Tell her it’s ur son not hers But I love her

I wouldn’t allow anyone near my kids with this kind of damaging mentality. Mom or not…she is toxic. Give her some distance and a good talk.

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You mother your son exactly according to your heart, no matter what other people, especially family says. The contrast in treatment towards your niece and your son, would be enough for me to speak up, confront her about it, despite the consequences, because your son needs to see that you see. He needs someone to stand up for him, and that seems to be only you. Your mom is super controlling you say… but doesn’t seem very loving. Is that something you want or deserve? Is that what you want for your son? I would suggest you speak to a therapist too, because you need to process how your mom treats you and your son, and gain the perspective and strength to stand up for yourself and your son. Good luck to you- even if it starts a huge thing, it will be worth it in the end

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Your son is going to notice she doesn’t love him the same as his sister. And he will resent her, his sister AND you for allowing it to continue. Your babies happiness and well being should be the FIRST thing you consider when making decisions. And they aren’t YOUR support system bc they don’t support you and your choices or your son. I wouldn’t be surprised if she abuses or neglects him when he’s alone with her.

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You didnt say what age your son is but obviously old enough to botice the difference in the way he is treated . I would ask your mother why she does this .is there a problem whats going on. Tell her shes hurting yours and his feelings. Maybe she just likes girls more than boys. Its not acceptable for her to ignore your son and if she keeps it up i wouldnt take him there. Its hurtfulfor you and your son. Tell her you wont put up with it and stay away for awhile

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I would try and have a heart to heart with her. No matter of it would cause drama I would bring it up. What she is doing is wrong and is hurtful to you and will be eventually to him. If talking doesn’t work I would stop bringing him around her until she can change her ways. And as far as breastfeeding goes. Did it as long as you and him feel comfortable. You know what is best mama.

Stand up for yourself and your child if she gets mad so what your the mother you make the decision on how you raise your child

If my mom was like this, i would drop her out of my lifw

Take a break and just keep a little distance


I would get away from her…

If it was my mom I would say something. It sounds weird, like she dosen’t like boys or doesn’t like him for some reason. If she’s downright mean to him in front of you I would be worried how she acts when you’re not there. My son has always been very sensitive and an empathetic child. If anyone treated him like that I would have to have a conversation on it.

Sounds toxic. I would keep my distance for a while. Collect yourself. Your mental health is important and so is you and your child’s feelings and it’s not right the way he’s not being treated the same :disappointed:


Maybe its more about you and your moms relationship than with your mom and your son.

I’m one of the lucky ones my mom is the best. (27 & 20 year old kids now and she has a great grandaughter 2). I wouldn’t allow anyone to treat my child differently or less than regardless of DNA. Talk to her. If she doesn’t see the issue limit her contact

First of all, I would have rocked my mom’s shit if she called my son a pussy. I understand that’s my mom but you’re not going to bully or belittle my child. Cut her off. She’s not good to you or for you.

I would sit down and talk about it with her, if that goes nowhere, then I would stop going around her. Mom or not, toxic is toxic and you nor your son need that 🤷 good luck to ya!


How can you say she is your only support system???
What support???
She sounds like a selfish bully control freak.
How can you say you love her to death? What’s to love.
I think you need to wake up and grow up and start thinking on your own and act like an adult not a whinny little child.
Your nasty mother can take care of herself. You need to take care of and protect your child against this malicious woman.
Grow up!!!

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I would just have a big fight then. Where does she get off dissing her own grandchild like he doesn’t exist…dam i feel like starting the fight with her…

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It is your life, your child, your sanity. Raise your child your way and let mom take care of herself.

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Do you live with her or rely on her for child care? If not I would say you need to distance yourself from her toxic grasp. If she’s calling your son names like pussy and wanting you to spank him, it sounds like she harbors some sort of resentment towards him. I would be worried with what happens when and if you are not around. Get some distance between y’all… and definitely bring it up. Let her know it is unacceptable. You set those boundaries, if you don’t stand up to her it could get worse.

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If I am reading this right you have a son and you said she does things with your sisters daughters. Maybe she feels she does not know what to do with a young boy. I would just nicely bring it up and see what she has to say. Even if it doesn’t go well you will at least know where things stand.

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Boys need and deserve kindness , respect, consideration , and to be loved by family as much as girls . Boys do not deserve harsh treatment and girls do not deserve harsh treatment. Girls and boys are human beings who need to be loved, cherished , and protected . Yes , they need gentle guidance and discipline . They do not need to feel unloved and unwanted by persons who are support to love them . Their grandmother is important , but not more important than their own mother . Make sure your family spends time in your home , and less time with the grandmother especially if the grandmother has a harsh or uncaring attitude toward your child.

You are your son’s protector! Raise your son your way. Do not listen to toxic people even if they are your parent. If anything happens to your child you are responsible, legally and morally. Not everyone should be a parent or grandparent! He’s to young to be saying he’s a pussy! He’s a child with feelings and is learning! You owe nothing to her! The only person you owe anything to is your child!

Time to apply for free daycare, get a job, and get out. Now. Period.

Sweetie your Mom is really missing out ,sounds like you have a wonderful baby boy, also sounds like you are a great Mom yourself,just get up and leave when she acts ugly with your baby ,maybe then she’ll she what she is doing wrong .


You’re the kids mum, tell her how to behave around him, don’t let her tell you.

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So you are more worried about causing drama then her hurting your son? Because trust me he will pick up on this and will feel as if he has done something wrong or isnt as good as his cousin. You have already picked up on it. Say something to her. This isnt something you should hope gets better on its on because it won’t!

Sounds like classic narcissism…
Don’t play victim. Stand up for yourself and protect your son. Don’t allow her to manipulate your relationship with him to appease her needs for control over you
Tell her to piss off.
Treat everyone equally or don’t be involved. End of discussion.
No relationship is healthier than a toxic one

Walk away or get up and leave when she tries to control or tell you how to raise him. In a one on one conversation ask her what kind of relationship she wants with all her grandchildren someday, because the way she treats them now will determine that relationship later. I’ve seen similar family favoritism and the kids will eventually deal with it if the parents don’t. It’s not pretty and its irreversible by that time.

Well she & I would be fighting then coz that’s bullshit! My mom favored my brother over my other brother & I. Then when my daughter was born she could do no wrong. Then my daughter had a son & of course he was her favorite great grandson. She had an office in the house : the walls were covered in pictures of my daughter & her son. I called it the shrine to my daughter - grandson. It’s ridiculous. Sounds like your sister is the favored on in this mess. I really don’t think talking to her will do you any good at all. So you need to learn how to deal with being around her or just cut her out of you & your sons lives. She sounds like a bully & control freak & is very toxic for you and your child. Hope everything goes well for you :pray::heart:

Do what you feel is best for your son not your mom. If she is showing favouritism between the grandkids then she really does not have his best interest at heart so you need to limit how much she does with him and if he doesn’t need a spanking then don’t spank him and you nurse that baby as long as you want my mom and me both had grandmother’s push us to stop cause they had issue with it but we didn’t give in. You can love your mom but you need to love your child more cause he needs you to protect him.


Ho[e you don’t live with her!! Sounds like you don’t. Does she babysit or anything? Hope not. I would just stay away, visit seldom and for a short time. WHEN your sister isn’t there? Nurse as long as you want and spank when you feel necessary. I seldom had to spank my son, I did maybe less than 5 times. I am not against it just didn’t see the need to. Your Mom is building a barrier between she and your son. He won’t care after a while. And that is okay too. Then his feelings will be blocked by anything she says. No need to bring it up, point will be made when you and your son become a void in her life.

Yeah, get therapy so you can physically and emotionally get away from your abusive mom and protect your son from her nasty cracks. Your mom needs therapy too.

“A family is a circle of friends who love you.” Keep mom at arm’s length & create a new family with other people who treat you and your son right.

You are just gonna have to distance Yourself and your son for awhile. There are plenty of other resources available to help out if you need anything for you and your child. But stop looking for her approval or whatever it is you want. Accept what is and let go of what you can’t change! Get away from her, parent your own way, and if she comes around to be in your sons life then let her but at the end of the day Toxic is toxic no matter if it’s family or not.

Toxic person stay away from her she’s going to really hurt your son as he gets older and he notices the difference in treatment

Dont go see her. Ignore her.

She may be your mother but you are his mother and it sounds like your parenting style is more likely to produce a happy, healthy well rounded child than hers. You make a bully by spanking, teaching him that the way to win an argument is by hitting the other person. You also end up with a teenager who is afraid to come to you, the original bully, with his problems, leading to potential real disasters down the road. It is also not her or your sisters business when you decide to stop breastfeeding, that is between you, your son and maybe his doctor. Treating him differently than his cousin would be a breaking point for me and you will need to address that or stop contact altogether. If you can fix that, ignore your mothers other bad advice and remain on good terms that is good, if not distance yourself. You don’t want your precious child growing up hinking honking he is less loveable than is cousin and that you are always wrong.

Sounds to me like your mother is your problem get away from her for awhile spend that time with your son

Hon you are on the righ track don’t go over when your sister is there you and sister need to visit at your house or her house go to the park together when your mom says any thing tell her I think you and the children need alone time so we will visit at different times

Stand up for yourself and your son. Time to stop visiting. It’s her lose not yours! You sound like a great momma to your baby boy. But it’s time to get you and yours son away from her even if it “hurts” your mother’s feelings. Do not let her push you around. I went through something like this with my ex in-laws. They always treated my children’s brother better and more important and I’m so glad my children and i don’t have to deal with it anymore. It’s more heart breaking when they are older and they see it for themselves. Please get yourself and your son out of there.

Cut her off for a bit if someone is toxic their toxic and that’s just stress you and your kiddo don’t need or deserve

Break away and stay away. This is toxic and terrible for your son to witness. Find some good friends and let them be your family.

What does your son’s father have to say about your behavior and your mother’s behavior ?

It will never get fixed if it’s not brought up… Every family has the “Golden child and Grandchild” but catch is to not let it be seen.
It’s very seen In my family and I have chosen not to participate in A LOT of gatherings for this reason.
I raise my daughter the way I CHOOSE, not the way ppl think I should. And I will say SHE IS AMAZING & KIND.
But seriously let the explosion happen… Let the drama come… Because at least ur mom will know… 1. U notice 2. It hurts u and ur baby & 3. That u are not going to tolerate it bc it does hurt ur baby

Your son so raise him the way you choose, everyone has a different parenting style. You just worry about you and yours. If you see a difference the kids will too or soon will. Set boundaries with mom. It’s ok to voice your concerns or write them. I hope this isn’t affecting your relationship with your sister and her child. It’s better to make your feelings known and not keep holding it in.

Obviously, if you notice the difference, your child does, that can crush his little spirit, you definitely need to point it out to her, video her with each child separately, then show her, or distance yourself and child from her.

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I like the writing letter idea. My Mom and I communicated this way. It sounds as if something happened to her in her life to make her different with boys. And it’s not you she’s criticizing, it’s about something in her past and you’re the one with a boy. Perhaps her mom treated her brother better than her. Who knows. Perhaps a counselor could help.

Ha… I could go on my father did this to his grand sons I made every comment possible.
My friends mom fose this with the girls and now het favorite girl yells her to f off at the age of 7. The other is like you don’t love me so who cares you are upset. We talked to the girls and they knew it was wrong, but when these kid get older they see it for themselves. And they will stand up for each other.

Write her a letter,she wont be able to interrupt you.Make a copy so that you will be able to look back on it and know what you said.Let her know your feelings then it’s up to her.Good luck


Doesn’t sound like she’s much of a support system so what do you have to lose by confronting her? That’s your child, if you don’t stand for him, who will?


Geez… sorry you are going through this… my advice is to stand up for yourself and your son. Been involved in situations like this. You have to advocate for you and yours and not be a doormat… wish it were different for you.

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I probably wouldn’t bring my child around …i see this in my family but it’s the other way around the boys get treated different better she might prefer girls to boys

Wow im sorry for what ur goin thru the part of her saying u need to be tuff with him was she probably raised with a lot of men in her life like brothers sometimes if tjay happen tjeir more towards the other sex to care more but she in the wrong she should love them equally .i see the same with my mom and mother in law
My mother in law all she raised was boys as soon as i had my daughter shes her everything Nd my mom had grls Nd when i had my son he is her everything they both love my kids but tjeirs always that preference in their that i can see and i hate it i love my kids equally. but he is yours you do ur thing as a parent i think you should talk to her hope all this comments help they are all good ones

Are you close to your sister? Maybe a chat over coffee or wine, not being defensive but maybe have some events that you can talk about your side and let her talk about how she views it. Then maybe she can help with the Mom.

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I would never let anyone and I mean anyone mistreat my child like that

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If you feel something isn’t right. Go with it. She raised hers you raise yours. You fealsomething not right. Then it not. Some reason she doesn’t like your son. You on your mother so you on what going on ice stay away. It’s your mother but that’s your child. You know what’s best