My mom doesn't approve of my current relationship: Advice?

I’ve been dating this man for about a year now. I’m divorced with a son. He’s great to us and couldn’t be happier, but my mom constantly tells me I should be with someone who’s more financially stable and is more outgoing (because he can be quiet around her and others at times). He works hard but is still continuing to build a life for us. He is always polite to my mom so I’m not sure why she always has to talk bad and negative about him. I live with my mother and am close to her but I don’t like how she tries to put down the man I’m with and make me feel as if I’m making a bad decision. Help !

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Sit down with her and tell her how shes making you feel if that doesn’t work then maybe see about getting your own place.

Tell her exactly what you said in this post.

Listen to your mom. If you don’t understand her now you will one day. She’s wiser than you and probably knows how to spot a crooked guy a mile away skills you haven’t developed yet. I would trust her. Ask her first to really go in detail for why she doesn’t like him though

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Listen to your mother or you’ll be working your whole life.

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Listen to your mother.

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At the end of the day you need to realize that you are the one who is going to be with them not her. Keep her warning but realize it is your life and you are the one and your child is going to have to deal with what is to come and the future.

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Moms are always right mabey u wont see her point now but one day you will ! I learned the hard way

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Have you tried talking with her? Explain why he’s good for you and your son. Ask why she’s so against the relationship. See what her reasons are and if they make sense. Try to see it from her perspective without thinking of your feelings for him.

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Your the one with him at the end of the day, not your mother. We would never learn from our mistakes if we were always told what to do. He sounds like a great guy from what you say.

Sit down talk with her …
Mom’s usually know.
But it’s possible she is seeing something you don’t. Sounds like a good guy. It’s up to you

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Your focus should be on your child not on a man you are dating.

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Most mom’s always want better for their daughters. Is she right maybe, maybe not. Talk to her, honestly listen to her & make your own decisions for you & your child. It took my hubby & I 20yrs of marriage before we bought our house. We struggle but we are happy!

Parents see something that children don’t. You can take her advice or find your own place so you don’t have to hear her.

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If he is quiet around you, that could be a problem. Moms dont always know. She could be afraid you going to leave her at some point and she will be alone. Speak to her, find out if he at any point disrespected her or if it’s just about his financial instability

Mama’s are almost always right when it comes to their senses. But you’re grown, you don’t need to seek approval but move out & do your own thing if you don’t wanna hear her opinion.

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The same things happened to me and I wish I had listened to my mom it would saved me lot of pain I am worry if I just listen to her she seems something that I I couldn’t see

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Healthy boundaries and stop involving her in anything she could use against you.

I think you should have a long talk with your mom when he’s not around, have a serious open heart. Let her explain why she feels that way, what has she went through to pick up whatever red flags she thinks he’s laying down? If she’s wrong then she’s wrong, but give your mom a little more credit. She most likely just wants her baby to be taken care of the way she thinks you deserve to be treated.

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Mommas are normally right and most of us have learned that the hard way… have a real heart to heart with your mom and ask her what the reasons are for her not wanting you to be with him… not only does she have her motherly intuition she maybe seeing something that you don’t. That’s why the saying goes, Love is blind… wish I would have listen to my mom when she told me my ex was no good for me or my daughter at the time he seemed to be Mr perfect little did I know he most def was not, if I would have just listen to my mom’s gut it would have saved me and my daughter almost 8 years of heartache/ hell!! So talk to her and listen with an open mind and heart. Also pray about your situation… Good luck!!

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Your mother is controlling you not all mothers are right.

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Mothers aren’t always right. :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3: If he is working to help support y’all, if he is respecting both you and your child, if he is doing everything he should as a partner and stepdad (I’m assuming he isn’t the biological dad), then ignore what she says.

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Mothers are biased. He sounds like a good guy but maybe not what she had in mind for you. If he treats you and your son well, she’ll probably come around.

If it was my situation per say since this isn’t a closed place to say anything go with what your heart says some moms are a little crazy

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Is it cause he doesn’t suck up her backside my mother in law didn’t like me cause I wouldn’t suck up her backside while everyone else did. As long as he treats you and your child good then that all the matters

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Do what you feel is right. Moms are definitely not always right. He’s not dating her, he’s dating you. Money isn’t everything. You don’t have to be rich to be happy. Does he work? Pay his bills? Have his own place? You’re old enough to already been married once and divorced and have a kid… means you’re old enough to make your own choices.

My step mom has always hated my fiancé and made me pick between them and my fiancé I picked my happiness first and I’ve been with him now for almost 2yrs happy and we have a 9m old baby

Tbf it’s probably because you still with her and she wants someone financially stable so you can all move out and live with him

Listen , if he truly treats you and your son well , then be happy !!!
Its sounds like his financials aren’t at her expectations and that’s not okay ! If you are truly happy keep moving forward and stand your ground !

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Money isn’t everything !

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lol…money isnt everything until u dont have none

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She probably worries you will have another baby, he won’t be financially be able to support you all and you all will be stuck at her house. But if he makes you happy and you really want to make a go of things maybe start to think about moving out and getting a place for you all.

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Your mother fell & hit head.
Money isn’t everything. You’re divorced for a reason.
If he loves you, treats you right, loves your kid? Then what is the problem. He could be rich one day & broke tomorrow. If he’s a good guy to begin with? Money doesn’t matter.

He does need to be financially stable especially if he plans to be with you and accept your child. He’s taking on that family role so you can’t downplay yourself either and get someone who doesn’t have their stuff together 100%

I do recommend taking what she says into consideration. There’s nothing wrong with her saying he needs to socialize more if he’s going to be a family

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My mom ruined my first marriage, do what makes you happy hun. But y’all need to be working constantly towards getting back on your feet.

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Its your life, your heart and then its also your mum.
Talk to her, tell her how you feel when she says thoes things. Tell her you really don’t appreciate it an how it hurts you.
No one approves of my man an we are 10 years in our relationship with 2 little ones…
Mind you we have as many friends as we can count on one hand but we’re happy :slight_smile:

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My ex-husband had/has a 6 figure job, and was stable and all of that crap that looks good on paper. I won’t get into details but it ended with a divorce where I needed an order of protection and have been diagnosed with PTSD.
My current spouse, of almost 8 years, was in management at a fast food chain when we met. I come from an “upper middle class” :roll_eyes: family where both parents have masters degrees, and even my grandmother graduated a 4 year college. My spouse was born when his parents were 18 and 21, and they never finished high school… He also served in the US Army for 8 years and never ever did anything to claim his benefits or recognition for that.
This man is the most hardworking, kind, gentle loving soul. He has been more of a Dad to my daughter than her own father. He is at EVERY dance competition, he knows her friends, he chaperones field trips. We have a 4yo son together, and he has some special needs. My beloved is at EVERY meeting with school. He works a blue collar physically strenuous job, commutes 45 minutes each way, and works 10-12 hour shifts 5 days a week to provide for our family. Then he helps with dinner, dishes, laundry, bathtime. Never once complains… Your character and actions are what define you. If he is making an attempt to be financially stable, if he wants better for himself and your family, watch his actions. If he is making strides to IMPROVE don’t count him out for past mistakes.
A devoted, hard working man will always make sure you’re taken care of AND loved the way you deserve to be. Don’t let anyone use you or walk all over you, but judge his actions and listen to your HEART!

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It’s 2021, y’all get financially stable together, people expect to be successful by the time they are 30 and if they are not, they’re just automatically deemed lazy and useless. If nothings wrong, don’t look for ways to break it. Your mom has to mind her business In some parts of your life and respect that you are happy.

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I think you have to do what is best for you and your son. As long as he’s respectful and treats you well it shouldn’t matter to anyone but you. To make it better…you need to sort out being financially stable and move out of moms house so she cant control you further.

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She can have an opinion but it’s you’re relationship, not hers. My man is quiet as hell and works at a walmart so we’re pretty much always broke but she’s happy I’m happy and that’s all that matters 🤷 if she dislikes him she makes a point to hide it real well.

It’s your life not your mother’s. I swear my mom is the same way. I understand. Just keep working together as a couple to get where y’all wanna be and ignore the haters even if the haters is family. :green_heart:

As a Mom with grown children let me just say we get a gut feeling sometimes that we can’t avoid. You will understand when your child is an adult or at least teenager. I realized though…my kids are grown and they have their own feelings :heart::heart: 1 other thing…are you and he helping with the bills?:v::v:

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I told my mom years ago im not living my life to please her.:woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:Im making my own happiness. And don’t need her approval. Talk to you later mom!:heart:

Is he good to your kid?
Is he good to you?

If the answer to both of the above questions is not absolutely yes, don’t bother continuing, just end the relationship immediately.

Is he willing/able to step up and be a father figure? Is that a job he wants?

Are there steps you can both take to make yourselves more financially secure? Working out both individual and a combined budget to see where you each stand would be a good step to take.

Sounds like she’s sabotaging your relationship so you don’t move out to be with him.

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Its a good job your mums not going out with him then :woman_shrugging: could understand if he was horrible to you but if hes good to you its your life and he may just be a quiet person. Poor guy x

If he is good to your son and yourself and you care for him then it doesnt matter what she thinks
Yes its nice if she would but its not mandatory
He’s working and helping support you guys thats pretty outgoing

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Stand up for him and tell her you don’t appreciate her talking about him that way. If he’s working towards a better future and you plan to be partners in life, she should accept that.

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It’s not her relationship. Tell her to mind her own business. She doesn’t get a say in your decisions.
Life is more than just money. If he makes you happy, then be with him. Money will work itself out. You said he’s a hard worker, so things will look up.

Stand up for him. She’ll learn to bite her tongue eventually.

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My mom is the same…always about money, and I get it, you need money to survive…but my hubs is worshipped by his sons and she can give a crap less. He changes diapers, builds them one of kind toys, I mean he’s a great dad but we struggle financially. None of that means anything to her unless he is earning big bux. :tired_face:…I wonder if it’s a mom thing?

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Sounds like it’s time to teach mommy dearest some boundaries. Your an adult and can make your own decisions on who to see or not see. As long as he treats you and your child well she needs to back off and remember her place. Just bc you live with her doesnt give her the right to try and dictate your life.

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Move out n show her how financially stable YOU can b without having a man to rely on.
Sure his input would b great but if she’s old school, her views won’t change n it won’t matter who Ur dating

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Money isn’t everything. All that matters is that he treats you both right and makes you both happy.

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My mother inlaw told me that my then boy friend was only good for a 5 year relationship after that hes gonna marry “kate” this rich racist Christian his mom dont like my tribal status or that my son came out as gay I also adopted a kid and the case worker asked his mom if shes homophobic she lied of course. But here I am married to him with a beautiful mixed baby sometimes we need to remember our parents dont get to decide who or what makes us happy

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Nope nope u keep him if your happy some times a quite guy is better than a loud mouth anyways im with my new partner for 7 yrs we havr 2 daughters and my failed marriage with 3 children of 6 yrs amd my mom hates both of them always have amd always will yet my brothers gf os a dumb dumb and she likes her

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You’re going to be the one who’s going to be with him. Not your mom. Advice is great and all but you shouldn’t let anyone influence your decisions. You mom means well. But it’s all going to be up to you.

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A lot people frown upon a divorce! Well, they can suck a dick. Including mothers from girls, I’m sorry but your mother is an overprotective bitch that doesn’t want you to leave her home
!!!If you want a to be happy then be happy.

I agree with what you are saying however my mother has always been right about the crappy men I was with WAY before I did lol good luck. Try and talk to her about it and see if shell enlighten you as to what she senses

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Screw her opinion. If you’re happy then tell her to stay out of your personal life!

Sounds to me like shes jealous

I have to say one thing I’ve learned about mother’s is that they’ve already been where we are and have met alllllll sorts of people. Maybe she is picking up on something you’re not. I just got out of a relationship very very similar to the one you describe except I will now be a single mother of 2 and he left and is in a completely different state. Not saying I can see into the future and know that’s going to happen to everyone else buttttttt sometimes we don’t see what others see.

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If you’re living under your mother’s roof then you need to respect her opinion. It sounds like she loves you and her grandson and wants the best for you. My mum has ALWAYS been right about any idiot I’ve stupidly entertained!
My advice… listen to your mum.

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wants it for herself follow your heart and everything will fall into place.

There’s a breed of woman that is only attracted to pos men. These women never know the man is a pos and they will alienate family members that tell them. Ask yourself if you are one of those women.

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Financial stability isn’t something to take lightly. Personally I like know my kids have roof and a full fridge.

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Mum talks badly about him because the g/f let’s her. Advice is fabulous coz Mum obv cares but there’s a time for Mum to back off and she’s way past that point.

Never really gave a shit if my mother like my significant other. It is not her life, it is mine. Bottom line.

Tell her I know I’m your daughter but it’s my life. Your not meant to rely on your man your meant to build with me x

This may seem hard but unless she financially supports you and your child you have to tell her to stop. Too many people think they can purchase their opinion in your life with that type of collateral. When she begins speaking ill of him gather your things and tell her the conversation is over. Do NOT speak of your partner at all and do NOT open that door otherwise she will think she can freely run her mouth. If she asks questions change the subject if you want to stay on good terms. Avoid that topic and once she begins to ask why you are acting this way tell her straight out that you will not speak of your partner with her. You won’t share good memories or anything negative between you and your partner. Let her know your relationship is private and does not need to be talked about. You set your boundaries and she still respect it IF she wants to continue to see you.

Leave the home the 2 of you have your own and Give the man a Chance to prove himself.meddling mother

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Its your life. Do what makes you happy. Especially he if he is nice, respectful, treats your child great and he has a job.

Meddling mothers drive me insane. My mother in law always talks about how wonderful my husbands ex wife was. She hates me with a passion for no apparent reason.

His ex was a drug addict and he stayed high all the time with her and would barely ever come around his family, wouldn’t hold down a job and so on. It’s completely opposite now. He’s got a full time job, been sober 12 years this April, a wonderful father, and he still doesn’t like to go around his family, but I always made sure that we went every other weekend at least. Going on 6 years of not being around these petty people because they have no respect for me at all and use our kids as pawns.

If you don’t stop that in it’s tracks, this is where you’ll end up too.

Do what’s good for you and your son. As a mom to adult daughters I’ve learned to accept their relationships try to be supportive. Plus at the end of the day ain’t no body going to come and choose my SO. PS all my family was against me marrying my husband been together for 35 years and going strong. Now as a mother we always want what’s best for our children. I be there for them when and if shit goes bad…

A lot is depends on if your mom is a crazy mom or a mom who is level headed who looks out for you. If she is a level headed one, its possible she sees something you dont (love is blind and all that).

I’m going to say something and it may be a little hard to hear, but it is important.
If your mom has not been uber controlling in the past then her “opinions” are truly coming from a place of genuine concern for you but also your child…her grandchild.

Love is blind. How many women have ended up in abusive relationships because they were blind to red flags that family and friends saw?

Theres something that is truly concerning her. Money isn’t everything but stability is important. It sounds as though she’s seeing a concern with lack of stability rather than just lack of money.
Not speaking much…could be shyness but it can also be him hiding something.

You don’t need her approval, but not needing her approval doesn’t mean she doesn’t have valid points or that she isn’t seeing something you’re missing.
For your child’s sake, I would take the time to hear her out and really consider what she’s saying. Open your eyes to the possibility that she may have valid points.

Remember it’s no longer just you that pays the price for mistakes, your child will pay for them too.

It’s simply because you’re living with her. That’s why she’s looking down on him.

My mom has only approved of one. He has lied and lied after lie. She still thinks he hung the moon. If he truly does ya’ll right then don’t worry about what your mom thinks. We can’t always please our parents even as adults. My mom is a money hungry person so if he isn’t making bank then she doesn’t like them. It is always, “what can you do for me.” But it is a parent thing. Do you girl.

I’d keep seeing him. If I listened to my family I wouldn’t be with the same guy for all these years with our 5th child on the way!

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Well it’s hard to say because we know nothing about him. Does he treat you well? Is he a deadbeat? Does he seem like he’s taking advantage of you?
I think it’s rude to judge someone just because they are quiet. Not everyone is outgoing and it doesn’t mean we don’t deserve love. If he’s working hard to build a good life for his future family and he’s working hard to move up in the world, then idk why she has a problem with being financially stable. Not every guy starts out financially stable and sometimes it takes a while. Does he blow all of his money on stupid stuff or something? I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I’d say I’m sure you know him better than she does. I would continue on just to see but sometimes, moms have instincts and some people don’t show their true selves until after they say “I do”
So many people tried talking my dad out of marrying my mom and they are about to celebrate 24 years with 4 children. 2 adults and 2 almost adults. Including all of their parents!!!

Who cares? She’s not the one dating him. If you and your child are happy and he’s working hard to try and build a better life for you guys, that’s all that matters. Good men are hard to find. Don’t let one go, just because your mom doesn’t approve.

Your mom doesn’t have to approve, however, she will likely share her opinions as long as you continue to live with her. Does she support you financially in anyway? Not that it matters per say, but if she is helping you get back on your feet from your previous relationship she probably doesn’t want to have to do it again.
Maybe look at it it from a different perspective.
If your boyfriend is a good guy it might be easier for him to prove that when he is not on her turf.
Good luck!

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Thats a bit mean the fact hes not very talkitive around her isnt anything to worry about imo it could be just how he is

Go with your heart follow your dreams moms not always right but she’ll always be there for you live your life for you not in the eyes of someone else

My mother did me the same way. Even invited single guys over for thanksgiving and christmas. She even invited my son’s father and his wife over for christmas knowing good and well the man wants nothing to do with my child and barely pays his child support. My grandparents passed away and my mother let me live in their place for 3 years. I met my now fiancé 2 years. My mother hates my fiancé. I had to put my son in a mental hospital for a week after he became destructive and was caught drinking and smoking at 12! My mother bought him a brand new 4 wheeler as a reward and kicked my son and I out of my grandparents place because I was getting him help. She swears my fiancé is the reason I put him there. It wasn’t. If it wasn’t for my fiancé my child and I would be homeless. She even had the nerve to keep everything we owns except our clothes. Everything I’ve worked hard for over the years is now gone. I let her see my son and she keeps bragging about how she loves keeping and using our stuff that I worked so hard for. I’ve basically had to start over. I’m trying to be the bigger person by letting her seen my son but I’m about ready to put a stop to it. I’m to the point that if my mother was to “kick the bucket” tonight I’d feel more relieved than sad. I’ve lost all respect for my mother. I’m finally happy after being alone for 10 years before I met the love of my life. He is wanting to adopt my son and raise him right. He’s the best thing that has ever happened to my son and i. So keep your head up. If I can so can you. I’ve been through more hell in the last 12 years than I’d wish on my worst enemy but I keep going. Do what your heart and mind tells you.

Problem is… u are an adult dating an adult… for over a year, and living with your mother. Maybe u get a job and help dude out so u can move out. Gotta put your big gurl panties on if he isn’t financially capable of supporting u and a kid that isn’t his.

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Move out and the respect might come

Shes jealous. Ignore it unless hes moochin off of you living there if hes not contributing anything then i see her point. I live with a guy that had his mom here. She made our lives miserable! Finally with my brains i called her dr about her psychiatric probs. Aftf he saw her she never returned. Put in a nursing home cuz she was over medicating on pain killers and bad hygiene. Im in healthcare and saved her and our relationship! She had passed aftr 2 yrs in the nursing home but she was a changed happier woman being there and we were on good terms when i wud visit her there lavishing her with goodies and surprises. Thats me. She felt loved.

I mean her opinion is valid but you didn’t ask for it. Id tell her that. That you hear what she is saying but you didn’t ask ot that her constantly bringing it up is hurtful to you.

Ur a full grown adult, she can voice her opinion once. Tell her ur awair of her perspective on him but ur choice is ur own and this is how it’s going to be. Tell her that her constant reminder of the disdain she has for him is no longer welcome and if it doesn’t stop than u will visit less.

Your mothers opinion doesn’t matter. If hes good to you thats all that matters. Let your mom know that.

Mom sounds like a cunt

Grin and bear it!!! Politely let her know you are happy. Don’t involve your son!! Guys can come and go, but you only have 1 mom. She just wants the best for you both. Sometimes chemistry just isn’t there. I MISS MY MOM, she passed way to early and I regret not listening more and bickering less

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Move out. She’ll see soon enough.

One question, is SHE dating him or ARE YOU? like fr… set her up on eHarmony :roll_eyes::joy:

Tell her to back off and stay out of your personal life your not 15 anymore

My mother was the same with my man when I was young, and never changed her thoughts about him. 60 years on we are still together and he was really good to her over the year. Now clocking up 58 years of happy marriage in March. If you love him, live your own life.

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Can she see things you’re not? I’d just have a conversation with her and talk to her about it. Sadly my mom passed away but thankfully I have great girlfriends who are there for me. One pulled me aside once and voiced concerns. I listen. I thought about them. I kept dating the guy. It wasn’t long before I could see why she had concerns. They we little things that I’d not thought twice about. I was glad she loved me enough to speak up.

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Tell her he’s great in bed and start giving details. Bet she’ll mind her own business then.

Im a mother and can’t stand my daughters choice … she is a rescuer and hes a immature bully and has tried to remove everyone from her life… I have learned to tame my tongue and let her live her life. It is extremely hard but shes a smart girl and in due time she will pit him where she found him… And I’d Never be jealous!!! Some / most parents want the best for their children!

Sounds like your mom still in the mindset that the man has to be the breadwinner. She should be happy he’s treating you right and loving you like you deserve. We are all going in the same size casket, money doesn’t mean a thing. Tell your mom if she can’t be supportive to say nothing at all.