My Mom Feels She Has Lost Control of My 16-Year-Old Brother

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"Alright momma’s. Needing advice for my mom. So my brother is 16. Has his first vehicle. Was riding the roads blah blah blah. WELL, we found out his room IS TRASHED. Since then, my mom has taken his keys. He’s not allowed to hang with friends, drive anywhere. But no matter what she does or says he will not clean it. And hes so so hateful to her I told her to take his phone. Take his door off. But she says he won’t care. It is SO bad that when you walk thru her front door it smells so bad because of his bedroom. He tried claiming depression, so she got him on meds. He stopped taking his meds on his own and won’t start them back. He tells her that he’s gonna leave home and sleep in his truck. We go to church on Sundays and she invited him but because she wouldn’t let him go hangout with one of his buddies (bc his room) he said “I promise you I will not be in church tomorrow”. Like he tells her real hateful what he is and isn’t going to do. She feels as tho she’s losing control of him. . He has bottles of pee lying around his entire bedroom. What else can she do??? It’s taking a toll on her…he’s the last of 4 kids and she’s never dealt with this kind of mess from me or my other siblings.I’m going to her house this morning and cleaning his room myself, to help her out because her house shouldn’t stink because he’s LAZY AND NASTY. Anytime someone offers him help he goes to cussing them and telling them it’s none of their business. But we’re all just trying to be supportive of my mom. please no negative comments. He was raised better than this. My mom is a very very clean person and so is my sister who also lives at home as well so it’s not something he has been taught or just picked up on."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Do a drug test using the urine from the bottle found in his room and make decisions based upon the results."

"So he has depression and stopped taking his meds…there’s the issue. Being “lazy and nasty” are major symptoms of depression. He needs counseling to get to the root of WHY he’s depressed"

"He is having mental health issues"

"Sounds like the kid needs serious help."

"If it’s making the house smell I’d say she can clean it ans he loses everything but a pillow and a blanket. Leave him a couple out fits. He can earn his stuff back by the bag."

"Therapy… need to get to the root of whatever he’s going through then go from there."

"Is he an addict? Personally, I’d clena out his room. Like, 100% He gets a bed and clothes. Nothing else. He goes to therapy or he can sit in his room. No bottles, no food in there, not door. Fitted sheet and blanket. He wants to be that gross, he wouldn’t have access to anything. If you think he’s into something, ask the police to bring in a drug dog while he’s home."

"No car, no phone, no tv, no games, no friends. Basic necessities only, mattress on the floor, 1 blanket & 1 pillow, absolutely nothing else in his room. Definitely do a drug test, and find him a therapist. Kid has something else going on, and regardless of if it’s, depression, drugs, or just pure laziness, it needs to be figured out. Figure out what is causing the issues."

"Are there any male role models he looks up to that can talk with him? See what’s wrong. If it’s depression, talk about getting him back on the meds needed. Maybe he’s going through a break up or being rejected at school?"

"There is some serious mental illness going on here and this isn’t necessarily drugs like most jump to. I know a few people like this that are/were like this in their teens and are now diagnosed. He needs therapy, and accountability."

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