I did not get along with my parents in my teens and 20’s my relationship with my daddy was horrible!!! When my mama got sick out of her 6 children I was the one close enough and available to care for her!!! It was a no brainer and my dad even commented that out of all their children I was the last one he thought would be taking care of them!!! It was a long exhausting year and a half but I would not trade the time with my mama for anything, and it was healing I am closer to my daddy than I ever was and mamas been gone for years now!!! Being a care provider is mentally, physically and emotionally draining I’ve never done anything harder, but I’m glad I was the one!!!
1 Like
just because someone gave birth to you, doesn’t mean you have to be there for them, My bio mother was a POS, she took us, ran away with us & then within 2 yrs left us in a hell hole, I did do as the bitch asked & got her buried in her supposedly family plot, (we never met anyone from her family, ever) But prior to that, when she was in the hospital for 9 plus months I only visited her once & that was it, I do hope the bitch suffered dearly. Now as for you, if you feel nothing or have no desire to help her or be there, do NOT feel bad about it, This is your choice, If she was never there for you, again your choice on how you really want to play this out. And either way, NEVER feel guilt about how & what you feel about her & what you do or not do for her
1 Like
YOU 
OWE HER NOTHING!
My mother was an insanely negligent, selfish, toxic mother and person. I have not spoken to her in 10 years and I have no desire to. I won’t do it, simple as that. Especially since I’m protecting my kids from her toxicity. I’m gonna get a lot of shit for this comment and I really don’t give a damn, if you haven’t lived it, you don’t get to judge. It is NOT your responsible to be there , nurture, comfort, and care for someone that was never there for you, cancer or no cancer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s terrible she has cancer and I don’t wish it on anyone. But don’t force yourself to be someone’s life jacket when they let you drown…. If that makes sense…… outside of that, if you need someone to talk to that understands, my inbox is always open.
If you don’t forgive her, God won’t forgive w.
5 Likes
You say you have moved on but you haven’t.
6 Likes
I have been through this very experience with a mother so emotionally detached from me it was hard to believe she gave birth to me. She died of pancreatic cancer. She also never acknowledged her neglect/treatment of me. I still carry around the pain of this “relationship” inside of me. I should have sought counseling later in life but I did not.
1 Like
Talk to her, let her know how she made you feel as a child and let her know how bitter you are. This is your chance to talk. Above all and everything else she’s your mother, she gave you life, you need closure in order to fulfill your own life. Be there for her, hold her hand, love her and be there at the end. Be the bigger person and show her you’ll be ok without her. Hopefully it will bring you closer before it too late. My heart goes out to you
2 Likes
Perhaps your mother didn’t share a bond with her own parents? She may not have known how to be there for her kids. Children don’t come with instructions stapled to their butts, so she may not have even realized she wasn’t an emotional support for you. After all, each of us is a different individual and our needs are different. This may be why she didn’t apologize. Why would she apologize if she didn’t realize she had upset you? My own mother wasn’t there for us, and was extremely physically and emotionally abusive. I could have chosen to hate her, or hold hard feelings toward her, but instead, I felt sorry for her. As I grew up and read the Bible I saw that God commands that we honor our parents, not because they are good parents, but because He told us to do it. I decided He must know best and tried my best to be there for her, even though she hadn’t been there for me. She died at 56, from drug and alcohol related reasons, when I was a very young woman. My sisters had held grudges and were distraught when she died. However, though her passing saddened me, I didn’t have the same feelings of regret and guilt that my siblings had, because I had chosen to follow God’s path and not my own. I hope you will reconsider. Sometimes the things we do, just because they are the right things to do, are the things that bless us the most. I pray that you will have peace in this decision. God bless you.
8 Likes
Then don’t go. You have to make a decision, stick to it and then be ok with that decision. I took care of my mom until the very end. We didn’t always get along, but i loved her. I forgave her for whatever hurt feelings i had. I told her how i felt. Maybe you can sit with her and talk to her about it. What ever you decide just know that it is ok.
1 Like
Talk to her to make things right. If you don’t mention it she will continue not knowing…
2 Likes
I was in a similar situation,I get it.I had animosity toward my Mother when she was sick and I took care of her.I was angry and mad at her until she took her last breath.It’s been 14 years and there’s not a moment I don’t wish I could have even a minute with her.I was disconnected with my Mother as well but once she’s gone you can never get the time back.Search yourself for every good moment you had with her that brought you a smile or gave you peace.A Mother’s heart is a Mother’s heart and maybe somewhere inside her her heart is aching for the pain you were caused and she doesn’t know how to say that to you.Don’t force yourself,you will only resent her.I didn’t live your life so I don’t know what you carry just try and take things day by day and really search what’s in your heart.I hope you are able to gain some peace❤️
3 Likes
Do what feels natural. Don’t force yourself. I also recommend trying therapy.
Are you connected to a church? If so, talk with the pastor or another trusted person.
1 Like
I went through the same thing except it wasn’t my dad it was my sister. The advice I can give you is don’t do anything different, but be there only when she wants you there.
I have read some of the answers, but just listen to me a lady that is older and been thew a lot , I am pretty sure your mother is scared; no one wants to hear the words Cancer, she needs you now more then ever, you don’t what the future holds and you don’t want to regret anything
5 Likes
Honestly. Maybe she didn’t know she didn’t have a bond with you. Talk with her.
2 Likes
Do what you have to. Find peace so you dont have regrets later. You cant change the past. I am sorry you had to go through all that.
1 Like
Sitting beside her tell alot
1 Like
Don’t be like her. Don’t do something you will regret later. Your kids could also be watching your reaction to this.
9 Likes
I just want to hug you. I’m dreading the day my own gets sick or needs care. We haven’t even spoken in years as it is. I definitely can relate hun.
1 Like
Just make sure that you have no regrets you don’t have to be emotionally attached but do what you need to do
2 Likes
Give her flowers now so she can see them … when our Mom is gone they don’t see
I went through the same thing. It’s not easy, and she still told me she didn’t want me around, it hurt, but I stayed and pretty much took care of her. All you can do is give your support and tell her you love her. Prayers to you and her during this difficult time. 
1 Like
Speak to her about it and your feelings be open and honest
hope this is something for you…
4 Likes
I don’t have any good advice for you but it says alot about your good character that you feel this way and you are still trying to be there the best you can for your mom! Doing your best is all you can do and don’t feel guilty for not doing “more”. Praying for you!
1 Like
You have to forgive her and move on. You can bring up a conversation about it, if need be before you do. But in order to move on , forgiveness is needed. It’s not for her, it’s for you. I myself have cancer and would be so lost without my girls to stand beside me. I’ve always been close to them tho. It’s a hard thing to swallow when you feel so disconnected. Just try tho, what can it hurt?!
1 Like
Wouldn’t it be a gift to you both if you could give to her what she never gave to you. And in the giving, maybe something would grow. She may be incapable of giving you what she doesn’t have to give but by you giving that to her now, wouldn’t that be great to be able to look back and feel you were able to help her thru. This is really more for you than her at this point. You can’t recapture that time long ago but you can show her how it should be. Prayers you are able to make the choice that makes you able to look back and be proud of yourself for whatever you do. Hugs to you!
13 Likes
It’s a lot of ppl in this same situation as you can see from the posts, you can let go of those feelings of guilt don’t let them consume you! Toxic is toxic and I wouldn’t hold it against either way
2 Likes
Hold no grudges care for your mom and you will have no regrets. There are no do overs
6 Likes
You dont have to force yourself to do anything. Having a mom that acted like i was a burden and unwanted, plus abusive…mine has cancer and i dont talk to her much still. Invite her to bdays and holidays so she can spend time with rhe grandkids if wants…but that is about as far as it goes. I send her flowers once a year on Mother’s Day. Not going to take care of her while she is sick or put in any more effort than that. You dont have to either if don’t want too. Your choice.
1 Like
Just being there for her says a lot about you. I hope she appreciated its
You’re being a good person by being there. As a person you have compassion. The daughter mom relationship is hard. Maybe try and talk to her about it some?
Forget the past & don’t carry the baggage with you. You will regret it & it will be too late to ‘fix’
6 Likes
I know how you feel. I was the oldest of 8 girls and had to grow up fast. It was work work work and no let up. Never told me I was doing a good job. Never a thank you. Until I graduated high school and applied to nursing school.
After some soul searching I realized I couldn’t stay mad at her. So I forgave her and I took my life back. She’s 95 in a home and I visit when I can and I tell her I love her all the time. I’m at peace.
7 Likes
Maybe now is the time to bring up the hurt she caused you. Maybe she never realized. Make amends now so you can ‘fix’ this and move forward without it feeling strained. Who knows how much better you’ll feel if you can resolve it.
4 Likes
It’s clear you haven’t moved on or else you would nt be mentioning it now. I suggest you put your self in your mums shoes right now and think what she must be feeling. Go get yourself some therapy this will help you understand your feelings and be there for your mum. You know she might have had a pretty traumatic childhood herself you don’t know why she was linke she was but you only get one mother.
5 Likes
How you are treated in your childhood leaves scars that are difficult to overcome… especially if that treatment continues into adulthood. I know. I have been there myself. I tried to maintain a relationship out of respect for my Dad. He must have loved her. So I tried for his sake. She was very toxic, and hurt me every time I got near her. She ended up disowning me. I was adopted and I think she only went through with the adoption because my Dad wanted me so much. But he died when I was 11 and with him went any protection that I had. She got kidney cancer toward the end of her life. When she told me, she also told me she didn’t want me to come around anymore. She told me how great my oldest step-sister was and I found out later my oldest step-sister was listed on her records as her daughter. She disowned me. I didn’t inherit except what my step-dad left. She didn’t leave anything except some pictures and Dad’s jewelry and wallet. My coin collection and old toys and BB gun that I left with her for safekeeping went in the auction. I tried to buy my BB gun back, but her new daughter had her daughter’s boyfriend bid it up where I couldn’t afford it. They know I’m on a fixed income. So I know what mental and emotional abuse feels like. All I can say is, if you want to be there for her, do it for your dad. You loved him and he loved her. Just do it for him.
2 Likes
First I’m confused were you housed, fed, educated and loved? If so what more do you expect? Unless he or she was abusive or seriously distant emotionally I don’t understand your issue. Technically her marriage should take priority.
6 Likes
The hardest thing you do is forgive her! You will never forget but you can forgive her!pray for her!
1 Like
If you can live with yourself when it is all over you know you did the right thing AMEN
As a mother who had cancer, I can tell you that if you didn’t want to be there, then don’t go around her. She can sense things like that, and just speaking for myself, I’d rather be alone than to think someone felt like that they HAD to be there. If you don’t WANT to be with her, then don’t go. She would only feel worse.
1 Like
Don’t force the interaction. Don’t feel obligated that you have to be there. If it’s too painful for you, you will have resentment.
2 Likes
My mom was an 18 year old who didn’t want to be a mom. I don’t hold it against her, but we also have the disconnect. Did your mom specifically say she expects you to be there? Usually when they are dying they make a feeble attempt to repair a relationship, and I wouldn’t hate on it, but I also wouldn’t bend over backwards nor would I show up based on what I think her expectations might be. If she don’t say it, don’t do it and if she does say it, be real with her and let her know “our relationship is distant because you cared more about your man than anyone else, and I don’t feel guilty about that, so if you do, that means YOU need to find ways to repair that.” If she wants to, she will, but give her the room to figure it out. That’s all you owe her. I give my mom room to change the distance, but I don’t bend over backwards to fix what I didn’t break.
I’m gonna be the odd woman out here but…
There wasn’t a day I remember my mother sober, be it from drugs or drinking. Her decisions robbed me of my innocence and childhood because of all the men she allowed around and until the day she died she never acknowledged or apologized for any of it, she was a bitter ugly soul who treated me like an easy way to get assistance and money.
When she laid on her death bed I didn’t even try to go see her, I kept getting updates about her but that was it, I still haven’t shed a single tear in regards to that woman and have barely noticed her lack of presence.
Don’t feel bad for being disassociated hun, blood don’t mean you have to accept the hurt.
You are not required to be there. It’s fine to feel as you do given the situation. Your feelings are your feelings! I am sorry you have to deal with this!
2 Likes
I was in a very similar situation a decade ago. My mom was mentally disabled and didn’t have that nurturing instinct; she honestly never should have been a mom. My father was an abusive alcoholic and the amount of trauma I experienced in my childhood…I can’t imagine letting my own daughter endure any of it. Thankfully they got divorced when I was 15 (the first and only time she chose me over him), but the damage was done and our relationship was never great.
I’d cut her out of my life for awhile before she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. At that point the only thing that mattered to me was being the daughter we both needed me to be; I was there for her. When she went on hospice near the end, I took a leave of absence from work and cared for her round the clock and was holding her hand when she passed. I didn’t do it because she deserved it; I did it because I needed to.
It took five whole years for me to get over the trauma of caring for her during that time, and to be able to actually grieve her passing properly.
9 Likes
My mom and I didn’t have a mother/daughter relationship but I was still there for her when she got cancer. I took care of her regardless. You only have one mom in this world. Be there for her
2 Likes
Don’t force yourself to do anything. She’s your mother you obviously love her and care about her despite everything from your childhood growing up. So love her and care about her because despite it all u obviously do love and care about her.
be there when you can be, like if she needs someone to be there for rides home from the doctor, treatment whatever.
but don’t force yourself to do anything more then your willing to do without feeling some kind of way about it. I get it I do. your mom is fighting cancer and may not win that war. But you still have a right to protect yourself and your own well-being because if you can’t care for her openly with love understanding and compassion which is what she’s going to need as she goes through this battle then what is the point in being there and caring for her? There are plenty of services(private and income based) available to help with her care so that you don’t have to be hands on 24/7. I wish you the best.
I would clear the air. Regrets are hard to live with.
3 Likes
2 wrongs don’t make a right. You haven’t moved on and you may need this time with her to get close to her before she passes or you’ll always regret it
4 Likes
Ik how that feels. My grandma raised me from a very young age; even when she returned I stayed with my gramma until I was 18. My ma passed a few years ago from leukemia and I felt disconnected and didn’t grieve until a couple of years ago. Up to this day, I regret not being there for her. The past shouldn’t have mattered so much, but it did. Every situation is different, but I still urge you to be there for you both. It will matter in the future of how the present situation is unfolding. Be there, for yourself and for her. It will calm you down in the future. Sending good vibes and I’m sorry for the long comment.
4 Likes
What I learned is that if your not there for her bcuz she wasn’t there for you then your continuing to carry into the future her same behavior. Basically, two wrongs don’t make a right…
4 Likes
If you don’t do what you must, you will always question yourself. Show her that you are a much bigger person than she ever was. You might even broach the subject of your childhood, but then that would likely hurt her at a time when she is already hurting.
4 Likes
I get paid over $ 126 per hour w0rking from home. I never th0ught l’d be able to do it but my colleague makes over $ 21699 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is limitless.
M0re lnf0… https://Works145.netlify.app
Well…not to be mean…but my adopted mother was horrible. physically emotionally everything…but when she got brain cancer I took care of her to the end…just dowhst you need to do
3 Likes
ME and my mother were not close, fact is she shouldn’t have been a mother. But we were able to become friends before she died. I am glad I let our past go so we were able to have a relationship
2 Likes
Toxic is toxic doesn’t matter who it is. I stopped talking to my mom 3 yrs ago after 45 yrs of verbal abuse I had enough. I wish you the best.
3 Likes
So don’t be there, be as selfish as she was!
3 Likes
When my bio mom ended up in hospice I moved in with my aunt (her sister) to take care of her
I didn’t know any of them and didn’t know what to call bio mom since she chose drugs over her kids when I was very little and my brother and I went into foster care
I’m still not sure why I volunteered to help but by the time of her passing she didn’t quite register that I was her child and we became sort of friends
2 Likes
Apparently her neglect made you a better person than she. God has blessed you and when he says “turn the other cheek” I’m thinking this is what he means. Talk to her about it while you are with her. Open up about it. She can’t get up and walk out. This is your chance to have closure. Yes, you have moved on from it. But there’s a small part that needs her to See You. See what she did and apologize. I’m sure she will. When looking death in the face , it makes you open your eyes to a lot if regret. I’m thinking she doesn’t know how to talk to you. Maybe write her a letter. I found that my daughter and I screamed a lot. But when she started writing me letters in a world of technology…it helped me see her so much more. How she felt. I’ve always thought we were close. But , I learned not as much as I thought. It has really improved our relationship. I also was neglected as a child. So I think maybe that was why I had trouble with mine. You are apparently an amazing woman to sit with her. Pray with as well. You’ll be amazed at what she says. She needs closure as well. Help her help you. God bless y’all. I pray it all turns out ok.
7 Likes
You are definitely still hurt about how she treated you when you were young. I think you should talk to a therapist to find ways to cope with your past trauma so you can be there without feeling forced.
2 Likes
Speak to a therapist. It might help get to the core feelings or having someone professional to vent too.
3 Likes
I would consider sitting down and having a true all out no holds barred talk with Your Mom, because holding in those feelings you have are not healthy for you and your just continuing the toxicity and you don’t want Your children to learn from that… You be the bigger person and let her know while you still have a chance, you may be surprised by the reaction that Your Mother is blind to Your feelings…
Some people don’t think the way they treat their kids is wrong Because That’s how They were raised…
3 Likes
I know how you feel. My parents have a lot of health issues & I try going there to help. Yet there was so many times, from a very young child, when I needed them. They let things continue to happen. They never helped. When older I wasn’t allowed over for holidays because I had a child but not married. Both my sister’s did the same thing but that was okay. It’s hard. Hopefully you find your peace
1 Like
If you don’t want to be there don’t. You are not obligated. Do what your heart tell you. Besides I am sure she has all the other people she put before you by her side.
2 Likes
If you don’t want to be there or feel you are forcing something then don’t do it. Only do what you feel you want to do.
1 Like
Quite honestly, I say two wrongs don’t make a right, you may want to talk to her about it, but I would not tell you to cause her any more pain and distress then she is already in. You will live in regret if you don’t put those feelings aside and be with her at this time. Just my input.
4 Likes
Be a better person and be there for her. If you do the same thing what she did. You’re as bad as her. I get it she is your mum and she was never there for you. Just think this is just another human in need and help her and be there for her:heart:
1 Like
TURN the FOCUS and do it for YOURSELF.
Do the higher road. You did not abandon, or not be there when as a family member you should be there. SHE did that, its on her.
Forgive yourself for not being all warm and fuzzy about it. SHE did not put it in you so its not there to take out. ON HER.
Its not perfect, do it anyway.
Bless and release it.
Forgive your Mom. Not for her, but for yourself. Holding on to that resentment only hurts you. Forgive her so you can move forward. I assure you that in the long run you will be so much happier.
4 Likes
My mom passed away from cancer, and i didnt have the best relationship with her. It hit me hard. Its been 2 yrs since she passed away and i still live with the guilt of not fully helping her when i shouldve. Love her while you can. Forgive her while you can.
5 Likes
When she’s passed on it’s going to hit and hurt different . I hope you’re able to talk to her and tell her how you feel so you can get all that resentment off of you
2 Likes
I was my Mother’s Caregiver for 15 years. Please be sure to take care of yourself. Remember the oxygen mask on airplanes. Good luck.
1 Like
It’s not a good time to tell her she was a bad mom. Just bite the bullet and do your duty! 
3 Likes
Go and do what you can for her so you want have any regrets later.
1 Like
Young one, be the bigger person. She may not have been there the way you would’ve liked but you said you let that go. She is dependent on you and you know this. Look at it as way of giving back to her ( not that you think she deserves it) for giving you the one thing no one else could’ve- life. Sometimes our elders don’t know what they have in their children. This is a shame. But I can promise you this - if you don’t - you’ll regret it. You are a loving, young lady - I can read it in your post- you do love her - you may not like her - but ya know- we have a short time here to do our very best - thank you for taking care of your Mother.
1 Like
You do not appear to be like your Mother and would probably regret not spending time with her now. You may even feel compassion for her not being able to be there for you. Bless you.
1 Like
I read a great book more than 30 years ago that helped me to understand my Mom. The title is ‘My Mother Myself. I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my Mom but she was still my Mom and I have always loved her. I dreaded the time when she wouldn’t be here for me or any of my siblings and that time came. It was so hard. I learned a lot from her and as I grew up and had my own family I decided that she did the best that she could and that is what I have tried to do with my kids and I hope they will do the same with theirs. No one is perfect but we can do our best. When I got to my Mother’s bedside in the hospital and she realized that it was me, her last words to me were’ you’re beautiful.’ I’m glad she was my Mom and I always will be thankful that she is my Mom. I will always love her.
2 Likes
Very similar situation with me and my dad, he passed of cancer in 2019. Prior to him getting sick we hadn’t spoke in about 10 years. He never addressed our past issues before he died, and that did hurt. I stepped in to help where I could because he needed it, he had limited family and friends. He may have been a horrible parent (not a great person either), but at least I can feel peace knowing I was there in his time of need. It was good for healing on my part as well. After he passed I was able to mourn him as a person and also the father I never had…if that makes sense. Absolutely no regrets.
7 Likes
Forced myself every day. My mom was all about her and a drama queen. Financially my parents helped me and with my son. I was an only child, I became her guardian. I made sure she was in a safe place, was taken care of as needed. I visited her about once a week toward the end. Before the lockdown about once every two weeks but she had lots of friends who visited regularly until the lockdown. Haven’t cried since she passed, I am much more relaxed and the holidays were lovely. Do what you need to and feel no guilt. Mine passed when I was on vacation, practically daring me to cut my vacation short. I didn’t.
2 Likes
I’d be telling her exactly how she made me feel yip lay it all on the table before its to late atlease I know I said what I wanted, then give her the help she needs…
2 Likes
Fuck her and leave her alone like she left you alone in childhood.
I think you should seek help for your own peace of mind . You will never forget the past but at least it may change the relationship with her if she gets terminally ill and you have no regrets going forward .
2 Likes
You sound like a good daughter. You are doing the right thing by being there for her.
3 Likes
I personally feel this I have been their the but I kept trying and kept trying where the other person “parents “ never changed if they did I would give them another chance even though I’m completely and mentally burnt I’ve been seriously hurt and mine never and probably never will even say sorry or validate my feelings for what happened 
she’s trying !! I think now is a good time and she’s not out to look for love ect ect she’s broken and need direction this is the time to either be all in and build the relationship that’s broken or not at all if your not in it to win it definitely not going to end well because the slightest difficulty and you will walk away hurting both of you but If ready to change and apologize and move on together and build something new and healthy well that’s a miracle
I lost my only sister to cancer February 2021. I wish I had spent more time with her before she passed. Your mother will need your support as she goes through all that’s ahead of. her. No matter what happened way back. It might be tough but you as should be there for her. All bad feelings put aside.
1 Like
Big girls help their mother no matter what the past is.
4 Likes
Be there for your mom, it’s the right thing to do. But, don’t let her narcissistic past interfer with how you honor your mother. She only thought she was doing the right thing while raising you by being a good wife and maybe she did the best she could while dealing with the mental illness called narcissism.
1 Like
Make this about you and not about her. You absolutely have a responsibility and you should be caring and involved anyway you can. The rest is on her , not on you!
1 Like
Whatever you choose to do, please don’t let anyone bully you into feeling guilty. Listen to your heart and let that guide your decision. If you can get into therapy, maybe considering that may be helpful to speak your feelings about the hurts from your childhood.
7 Likes
I feel you! I had a horrible childhood. From both mother and father. I am 61 years old, and still despise them both. Yet always felt obligated to be and do what’s right. I HATED IT! My father passed in 2001. Never shed a tear. My mother is still alive. She is now 90 years old. She lives in New York. I moved to Florida. 3 years ago. LOVE the distance. Haven’t seen her in 3 years. I totally refuse to take my money and time. To go visit her. She doesn’t deserve it. Not after what she has taken from me. ( A LOT) Anyway,… I’m making this all about me. I can go on and on. But I won’t. I just want you to know that I understand exactly how you feel. You sound like a real good person. So what I’m going to tell you is. Do what makes YOU feel better. Good Luck!
3 Likes
Just step in when you can… U don’t have to do it ALL of the time. Don’t kill yourself, but do enough so later you can look back and say u did the best u could. I’m in a kinda similar situation and I promise I wouldn’t force myself to do anything. And I wouldn’t feel bad later. It’s hard for us to truly know how you feel about her from just one post. We don’t know if it’ll hurt you later - because I PROMISE I wouldn’t hurt later. So it’s hard to gauge where you are
Deep down there is always an inherent deep feeling for our parents no matter what they did. She was a product of her times battered into a male dependency and virtual slavery to his desires.
Tell her straight out how you are feeling
1 Like
I have this same feeling with my dad. He was not ever there for me as a child and chose drugs over me. He took so many drugs it caused him to have strokes and now he is unable to take care of himself. I exhausted myself getting him into an adult family home and now that he’s finally settled and being taken care of I have no urge or need to visit. It feels like an obligation with someone I have no attachment to other than I love him because he’s my dad. I feel guilty I don’t want to visit him but he never wanted to visit me as a child.
4 Likes
Some kids may not have always liked the way they were raised, but she obviously raised you well enough that you realize there was maybe a better way. I’m not sure anyone says they had a perfect life growing up. Honor your mother and father, I promise you’ll never regret your decision.
9 Likes
I took care of my mom for 2 yrs while she battled cancer 2 yrs !!! Growing up I never felt her love I wasn’t her favorite child I swear she hated me she loved my sister more than me !! I grew up I forgave her after I moved out my own children I never returned home to my mom o dad house but she got cancer I made a promise I wasn’t going let her fight her cancer alone I was the only one taking care of her my sister not one time help her she was to busy o always asking for money my mom died in my arms I couldn’t cry idk why I couldn’t but I know she at peace she not suffering . Sometimes we have to forgive and be at peace and as for my mom she my mom no matter what I loved her I understand what she. Was going three personally take care of her when your mom gone you can no longer call her you can no longer hug her if I was you be there for her don’t let her battle that cancer alone
1 Like
Its obvious you aren’t over it yet and that is okay. I totally get where your coming from. My mom wasn’t present either and she has a bunch of health issues apparently and I just don’t know how to feel either.
Maybe this is a good time to try and talk about it and give you both some closure?
Either way, if she doesn’t have anyone else in her corner to help and you’re there, at least you know you tried in the end.
Do what your heart says. it’s definitely not your responsibility to take care of her as an adult , when u needed a mom as a child growing up. I would tell her how you are feeling and go from there
1 Like