Grandparents make it really hard on us. They spoil, that’s what they do. My mother and I have went round and round over my children. She finally understood some of it and stopped some of it. Keep talking with her. I can’t tell you how many conversations or arguments I’ve had with my mom over my kids. Grandparents do this rather you live with them or not. Some just do it more than others.
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Enroll him in a cooking class. Our daughters pediatrician recommended one to a group of parents. Was a wonderful class. The children had hand on experience and learned a lot of preparing and eating vegetables. Planning menus shopping for various food groups. Plus the children are proud of the dishes they prepared
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We lived with my grandparents for a couple months, and then sadly my grandfather passed away so we stayed longer.
I felt bad leaving my grandmother after 6 months but I couldn’t stand this part of it.
Still when my daughter goes and stays the night, she gets mad because I have her on a schedule and because of COVID I don’t want her going out everywhere, or playing with her neighbors grandkids (cause I’m due in a week with a baby)
Maybe sit down and have a talk with your mom… if that doesn’t change things you’ll have to tolerate it or move out.
You have a mouth, use it.
Sit down and talk to her, but if she can’t respect you then you’ll have to find a way to move.
Living in someone else’s home especially your parents can make something more of a challenge. Honestly, if you are unable to set boundaries with your mom you need to find a new living arrangement. I am aware that both are hard choices. Praying for you
Living in someone else’s home you need to respect their rules and expectations or don’t live there. But the bad part of having a child in this situation is the fact that if they are dictating them when you do move out it will be a lot harder to get the child back where you need them to be
also you said the key word grandparents! That’s what they do is spoil them. And many do it knowing they don’t have to deal with the consequences once the kids go back home and yes it’s rough…when me and my mom talked of this I could understand her view of wanting to be that grandparent but as I told her your not the one who keeps them after. Also depending on your child’s age talk to them of respecting adults and have them understand that you can do what you want when with grandma but it’s not going to be ok with mom that’s a maturity thing though
Get out if you can. If you can’t, it is her house her rules…for HER things. YOUR child is not HER child just because your situation is you staying in her home. He is her grandson and always will be. She can grandparent him, NOT parent him.
The only thing I was able to find to end this situation is to hold the child accountable…and before everyone jumps on me for that I DO AGREE IT SUCKS AND IS NOT FAIR! But how far do you allow things to go? My stepson’s great grandmother pulled this deal with him to the point my SO never really learned how to be a parent. If he said black to SS she said white. SS was so used to getting away with everything and her standing up for him and telling SO he was mean for telling the child no that when he started school, SS needed a behavior IEP because uf the teacher made him work or told him no he would blow up and throw or destroy things or hurt himself. I’ve been here 3 years now. I set very firm boundaries and have told SS HE is responsible for following the rules no matter what home he is in. It started off rough, but we enforced it. He does not have an IEP in school for behavior anymore. He is catching up QUICKLY to his peers in class because he is learning he is not going to get out of things just because they’re hard ( something she encouraged ) and we are often told by his teachers and acquaintances how well behaved and sweet he is. Kids do better with boundaries. My SS behaves better for me than any other family member lol…he tells my SO all the time I am the queen because I rule and make the “laws” in our home…but the most important thing to me is that the child is getting more confident and he KNOWS i love him and only set rules for his safety and well being.
As to the great grandmother…she and I are no longer on speaking terms and she’s close to losing both her grandsons all together because she still tries to overstep her boundaries and run over my SO…but he has back up now and is learning how to be an awesome father to my SS now. And I love that my SS sees that his daddy loves him and isnt just sitting in autopilot any more like he was when they lived there.
My daughter lived with me until my grandson was ten I spoiled him but I also had to make him mind and he was a little more then I could handle so she moved because she didn’t like the rules my house my rules
You need to sit down with your mom when the child is not there and politely say mom please stop … when I tell him something I need you to back me not him … look how you raised me thats what I’m trying to do with him
I think you need to have a calm but “firm” discussion with her about why it bothers you and what needs to change. Say something like “I am so grateful for you allowing us to live with you. I don’t want you to ever feel like I’m not grateful. Yet you aren’t allowing me to parent my own child and aren’t allowing me to decide on what his needs are. I also understand why you want to spoil him, but I would really appreciate it if you could keep it to an occasional spoiling because I can’t even get him to eat his veggies without you giving him something that isn’t as good for him. So from now on, id really like it and appreciate it if I say no to something, that you respect that no so that my child understands I am his parent, and he will start to get some structure in discipline.”
Make sure you show your appreciation too. Yes, she is letting you stay there, but this is about how you are trying to parent. This isn’t about anything else. She might come back and say “well just move” and you can respond “if us staying here depends on how I parent my child and how much you can spoil him with unhealthy foods, that really hurts that you can’t move past this and allow me to parent my own child while still staying with you”.
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My kid my rules plain and simple.
if you had a place of yur own would be different-as long as you live with her-she is still mothering you and child-if you make her mad-she will kick you out-try to talk to her and explain how you feel
Set boundaries turn and say my child will eat what I prepare this is my responsibility, his homework or chores or whatever will be done first and then you can spend time with him. Yes I love you but remember when you done this to me with my grandmother. Shes bound to pick up this conversation before you even finish talking.
Just be honest with her and tell her you do not want her to do that Our grand daughter is 1 year old They came to our house I had some cookies and was going to give her one but her mother said no She told me she did not want her to have one so I abided by her wishes She asked me if I was mad and I told her no and apologized to her for not asking het mama first I was not mad I just did as her mother wanted
Takemher aside and tellmher if you continue this I’m going to move out youmcan find help with this matter
Sit down and talk with her about it. Tell her she needs to respect your boundaries as a parent. She should not be intervening in your parenting at all!
Now that being said, I also suggest trying to move out. I have no idea what your situation is, and I don’t judge you at all. I know we all have our situations in life. But, if she isn’t going to stop, it’s unhealthy for your parent-child relationship and y’all’s relationship with her if she can’t respect your boundaries.
Talk to ur mother explain to her that he is ur kid and he has to have rules and discipline and that she can’t undermine ur parenting or ask her to watch him for 4 days and go stay with a friend and see if that changes her mind. But I’d also be looking for a new place
My son and grandson who is 5 live with us while my son is going to college and my husband and I spoil this child with everything but we don’t go against what his dad says and when my son is trying to make him do what he needs to do we do not interfere with that. There is a fine line and we try not to cross it.
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So true move out. Your son is her grandson and we love spoiling them even at the expense of ruining them. We just love them and don’t feel responsible for their outcome in life.
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You two need to come to a middle point. She is helping you out and as long as he is eating let her spoil him. Thats what grandmas do.
But that’s the issue is your living with your mom… if you want no one to tell you what to do or how to parent him then you need to live on your own . That’s just something that’s going to happen. Why because one she’s grandma and grandmas love to spoil their grand kids and two because it’s her home and it’s her rules. If you tell her something her response would most likely be well if you don’t like it then move out.
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The simple answer is move out.
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It’s hard living with parents and worse when you have children. If you are unable to move out at this time you definitely need to let her know she’s the gma, you’re the mom and unless you are causing your child harm she needs to not interfere. Now if doing what is right for the child hurts gma’s feeling then gma needs to figure out a way to make it easier for the child. I.E. child don’t like veggies? Search for recipes to make them differently. End result is still the same. Maybe let the child help pick out the recipe.
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Sorry your mom is correct in giving him what he enjoys. Cant force children to Eat what they dont like. Would you want some to make you eat something you didn’t like. Eventually he will mature and the problem go away. From experience if you force a child to eat what he doesn’t like it can cause eating disorder as adult. Be careful. Listen to mom, she knows best…might be time for you to think about getting out in your own
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You need a serious sit down with your parents/ Mom. You need to tell her point blank she is not helping. At All. She is undermining your authority and by doing so, showing your son it’s okay to be disrespectful to you his mom, and that he will be able to do anything he wants with no consequences. Yes your living with your mom, but if it’s temporary she still needs to help you.
Remind her that while growing up, she would never (insert example of what she’s allowing your son to do) “instant noodles for you when you refused your veggies “, and use other examples that she lets him get away with that maybe you would have been punished for at his age. Also all the rules that you were taught growing up, she is showing mean nothing now. Please and Thank You are required, but maybe demands of Get me my drink, and Grandma comes with it while your still waiting for a please.
Also, yes a grandparent can spoil their grandchild, but there is a time and place (definitely not 24/7 and not when they live in the same home).
Also try to have the sit down when your son is either not at home or inside. Maybe while doing schooling online and you can talk outside or in a room on the other side of the home. Remember to keep calm, and even ask if she knows that she is teaching your son to be disrespectful.
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I’m not crazy about my daughter’s discipline most of the time. Because I’m his NANA. But I stay out if it, in front of him. The only time I interject is if I think she has gone overboard.
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My oldest son is 27. My mother interfered his entire life and she passed 3 years ago. We have struggled to maintain a normal mother/son relationship due to her interference. He always percived her as the Mom figure and I’m now left to deal with the aftermath. When I moved home it was because I needed help, after a couple of years I was there to help her. I paid a huge price. I should have made her butt out.
Have a conversation with her between the two of you. Set her straight. She needs to stop undermining you.
Move out ASAP. Tell your mom to stop as she is not the parent- you are. Seeing you are asking others how to talk to your mom about this says a lot. Get out of her house- if you’re old enough to have an eight year old you don’t need to be living with mom
Once a mom, always a mom , no matter if your a mom or a grand mom. You can’t shut it off .
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Time to move out your mom’s house and raise your son how you want to, sometimes we hold on too long!!!
Remind her that that isn’t the way she raised you and not the way you want your son raised. Or she will be having a lot less contact with him after you move.
Whining about grandma but sponging off of her probably everyday, get out , grow up, and take the kid with you.
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Set clear boundaries and stick to them, move out if necessary
Yup, her house her rules. Your house your rules
Move out otherwise you will not get control
SIMPLE ,Get out on your own.
You do t like it MOVE
Sounds my like my wife. Lol
It’s a battle you may not we in,while you are still under your mom’s roof,moved out of home at 16,but moved back in year later,the problem is you are her child,therefore she is always going to assume the role of parent,and if your mom can’t accept that you need to be the one making the rules for your son,it undermines you,and then he won’t behave for you ever!
Well several things can be done, first you need to sit Mom down and tell her she needs to let you parent your child. I don’t know what circumstances have you living there but you could start leaving your food on the plate and making something else to eat, just to show Mom how she’s treating you and then hit her with this. Mom are you telling me you raised me so BADLY your trying to make up for it with my kid ?? Now if she loves both of you she’ll do her best to let your be the Mother she raised you to be.