My mother in law constantly makes rude comments about me: Advice?

My husband knows I am not a huge fan of his mother. Just from the things she has said and done in the past. However, I recently got my wisdom teeth taken out, got dry socket and now I have Covid. My mother in law is helping with our child (which I’m very thankful for). I am ALWAYS friendly and civil with my mother in law. We have never had a fight or anything like that but I’m just not a fan bc she can’t control her mouth. I’m FaceTiming my husband to see our baby while MIL has her. My husband goes “you are looking a lot better” my MIL goes “oh really, because I think she looks like absolute shit”…. I mean how else am I supposed to look? I am sick… sooooo I didn’t say anything (like usual) bc I never want conflict… then my MIL goes “I told my son he has a high maintenance one , wisdom teeth and now Covid”… how is that high maintenance? I didn’t ask for ANY of this. When I say I’m “not a fan of hers” it’s because of the stuff she says like this for example. My husband just laughs it off right alongside her. It makes me feel disrespected. How do I go about this? She does it infront of my child which is my main concern. Any advice on how I can correct this in a friendly manner. I want a good relationship with my MIL but she makes it so difficult I feel like. It’s always small jabs everytime I see this woman. Do I start giving it back at this point so maybe she’ll get the hint?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My mother in law constantly makes rude comments about me: Advice?

I would tell her to kiss off. No reason to be so negative

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My dad does stuff like this. I return it in kind. At this point in life, I match people’s energy :woman_shrugging:

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I’d give it right back to her, some people just talk to others that way, not saying it’s right, it’s just how some people are, my family is like that, I’m the odd one out and I used to let it bother me, til I just didn’t, hit ‘em back with it and have a laugh with them.

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Talk to him and have him talk to her. If that doesn’t work then give it back to her everytime she does it to u. She’ll get the hint eventually.

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It will never change unless you stand up for yourself and point out her unacceptable behaviour to you

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Tell the woman to keep her pie hole shut . Plus myself I’d come bk with some nasty about her .

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Match her energy babe, I know I would. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Really? I thought high maintenance was like needing a lot of material things and not working and shit. Not being sick and having a medical complication. I’d be tempted to talk back and say something like “yep high maintenance just like his mom…” or some crap like that.

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Cut her off. Fuck that toxic noise! You’ll appreciate it in the long run

At this point I would be getting very punchy with my comments to her and making it known she was overstepping boundaries and to continue she will be sacrificing relationship with her grand child!

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Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. From my experience most people who are that way won’t change, they’re grotesquely unhappy. That said, maybe start calling her on her words. Your response could be, “Why would you say something so hurtful?” or “What do you hope to achieve by saying something so hurtful?”. Even if she truly means to be a grade-A you know what, asking those questions deflects the power of her words. Don’t absorb it, push back then bop your husband upside the head for laughing. Rude. I hope you feel better soon. :pray:t4:

Since u want to keep it friendly start with telling your husband how u feel and ask him to shut it down since it’s his mother. If that doesn’t pan out then ya I’d be that 1 I’d start dishing out my own snarky little remarks everytime she made 1 about me.

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Keep your kid when you are sick. It will be okay. Don’t ask her for anything, ever. Why let someone treat you like that? :person_shrugging:

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Kill her with kindness. It worked for me. MIL was not nice at all! Even said ugly things about her grandkids…two wrongs won’t solve anything. Pray for her diligently!

Seriously not ok… your husband definitely needs to say something to his mother. So not ok! I’d also point blank, ask her, in front of him what her problem is and why is she making such rude comments to/about you especially infront of your child. Nip it in the bud or cut her out…toxic people never change.

Maybe try and get to the root of the problem by either asking her directly what tf her problem is - or ask your husband to talk to her and avoid potential conflict that way.

Maybe she just has a brash sense of humor and doesn’t understand that it isn’t appreciated. (Best case scenario, anyway).

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You are not alone. Right now I am living with my husband and my son at his parents house. Every now and then she says things out loud and makes her point loud and clear that she doesn’t like me. I usually keep my mouth shut. But a person can only take so much for so long. Even though my husband defends me, it’s still not enough. Won’t be too much longer until I say enough is enough and leave. With or without my husband I have my son to focus on along with my other kids… Say something in a polite way…

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Don’t lower yourself to her standards. Just say “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Stop there and let her take it from there - if she says something again, just make the same statement. She’ll soon get the message.

Your husband is just letting her do that??? Hell no. He should stand up to her

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Just tell your husband and mother in law that you don’t appreciate her smart comments and you don’t appreciate your husband laughing about them, ask him how he would feel if your father or someone on your side of the family made comments about him constantly and u laugh

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She sounds rude as hell.

Hubby should talk to his mom. I hope when you finally do voice your concerns with her your little one isn’t there… I’ve been with my hubby for 24 yrs and we have nothing to do with his family… I’m always so jealous of ppl with family… hugs hope you get better and this pans out soon…

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I Get Paid 0ver $ 110 per hour w0rking from h0me. I never thought l’d be able to d0 it but my colleague makes over $ 13895 a m0nth doing this and she convinced me t0 try. The p0ssibility with this is limitless.

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You need to set major boundaries. Her underhanded comments are not okay and they need to stop. I would make sure she knows this. If she doesn’t like you that’s fine but she can keep the nasty comments to herself.

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If he isn’t gonna defend you defend yourself :woman_shrugging:t3: especially since she’s saying it out loud. You get wbat you give tell her what do you expect I’m SICK :sweat_smile:

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I used to be respectful to my mil but she didn’t deserve it. She once told my niece, her granddaughter that she looked like a whore because she was wearing heavy make up from an earlier dress rehearsal that she came straight over from to my daughter’s party. My nieces parents quietly took her home then called to apologize for why they left. First my mil denied saying it then said she was joking. I told my sis in law to protect her daughter at all costs. I told my mil in front of my husband and fil that if she ever did that to my daughter that it would be the last thing she ever said to her. If they don’t respect anyone, they don’t deserve it back

I would totally throw insults back at her

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Your husband has to intervene.

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You have a few choices.

1.) You can sink to her level.
Give back as good as you get.

I do not recommend this option because she is your MIL. And you seem to rely on her help with childcare in occasion.

You do not seem to want this to get any uglier than it already is.

You do not want to exhibit the kind of behavior of which you disapprovd in front of your child.

So I would not give back as good as I got.

2.) You can take the high road. I would.

Point out her atrocious comments calmly and quietly as follows…

Maintain your composure and just tell her that comment was rude, unnecessary, and unbecoming.

Then tell your child in front of your MIL that you’re sorry he or she had to hear such rudeness from his or her own grandmother.

Tell your child in front of your MIL that nice people do not make unkind comments to or about others.

And tell your child never do that to anyone.

All the while you smile, keep an an even neutral tone.

End the conversation.

3.) You could speak with your husband about his mother.

You could ask him to tell her to stop with her nasty comments.

But I would prefer to handle the issue myself.

I would go with option #2 as I would prefer not to sink to her level.

Nor would I want another to fight my battles.

I would go with option #2.

Good Luck. I wish you the best

Have a private conversation with hubby. Tell him you’re tired of his mother’s little comments and put downs. He laughs, but you don’t find them a bit funny. Tell him that if he doesn’t put a stop to it, he can visit his mother whenever he wants, but you and your baby will be staying home. Your baby doesn’t need to hear her mouth either.

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Give it right back! See how she likes it :crazy_face:

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Your husband should be sticking up for you.

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Ask her if she ever got diagnosed with Tourret’s. No disrespect towards those who do actually have the diagnosis. I’d just tell her straight to her face that that’s the only reason I know of for her behavior besides having a black soul.

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Don’t let her talk shit to you. If she doesn’t like you or can’t be respectful, then she has no business being around the kids either.

Talk to your husband. Let him know you feel disrespected by him. Let him know that you need him to have your back. Otherwise it will slowly eat away at your relationship with him.

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Obviously your child is too young to explain that granny is grumpy and mean talking because no dinosaurs have visited her jurasic park lately but even so she could be poisoning the well with your child while she has unmonitored access while your away

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I would have just exited the face time. I would not have said anything but, immediately following her comment, I would have disconnected. I would have also made it very obvious I was intentionally disconnecting, too

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Your husband needs to correct it. His mother, his problem. He is the one you need to tell.

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Yes see how she likes it . Maybe she will get the hints

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He definitely should talk with his mom imo. She’s definitely being disrespectful!

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:expressionless: take care of your own child will help.

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She’s jealous of you and feels ugly herself so stand up for yourself even though your husband should be the one doing it!!!

How about not playing games by “giving it back to her” in hopes that she will get the point and instead, being an adult and just speaking up.

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Defend yourself. Especially if your husband won’t.

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Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Communicate. And, your husband should be standing up for his wife. Always!

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Your husband needs to stand up unless he wants to be married to mommy.

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The experience with my mother-in-law over 50 years ago helped me form a great relationship with my 3 Daughters-in-law.My Mother- in- law would always make nasty remarks about me and when I complained to my husband he responded, well get used to it cause that’s just how she is.Well I gave them an example of just how I was.When she complained to my husband and he was going to give me a lecture,I asked didn’t I have a right to be myself just as much as his Mom.It gave him something to think about.After that whenever she would complain to him about something I said to her he would ask and what did you say to her.Needless to say we stopped speaking for the next three years until she got sick and I was the only one that would take care of her . She was still determined to be disrespectful and I let her know you don’t have to like me but you will respect me.That’s when she broke down and admitted that maybe has she been a little nicer to her other 2 Son’s wives maybe the burden of her care wouldn’t have fallen all on me.Might I add that’s as close an apology I received.She died in my arms 2 years later

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Your husband needs to deal with this, it’s his mother. You need to be very upfront about how you’re feeling and what you expect from him. He should be shutting this down.

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I would dish it right back at her! I would not stand for that bs. And your husband needs to stand up for you!!!

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I have sometimes said to people, my own children included, wow you look like sh-t…with concern, because they’re sick and not looking their usual healthy self. Maybe she meant pale, weak, tired looking? rather than something mean?..and maybe the “high maintenance” comment WAS just a joke, since she told you about it? Maybe not the most sensitive joke in the world, but possibly not meant to offend but to be funny? I can see that this might be a way to see it, but then you know her and I don’t, so you have a wealth of other behaviors to judge by.

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Give it back to her , divorce your husband since he isn’t defending you & make sure mother in law has no contact with your child til she can respect you

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I have a good friend who is nice as can be and her mil “used to”take advantage by trying to make my friend look bad… not anymore. Son finally got that straightened out !!!

Sometimes you gotta treat them like they treat you. People don’t like that when you do to them what they do to you… if they don’t respect you how the hell can they expect it back… that’s what I do now . I don’t care anymore who gets hurt in the process (within reason) but you wanna play games, well I can play them just as good…

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Tell her you need to have a talk. Tell her the things that she says are out of line and hurtful and if your relationship will continue, she needs to stop. If she doesn’t stop, walk away from the relationship.

My experience with my MIL, was to just let it ride! I was the adult! People would come to me and my husband and tell us the hateful things she had said about me, they never understood, why I handled it the way I did! She would even write me hateful letters and the them to my workplace, where my husband wouldn’t see them! I never showed them to him! I was never going to be the reason, he would have had a strained relationship with his Mom! About 3 months before she passed, she called me on the phone and apologized for every mean thing she had ever said about me and wanted my forgiveness. I told her, she did not need to apologize for anything, I understood she loved her son, I just wished she could have understood how much, I loved him too! She told everyone when we got married, it wouldn’t last 6 months, we will be celebrating 37 yrs. the 21st of this month! If you love your husband, let it ride, if you can!

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You need to stand up for yourself. Tell her she won’t be welcome in your home if she’s disrespectful

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Lmao. She sounds hideous…
:joy::joy::joy::joy: Ignore her. If it co tinues to bother you, quit bottling it
Eventually you will blow. The longer you say nothing, the worse it’ll be when you do. If you dont want to have that conversation, ask your husband to.

I would give it back. Tell her he knows high, he has watched you his whole life. Then go on.

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You absolutely one million percent do not have to accept her rude ass comments. I understand that you want to have a good relationship with her but just so you know, it’s not mandatory that you have a relationship with her at all. I feel your husband needs to be the one to talk to her about this and get her all the way together. If not then it’s up to you how you handle him but he can’t be mad if you choose not to deal with his mother at all

If your hubby laughs umm helll nawwww :smiling_face_with_tear:I’m so sorry. Some ppl can be really crappy… they gotta dish their own hate on others and that’s not fair.
If you’ve communicated with your husband and it still happens I’d consider removing myself from that situation. You deserve alot better than this. Never settle for people who make you feel like this.

She and your husband very disrespectful to you. Deal your your husband first then grow a slick tongue for your MIL. When she said you look like shit, quick as a wink you should have said we’re finally twinning. With the sweetest smile on your lips.

That old crow don’t know her damn place. Plus your husband laughing along? The things I would have told him he was sure to hang up the phone on me and hope my quarantine went longer than planned.

You can only be insulted if you allow it. So treat her like you would a rude child, be condescending, polite and cold. She will make herself look more the fool. The correct answer to her comment about how you looked: “Sorry we cannot all come up to your standards.” As to your illness: “Next time I will try to get something more exotic, and contagious.”

I’d be having a talk with your husband cause that’s not at all good especially around your children cause they will begin to think it’s okay to treat you like that. Maybe he will talk to her about it or all three of you can talk about it cause it’s disrespectful

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Do not tolerate any of it. It wont get better.

Your husband allows it so it won’t stop until he tells her to keep her comments to herself. Sorry you’re going through that.

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Your hubby should be pulling her up when he knows how you feel…but id tell her strait up to

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Your husband needs to be a man and stand up for his wife. He should put you first

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I think you better have a talk first with your husband . Then he can deal with the mother for you .

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I’d straight up give it back to her. Respond when she says this stuff. And then tell your husband it’s not acceptable for her to talk about you like that especially in front of your child.

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Speak to her. Tell her how her comments are making u feel. Maybe she doesn’t think she’s being mean. If nothing changes then start dishing it out to her as well. See how she likes it.

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Sounds like ur husband needs to be a man and put his foot down instead of laughing with her.

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I would’ve just said “that was rude! “

Your husband needs to defend you …needs to stand up to his mother

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She sounds like a total a-hole. I would ignore and avoid as much as you possible.

Clap back lady! I’m so tired of women letting their in-laws disrespect them when they have every capability to stand up for themselves. Tell your man off too, that shit is not okay

l get paid over $197 per hour working from home. l never thought I’d be able to do it but my buddy makes over $18358 a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The possibility with this is endless.

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If I was you I would talk to my husband and tell him exactly how I feel and explain I won’t tolerate it for much longer so I need him to figure out how to handle this situation so it doesn’t cause issues

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If my mother-in-law, or anybody else, ever said something like that about me, my husband would lose it. He should explain to her that this is unacceptable behavior. Your children shouldn’t have to see you being disrespected.

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Oh fuck that :rofl: she would be out the door. That’s gross.

Either take it with a grain of salt or get witty with your reply’s to her. They don’t have to be rude or ignorant.
Like perhaps when she said high Maintenace to hubby you could of said “ Yep & he loves everything about me, including the high maintenance part!’

Is it her sense of humour , some people have a dry sense of humour? Maybe start dishing it back to her and see how she takes it, you never know she might feel comfortable and thinks it’s ok to joke with you like that. Or if you don’t feel comfortable doing that maybe speak to her and say you don’t appreciate the jokes or way she speaks to you expecially when your child is around

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Hunni
You need to talk to your hubby about how this makes you feel also have it out with your mother in law
You also need to learn to let things go
Moms will be mom’s

Sadly from what I can gather from your post
Neither of you have any respect for each other
Respect goes both ways sweetie

It will never stop !!! And your husband has no respect for you for laughing at the insults she gives u

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Totally start treating her the EXACT same way

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Your husband, her son, must be the one to correct this. He must tell his mom to stop and to keep her comments to herself. If he refuses and I believe he will, it is time to cut off all contact between your mother in law (MiL) and your child. She must not be allowed to make derogatory comments about you in front of your child. There is nothing more destructive to your relationship with your child than what your MiL is doing. You are better off with a sitter than with an enemy in your home or around your child.

Part of me wants you to record what your MiL says to you and about you. Most states have a law where you must give notice when you record. It might be worth it to tell her you are recording to get her reaction.

It is also time for couples counselling. That your husband is laughing alongside his heartless and evil mother is ridiculously cruel and inhuman. If he refuses to go to counselling, you do know your next step, don’t you? Reach out to your parents, see if you can move in with them, and see if they can help you and your son until you get on your feet. File for divorce and custody. Include supervised visitation (no visitation without professional supervision) if your child sees this grandmother. I’m serious. A mean adult can ruin the relationship you have with your child.

This has been going on for a long time. If your husband refuses to take your side, you are in for a completely miserable life. I cannot imagine why MiLs are as cruel and mean spirited as they are but here you go. If there is no change in this situation after you confront your husband: Leave. Go go go go go. Run run run run. Do not allow your child to be brought up like this.

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Talk to her about how you feel, it sounds like she has a sarcastic sense of humour… Once she knows how you feel she should dial it down if she’s a decent person… Ask your husband the best way to approach her first, as I’m sure you’re not the first person to speak to her about it.

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Tell him to sort it out, he needs to show people that you deserve to be respected too not just because your his wife but because you are a person. If she can’t let him go, that’s on her. But there’s no need to destroy you alongside taking her baby back.

Cut all ties with the old bat.

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Honestly, I would just be brutally honest and if you have to say a few unkind words to get your point across then do so. As long as she keeps getting away with it and your husband laughs it off it’s not going to change :wink: you may not like conflict but that’s how your gonna have to face it!

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Silence is acceptance… You need to stand your ground.

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Call her out on her shit :woman_shrugging:t4:

Talk to your husband first, tell him exactly how you feel and what “Mom” has been saying and doing. Explain calmly, you can’t keep behaving as if this isn’t bothering you any longer. Suggest he has a calm talk with “Mom” so it doesn’t cause friction within the family unit and advise her enough is enough. You are his wife and the mama to his child, you deserve respect and he needs to stand up for you.

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Hubby needs to grow some and say something to his mum and show more support for u

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Id start making comments too. Either she will eventually get it or yall will have a argument & then tell her how you feel. Nobody needs to be disrespectful like that.

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tell your husband either you or his mum and also tell him how you feel about his mother because she is being a disrespectful cow I would not tolerate that to be honest I’d put him and his mother in place!