My mother-in-law constantly undermines my parenting: Help?

Put your foot down and until her behavior changes, she will not see the kids :woman_shrugging:t2:

Susan Freeman Margavio Glad we don’t have this problem! :kissing_heart::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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If someone tries to overpower you and it’s causing your children to listen to them and not you, that’s a problem.
I would be very blunt and clear and let her know that she will not be around until that changes. Period.

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For one, you should cut her off when she cuts in and tell her to mind her own motherhood and your husband should grow a pair and tell dear mom what he really thinks instead of blowin smoke after she leaves. I didnt even let my own mother do that to me. She doesnt understand that people feel. I cant talk to her at all. So i follow my gut because my husband and i are the only people in this world that know what’s best for our children. You got this. Sorry youre going through this.

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In the article the lady is asking advice from outsiders to start with, so you have to be prepared to accept all comments. What she asked for she got, so she can take whatever and use it to her satisfaction, who’s to say that anyone is right or wrong, this is between her and her husband and it is not wrong to have an opinion and this is mine only

My father in law did that and I checked him right away. “Excuse me, but I can take care of this.” Kind of attitude and I actually said it. Any time he would exhibit that behavior I would shut it down. We don’t talk to him THANK GOD. It was constant and my husband is an amazing man, but no thanks to his dad. He’s a douche. :woman_shrugging:t2: #shutitdown If she has a problem, there’s the door. I would have a long and SERIOUS talk with my husband if he didn’t back me up. Would be a huge tear in the marriage for me.

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You will have to show self confidence, be very assertive when she corrects you. Say “This is how I do it!” “I SAID I’M DOING IT MY WAY!”. Be friendly, smile all the while.

The next time it happens, invite mom in law to leave. Your house, your kids, your rules. If she doesn’t want to cooperate, then she needs to go. Parenting is your job. Not hers. If she can’t understand that, then it’s like sending home an unruly play date. She can come back when she chooses to believe you make the rules now.

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Tell her to fuck off. Worked for me

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Find a time to open a dialogue away from the children. Approach with thankfulness for what she does for your children and express your desire for her to be in the children’s lives. Invite her to be on the same page with you and her son regarding family expectations of behavior and household rules. If you reach a roadblock or she becomes defensive, give her time to self reflect on what she may miss if she does not co-grandparent with you. Good luck!

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Kimberly Clark Thilges exactly! Also maybe come up with strategies so you can work together. Making parenting a team effort we all have the same goal in mind. Im sure she’s doing this from a place of love not to be undermining. If she knows how to support you and be okay of the team im sure that would be the end of the head butting.

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Your husband needs to shut her mouth and sit the F down. He is a very weak person if he cant tell his Mother you can hande it. İf a stand is not taken you will be divorced within 5 year. Sooner even. She needs put in her place Asap.

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My MIL actually told my kids they did not have to listen to us. If my kids did not like what we told them then they were to go to her. Only thing we could do was have no contact with my in laws being as there are no boundaries and they are right and they do no wrong.

Your husband needs to step up and back you up.

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Stop seeing them. When you tell them over and over to do something and they refuse then that’s the only thing you can do.

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Stop allowing her around your kids. Problem solved.

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Have you tried saying anything? Either in the moment or afterwards? In the moment is better, as your children will see you defending you decision. I know a lot of people are worried about conflict and drama it’s going to cause, or maybe you s/o will be upset with you. Idk. But in my opinion the only one who’s allowed to say anything is your partner (when the kids aren’t around) all others don’t matter.

If your husband says anything, like trying to defend his mom and why she stepped. Remind him that if he doesn’t like your parenting why did he have kids with you, or even multiple?

My mom has tried a few times, I think just out of her own parenting instincts, and at the very moment she said anything I firmly said no, and continued to do it the way I planned. Later on, I explain why I chose that way and she fully sees my point. She hasn’t done it in over a year.

You cannot allow that behaviour to start, when you have, you need to stop it ASAP.

talk to your hubby, he may have your back more then you think. Let him know your planning to put an end to the situation, and he doesn’t have to do anything other then support you if things get messy for a bit .

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I know this feeling to well hun from inlaws and own family. I’ve no actual advice unfortunately, I’ve tried expressing my views and how things need to change but unfortunately nothing has.

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Unfortunately she’ll never change , you will have to distance yourself from her as much as possible ( its not easy) and you shouldn’t have to be the one to tell her off it should be her son! But we all know how that goes , their too chicken to stand up 2 them (even for you) or they don’t want to rock the boat either way they will not stand up for you, cause they are mama’s boys!!!

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I have a similar situation, I don’t have answers, I live with them and can’t do anything

So here’s what I did and people can think I’m mean or crazy. The people who I knew would undermine me with my kid, which I knew they would bc they tried to when I was pregnant, don’t know her. They haven’t met her and unless they grow up they never will.

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Yep. She has been completely blocked from our family once my husband and i found out she was talking crap about me to my sons hoping it would get us to split up.

Keep her away from you’re kids,until she does better that simple.

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Next time she does it I would say I appreciate your opinion but this is not the place. If you want to give your input that’s fine not in front of my children and certainly not to the effect that it undermines my authority. My kids not yours basically

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Simple. YOUR CHILD. Not hers. Be careful, your kids will pick up on her treating you this way. Keep your children away from her until she learns her place as a grandmother.

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I’d reply everyone does things differently- n there’s no book with rules that apply to all ;") n mom in law well Hunny were not raised the same so of course don’t think or do the same ;")

Dont let her around 🤷 tell her she isnt allowed to see your kids until she stops her shit. That she didnt birth those children so she has no say in how theyre raised or parented

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Your husband should man up and handle the situation since she’s his mother but since he won’t it seems like you’re going to have to do it yourself. If I were you, right when she gets between you and your children and tries to tell you how to parent I would put her in her place. I would tell her that they are your children and you will decide how they will be parented. If she has a problem with that she can leave but she will not get in the middle of you parenting your children again. I would also talk to your children about showing respect and remind them that they are your children and what you say goes.

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Next time shes there and does that tell her infront of your kids to button it & you will parent your kids your way as they are yours not hers then turn to your kids and use a stern voice to tell them again what theyre supposed to be doing

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Yup and I have no issues cutting her or my mom off when they try to pull that crap

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Fill a spray bottle with water and spritz them like a naughty cat every time they do it?

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My own grandmother does this end when I talk to her about it I’m being mean to her apparently and if I ban my child from her house she sicks my whole family on me because I’m a bully and punish her for no good reason

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Um… Stop letting her around! My "mother " Did the same crap with my son. She’s no longer allowed around him. He knows better.

Everytime she does it you correct her like you would a child. No mither in law likes it but sometimes you have to put them in there place. She tells your kids something thats wrong you say no i am your mother and you do as i tell you. And thrn you tell her that if you say something is a certain way then thats how it is period.

Told mine and my own parents to kick rocks

Get tough with your husband and his mother !!!