Has anyone else had to deal with a mother-in-law that undermines you in front of your children? Like, they continuously try and correct your parenting, even when you’re doing nothing wrong, right in front of them, just because that’s not how THEY would handle it? My kids already think they can do what they want when she’s around, and it keeps getting worse every time I try to parent my children and she steps in the right in front of them and tells me what to do. I feel like talking to her won’t help because she genuinely believes she’s the perfect parent and it’s everyone else who’s wrong. We’ve tried talking to her about it before and she just goes right back to the same behavior every time. My husband won’t say anything. He just blows off about it once she leaves. Suggestions on how to handle a situation like that? Because I’m unsure of what to do anymore. Thanks in advance!
Your husband needs to see that it stops. If not, I wouldn’t have her around. I know that sounds cruel but she’s out of line. We had a similar situation with my MIL and we went to counseling and they told us, if it’s his family, he takes care of it. If it’s my family, I need to take care of it.
Put your foot down. She is crossing a boundary that you have set. If she cant respect that, then she shouldn’t be invited over, until she can.
You need to tell her that if she can’t respect your parenting style especially in front of your kids that they won’t be allowed around her till said behavior changes.
I feel your pain, more then you would ever know. It only gets worse and worse. Watching Snapped definitely doesn’t help .
Personally I would SEVERELY limit their interactions with my family then!! You can’t respect me, you have no business in my life. Period! 💁
Stand in front of her when she does it and tell her to stop that u r the parent and take the children to another roo… if in her home leave immediately. Hopefully she will get the message.
respect her… speak to her with understanding and
Stop allowing you and your kids to be in a situation where it happens. Or if she tries to go against what you say, remind her and your kids that you’re the parent and they have to listen to you. Your husband really is probably the biggest problem in this situation especially if he has a problem with it too, because he’s not standing up to her. You and him made your kids…I’m assuming your mother in law wasnt there so she doesnt get a say.
You need to tell her to FUCK OFF & STAY IN HER LANE! YOU, are the mom!!! & you need to tell your husband to grow a pair & stand up for you.
love then just do what you do the best parent. she will get the idea that her opinion
is valued but not needed.
I say “thank you for your unsolicited advise, however I’m the mom, and what I say goes”
that works for you but that dnt work for me i will give it a try
If your husband won’t do it then you need to put her in her place NOW. YOU are the mother NOT her. Be a bitch if you have to but if you don’t put a stop to it it will only get worse.
I never had that problem with my mother in law. She’s the greatest
Put your foot down and give her one more chance to learn her boundaries. If she continues after that, I’d say she’s not allowed around for a while.
YOU are the parent. I respect that the others have raised children before, but you may raise your children differently. She’s the grandparent, not the parent. It is extremely unnecessary and inappropriate behavior.
Put a stop to it now! Don’t wait for your husband to do it. Shut it down or it will get worse!
I do hear what you are saying thank you very much for understanding this situation. walk away give a hug before you leave. blam in yo face have a good night bring pie next time or flowers when you visit to show appreciation. soon these things fade its a elders impulse to show interest in there grandchildren and spark the flare in the momma.
Stop allowing her over…
If you live with her move tf out…
Like someone else said, tell her that until she learns to respect you & your parenting, she will not be allowed around your children
Time to just tell her buttnòut in front of the kìds and let them knòw you aŕè ìn charge òr theŕe will bè cònsiqènçès
You tell your husband to deal with it or you will and nobody will be happy with the outcome
When I was little my grandpa (my dads dad) was “overbearing” & one day my dad had enough of it. I guess my dad looked my grandpa in the eyes & told my grandpa he had his chance to raise children & now it was his (my dads) turn. My dad told me that my grandpa knocked off the bs almost immediately. I know it’s not an in-law situation but maybe the blunt honest approach my dad took could work for you.
Yes I have. To put perspective on it here,s her background. Born and raised in Czehoslovakia. Mother. Ran off. Father stern and unloving. Escaped to the US and landed near Chicago. Met her husband and had 3 kids. Oldest daughter Blanche. 2nd daughter and then her son. Tough, survived 2 wars and loved her grandkids. But she kidnapped Blanche,s 2 sons. Raised them and loved keeping them babies. 2nd baby was infantile and drank from a bottle till 6. Developed severe anemia, diagnosed as cancer. My dad advised Mayo Clinic. Gave advice to stop the bottle since he was too lazy to chew meat. But for the rest of his life was excused for naughtiness because he had cancer. Now she wanted to do the same to my kids. 2 things. When they ran in the house, they eventually whacked their heads on the table a fter being told to stop. When they got hurt, eventually, instead Grandma .wld hit the table and blame the table. This was not cool with me. I kept them home, got them off the bottle, had them eating properly. 2 was later, brought them back. Immediately brought out the bottles. (They were 2 and 3 1/2.) Told her I had weaned them gave it anyway. Took the bottle back. She threatened to call Health Services for my abuse. Asked if I cld dial it for her. Big fight. Threatened to take away the kids, I told her to go ahead and try. I’m the mom! Don’t want my kids to have severe anemia. She always said he had cancer. Mike continued to be excused for inappropriate behavior. Went thru 2 marriages and his son got similar treatment. Became entitled as well. Older brother became talented and tesponsible.Mike died early due to poor eating and drinking. You have a choice. Follow your gut. Raise your child. Your choice
why do so many moms lack a back bone? YOU are the parent! Take charge!
Tell her you’ve seen how her parenting turned out, and it won’t work for you. But seriously, I would cut her off for a while and tell her why. Also tell her if she can’t change then she won’t have interaction with the grandkids because you’re the mother not her!
Stop her in her tracks in front of your children. By saying I’ve got this, when I need help I’ll ask for it. These are our children your your son and I are raising. Thanks again but as I said before if we need help. We will ask for it.
My in laws were constantly bitching about my son being on a phone or tablet but here’s the thing…he’s watching educational videos to get him ready for school…not violent videos like his cousin. I had asked my husband several times to say something because I don’t have a filter and it would be bad if I said something. I finally had enough of it and said" he’s our son, he’s healthy and he’s happy and as long as he’s learning from the videos he watches, he will be allowed to use his tablet or our phones if it’s dead. I appreciate your concern as grandma but we got this". Nothing has been said since." Now they’ll ask what he’s watching and if it’s adding they’ll ask him something like what’s 2+2 and so on.
yup. i let both sides know that if i needed their "advice ", i’ll ask. there was much more said though .
That was one of MANY problems I had with mine honestly I packed up my kids and I when my youngest was 2 weeks old and moved 6 hours away from her crazy because mentally i couldn’t stand it anymore I took it for years and that was just the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. Best thing you can do put your foot down hard and stick with it. I regret waiting so long to do it but boy oh boy did I feel better when I finally did. Your the mom and it’s that simple she respects you and the parenting decisions or she can not come around until she does
If you don’t put an end to it immediately it will only get worse
Don’t allow her around you and your children
Confront her in front of your children. Let your kids see that you are the final authority above her. You don’t have to be mean about it. Just firmly say “thank you for your suggestion. But, these are my children, I will parent them how I see fit.” She can think she has control above you all she wants as long as your kids know you are the final say so.
Speak up and say “No!” every single time it happens… right away. Tell her she’s being rude & disrespectful every time on the spot.
Put your foot down already. Tell her they’re YOUR children not hers and that she is no one to tell you what to do. I’m very confrontational and I don’t let people disrespect me. MY children, you don’t undermine my authority or you’re gone. End of story. Why let it happen more than once? I don’t understand, I am quick to put my own mother in her place when she tries to overstep her boundaries. What you allow is what will continue and she obviously enjoys seeing your children disrespect you because she’s caused that. I would be just as disrespectful with her. And wtf is up with your husband? I couldn’t allow mine to just look the other way either. Put an end to it.
Just say thanks for the advice but she came out of my vigina not yours
Don’t invite them over…get some peace … heaven sake my mother in law passed a comment about how I bathed my baby, I nipped it in bud and told her she was no expert when she first started with her kids. So are u nervous of this woman or what, as u are giving her the control power…she will take advantage of this …
Tell them to get a life
Told my ex mother in law to raise hers better before she tells me how to raise mine…
Stop her when she tries and tell her if she continues to do it she wont be allowed around your children
Throw her away and get a new one.
In all seriousness, there’s nothing you can do to remedy this. Keep telling her no, that’s she’s not the mother, your decision, etc. Tell her if she can’t respect you as a Mother, she needs to stay away.
Put her adn the kids in there place in one fowl swoop of ass kicking
As it is happening say, “This is not your concern. I am handling a situation with MY child as I see fit. Please excuse yourself from the situation and we will be back with you in a moment. Your interference is neither warranted, nor wanted in this instance.”
Tell her, you parented your kids. Now let me parent mine. Period. If she feels she messed up with her kids, doesn’t mean she gets a second chance with yours. So thankful my husband stands up to his mom when she is stepping on our toes and parenting style.
Your husband needs to handle this. It’s his mom, he needs to deal with her.
Comes down to standing ground. I have a feeling we all go through this. It’s definitely not easy and will probably cause a argument, but they are your children. I watch other people’s kids in my home and I have to accept that they are not my children. They act one way when they are here but another when with mom and or dad. My rules my house, mom and dad is the same, speak up.
Nope ours let us make the mistakes
Our daughter puts me in my place if but in on raising their child, and shes right .
And this is how my son got taken when he was 2…
When my mom use to try this, and mind you she watched my daughter everyday for me for like 2 years and helped me raise her for a long time so it’s understandable that it was an instinct for her to be the other parent, but when she would do it and talking to her privately want working I shut her down in front of my daughter so that my daughter seen me say no to her “rule/suggestion” and what I say to her still happen, she figured out pretty quickly that moms law and grandma does not make the rules.
No, I don’t have this problem. My MIL doesn’t do that to me because she doesn’t like hearing me yell.
There next time she tries to step in you step up and stop her cold. Make it very clear that those are your children and that you are the mother and you parent the way you choose to and her job is to simply be the grandmother. She doesn’t have to like it but she does need to respect you when it comes to your kids. You need to hurry her feelings and not back down and let the kids see this so they get the message too that your are the boss.
Look her square in the eye and say “well if they were your children you could handle it that way, but they are mine so I’ll handle it how I see fit” it’s not overly rude but it’s clear and to the point. Then your kids will also realize you mean business and what you say goes, not grandma. Also, your husband needs to speak up to his own mother instead of hiding behind closed doors and bitching about it. If she has a problem with it then maybe she needs a break from seeing the kids so much (you never specified if they spend alot of time with her).
Honestly if you’re talking to her and it isnt getting through then maybe it’s time to unleash your inner bear. I would wait until she does it again and then I would raise my voice and let her have it.
Because you feel unnoticed, unappreciated, and like your opinion doesnt matter and boo…your opinion matters more than anyone else!! Read that again!
Does that mil clean your babies butt at 3 am? Does that mil take care of the day to day everything your kid needs? Does your mil pay for your kids health insurance, food, clothes, house, ect?
No? Then tell her to shut her mouth cause you do and you deserve that respect.
Unless he steps up and stops it, it will never end, and just get worse and worse.
I’ve had this happen, one big blow up is what it came down it. I finally lost it and I went off hard.My husband and his dad never saw it because she was sneaky about it. One time she was giving me a hard time, because I thanked her for dinner it was really good, and I don’t even remember what she had said, but it was just down right mean. My husband walked in and heard everything so he repeated what I had said in a very nasty tone and we left. He then called his dad from the road to let him know exactly what had happened and he chose to cut off contact for awhile. That was years ago and she would make snarky comments here or there, I’d ignore them but my husband and his dad wouldn’t. I felt bad for his dad because he was in the middle of his new wife and his son and his family, but It got shut down. It got so bad even her own daughter went off on her several times. We’re in a great place now, we don’t always see eye to eye, but we keep it peaceful and I honestly think we could even reach a friendship at some point. Editing to add: I had a great relationship with my other MIL, until I was pregnant with my 3rd we ended up getting into some big misunderstanding and it caused tension for awhile. She took care of me after I had a surgery even during all of our issues, and we talked it out and we’ve been great friends ever since. She calls herself my other mother, and I feel closer to her than I have ever felt to my mom.
My ex mother in law was like that untill I proved her wrong once in front of everyone & she stopped treating me like I was stupid!
I hate confrontation, but if I’m pushed enough, I’ll speak up. I would try things like visiting less, leaving when an issue starts, etc first, because no one likes for things to be awkward and your SO isn’t standing up to her, but if it’s a big enough issue for you or there’s no other way around it in the moment, then say “thanks, I’ve got this…” and turn around to your child and say “Mommy said no candy, so I want you to put that back right now or we’ll have to leave” or whatever. Take your child to another room if the situation requires more discussion. Another option is to ask Grandma if she can help out with something else. “Thanks, Grandma, I’ve got this handled but it looks like Susie needs help with her shoes. Would you mind? Thanks!”
I’d tell her “these are MY kids NOT yours. I am their parent, you raised your kids so back off” and tell hubby he needs to blow up when his mother is there and not afterwards so he needs to grow a pair and cut the apron strings. And you stand your ground to her (in front of your hubby)
I would tell her…in the moment…to her face, “my kids my rules. Back off and move so I can continue to speak with MY children please. Thanks”.
Dont take her crap. Arg…its so annoying. Stand up to her. Tell her. Being silent wont do shit. Tell her to her face in the moment to back off. If she gets mad…oh well. If husband gets upset…oh well. Your kids your rules. The will see u stand up to her and be like “whoa, mom is a beast”. It may also fix their misbehavior when shes around. I did it with mine, and I’m glad I did.
Defenitly stand your ground and speak up. It will only get worse, plus it just shows the level of disrespect.
Just tell her if she wants to handle it all cool then you and ur husband can go out since ur not needed
My mil is a wonderful woman. She lives on the the East Coast, where we live in the Nor’west! I don’t believe she ever gave her opinion unless asked for. But for your case have her husband step up and explain to his mother. If not… a little common courtesy with you explanation goes along way.
My mil ( may she rest in peace) lived with us for 16 years. It was tough and she did have her opinions but my husband had a long talk with her and it seemed to do the trick. Sometimes that’s all it takes but try not to fight cause that happened with us and it was horrible. Hope it works out.
If my mother in law did that. I would tell were to go. Those kid are your not her’s. I would told my mother in law right were to go.
Put your foot down , tell her nicely to butt out , she’s the grandma not the mom !! And if she can’t handle it , she needs to go to her home and stay there for awhile.
Its clearly NOT HER BUSINESS
She needs to respect you and the way you do things in your home,
Just tell her to buzz off it is your job to raise your kids not hers, she had her chance with her kids, leave yours alone
My first husband’s mother was like this and her son just blew it off like your husband does! Well like I said he was my first husband! I divorced him and raised his two kids pretty much all by myself for 15 years and when she was allowed back into there lives she came to tears apologizing to me and told me I was a better mother than she could have ever been
Tell her plain and simple if she wants to see your children she doesn’t do that and if she doesn’t change keep them away from her
Bailee Spill-Smith any advice?
Sounds like a toxic person to be around…i’d be around her as little as possible if ever.I’d be having a talk w the hubby…he should stand up for you.
Don’t allow her to your house unless she abides by YOUR guidelines.
If not…BYE BITCH…your husband don’t care so STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and kick ass.
Your husband should definitely say something to his mother. Sometimes it’s received better when coming from him rather than you. But if she just doesn’t care and the behavior continues I would be letting her know that if she refuses to respect your parenting then she won’t be seeing the kids as often. It’s SO important to create those healthy boundaries with in laws. You are the parent. She had her time raising kids.
Sounds like a narcissist,speaking from experience of knowing several.
Limitations on her interactions with the kids and hubby needs to stand up to his mother.
Tell her she is no longer welcome in your home if this continues and stand up to your husband on this matter too! I would not tolerate it at all! I would put my foot down and tell my husband this is how this is gonna go whether you agree or not but we are their parents not her and I have had enough
She raised her kids, its ur turn to raise yours, she needs to back off! Lots of limits until she can respect you as a mother and person
I had to be the ‘awful bitch daughter in law’ because I stand my ground. She didn’t respect me as a mom until I didn’t let her see the babies. My child, my rules. She does not try to correct me anymore now.
I would reduce contact to family gatherings etc, at least until your kids have got it through their little heads that mom’s rule is law no matter what anyone else says.
Having her constantly undermining and counteracting your parenting is only going to confuse your children as to whether or not mom (and dad) has the authority to discipline them. This will make their discipline even harder as they get older, armed with the knowledge that grandma says otherwise, and grandma is apparently boss.
I don’t know how frequently she’s with you, or the family dynamic, but as much as is possible, I wouldn’t have her around your kids until YOU are firmly secure in your position as parent and discipliner. That time frame is completely up to you, but it’s not something to be rushed. The kids have to know for certain that grandma cannot trump mom.
Law down the law for the in-law. She raised her kid. Her job is done.
(Says the grandmother of a soon to be 1 year old and an 8 month old!)
I am currently in this situation with my MIL. She downgraded me over the runway things. One of my favorites “Irena won’t be smart because you stopped breastfeeding” when she has known that my daughter was put on a prescribed diet. Whenever she babysat my daughter she would make her sleep the entire time. She also never changes her diapers so whenever I picked her up, she was either soaked or had a rash. She did other things to me like placing her hands on me at my husbands basic training graduation. She also called me atheist because I don’t go to church on a regular basis and used to call me the devil. She was extremely religious in which I have no problem with but when you call me the devil for not ping to church, that’s overstepping boundaries. I told my husband and made it clear to him that she isn’t allowed in my daughters life until things changed. I did say that it wasn’t going to last forever but things really needed to change with her. My husband agrees with me and just recently went off on her for trying to talk crap to my parents. I blocked her and my FIL and made it clear that they need to change. My husbands mother is a very manipulative person and I hate licking people out of my daughters life but I know I made the right choice because I am much happier without them.
My first MIL was like that. And, while I fought her to parent my way, I still follow her advice on many things. I try to not be like her with my daughters in law. It’s hard to have a wealth of knowledge and see a younger mom doing things differently than you would do. But it’s time to let my kids do it the way that’s best for them. So, try to see that it is love that usually motivates the know it all grandma. That being said, I suggest sitting down to coffee and telling her how you are feeling. And tell her that, with all of her child rearing experience you know where to go for advice. But it’s your turn to be Mom, and she gets to be Grandma. And if she continues to undermine you you will have to limit her time with the grandkids.
Then stay away from her.
Correct her firmly right in her tracks whilst the children are present and remind her who you are and what she is not allowed to do, say or include herself in in regards to your children…If she can’t respect that or you, remind her where the door is and let her know you would like to speak to her further about this issue when the kids are not present…with all due respect.
Wait, are you married to my husband too?
Tell her she had her chance to raise her son…and that there’s still room for improvement with that. Then tell her that if she can’t behave and keep her opinions to herself while in front of the kids, then she will no longer be welcome.
Next time she opened her mouth, I’d straight up say it. I’m the mom and what I say goes. If you don’t like it, it doesn’t matter because they are MY kids and what I say goes.
“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve seen your work.”
First off, your husband needs to stand up for you, plain and simple.
Second, I would put my foot down and say we will not be around her if the behavior continues, and follow through with it. Straight up plain and simple. She continues to do it because she knows nothing will be done and there are no consequences for her actions. She obviously has no respect for you, your husband or your marriage. Don’t stand for it.
I understand grandparents want to be in the children’s lives but she needs to understand she already raised her children now it’s your turn. Your husband needs to grow a pair and get a backbone and when you discipline them and his mother tries to undermine you he needs to go back through and tell the kids that they need to listen to you and tell the mother-in-law to stay out of it. Whatever the parents says goes and that’s how it should be or just simply tell her if she can’t accept that then she can’t come over I know it’s mean to say that but sometimes you have to. Kids like to push their limits and see who they can get by with doing stuff with and they know she’s the weakest link. Sometimes you just got to break that link off and cast it aside. Animals and kids are just alike if they’re not trained on respect and manners and how they’re supposed to act while they are young it’s not going to help them when they’re older and that’s going to set them up for failure. Say it explaining it to her doesn’t work then you need to flat out tell her I’m done explaining it to you I I tried numerous times now you have two options either what I say goes and they are disciplined my way and do as I say or you are not welcome back to visit them
Insist your HUSBAND address it. This is his job .
Your kids, your rules!!
If she can’t handle and respect you or the way you parent your kid, especially in front of them. Then I got 2 words for her… “bye felicia!”
Yeah I would MAKE your husband speak up for you and also set up boundaries that you are comfortable with. Good Luck!
So much AWFUL advice in these comments! Unbelievable!
I am so lucky my mother in-law did not interfere she was the best I loved her dearly
Your husband should have a lllooooonnnggggg talk with his mother, let her know how this thing is going to work, it is all on him…he is the head of his own family and needs to take the stand for you…you should not have to deal with one single thing…she had her chance to raise her kids as she saw fit…now its your turn…he needs to stand up to her, not you.