My mother in law favors my youngest child: Advice?

Put an end to this now! As a stepchild I went through this and it’s heartbreaking.

So my mom favored my oldest being she was the only grandchild…now there are 2 additional grandchildren and my sisters is favored over my youngest…

That could cause a problem with how your children treat each other I wouldn’t allow it because as they grow the older could resent the younger and that may cause the younger to resent your in-laws

Try being the same blood. My dads mother did that to my brother and I. Seven year difference. She valued girls over boys. Add that into other issues and my brother and I have little to no relationship,.

My M I L did it to my husbands own biological children simply because she disliked me. My children grew up in a family full of favoritism and sometimes it hurt their feeling but most times not. They just accepted it

Tell her if she can’t treat them both equally then she won’t see either!

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Being around any grandchild is a privilege not a right. If she can’t treat them equal then she doesn’t need to be involved :woman_shrugging:

Set her straight now before your 8yo realizes what’s happening. I come from a blended family so I know how this will end up if not nipped in the bud now

My dad does the same to my girls vs my son he’s strict on my son but not my girls it drives me crazy n no matter how many times I tell him about it he still does the samething

I’ve been going thru this for 4.5 years now and it is still the same.

She’s going to be excited about her blood grandchild its natural but the sad thing is she’s not his grandmother that doesn’t make it right and I’m not saying it does and she an absolute bitch for doing it but unfortunately you can not make her love your child the only thing you can do is talk to her about it and see how it plays out after you talk to her personally I couldn’t do that even friends children are treated the same in my house if mine get something so do they if they are with me I tell my friends children how beautiful they are and if I gwt them from school and their teachers tells me they have done something good I tell them how proud I am of them and so on I don’t understand how people can treat children differently I hope you talk to her and its something as simple as she just doesn’t know she’s doing it and makes more of an effort xx

Do not be nice, MIL is a adult and should know better,how childish and rude. Is her name karen?

Just tell her look I get it’s your first bio kid but the favoritism gotta stop cause it’s either it stops or we can’t be letting you see the kids :woman_shrugging:t3: kids will see that shit and hurt them you’re old enough to know better

Hubby needs to put his foot down!

My mother in law favors my husbands first two kids from a previous marriage and acts like my kids with my husband do not exist.I have set birthdays to accomodate to her schedule and she would srand them up .Yet she would throw the other two a party. She would not be able to pick my kids out in a crowd and the only time she would pick my son up is at family events ,like she is an awesome grandma and show him off.When he would screamdue to not knowing her ,she would get upset.I understand your frustration.

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My mil ignores my son as well. Hubby and I put out foot down. Can’t see baby if you ignore the older child from another relationship.

this is her first grandchild by blood, you & your partner are expected to see no difference. You can NOT make extended family treat your child as blood, they do NOT have to. Just like whatever you were before the marriage or the fact that you were on top of another guy, plays into nothing here… sorry to be vulgar, but it is the truth. She does NOT have to treat your child from another marriage like her grandson & you just said yourself your parents have 4, and he is actually their blood :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:. She just had her first grandkid… cut her some slack… if you were saying when they are both at her house or… but, honestly this is her blood , a first grandkid. Y’all act like because you blended that everyone has to, they do not. They can treat him kind & be there… but he is not related. You chose your husband & he chose you… family didn’t. Unless she is cruel, get over yourself.


I wouldn’t put up with it…your husband need to inform her that it won’t be tolerated.

So sad! I can’t stand favoritism. Why can’t they love all the children the same.:cry:

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Is the oldest childs other grandparents treating the baby the same way ?

I’d have a Talk with your Husband. So he knows your fixing to Talk to Momma. Be Strong

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Girl!! Protect your child.dont allow it.say something.because it will get worst.i lived it.

Tell her these three things…

  1. It’s all or none
  2. Her decision
  3. Choose wisely
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My MIL is like this. Except, she treats my son exactly like she treats all of her other grandchildren, and my step daughter (her golden childs only biological chld) with absolute favoritism.
She’s 9 now and resents her for it, because she doesn’t like the way her grandma treats her bubba.
She sees the way my ex husbands father treats her (equally) and my father (equally) and my husbands step dad (equally) and my husband (equally) and me (equally). Both of my kids know a lot of love, not bound by blood. MIL can’t destroy that.
We say stuff, we keep him away, we do whatever it takes, and no one can stand her for it- even her own sisters who’ve never met the kids say stuff about it to her.
But, she is still her grandma, and she’s still my husbands mother. She’s also a jackass- many hats, right?
Some people teach us how we wanna be, and other’s teach us how we don’t.
She doesn’t mistreat my son,but life not being fair is unfortunately a lesson better taught by loved ones.
Not everyone is built to openly love the same, and it’s not a fair expectation. Those sorts of people live sad,small lives, and all we can do is feel sorry for them, truly.
Your baby will grow up, like mine,with a heart of gold and the love of many people, and see the good and bad for themself.

Block her from fb and don’t see her anymore :woman_shrugging:t3: bet she will make an effort if she wants to see the baby.

Tell her how y’all really feel be honest and be open about it

It’s her first grandchild, cut her some slack, geez :woman_facepalming:t3:

The reality is you can’t tell a person how to feel.

I think you’re being to hard on her

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I think you need to suspend the relationship. Dont play this game with her. If u let her continue she will SOW STRIFE INTO YOUR HOME AND THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO CHILDREN as they age. They will remember it for the rest of their lives. And then the older one will feel selfish towards his grandparents giving love or affection to your youngest because of this. I know because ive seen it 1st hand. You must put a stop to this immediately.

No more visits or seeing the baby ! I hate people like that ! Bitch!!

As a grandmother of two older grands from my son in-law, I know first hand what a first born blood grandchild holds in your heart. It is not Intentional favoritism, it just happens, your heart is so full of joy to see your kids kid. In our situation both older grands have other grandparents as well. The older grands are loved by us but we did not get them as newborns.

MIL are very interesting characters! Just give us the space to love as we know how. If you take away the grand babies it will cause unbearable pain for all involved!


She is a 1st time grandma of blood. She was a grandma with your 1st one too. Did she get to bond with your 1st? I had 2 girls before I met my boy’s dad. They were the 1st girls in 3 generations and she adored them. Of course she was over the moon when I had my 1st son. My girls still loved and hugged her and called her grandma. They would draw pictures for her and always make her feel like she was their grandma. I don’t know how her relationship with her was before the baby was born. If for what ever reason you didn’t or she didn’t feel like a Grandma that could be part of the problem.


elimate Facebook with her…oops you disappeared …not sure how to fix it…looking into it… never…lol .then yes give her time with the baby and take your son to a movie or what not…he gets attention …he not seeing what’s happening when baby is with that grandma… and he’s not directly affected by her actions …and visit her some days with out the baby and just the boy and she will have no option but to show some direct love and support to him…no explanation needed for why the baby’s is not with you on that visit…


Let her know they are a package deal. She’s either grandma to both or none. Yes, ok…babies are cute and cuddly and blah blah blah. Now, 8yr olds…they rock(ok…I have a 13yr old who was basically ignored by my mil once my niece was born-my son was 3 at the time). If she is going to buy a gift for one, she better buy something for the other. Let her know she will not be welcome in your home, nor will she see either child until she can acknowledge the older one also.


Is she treating them the same when they are all together? Your saying she only comments on FB and what she posts on social media. That doesn’t matter. She needs to interact with them both though when she is with them.


Sit her down and be explicit with the details of how hurtful, disrespectful, mean and cruel she is being to these children. If she cannot or does not comply or cannot accept them as a package deal then restrict her involvement with them both. Some will continue yet treat the other differently behind close doors to make you believe they are complying but your kids will show the truth in thier behaviour and reactions

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My MIL did this with her 2 grandkids that were blood. I have a special needs one and she is over weight and different so she got treated differently, got disciplined differently. She favored her older sister, bought her new toys, disciplined her by telling her to go play, meanwhile my special needs child needed a spank on the but and was told to stand in the corner. She was given old toys. My MIL always wanted the older one to spend the weekend with them and would try to leave the other one with me. I said " nope" u are done with my kids. U cant love, respect and care for them equally then u dont need to be around them and I moved away. 6 years later (9 months ago) I moved back I also had another kid shes 8 now, and they accepted her and wanted her to come around, she wasnt their blood at all. But loved her at first site and gave her new toys and a new jacket and hugged up on her etc. However my MIL did it again to my special needs daughter. So now once again I have nothing to do with her. Its wrong. Eithet live the kids equally or keep your distance. I have 5 daughters and I have never had a favorite. I discipline them all the same, I spend time with them all the same, I love them and care for them all the same. Not once can I favortize one over the other.

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My parents WILDLY favor my sister’s kids. They just don’t give a crap.

Following, mine favors her other grandkids and pushes mine away

Tell it doesnt go unnoticed and it needs to stop

I dont know how this grandmother could differentiate between the two. She would have known from the outset that the possibility of her first born blood grandchild was always going to a possibility. So why make one child feel insecure because she cannot accept the packaged deal.? All children deserve to be loved, no matter who they are. They did not ask to be born. You would think, as adults, we would know this, but obviously not for some! How sad.

OMFG ITS HER 1ST GRANDBABY of course she is gonna favor the child and spoil him/her rotten over a child that is not her grandchild.


Maybe it’s just me but ultimatum. Either you treat both children the same or you don’t need to see/be involved with either of them. I grew up with one set of grandparents who treated all of their grandchildren the exact same (even the three of us who aren’t biologically theirs) and one set who favored me and my brother because “we didn’t have a dad.” My little sister got the short end of that stick because her dad is a part of her life. (My papa felt like because our dads weren’t around it was his job to be the dad even though my little sisters dad was married to our mom for 17 years and we grew up as him being dad) honestly, I’ve always felt my sister got shafted from stuff. Our 2 step-siblings would go on trips all over the place and get designer clothes and high end make-up and play on travel hockey teams because of their mom but we never got an actual family vacation because our step-siblings could never go with us so growing up we always felt jipped there too because they got stuff that we could never do. Our trips were golf tournaments because my brother played and my papa would pay for it but dad never came with us and sometimes we didn’t get to go with either so… it was always equal with poppie though and everyone got the same thing/amount of Christmas. That never changed and we all felt equally loved growing up.

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Well it’s down to your husband to say something to her, and if she still acts like this I would not visit …its a shame the child has to suffer for this so if she acts like favouritising the other little one just don’t go there…

Ok soooo let me ask you this and be a bit of devils advocate here… Do you force your first childs grandparents to treat your new baby as one of their own and not show favortism? Im not saying showing favortism to one child over another id a good thing in any way with that being said… This IS her 1st blood grandchild… Thats huge… Shes going to be overly excited about it you cant compare this to your mother… 1st they are both your mothers blood grandkids… 2nd this is your mothers 4th grandkid not 1st… Now with that being pointed out… Id sit down and explain to her she can not show your kids favortism… She can feel how she wants to but if it can be seen then she wont be allowed around either as you wont have your kids hurt due to favortism of one over the other. And stick to it… Honestly its not about how you feel that matters here its about your kids…as to What she shares online so tf what … Your kid dont see it… Shes allowed to express how proud she is of her grandkid… Long as its not effecting your child then deal… If your kid sees it online and feels the partiality then you can hold that over her… But aside from that thats the best advice i can give…


I just went through something kind of similar me and my boyfriend have kids before we met. That makes 4 kids all together we treat them all the same. His mom had no problem accepting my 2 kids. My mom had a hard time accepting his. All you have to do is have each others backs and if it’s his parents he needs to say something. Since I’ve said something to my mom about it being unfair because we are a blended family she started treating my boyfriends kids like they were family. Don’t “flip out” like you said try talking first it goes further.

Talk to her. If it doesn’t change… I’d cut her out.

Your older son doesn’t deserve to feel unloved, or unwanted. And those are the things he’ll eventually feel.

We had to explain to our daughter why grandma idolized her brother but not her. We said she was nuts and we didn’t know why—that it had nothing to do with her—but to enjoy that she did get presents, trips, and everything her brother got. BTW, both blood related.

We also got her great godparents who would pay her lots of attention, spoil her, and take just her on adventures so she felt extra loved and special.

I wouldn’t be ok with somebody treating my kids any different real child or adopted.

Tell her how you feal

People saying does she force her exs parents to love the youngest one? Are you serious… they are EX… this is her current family… if they can’t love all the kids. They get neither… the older is old enough to understand whats going on and it can mentally or emotionally hurt him… momma the kids are your responsibility… if she can’t treat them equally, she doesn’t get either… but i also wanna know one thing here, was she always like that to your son or had she accepted him at first but after the new baby she started behaving this way…

I would suggest you to cut ties with her but don’t force your older one on her… she might try to hurt him physically, emotionally or mentally… your kids need your protection…

I have had a similar issue. Now that me and my husband are separated his mother doesn’t want anything to do with my daughters that she helped raise for the last 7 years. But then wants to take me to court for custody of them knowing she hasn’t spoken to them in over a year.

My MIL was like this with my son. I noticed it a few months after he was born. I told her if she wants involved then treat them both the same. If you can’t treat both the same just because of biological relations, then that speaks to who you are as a person. Either love them both the same, or there’s the door.
The children should be important, not whether or not they’re “blood” related.

I’d stop her from seeing the baby unless she stops doing it, you and your other child came as a package and your fella nows that so tell her it’s both your kids or neither its up to her. Your other child didn’t ask to be born. Good luck xx​:+1::disappointed::disappointed:

Your 8 year old child from a previous relationships I’m curious to know does your 8 year olds grandmother show affection towards the newborn?
Anyways This is your mother in laws FIRST grandchild of course she’s going to love him up a little more than the other and everytime a new baby arrives everyone shows a lot of affection towards the baby. Nothing against the other children just a baby always steals the spotlight. Maybe you’re thinking too much into it… nothing will be accomplished if u take the kids away from here just childish if u ask me. Idk how ur relationship is with your mother in law but it seems this isn’t the only subject y’all bump heads about.

Tell her off if she can’t show both kids the same amount of love and respect then she doesn’t need to see the baby

You mention it’s her first blood grandchild but not your parents there 4th as a reason she should not favour because they don’t . Well that’s the reason they don’t . Also your son is 8 so no natter what she likes or does not like on f.b does not affect him :woman_facepalming: unless of course you tell him or he has f.b . And full blood or not every grandparent on the plant just naturally is always fussing over babies the youngest :heart_eyes: they have less to say and let you cuddle them longer . Difficult but you should just relax because only that way will your son be ok with any relationship kids are amazing.

The baby’s her first grandchild by blood, you have to accept that.