My MIL hurt my kid’s feelings (my kid is not my husband’s kid) by taking a toy back that was suppose to be hers; we haven’t been in contact with her at all she only contacts my SO. Should I give in and let it go or what?
13 Likes
Why did she take it back?
1 Like
Wtf. Open your mouth. Shane on u. That’s your child…Find out why
8 Likes
What was the reason for taking it back w as ur daughter rude to her? Disrespectful there has to be a reason to why she just took it
7 Likes
That women sounds toxic to me. Keep her away from your child
6 Likes
I think the rest of the story needs to told to understand? What toy/who/ why it was gave to her? Why did it get taken, what was said/explained reason?
55 Likes
if that was my child idc who’s feelings I hurt idc what a kid did u do not take something back from a child period ever idc if the child is rude u don’t take it back we discuss it but once a child has a toy we do not take it back
2 Likes
Tell your husband to man up and take the toy back on behalf of HIS KID.
1 Like
There has to be more to the story. There was a reason the toy was taken to begin with.
Ask her why? Can’t see a good reason to take back unless child was breaking it . IF no good reason I’d give her a piece of my mind.
Um why on earth would she take a toy back that she’d already gifted?? Especially a child’s gift! She should already know that taking a child’s gift back is going to hurt their feelings… there’s a few details missing for an educated opinion but if she just did it to be rude for whatever reasons then honestly I would most likely make her apologize to your kiddo before just letting it go… if your kiddo had multiples of the same toy, didn’t have interest in the toy or some sort of malfunction I would understand but not just taking it to be a brat.
1 Like
There is no way anyone should be giving advice based on two sentences. We need way more information lol
7 Likes
CONTEXT GIRL CONTEXT.
Did the child deserve it.?
Or you just want a reason to bag out on the MIL
3 Likes
Theres not really enough information here to give you advice.
Why did she take the toy back? Is the first question.
Had she actually already given it to the child? You said supposed to be hers…so that kind of implies that maybe she hadn’t given it to the child.
If she hadn’t given it…who told the child she was supposed to get it?
2 Likes
If you want a relationship with your mother law. Talk it out. If you don,t want a relationship with her. Don’t give in. As long it don’t enter fear with you and your husband.
Its just really depends.if the gma is a toxic person let it go and explain to your child best you can gma has a problem. But if gma not normally like this talk w gma ask to explain
There’s usually no reasoning with toxic people though sadly, they feel they are always right and. They arent worth the energy they take from you.
Depends on the situation was the child naughty and the toy taken away as punishment or was it something else
I feel like there’s some unanswered questions. Like why? Did something happen or was it for no reason? I can think of some situations where I personally feel like it would be acceptable and some where it wouldn’t
1 Like
Did she gift it?
I need more info.
I take toys from my kids all the time… I must be rude af.
2 Likes
Lots of info missing here… hard to say anything when part of the story is missing
3 Likes
Your child, stand your ground, your child is more important than her.
Fuck that let hell break loose I’m sure if you did that to her son if she had one the same age she would say something g
honestly if your mother-in-law was able to take a toy from a child regardless of the extra fluff in the story or background or even if something happened between adults it is still wrong to make a child feel bad especially by taking a toy away regardless of biological connection. That alone your mother-in-law was wrong and in all honesty she should apologize to your child for behaving that way and hurting your child’s feelings just in that instants alone. The fact that she does not try to keep in contact with her sons wife and child like I said regardless of biological connection means that she does not have any respect for you or her son and doesn’t care if she has a relationship with you. is how I would take it. I will say that sometimes not always but sometimes assumptions are wrong so I would advise you to have a sit-down conversation with her yourself and your husband about the situation and are out how you feel and let her out how she feels and come to a conclusion that is positive moving forward. You however definitely need to set boundaries not only with your mother-in-law but with your husband as well and let him know that if your child is going to be mistreated or not welcome somewhere or given something and then taken away from then you and your child and any children that you and your husband have together biologically will not be going over to your mother-in-law’s house until she learns to treat everyone with kindness respect and equally and that you would appreciate it if he doesn’t go over there because you feel disrespected and there needs to be bound set have that conversation with him first and then you can have that conversation as a group with the mother-in-law now if she does not improve her behavior then I would just cut off ties unless it was to go to like family gatherings.
Let it go. You’re not going to accomplish anything dwelling on it. If she has no contact with you, then keep it that way. Sounds like she’s not the nicest.
Not enough info!!! Your leaving out why on purpose for a reason. This sounds like there is a reason and you just want reinforcement to make your case.
4 Likes
She is not thinking I would tell her to stay away!
1 Like
But why? What is the reason or her reasoning ?
Have you talked to her about her reasoning? My mother in law and I have a generational and cultural gap. It took me years to figure out why she was feeling how she was feeling and to address is the way I need to. English is a third language to her so she can’t always say exactly how she’s feeling and her generation is extremely stoic anyway. Now we’re good friends, she teams up with me almost daily to pick on my husband and it’s hilarious. Try talking to her to see what she was thinking
1 Like
Need more information on why the MIL took the toy away… was the child being rude? was the child misbehaving? Was the toy recalled and the MIL didn’t want your child having it once she knew?
1 Like
I really dont see the big deal by taking a toy away honestly… i mean toys are a luxury for kids and im sure your child has toys and what she needs at your place. I dont think taking a toy away from a child is going cause any long term trauma for them. Toys can be taken away for lots of reasons if she wasnt being safe with it or not listening/respecting the rules then having a toy being taken away seems perfectly justifyable to me. Besides not talking to her because she took a toy away from your kid seems a bit ridiculous. Be an adult and communicate with her because whether you like it or not thats her grandma so just set it aside and talk it out with her then just leave the conversation and work on moving forward. What was the reason behind taking the toy away there is a lot of information missing here if you want genuine advice you have to tell both sides of the story
If gma took away a toy it had to be for a reason like the kid did something bad or wasn’t listening. Gmas tend to mind their boundaries but step in when needed
Nope and I wouldn’t trust my child with her at all if she does that in ur face imagine if you ain’t there. I would definitely call her out on it blunt and forward.
Mmm, secret feelings don’t help.
Is there a reason why she took it back was she playing up ect
1 Like
Why did she take it back?
If she can’t be nice around your child then she doesn’t have to be around her at all !
Did the kid take the toy from her home And she just took it back? More information please
Need a better explanation to what led up to the situation because for all we know the child might of been disrespectful
1 Like
Did mil hurt her feelings or is she upset she’s recieving a fair punishment. Is mil in rights to punish her or should she have spoken with the parents and let them punish her as they see fit.
I think what she’s trying to say is that the MIL bought a toy for her child and then returned it if I’m reading that right which is pretty crappy
Is this a toy that’s supposed to stay at her house? Need more clarification.
Is that all she’s done? What else is going on. Obviously the child should get their toy back but was there a reason she took the toy? Was the child misbehaving? How old is the child? I could see if she was saying mean things about your child but I can’t go by just this information to make me believe 100% the child is being mistreated.
In what context was the toy taken?
It really doesn’t matter why the MIL took the toy back… it was a gift. We don’t take gifts back from other adults because they do something we don’t like, so we should be treating children with the same respect. If it were me I would let the MIL know how much she hurt my child’s feelings as a chance for her to make amends. If she doesn’t give the toy back, depending on what it was I’d probably go to the store buy it myself, and let my child learn the lesson that MIL can’t be trusted.
Had this happen to me as kid, I made the comment that I had gotten another one and they then took the toy back… (which in my mind I was saying this because I was actually excited to get to have two and that was my way letting you know)
Not enough info if honest. Lots of details left out
The problem with the post on this site is, the op never comment to clarify.
If you don’t have any contact with mil then I would just let it go. If there is no contact how did the child know of this gift? I don’t think I understand it all.
I had a horrible Mil. The family all came to our house for Christmas. My mil bought all kinds of toys & clothes for her other grandchildren. She gave my 6 year old son a dollar in a card. She gave my 4 year old a t-shirt and nothing for my daughter. I pulled her aside ( after my 6 year old came to me and asked why grandma doesn’t love him) and told her just because you don’t like me ,you will not take it out on my children. We had some words and I told her to leave. She told me that was her son’s house and she wasn’t going anywhere. Just then my husband came into the room and told her your wrong mom, this is our house and you can leave. My mil never liked her only son, nor his family ( wife & 3 children). She was a very abusive woman.
5 Likes
My mother in law always favored my oldest. Use to buy her thing but not the younger one. She even went as far as saying she wished she was never born. Thank goddess my daughter had sense enough to ignore it. She knew we loved her. I think it bothered be more than her. Talk to her. Let her know how much you love her and don’t let anything bother her.
Hell no I’d put her on blast make her feel like shit make it known
SO needs to address it and then move on.
1 Like
I might let it go, but I wouldn’t give her the opportunity to hurt my child again
2 Likes
Let it go, my kiddos are my MIL blood grankids but i always tell them to don’t touch or take her stuff Always ask first, if they are going to borrow something always give it back. They have to respect thing’s. You will have to understand that for some people a simple thing might be something sentimental for them even a simple toy.
*** Your post was bit confusing so i went with what i understood.
1 Like
I honestly don’t really understand the situation. How did the child get the gift and how did she take it back if there’s no contact? Did your husband take it from the child?
4 Likes
In 20 years whats it gonna matter let by gones be bygones
Taking it back in what way?
He’s not your hubby and she’s not your MIL, is that right?
No heck no u tell her to kiss your ass and u snap off nobody should be taken something away from a child ever that’s wrong and rude of her
I’m divorced. My husband threw me an our 9 month old out on the street in 2014…took off. About 6 months later he filled four full custody. Court ordered supervised visits making it mandatory his parents come too. They drove 3 yrs one way four visitation an woukjd stay an hour out of their court ordered 4 hours. Everytimne they came they brought presents (wrapping paper an all. New and used toys) to try winning child over an at end of every visit they would get up rip the toys out of his hands and leave with it promising to bring it back. But never did an would be weeks before they showed up., I eventually said no more. So they would drive 3 yrs in middle of night an I would wake to baby toys on porch. I left them sit there covered in snow an rain foir months…an more would appear. Finally one morning I got up an it was all gone. I wasn’t letting them do this to an innocent child who got hurt an didn’t understand. I would put foot down hard and fast and now! Don’t cave.
1 Like
What do you mean by taking a toy back!? As in take it off of her due to misbehaving?
4 Likes
If it’s the first time happening have a discussion with her directly about it. Share your concerns and see what happens. I would ask her not to give toys or anything if her responses don’t make sense or if she isn’t apologetic about it. But have the conversation.
MIL sounds like a piece of crap. Explain to your kid that hurt feelings are a part of life and that even “family” can hurt your feelings and that sometimes you are better off without them and move on.
You or husband tell mil that she handled it poorly and that next time any issues need to go through one of you. If she can’t behave appropriately w your child then she shouldn’t have contact w the child.
And tell you husband to get his mother under control before she destroys your marriage.
1 Like
When your husband married you he accepted everyone that came with you. The same goes for his mother!! You should tell her.
1 Like
Depends on why she took the toy away.
1 Like
Fuk em all get out no respect and they don’t like your child. They don’t even want to converse with you! Certainly you are worth more than avoidance and lack of love.
If it’s hers then what’s the problem ? You can’t allow your kid to steal and get away with it
Better explanation needed? What kind of you? Did she rip it out of babies hands? Did she yell at baby?
Your kid’s feelings are going to get hurt a lot thru life. Why teach her at a young age that if her “feelings get hurt” that she can just come to you and and you’ll pamper her? Kids these days need to toughen up. Your post is very vague. Did your MIL take a toy away from her? Or did she return it to the store? Either way, it’s not the end of the world. Tell your MIL how you feel. Stop hiding behind your husband. Show your daughter how to be strong and handle situations properly.
1 Like
I’m not voicing my opinion … just say I’ve been there and done that …for a very short time …
My mother in law has always treated my kiddos differently than her other grandchildren. 3 of mine are bio and 1 is mine but my husband adopted. In the beginning when ours were the only grands it was all good and fine but once my sister in law (hubby’s sister) had kids, forget it. My kids have never ever been witness to a gift of the grandchildren because they don’t ever give their gifts in front of us. (They are now 14,12) my husband and I took notice of this many years ago but let it slide without a word. Our kids are all getting older now though and they did notice as well and have spoke about it. Their gifts for our kids always consist of gift cards because they don’t know them well enough to buy actual gifts, by their own choosing I might add. They still to this day babysit those other 2 full time. She would only watch ours 1-2 days a week than we paid daycare for the rest of the time until financially it made more sense to stay home. But the kids have picked up on all the differences, they say how much come nana doesn’t say she loves me, she doesn’t kiss me or hug me the way she does … or how come she just buys things for … and not us. This last year she acknowledged 2 of the 4 kids birthdays and couldn’t even say Happy Birthday after a gentle reminder that one kiddo turned 10 the day before she stopped for a quick visit. To say his feelings were hurt is an understatement, that kid was devastated. But in all honesty she doesn’t treat my husband that great either. And I think it’s because she doesn’t like me because I took him away in her eyes. He had been living at home yet and helped with all the maintenance around their house but when we started dating he started to build his own life. He still helped them but not as much. We’ve now decided we have to have boundaries to protect our kiddos because we can protect how much we allow someone to hurt our children in certain situations and this is a situation we can control.
1 Like
Let it go. It takes a village and sometimes allowing discipline helps the child learn right from wrong and whats accepted. As long as it wasn’t abusive, it’s just a toy. Guess the real question is, was there a lesson involved? If yes, good. If not, put the MIL in her place and communicate to her that you don’t need help parenting