Tough luv is tough.
But u can either out up with it or let her know she won’t b with the baby alone. Or even at all.
The other idea would b to commit her. Plain and simple. She will b mad at first but she will get over it when she realizes what she was putting you thro.
Or when she realizes she is missing to much if the baby’s life
Al-alon meetings. They are geared towards family members and friends who have loved ones who are addicts. I have considered going.
you can’t do anything, unfortunately addicts have to want to change for themselves.
Tell her she can’t see the kid if she is gonna be drinking. If she loves her granddaughter enough she will at least be sober around her
Set healthy boundaries for you and your family.
Let her be.I once was with an alcoholic and drug addict.She went clean for 8mnths then started again.There will always be people throwing hooks out for her to drink
Just do your thing otherwise you will go insane .
You can’t force an addict to quit. They have to want to stop. I know from experience with family that it honestly is just better to cut ties with them and just dissociate from them altogether
Not calling the situation ridiculous, like it is someone being silly or stupid, would be a great first step.
um…put epicac in her alcohol…she will puke her guts up. Works like a charm.
agree with all the above comments.
you cannot fix or reason with an addict.
you can set firm rules and boundaries for your own family.
Like others saud. Go to ALANON. It will help you to find peace within yourself and help you find ways to help her, if only knowing how to not enable.
no one will quit until they are ready she hasn’t hit rock bottom yet.just don’t enable her
Can’t help someone if they don’t want to help their self
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learned this first hand you cannot help someone who wont help themselves…
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If she doesn’t want help you wont be able to help her unfortunately.
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Nothing you can do but protect your child. Your MIL has to want to help herself
Try going to Al-anon meetings. Maybe they can give you direction that may help her.
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Try to get her to go to rehab.
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Go to al anon. She wont stop until she chooses to. Al anon will help you deal.
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Unfortunately you can’t really do anything for her until she decides she is ready for help
You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change
Intervention and rehab
You can’t but you can keep your kiddo safe.
You honestly cannot do anything but prey…
Addiction is someone trying to self medicate for a deeper issue. I suggest therapy to get to the root of the problem. Also, don’t enable her actions by ignoring it.
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Let her sponsor know.
It’s been my Life long experience that.all you can do is be there for them when they’re ready. You literally can’t do anything before they’re ready. She has to be willing to help herself.
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You cannot force someone into rehab. It’s against the law. If she passes out from alcohol, you can take her to get her stomach pumped and have her put in a crisis center until she’s sobered up. But after that she had to be willing to enter a rehab.
She’s an adult and knows what she wants obviously alcohol is comforting to her. If you are uncomfortable with her alcohol use around you, ask her to refrain while at your house if she cant do that and you are that disturbed and distraught by her behaviors cut her off from your lives and take care of the family that lives under your roof you need to decide if her drinking around you is worth her company or not.
If you read the comments. Its the best. You can do. It hurts. To watch. It
You really can’t do anything til they are ready to help themselves
Make hard boundries & suggest a rehab.
I’d first of all ask you to watch your judgement and wording. My mother was an amazing mother and grandmother, afflicted with alcoholism herself. Bless her soul in heaven, it eventually too her life, for it love was enough to save her she never would have died. Pray for her healing and pain and suffering, and protect your child in the meantime. If she poses no risk to the child, still visit and let them have a healthy relationship, preferably in her fleeting sober moments; protect your toddler from knowing of the disease that plagues his grandmother and establish clear healthy boundaries for both yourself, your husband and your child. You can’t change her and you can’t help. You and your husband have to stay cautious that there may be no help for her, and that she may never change. This doesn’t mean we face her with hatred or anger or frustration. It’s not your demons to judge; she’s suffering as are her loved ones witnessing and worrying. Three years later, we still find alcohol like Easter eggs around my fathers house. Just give her reason to be and do better, know she is supported and you will go as far as to attend meeting personally with her- going alone can cause a great deal of shame. If she’s like my mom, she’ll still say no and claim they never helped her, and the truth is you can’t help someone who will not help themselves. But it’s not right to condemn or judge or call them ridiculous. You’re not on a throne of perfection looking down. Youre imperfect. You’ve casted your own stones. Just love and support and pray, and hope she can overcome this beast.
Alanon type groups will help you all and support
My mom is too and u can’t do anything
Reach out to her sponsor! Can’t help someone who doesn’t wanna be helped tho
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There is nothing anyone can do to help her but herself!!!
AA works if you work it, so hopefully she starts working it…
Make sure her sponsor is aware. Encourage MIL to attend AA daily, twice a day, if necessary. Your husband should attend Al-Anon too. He needs group support.
Read the book
Adult Children Of Alcoholic
Relapses are part of the dis-ease.
Ultimatum she either stops drinking and gets help or you guys will have nothing to do with her. An addict will only help themselves if they want too. There’s not much you can do BUT NOT CONDONE and condone isn’t just buying or giving them their addictions it’s also allowing them to be in your life and stress you out. Tell her you love her so much you will not sit by and watch her life fall apart. You are 110% there to help her get clean but you will not sit by and watch her life fall to pieces. So she either stops drinking or you and your family will not be apart of her life.
You can’t help her but don’t enable her …
I also wouldn’t let her babysit or drive with my child ,her grand daughter could get hurt …
Maybe try contacting her sponsor? If she’s drinking and going to AA, someone will eventually pick up on that. It’s easy to think you’re fooling people when you’re an addict but it’s also easier to spot a liar when you’re sober
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She already knows that she has a problem and until she hits rock bottom, she will enable herself when others won’t. Alcoholism is a disease and it isn’t cured just by AA meetings. If you want to help her, go with her to her doctor and ask him/her what you can do to help her.
You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. My uncle is a full blown alcoholic and my family has nothing to do with him, hes not even invited to family functions, its alot easier then dealing with him.
Just support her when she needs it. There’s nothing you can do. It’s on her.
Nothing until she’s actually serious and wants it.
Take meetings yourself so you understand the addicts thought process and learn ways to support her while not enabling all while learning certain boundaries
Cut her off &keep her out until she does get the proper help.
Remove your child for the scene. That may be the cold splash she needs. If its not, your child is still your first concern.
About the ONLY thing you can DO with an addict that doesn’t want help is to never in any way enable them … Destroy any liquor or drugs you find .Do not give them or loan them money … Do NOT trust them for even the littlest of things and let them KNOW that. Do NOT argue or fight with them it will ONLY cause YOU more stress. Deny them living with you even for a night for they cannot be trusted. Addicts will steal and sell anything they can get their hands on to feed their addition. Tough LOVE must be used. YOU will probably cry a lot but tough love must be used…that’s the only ways you can really help.
Throw the bottles out or make her empty them
Everytime she brings it in the house pour it down the drain
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You can’t do anything but support sadly.
You cant help if she doesn’t want it
She has to want help. You can’t decide for her.
Protect yours and mind your business
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Nothin she has to want it.
She has to want the help…
very handsome guys love u
She has to do it you can’t
Try a loving intervention
cant help her if she dont want help
You can’t make anyone do anything, she’s the only one that can make the choice to quit. I’m speaking as someone who is an alcoholic, is married to an addict, and has made the choice as a family to be sober. I also went through this with my own mother. All you can do is tell her how you all feel, and then put down and stick to boundaries, and stick to them regardless. She knows what she’s doing is wrong, because she’s hiding it. I’m big on not enabling. If it were me, I would tell her that until she really chooses sobriety, that she’s not allowed around me or my family. Alcohol is destructive, addiction is destructive. There’s a quote that goes something like, “If you baby the addict, you’ll bury the addict.” If it is taking a big toll on your husband, I would speak to him about cutting off contact until sobriety is taken more seriously, because I do know and understand the trauma that comes with having an alcoholic parent, and there is extensive trauma that comes with that.
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Family members can attend Al anon meetings via zoom these days. Just Google for the meetings in your local area. This is a support group for families of alcoholics. They will present strategies to help you cope with having to bear witness to a loved ones self destructive behavior.
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Alcoholism is a trauma response, not sure if she has tried trauma therapy. But if everything else has been tried, it might be worth trying.
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Sadly there isn’t much you can do other than voice your concerns. You can’t make an addict quit. It has to be in their own time and when they are ready and really want to quit. Sadly this often means hitting rock bottom and realising things have to change. Addiction is a horrible thing and all you can do in the meantime is support her as best as you can and without hassling her let her know you are there if and when she decides she wants the support. The fact she is going to AA shows she realises it’s a problem and wants the support to a certain extent. She will get there but it has to be in her own time. If you keep on at her she will just continue to hide it from you and possibly push you away so tread carefully.
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There’s really nothing you can do to make her stop aside from encourage treatment. In the meantime try Alanon meetings and set healthy boundaries for your family.
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Nothing you can do until she decides to stop. Protect you and yours.
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As a recovering addict (17 yrs clean) as long as she is still going to meetings, there is hope! You can only look after yourselves. Have you and your husband considered Al Anon? It’s for family members of alcoholics and addicts. My dad went when I couldn’t stop using and it gave him the support and means to cope with me. You can find them on line. I’m afraid what everyone else has said is true, she will only stop when she is ready. Just encourage her to keep going to the meetings. 
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You can’t do much. You need to let her hit your rock bottom.
You can only control yourself in this situation.
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I disagree with those that say cut ties with her and don’t have contact with her and refuse to let her see her grandchild. Would you do that to a loved one who has cancer or diabetes? It’s no different. It is a disease. Love her where she is BUT make sure she is never alone with her grandchild and never let the child ride in a car with her if she is driving even if it doesn’t appear that she has been drinking or swears she has not been drinking. Do not trust her to tell the truth. I am a licensed clinical psychotherapist and I have worked with many families around these issues. No matter how much you want sobriety for her, you cannot make it happen. She is the only one that can do the work required to make it happen. Good suggestion from many encouraging her family members to consider attending Al-anon meeting.
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I have a son who is an addict. He’s 3 years clean and sober. But I can tell you from experience until they’re ready to stop the only thing you can do is intervene a lot and stay on them, its tiresome but for me it was well worth it in the end. Rehab works and if she’ll go it’s my advice.
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You and your husband have to decide what your boundaries are going to be with her. She will not stop drinking unless SHE wants to but you also have the right notbto want you or your daughter around that. You are going to have to make some tough decisions for your family.
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Your mother-in-law isn’t going to get clean until she decides she wants to be clean. Interventions don’t work. All you can do is protect your family and make sure your children aren’t alone with her. You can’t make somebody do this. They have to want it.
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You can call her sponsor but she will only stop when she is ready , until then you can break ties or maybe go to Al- Anon, a sister group for people who have family and friends affected by alcohol . It won’t help them but help you on how you can deal with it . Just don’t become an enabler for her .
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Tell her how you feel. Give her a list of rehabs and then love her where she is. If she asks you for anything in the future give her a print out of the list of rehabs and no more. This is a way to help raise her rock bottom so she gets there sooner.
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Al anon it’s for you the family it helps you as a family to cope with her problem goes along with aa …she has to be the one to choose to stop you can try to intervene… my experience it doesn’t work… they have to choose to stop. But you should look up your chapter of al anon they help
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I was married to an alcoholic. There isn’t anything you guys can do. She has to make the choice to get sober all her own and for her and no one else.
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Be honest and keep it real. This is not a new shock to the family but you have to let her hit rock bottom. Dont let her see her grand children. It may and will make things worse for a bit but she has to fight the battle of what is important to her. Its not that see doesnt love them or her son but she loves alcohol more.
Help yourself as was already mentioned…go to Al-Anon. Trying to rescue an alcoholic often can even prolong the “slip.” There is lots of helpful literature and people that have been there…you are not alone.
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when are people going to realize that alcoholism is a disease, not a lack of willpower. There should be a cure by now except for the big kickbacks given to politicians! And until then people will struggle with this disease!
She’s a grown ass woman, leave her alone and let her run her own life!
Giving up alcohol Nd staying sober is ridiculously hard! There will be some relapses on the way. Do not give up on her yet…what was the event that made her pick up again? Remind her of how good her life was when she abstained from alcohol? Finding out what she is running away from that has caused the relapse is going to be much more useful than giving up on her. But only you know if you have the strength to do this. Good luck. Alcoholism is always a symptom of something much deeper.
Give her something to live for, something to quit for. Carrot works better than a stick. Go to meetings with her. Don’t drink around her or have alcohol in your home, be clean for her. Encourage her long lost hobbies and interests. But be firm, don’t get sucked into any self-pity, have strong boundaries to protect your family (if necessary) not all alcoholics hurt others. But only she can make the decision to quit.
Its not up to you or hubby to do anything, but keep your child safe. Im an alcoholic. While family played a role in supporting my getting sober, rehab and therapy has been all me. And could have only been all me.
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There is nothing you can do, it’s up to her, intervention doesn’t work, she already lying about AA. You and hubby set ironclad boundaries and assume she will lie to get around your boundaries. You child doesn’t need that burden in her life.
AA is obviously not helping her she has underlying issues which go way beyond that , Help her she’s calling out for that u need to all sit down with her and tell her she needs to go to rehab, as tough as it’s it going to be u need to take charge. If u want your mother in law back, that’s the only way it can be done.
Oh hun I feel for you and your family. The best thing you can do if you want to try and help her keep encouraging her to seek help again nicely and calmly encourage her to keep up with aa maybe she could do with a new sponsor someone who’s been sober for a very long time (decades of experience) would be ideal by the sound of the point she’s at. My ex partner is a raging alcoholic and the worsening of his drinking is what split us up. The person that once cared so much about me didn’t want to know anymore only cared about his next drink. I had to leave because the emotional tole his behaviour be side of his drinking was destroying me. I never tried to get him help or encourage him to stop drinking and I wish so much that I’d done something. I feel I let him and myself done by not trying to get help for him. A lot of people will say leave her to it let her hit rock bottom and you could do that but you don’t have to if you want to try and help her get back on track you can do that. It’s up to you. Whatever you feel is the best decision for your family and her well being. Your husband shouldn’t have to worry about his mum and the grandmother of his children going through a really rough patch suffering through addiction. If you feel you want to help then good on you. I wish I’d been as brave as you about my own relationship. I wish you and your family love light and healing.
No one can do anything for her. She has got to want help & do it for herself.
It could be very risky to have your child alone with your MIL.
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Do not give any money to her…if she needs something go out and buy it for her
Never never give
Money
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You can’t help or fix her she has to realize that it will kill her in time that’s what i did with my husband
If anyone knew the answer to that we wouldn’t have alcoholics and drug addicts. It’s the Million dollar question.
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The only requirement to attend an AA meeting is a desire to quit drinking.
Get recovery for yourself at either al anon or co dependents anon. Set good boundaries don’t be an enabler.
Put your foot down, an put it down real hard.
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Get her a 30 watt violet ray wand… could be pain depression or anxiety… treat that …
You can’t make her quit. You can not enable her. Tell her if she wants to be around your kids, she has to be sober.
Mm how about getting her non alcoholic drinks and sticking alcohol label on.
Give her something to think about like taking her granddaughter away because you don’t want her around her get her initiative to stop