Brace yourselves for the very real possibility that nothing will get through to her.
Take care of yourself…alanon meetings
3 Likes
Nothing. Just take a deep breath and say i love you and walk out
2 Likes
You can’t. She has to want to help herself.
2 Likes
Nothing you can do , she has to want to stop herself.
I agree with the suggestion of Al-Anon or another support group of your choice, counseling, possibly religious. Whatever is right for you and your husband. There is also ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meetings online. One website www.Intherooms.com or local zoom meetings are available along with in person meetings.
It’s an illness that affects the whole family. 
She has to do it herself. Cut all ties with her.
Go go Al Anon. Period. Nothing else you can do
That’s the thing. It’s ridiculous to you, but it isn’t to her. Addiction literally changes your brain. Unfortunately you can’t do much unless she honestly wants the help. Addicts will ALWAYS find a way to get their fix. Unfortunately I have too much experience with loved ones and addiction. I don’t have time for that, so they get cut out. Many have come back into my life clean and sober and it’s been extremely rewarding to watch them overcome their demons. If she is willing, she can get this shot (I forget what it’s called) and you get it like every 3 months, and if you drink or do drugs while on the shot, it make you EXTREMELY sick. More or less you can’t drink if on the shot
Not a darn thing. It has to come from her. She is in denial about the power alcohol has over her. Nothing positive can come from this until she accepts that.
2 Likes
There’s nothing you can do. She needs to finally be done herself. I know this from an alcoholic dad and uncle. One died from cirrhosis.
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him/ her drink it .
Having been around different alcoholics of all sorts in my lifetime you have to come to a realization of your own self that you can only help so far .
I’m afraid the “very ridiculous “ comment I felt summed up your understanding of an alcoholic … I can’t tell you how much you loathe yourself and your drinking and hiding it … but that’s what it does to you … it’s painful , it hurts , it’s misery … it’s not enjoyable … unfortunately for me until I got hospitalised with psychosis caused by alcohol and the DT’s and had to be medically detoxed and saw hell I managed to get a grip on it , it doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen again , I pray to God it doesn’t and try my best every damned day , my Grandpa died an alocholics death , even begging him couldn’t stop him , the fear of stopping and the unkown without that “crutch” is horrible to face … there were reasons I drank like I did , and I have addressed them and have started on medication to help , I hid it from everyone until I no longer could , the. I just let the world see how desperate I was , I walked out in front of cars … I can honestly say I said I would rather throw myself off a bridge than go through what I went through again … we just loved my Grandpa until the end , when he cried as he took his last breath , if he was strong enough he might have made it , it’s hard but compassion helps
No she’s the one that has to do it for her self you can preach and preach till the cows come home but it’s left up to her to admit that she has a problem
Buy her a bottle and join her.
My daughter in law is a alcoholic and more
Do not enable her by buying her alcohol if she asks. Tell her u will not participate in it.
You can’t do anything.
Just remember it is not about you. You can only control your reaction to her desease. Maybe alanon can help you be able to effectively help her…
Is she single is hot…
This sounds like my Father In Law, we set boundaries with all the family. He isnt allowed over even if hes had 1 beer. My child deserves better than that.
3 Likes
You can’t do anything. She has to want to stop and she has to want help. In your situation, I would tell her she is not to come to my home and she will not be allowed around my child while she’s drinking.
First, learn about alcoholism so you don’t ask questions like this
You cant, it’s not your problem. Just dont allow your child to be left alone with her, visit only to give access to her Gran and explain when shes old enough.
Even if she ‘stops drinking’ always assume she hasnt.
Tough love got my sister to stop drinking period
Wow u class it as ridiculous when this women is suffering, damn if I was ur Mil I’d drink to with that attitude!
Will send up prayers for her that GOD will give her strength to get her to stop. GOD knows who she is…
Don’t associate with her . Period
Nothing. Dont enable
2 Likes
Pretty sure the people at the AA meetings will figure out what’s up if they haven’t already. At least she’s still going. Addiction is brutal. It sucks that she fell off the wagon, but it doesn’t mean she can’t get back on it. Unfortunately, you can’t really do anything about it. She will only change if she wants to.
16 Likes
Tell her sponsor.
And NO- for those of you who are going to tell me “it’s her business so just stay out of it” ALCOHOLISM is everyone’s business when it effects a loved one 
14 Likes
Absolutely no enabling from anyone. If her entire family stops talking to her, she’ll either quit or she won’t. It’s sad, but it’s either all or nothing with addicts.
Sadly and likely she won’t stop drinking. She has issues she’s not dealing with, and if you can hang cool and if you can’t, then stay away. There’s really only two choices. Accept it, or don’t. put her in rehab or don’t.
7 Likes
You can’t do anything to get thru to her. People can only quit when they are willing to do so. Nothing anyone says or does can change it. I’m sure she knows how important it is to her family and is doing it anyway. The best thing you can do is distance yourself, do not enable and let her know you will not be a party to it.
7 Likes
Have her committed though the court because shes a harm not only to herself but to others.
If the family can afford it try a inpatient program that has therapy. Something has to be going on for her to just start drinking again.
Go to a meeting with her and call her on it. My mother started doing this also and I told her that if she wanted a relationship with me, my children and my family she needed to stop.
2 Likes
Alanon is the only thing that helped me and helped them
4 Likes
I was married to an alcoholic for many years he went through rehab and attended aa meeting while we were together. The best advice I can give you is distance yourself. You don’t have to be mean but you have to put the health of your husband and child first. You can’t do anything until the person is finally ready to change otherwise they will just do it so you leave them alone and it won’t last.
1 Like
Al-Anon for your husband and family then maybe rehab for her if she will go. I wish you and your family nothing but prayers and luck…this is a VERY hard road to go down…sometimes you just have to do tough love 
I had to with my daughter.
6 Likes
With my biological dad I told him he was not allowed around my kids if he was drinking. I said if you want to have a relationship with me and the grandkids you have to stop. And if you come around and are drunk or have been drinking even just one drink I will leave grammas house and I won’t invite you when we come over. He quit right then. He’s been an alcoholic my whole life but he decided having a relationship with me and the babies was more important than alcohol and drugs… it only took him 26 years to come to that conclusion but he finally did for the grandkids…
2 Likes
Get her back into treatment or she’ll just get worse…drinking is one of those things where when you let it get out of hand it doesnt get better. Just some experience…
Truthfully, she is the only one who can stop. As a family maybe show her how much you need her, appreciate her, and love her. 
4 Likes
If she has insurance get her into a rehab.
1 Like
Does she live in your house? If so lay down the rules if not, let her do what she wants, she is an adult and I would suggest counceling for your husband and family to deal with the stress and anxiety due to her habit and learning how to separate yourself from the person who is causing the problems.
3 Likes
Has she been to detox? Thats first, everything else is secondary. Good luck to her.
I suggest Alanon for your husband. Addiction is awful 
2 Likes
Don’t give up on her.but don’t enable.
Well, you can’t force someone to get better. They have to decide that for themselves. I’ve seen it happen and it doesn’t look pretty. There is only so much you and your husband can do. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
Nothing. She won’t be ready until SHE is ready.
3 Likes
Need to break that cycle! Get to the root of the issue and work from that… mainly depression. She needs hobbies and distractions! Get her to join a gym or take part in classes with a friend or family member…Take up the time that makes them sit there looking for an excuse to drink or feel low. Always praise them on anything good they do. My dad battled with the drink all my life. He did rehab 4 times the AA meetings sadly passed away at 50 as the alcohol ate his brain away! It’s mostly mental health thats pulling her back and she’s using the drink as coping mechanisms. I wish her all the best i really do.
You could try a family intervention and include her AA sponser (if she has one)
1 Like
Find an “AL-Anon Family Group” in the area for him, for you, and any other friend or family member who is looking for support.
You cannot change an alcoholics behaviour.
3 Likes
This is none of your business. Unless it affects YOU or your child directly - you need to learn how to let her deal with it. Your husband needs to go to Al-Anon. They will teach him how to make and maintain boundaries to deal when she drinks. He needs to focus on his family and find activities to do with you and your children. This isn’t your fight, his fight, or anyone else’s fight but HERS! Back off and stop the drama NOW! Your child is learning to judge someone for their flaws. Is that what you want to happen?? Because I can promise you that NOBODY is perfect!
2 Likes
Only she can decide if she’s ready to be honest and to stop. All you can do is protect yourselves from the damage as best as you can. If she asks for help, do what you can, but only then. Addiction is a family disease in that it effects the whole family. Do your best to minimize the fallout. Therapy or support groups for you/husband is important.
1 Like
Maybe see a Therapist ?
The attitude you have about it…nothing.
2 Likes
Report her to her aa
You cannot make her stop. She is battling an illness, but it is on her to want to stop. When she is ready she will need you to be there and support her, but while she is in active addiction you need to set hard boundaries and expectations. Let her know that you love her but her behavior isn’t ok, and put your family’s safety first.
6 Likes
So hard. Set boundaries and have an intervention. Attend al anon meetings to find your support system as family. She should not be attending aa if she’s still drinking. Ask her to go to rehab or outpatient care? I’m sorry. Dealing with this is SO hard
7 Likes
She has to ADMIT there is a problem and actually WANT help. If those 2 things don’t happen first then sadly there isn’t anything you can do!
3 Likes
You can’t make someone stop, who doesn’t want too. Set very clear boundaries and focus on your family. If she asks for help- support her in getting appropriate help. Otherwise you will miss opportunities worrying about a grown woman instead of your children and family.
4 Likes
Love from a distance , don’t enable, protect yourselves. Addiction is very real. Whether it be drugs or “just” alcohol. (Legal doesn’t make it much better)
As someone who’s loved and lost an addict. My only regret , as selfish as it may seem, was not keeping my son and myself away before it left us with the ultimate hurt.
4 Likes
Honestly not your problem. Be there for your husband and protect those kids
2 Likes
I’m going through the same thing with my mother it is so hard. If you ever just want to rant or someone to listen without any judgment I will listen. I feel your pain, it’s scary and so stressful.
1 Like
Absolutely nothing… have an intervention and walk away… She has to want to help herself… Having a therapist or a mentor/sponsor for those stressful moments… Out that from experience, you can do nothing but walk away with love in your heart and tears in your eyes…
3 Likes
My husband is a recovering alcoholic. I didn’t really know how to help him as he didn’t drink much when we met, but after a DUI and various health scares attributed to his drinking, he self-referred into a 30 day alcohol treatment program, attends intensive outpatient group therapy for depression/alcoholism, attends weekly individual counseling, and attends AA meetings two to three times a day.
Some people just need to hit their rock bottom. A few of the ladies on here are absolutely right…they have to want it and they have to do it for themselves. Depending on the degree of alcoholism will depend on how much therapy & support they will need.
1 Like
nothing she has to want to stop she is the only one that can help her she has to help herself tough love
1 Like
Believe it or not I have heard that lithium orotate helps with alcoholism, it’s otc, you can get it from Amazon or the vitamin shoppe. I think a lot of people self medicate with alcohol when they really need something to help balance their moods. Good luck!
2 Likes
How do you summit questions?
You can’t make an alcoholic or addict change or get better. All of the love and support in the world isn’t enough. They have to want it themselves. They have to get to the root of the problem on why they use alcohol or drugs to cope with life. If they choose to seek help then all you can do is support them in their journey to recovery. I would suggest looking into Al Anon for yourselves. They have great help for anyone who loves and cares about someone who suffers from alcoholism and addiction.
1 Like
U cant make her stop but u can refuse her to have contact with u ur husband and daughter til she gets help
1 Like
Can’t help someome who dosen’t want help
1 Like
Jesus, is this turning into Dear Abby? I am starting to think these “fan questions” are things you just made up because you are running out of memes.
Do an intervention w as many family members, friends, neighbors. Be honest. Set boundaries, rules. Can’t come to my house until your sober. You won’t be left alone w your granddaughter until your sober, etc. Tough love has to be put in place
1 Like
Join alanon to learn how to deal with her best.
1 Like
You should all hit some ALANON meetings because it’s quite clear you have almost no unsweetened of addiction. You want to help her??? Educate yourselves! The way you Stated things above won’t help her in any way and you’re setting yourselves up as well. Anyone who truly loves an addict should take care of themselves first and educate themselves as much as possible otherwise you won’t be able to do a thing for them when they are ready
Nothing. Can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped
1 Like
Just minimize contact… She’s not ready yet. When she is she’ll let you know. Until then she’ll hide it
1 Like
Your mother-in-law has to admit that she has a problem, admit that she needs help, and going get the help. Admitting that you need help in getting the help or two totally different things. I agree with some of the responses that she has to hit rock bottom. And hopefully hitting rock bottom is not losing her. Another thing that you might try is any alcohol around her house that you find take it and get rid of it. I’m sorry that you’re going through this much love I can totally relate
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. If she doesn’t want to change for herself she won’t. I had an alcoholic uncle, and he would get to a point where he would ask for help. Never lasted long sometimes went a year without drinking and would start again.
Dont let her near your child. Get her in rehab
1 Like
Maybe see about an inpatient rehab…but honestly you can’t make someone do something they aren’t ready to do…
1 Like
Addiction comes in many forms… Guess what I think is ridiculous… You saying that it is ridiculous. Show some damn support. Yes it sucks… yes it probably has damage on your half as well. But if you can’t help support her… suggest other options rather than just AA meetings then cut the woman off completely… Because having someone breathing down an addicts neck usually doesn’t help them at all… It has to be their choice. Until they reach rock bottom and see it for themselves there isn’t a damn thing you can do but OFFER SUPPORT.
Tell her straight up. You can’t come here if your drinking…
You cannot do anything else…
The person who has the problem has to fix it…
1 Like
Talk to he AA COUNSELOR. !!
You can lead a horse to water …
An addict responds to intervention like a teenager responds to the words “no, you can’t”. The harder you push, the harder she will fight back. She will defend her alcoholism, and alienate herself from those who care, all the while justifying her actions by ascertaining that she is an adult & can make her own choices and won’t allow others to tell her what she can, and can not, do.
You’re between a rock, and a hard place. If you do nothing, she will continue as if nobody cares about her, and you will feel like you are enabling her. If you try to help her, she will rebel.
She’s an adult who needs to be responsible for her actions. The problem is that she is suffering from an illness that has her reasoning abilities grasped in a death hold.
All you can do is try to appeal to her by letting her know you love her, and you want her to be healthy for her own sake, as well as the rest of the family’s sake. Don’t buy alcohol for her, don’t make excuses for her, let her know she is not allowed to drink in your home or around you or your family, let her know that until she gets the proper medical help that she needs, you do not trust her alone with your child. You might not be able to force her to get the help she needs, but you need to let her know that until she gets the help she needs, you will not allow her illness to control your lives.
Let her know when she’s ready, you’ll all be supportive, and help her any way you can. Then tell her you love her, and you miss the “real” her.
Good luck, hun. I’ll pray for your family.
Tough love and an intervention prior to an inpatient rehab
Start going to Al Anon meetings. And I wish you the best. Its a bumpy journey to say the least
If you and your family live with her, I can see that being a problem. It’s time to get your own home. Whether you all live together or not, your husband would greatly benefit from counseling. Your MIL is responsible for her addiction and behavior. All you can do is encourage her in her recovery and pray for her. God bless you and your family 
My father is an alcoholic. He has been 5 years sober. You cannot help someone who does not want the help. Don’t allow her to be around while she is drinking
She has to want it or your hitting your head against a brick wall. Let it begin with her. Let her fall you can’t fix her. Tell the family to go to Alanon stop enabeling:innocent:
Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do if she doesn’t want help. For us personally we have cut contact because it was beginning to affect our kids but you can only do what is right for your family.
The only way she can “ recover” from alcoholism if she is a real alcoholic is a spiritual program. By recover, I mean to feel okay and complete without alcohol- there is no cure… she needs to choose that herself though, you can’t do it for her.
For me I had to be in enough pain that it was either choose recovery or die.
Once she started drinking again though, if she is a real alcoholic she didn’t have a choice.
The physical sickness that you get is too much to bear and the only thing that makes you feel better or normal is more alcohol. It’s a vicious cycle and if you’ve never been there then you wouldn’t know. It seems so selfish…
I hope she gets back into the program and becomes recovered
Lay down the boundaries. Addicts won’t change until everything is taken away. Money, jobs, family, ect. If she drinks, she can’t be a part of your life. Period.
Go to ALANON, it’ll give you support and help you Lassen that you can’t help until they are ready for help
Should I do that not a damn thing you can do but pray
She don’t wanna get up doesn’t want to give it up and there’s nothing you can do about it walkaway
She has to Want to stop!!! No if ands or buts.