My mother in law keeps making comments about my weight: Advice?

You should call her by her first name to get her attention. Then say you are fine with the way you look and her son is especially fine with it in the bedroom. Tell her when any those things change you’ll get back with her and set up an exercise date.

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MIL feels the need to attack you by going after the obvious about you. Kill her with kindness, BUT, embarrass her by going after her weak spot. Whatever that may be. I had a friend tell me that they were trying to motivate me. We had a discussion and I let him know it is not his job to motivate me because it had the exact Opposite affect. Stand up for yourself and be your best advocate for yourself. Hubby is not going against mommy and in return is not supporting you. YOU DO YOU. Be who and what you want to be. You do not need approval and you do not need advice. Be you!

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Hubby should have your back, especially against his family. Tell him he has one more chance to chat with his mom before you address it. I like to address my family with issues and let him do do with his. But if he refuses to, then he might not like when you do. Our feelings are not always for others to understand but they are always for others to respect. I don’t have to feel what you feel to respect your wishes.

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I would tell her that you are content with the way you look and that you don’t appreciate comments being made about your weight. I would do it in front of everyone and set then straight. They will only continue.

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If you are pleased with your body image then decide 8f working out would benefit,heart,lungs and bone density. If that interests you then do it for you. Pick and choose but rather than let if fester just dpeak to your mil like the friend she wants to be. Hugs

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Maybe the husband isn’t “alarmed” because he’s the one that asked his mother to say something. If it comes from another women especially a MIL you probably won’t make a scene. If a husband says it, it’s a body bag and a shovel.

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If husband wants to go over there he can. But if I were you, I’d let him know again that her comments are not welcome, unappreciated, and out of your taste and that you are going to stay home where you feel best about yourself. In the end make it clear that you are NOT making him choose you or his mom, but that you have made the choice that you feel better emotionally when you aren’t put in that situation. If he can not understand that at the minimum then you need to sit and have a heart to heart with him and his mother. In the end it’s honestly who you chose to keep around. Don’t walk on egg shells for someone who could care less about if they cut your feet.

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Sit down and talk to her. She may not know she’s hurting your feelings. Let her know that you are comfortable with your body and that it hurts that she is making an issue about it.

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You should worry about your own health. Thank her for the comment by letting her know that you appreciate her concerns BUT DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM HER OR ANYONE. You are a grown woman and are very aware of your situation. You need to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Also your man needs to back you up and tell his mother to stay in her lane. If he doesn’t then you may need to re-evaluate your situation. You deserve to be loved protected and cared for.

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Perhaps she needs to read a book on body shaming! I’m sure Amazon has plenty.

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‘Your comments are hurtful and need to stop’ - end of discussion.
If she doesn’t - stop seeing her. If she asks why, tell her again.

You don’t have to please her or him. You don’t have to conform to whatever she wants you to look like and you’re not over reacting.

When you stand up to people and are comfortable in your own body and power people get offended.
That’s okay.

This is really simple - stay true to you and she isn’t worth your energy just say no and flick her it off and carry on with your day.
If your husband doesn’t get it then ignore him too.
Say your peace and then carry on - they’re not worth any energy.

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Fight fire with polite sarcasm…no thank you I have plans with a box of Twinkie’s and Netflix….

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Stop allowing her to dictate to you about your weight if you don’t have the nerve to speak to her in person call her or send her an e-mail you can’t let anyone walk on you, you are not a door mat

“I tell myself that you mean well
and are coming from a place of love, but that doesn’t change the fact that every time you bring up my weight it both offends me and hurts my feelings. I need you to understand and stop before it damages our relationship because I Iove you.”

When she starts to talk about your weight or anything that she makes you uncomfortable, just say…excuse me I think I hear the baby crying, even if you dont have one! :joy:
She’s stupid if she doesn’t get the hint.

I personally would tell her to mind her own business because I am happy with my body… I would also tell her that I’m sorry she hates her body so much that she has to project her feelings onto me. I would explain to the husband what gaslighting is and tell him overreacting is me punching him and his mother in the face for the things they say, expressing your feelings is NOT overreacting and he wouldn’t get laid again until he apologized and told his mother to STFU

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Be blunt and tell her that her constant comments about dieting and losing weight are messing with your self confidence and although she may be saying it and not meaning to be that her words are hurtful

Everytime she tells u things like this say the most funnest thing to u that will upset her so if she says come on let’s go exercise say no thank u I only do extra fries ect

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If they keep that up I’d take a rest from visiting for awhile because of their rudeness! SOME people are controlling and think people ought to be like them which isnt true. We all have our own shape and it’s our business …Its your body so speak up next time. They might look too skinny to others too!

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This kind of thing used to drive me nuts. I am not a thin person. But I am happy with me. Then I noticed how all the folks asking these questions were always starting keto or a new plan or a new place and mostly they want to commiserate. I think the whole topic is boring. I had a very serious eating disorder as a young woman and it almost killed me. As I got healthy I settled into a wieght that I was comfortable in. Not happy not unhappy. Do I love all of my size and weight… no… but I also had a wake up call. I had taken laxatives, starved myself I can tell you the calorie and fat count of every food in the universe it seems and it made me miserable. Then I got cancer and realized. I wanted to be happy and healthy. I am healthy. But I do respect the pain in others so when people ask me to join them if I would like too I do if not I tell them thanks but it is not for me. Let me know how it goes. Most people don’t love themselves. Love yourself and let it go or talk to them about it. I wish you the best. I am sorry you are going through this.

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We need to normalize being straight forward instead of being polite. “Hey, stop talking about my weight, I’m fine how I am” straight simple and to the point. We have to stop tip toeing around people who are use to getting away with crap. Just say it.

My mil used to compare me to my husband’s ex wife, she didn’t as big as you when she was pregnant, or even in giving me a gift, saying it swallowed me whole so it should fit you, but would always call me for help over her children, but I lost my son the day after Thanksgiving 2020, and my daughter in-law in may 2021, I have cut ties with her, I’m not allowing anybody to steal whatever peace I manage to find.

I would definitely have a conversation with her and let her know exactly how it makes you feel, your husband too. Just because he grew up with it doesn’t mean he has to continue to support it, especially if it upsets you as his wife. Like other comments said, maybe she is trying to use it as an outlet for bonding, but even then you could approach her with it if you were interested in that. Don’t let her comments get to you, your husband chose you for a reason, so don’t be scared to voice your feelings (:

First tell your husband he needs to take up for you, it doesn’t matter if he was raised up around it or not because he doesn’t live with his (Mommy) anymore, Second you need to say something to her nicely, and if she doesn’t like it, tell that you don’t like it either especially when she hurts your feelings like that, sorry but thats what they call a BULLY!!! Tell your man he needs to take up for you or he will not like what you have to say to his Mommy
Concerned this should not go on

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My mother-in-law is the same way however she’s not lived a healthy lifestyle ar all but is thinner than me I always just pay her no mind husband was the same after I had kids it’s hard to deal with and my advice is don’t put up with it as I have tell her ass off or ask her if she’s hungry tell her she needs wrinkle cream she’s looking bad

You be the adult and tell her plainly. “I am comfortable until you bring it up.”

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She has no right. It isn’t her body. She might be trying to be helpful but she’s being harmful and you need to tell her straight up and stand upfor yourself. Politely ask her not to comment on your body anymore unless you ask her opinion.
If she does not like that, too bad. She’s been saying what she wants and you have every right to ask people to not comment on your body.

Maybe it’s not really about your weight, maybe she Just wants to spend time with you. Maybe she craves a more girlfriend like relationship.

Nah for me personally i would tell her that her comments make u uncomfortable explain exactly with what u just portrayed im comfortable in my skin an obvi ur not…

Tell her that she needs to put on alittle weight herself because she is starting to look alittle "sickly "

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Tell her to look at herself and to mind her own business, that you don’t want her comments about your weight that her son loves you with a bit of meat on you and doesn’t like skinny lizzyies and that is all that matters.

Tell her to mind her business if she keeps insisting, though you shouldn’t have to…your husband should automatically have your back if it hurts you, whether he grew up used to it or not. You are his wife, and you should not be treated that way no matter what you weigh.

Try this:
“what a weird world we live in where people feel they can judge each other’s bodies.”

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If that was my mom said that. I guarantee that would stop fast or my mom would be out of my life as much as I love her my wife would come first.

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Stand up for yourself!! Distance yourself from her. Do what you need to do get the negative out of your life.

Stand up for yourself …. Keep your husband out of it … you can let him know what’s going on but don’t put him in the middle of 2 women…. The one that gave him life and the one he has chose to spend life/children with …You have to realize you’re on higher ground n should have respect but also respect the elders once the waters have settled… don’t play tug a war with him in the middle … he loves you both … get with her n air your issue with her out n do so firmly with no compromise but with respect… this is your battle … she has limited years to cherish good times ….good luck

Point out her negativity and that her opinion is kind or appreciated. She will think again before giving her two cents.

My partner is like this with me. So upsetting. I’m a size 16. So was Marilyn Monroe. So degrading.

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tell her her son likes the extra cushion for the pushin…if she says oooh thats not my busness be like neither is my weight

Speak up for yourself and tell her “Thank you for your concern and support. I love that you love me. I’m asking you politely now to quit commenting on my weight, so that I don’t have to tell you sternly later that it is affecting our relationship negatively. I have not asked for not want your advice on the subject right now.”

Have a blunt conversation with her, and tell her while you respect her choices you’d rather not discuss your weight.

Honestly I wouldn’t go visit either if they’re so quick to comment about that then you could be just as quick and not be around them tell your husband I don’t see a problem with me not wanting to be around them…

Is she still married to your father in law, or is she divorced? If she’s divorced, tell her the reason why he left is probably because he got tired of trying to cuddle with a skeleton. If that doesn’t work, then play " Fat bottom girls" on repeat. If that still doesn’t work, tell her you’ve been in contact with your doctor, and from their professional opinion, you are a PERFECT weight. Also, tell her that your husband doesn’t mind the extra weight, in fact, he LOVES it.

If she doesn’t shut up, tell her you’re going to eat her. It worked for me. Also, how much of that is muscle??

Tell her you are comfortable with your body and would prefer to not discuss it anymore. You understand she is well intentioned but you do not want this to create a problem between you.

Asking you to diet is incredibly rude and I would be telling her to kindly keep her comments to herself,
Your husband needs
To tell her to stop,

Leave the husband. He’ll never stop taking his mother’s side, no matter how insensitive she is. Speaking from experience!

Start telling her she needs to eat more because she’s beginning to look sickly

Don’t feel offended…do the diet with her not to lose weight but to keep urself fit. It’s not about her…it’s about you.

She is being passive/aggressive, you have to fight fire by dousing it with cold water. The next time she suggests exercising, you should say. With a big smile “Work out!! Hell no, let’s do lunch and see if we can put some meat on those bones” lol, she will never mention it again

Ask her “are you fucking me?” Very nicely. Then tell her she doesn’t have to worry about your weight. I bet money she wont say it again

Ignore her buy a big cream cake bring it round when you visit and have a big slice and of course offer her a slice
And smile she will
Never know what you are thinking
Be happy

If she is a, what I call, health nut, it will be hard to get her to stop… since if those folks are just obsessed.

Tell her straight out” I love myself the way I am, just as I think you are too skinny but I still love you”

Ask her if she’s ok and if she needs some money for food or something. Body shame her right back, that’s what I’d do lol

Before you tell her how you feel, tell her things that you like/love about her. If you come from a place of unconditional love, maybe she will hear you and respond accordingly. Tell her that you want to be accepted for who you are.

No offence, but she might just be looking at the overall health of the family and you. and I know you say you are fine with the way you look, but if you are getting offended then she is clearly poking a sore spot in your subconscious. at 5’8 and 200 lbs, you are technically in the obesity range. That being said it doesnt make you any less of a person. SO you can either take a few steps to better your health and tell your mother in law you know how to take care of yourself, or you can just avoid it and stay comfortable where you are, but you need to be truly comfortable, not just defensive.

If you were fine with it, I dont think youd feel insecure because of the things she says.

That said, you don’t owe anyone a small waist.

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Tell her exactly what you’ve just said on here, that you’re happy with the way you are, and that it’s unfair of her to make you feel insecure about yourself.

Just tell her, your son loves me in bed just the way I am. If he doesn’t mind, why should you. That may shut her up.

Just tell her the truth, you are very happy with the way you are, & in your mind, you don’t believe in fixing something that aint broke…you can’t allow her dictate to you her personal beliefs. You don’t need to be nasty about her comments, just firm.

I get it too. Im “too skinny”. For the record. I am not too anything. I am good just the way I am… and so are you.

With all the respect she deserves tell her that you are okey with your weight and that her comments make you fell insecure, talk to her straight, if you’re health is not in danger, their is no need to loose weight, but if you are experiencing some issues regarding, then take his advice.

This is a form of abuse. Don’t put up with this. Don’t let her out you down. Stand up for yourself and make your husband stand up for you.

If your husband hasn’t said anything, he may agree with the comments. Has he said anything about your weight? Is he OK with it? Could this be a way he is deflecting arguing with you about it? Women talk about taking you add you are, but men are visual. I myself don’t deal with feelings, only actions. I don’t think the whole story is being told. For you women out here talking mess, just like you will leave a man when he becomes broke, men leave women when they gain weight. Some of us still have the balls to tell you, that’s if we care. Me myself, I don’t. Y’all can get as big as a house, I just don’t have to move there. I’ll stay with the slim women like her in-law.

Tell hubby “Thanks for the support” and he can eat shit for dinner

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Tell her you like your weight and you’d appreciate it if she would not mention it again.

Simple tell your mother-in-law she is also to fat OR she needs to put on weight she too skinny. OR she needs a face lift because of all the rinkles.

Your husband should tell his mother to never ask about his wife’s weight again! Ever!

I might even add simply “I’m very comfortable with the way I look and feel. why does it bother you?”

Speak up! Tell her you appreciate the advise, but that it makes you uncomfortable for her to always make comments about it ans that you are happy how you are.

She probably trying to motivate you not realizing how insulting it really is. Either you or your husband should ask her to stop

Tell her u are happy with yourself and not looking to change your image if and when u ever decide to make a change u will reach out to her but for now let’s change the subject :heartpulse::kissing_heart:

Not much of a husband if he thinks you are overreacting tell him straight you or your family see what he does and do not get feeling insecure its how you feel not them

Tell her you dont appreciate her comments about your weight. Thats just ugly and disrespectful. If her family never says anything about it to her then thats just plain sad.

Ask her if she wants go for a maccies with ya cause she’s too skinny. Hate people who are obsessed with how other people look x

Just simply tell her beauty comes in all shapes and sizes… and buzz off

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Only advice is - more sport, less eating!

Tell her u might be overweight but when famine hits you will last longer than she will. Seriously abusive

If you and your husband are happy as you are then ignore it.you are who you are. He married you for you it shouldnt matter to anyone.

Want to lose weight… No diets eat everything just eat half as much. It takes time but in 2 years you will easily lose about 50 pounds and it will stay off. I know because that is what I did. I went from 230 to 184 and I have kept it off. Oh and no exercise. I am too lazy to exercise.

Your husband should back you if something someone is doing is making you insecure. Y’all are supposed to be a team. Try to get him to look through your perspective, your family wouldn’t say things like that because they love you and think you look amazing with or without dieting and working out. That because of it, it’s making you feel like you should be concerned about it and insecure about it and you don’t want to be around them if they’re going to make you hate yourself. That their ‘encouragement’ is making it harder for you to try because it makes you harder on yourself. Say imagine if it was something like a mole, you can get it removed but youre happy how you are, but if people start saying how you need to get it cut off and constantly giving you doctors who could do it, then you’d start to feel bad about it and like they’re the ones struggling to accept you as you are.

But as for your mother in law, just say that you’re happy where you are right now and if you ever want for yourself to lose more weight, then you’ll gladly take her up on her offer, but for now you’d like to just remain happy with yourself how you are.

I’d say, I’m happy with how I look and leave it at that!

Take her aside and very strongly tell her that you are happy with your body and so is her son. Tell her you will no longer tolerate her bullying you about your weight.

Well, you should say: “why are you so skinny? Are you alright? you don’t look healthy at all!”

Let her know its bothering you. Tell her you know you have some weight to lose but when you are ready only then you’ll let her know.

I think her husband should tell his mom to cut out the weight comments . I don’t think she should try to say a word- this is his family - let her weak husband grow a pair and tell this mother to knock it off or they won’t be coming over !

If both you and your husband are happy with the say you are, then that’s all that matters x

Your husband should talk to his mother. She should keep her opinions to herself.

Take her food and tell her she needs to eat. Get some meat on those bones. You don’t want her to fly away if the wind comes up😂

When she asks, ask her, “are you trying to be rude or are you oblivious?”

Tell her if you ever get sick you will need those extra pounds, because when you are sick you lose weight. So you are planning for your future

I’m 6ft and 165. 5’8" and 200? Maybe they don’t want their grandchildren growing up without a mother. You are not a healthy weight!

You tell her to fuck off and worry about her own weight and not yours!

Tell her how you feel about her comments and when you want to lose weight you’ll let her know. She is being insensitive.

Walk in her house with a bag of junk food and tell her to mind her own business about my weight !! Tell her you dont have to eat it … but damn these nuggets are good lols . Let her say what she wants …

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Your MIL needs to keep her opinion to herself. How dare she make comments about you ? Her son chose you because he loves you and you love him. Should YOU choose to ever alter yourself, it should be for you and no one else. Your husband needs to support you and tell his mon to KNOCK IT OFF ! You are beautiful exactly the way you are and don’t you EVER forget it !

Tell her you appreciate her concern but you dont give her permission to badger you about your weight and if she keeps it up it’s a problem and you will distance yourself from her good bullshit.

Your not over reacting what u can do is tell her to mind her own you love your self and thars all that matters if she can’t accept it then dont bother talking to her anymore you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life be positive be you and dont let anyone tell you differently

I “had” the same problem with my mother-in-law. I put her in her place. :rofl:

Sorry… would just tell her to …off…if your hubby is happy with you the way you are then nothing to do with her…