“You’ve given me something to think about” “Thank you for the suggestions. Can I get you something to drink?” “I think that’s something her dad and I will have to discuss.” are all ways to respond to make her feel heard without actually agreeing with her. If it continues you will have to start innocently saying to your husband “your mom thinks…”. until he figures out his mom is too intrusive.
You’re doing a great job and remember, you’re the momma and you’re in charge!
My MIL did the opposite of what I told her to do to settle my daughter when she was a baby. I only left her with her for an hour. That was the last time I did that! Because of her, I was up most of the night with my baby and I had to work the next day! Not everyone understands what a new mother goes through to make sure the baby has the best care as a working mother!
This has been covered but I’m gonna say it again. Spanking a 2 year old is lazy parenting at best. Two year olds cannot be reasoned with so why are you hitting them? That needs to be addressed. Period. If you think she is stubborn now wait and see what hitting her into submission does. My childhood and teenage years are a great example of how spanking does not work.
Now your mother in law is most definitely over stepping. I would make it a point to state very clearly to her that every parent has to make hard choices. Some of those choices will be wrong, some will be right. That’s every parents burden to live with. All anyone can do is make better decisions than they made the day before.
Then live you life that way. Try to stop caring what she thinks, set boundaries and make decisions that make you proud as a parenr. That’s really all it comes down to.
Maybe she concerned just have a talk with the grandma if that does work tell your soon
To be husband to talk to his mom. With the spanking, lawd!some of y’all act like spanking is awful! My daughter is 2 and sometimes I have to tap her butt! She has a diaper on so she doesn’t feel it and no I’m not angry when I do it 
but she listens!! Her second word at 7 months was NO! And she used that word right. Example: my mom told her she was puttin her back in the car seat and she yelled no! Not even an year old so yes most 2 yearold is really smart and hardheaded and you have to smack their butt because they don’t listen as long as your not leaving marks I don’t see the issue…
Maybe you should try other discipline stop the spanking and tell her mother-in-law mind your business she might just be concerned
Not sure why people find it necessary to criticize a woman who is coming here for help with an in law who already criticizes her. In response to your question, I think you and your fiance need to address this with his mother. Let her know it is your house and your rules. You both approve of everything going on in your home and if she continues to question and badger you about raising your child she will only be permitted around her when she is invited into your home.
Also of course a 2 year old doesn’t want to go home when she has endless attention at her grandma’s house.
Oh all you perfect people stop complaining about spanking a child! I rather spank my child for running in the road than to bury them! Point Blank! Sometimes talking doesn’t work and if to stop them from doing something that can kill them or hurt them then so be it! Parent your kids the way you see fit and move on!
MIL needs to stay in her own lane and stop, giving advice is ok but drilling a child on what happens at home is over the top! Of course going to grandmas is fun and every child wants to stay bc it’s “Disney Land” they do no wrong but at home there’s rules and limits and they rather stay at grandmas! Parent your way and if MIL can’t stop I’d limit her visits!
I have dealt with this stuff before with my daughters dad i will tell you it split me and him up bc i got sick of his mother . but he didnt stick up for us either . i would talk with you man and tell him he needs to tell his mom to back off . they are you all’s kids and they are just the grandparents . trust me if u dont set boundaries now it will only get worse believe me thats why i left my daughters dad bc his mom was always trying to raise our daughter and always putting her 2 cents in and he would never stick up for us and our family so i left glad i did too
I swat my kid too occasionally. I live on a horse farm. He can’t run around like a fool and must follow rules. Sometimes a swat is needed to get his attention. I see it as I’d rather him get a warning pop from me, then a kick from an animal that could hospitalize or kill him.
Some people for some odd reason think that a swat is abusive or must mean you beat your kid… Kids have different learning methods. Some work with a warning, some time out, some a pop here and there. People need to realize that and stop fitting everyone into one bubble and saying someone’s parenting method is wrong when it works for that family.
I work with kids. There are many wonderful kid out there along with many not wonderful ones. It all depends on how the child reacts to their parent, how consistent the parents are with discipline whatever that is, and some are easier or harder kids to raise then others.
I refuse to be a mom who is constantly yelling or nagging my kid also. When I tell him something, I mean it, and he knows that.
If it works and you are raising a great kid, unless it’s abusive, then parenting style doesn’t matter.
Oh, you non-spankers, Get Over It! A slap on the butt should have been given to so many of these insolent, spoiled and coddled brats! And the teachers pay the price for your over indulgence of them! The Mother-in-law is the problem here! She is undermining this Mom constantly! I would tell her my child cannot stay with her if she didn’t straighten up!
I got a slap on the butt as a child and with raising my son he did get some here and there from me I don’t see wrong in it not a beating but an occasional slap to listen if not listening I think talk with grandma and see how it goes besides - mama your doing amazing don’t ever think your not
Hey girl I feel your pain. Dealing with stubborn kids is a pain. Dealing with know it all MIL a nightmare. So sounds like the child is manipulating the adults for what she wants. You must not cave or give into this. Instead turn the table on her. I also spanked when needed, needed is the key word. Oh they survived and are grown with no issues!! Look the child just wants to get what she wants. Thats it and shes learning tactics to do it. “Terrible Two’s” an attention getter of a smack to the butt isnt hurting the child. I think some “non spanking” parents dont understand that. However, have a convo with grandma. Not hot heated rude or nasty. Just ask her for her concerns. It takes a village to raise a child. Im sure grandma only wants to help!! Maybe she just has a different opinion. Last night my grand daughter was screaming total fit, she wanted her nail polish opened at 8pm, dad said no. Omg the screaming started she ran from the room to me and said " Mimi, daddy is abusing me!" Hes really mean and hates me!" I heard the whole thing had I not what would I be lead to believe?? Oh shes 5 btw. I told her to listen to her dad and she ran off screaming “everybody hates me” kids are manipulative. My neighbors must think we are killing her lol. Guess what, she survived. But learned it didnt work. Oh and keep adult convos away from children!!! Learning you can pit parents aganist each other is the worst.
I wouldn’t allow her top spend the night anymore. Your mil needs to learn boundaries
Remind her that you live with the results of her parenting skills. 
Besides, you shouldn’t be hitting. Ignore you MIL. Just agree and do it your own way.
You can not hit your child and expect them not to hit others. Just food for thought, it may become a different issue down the line. If you find yourself striking your child, more so out of anger, you should be receiving help for yourself above anything else.
That will always be an issue then. She’ll make little digs at you like that. Nothing really you can do. I like the persons suggestion who said to say things like “thanks for giving me something to think about” " I appreciate that you care so much about our girl". But she’ll never stop. And she’ll likely repeat herself till you respond so one of those “I’ve heard you thanks” kinda comments will be needed
Spanking a 2 year old isn’t necessary 
First, I think it’s the official job of a MIL to interrogate their DILs. Just ignore her, or straight up ask her to stop questioning your parenting. Second, if you feel that someone, ANYONE, can hold you spanking your child against you, and it creates insecurities and guilt within you, perhaps just try to eliminate that from your parenting. It may work in the moment but if you feel this way after, imagine how your child feels. It might not be worth the temporary fix of behavior.
If you don’t put her in her place now she is going to completely take over. I didn’t even get to mother my son which exasperated my PPD. Luckily, he doesn’t remember his first year and a half of life. I just had my daughter and put up boundaries. She will not cross them. As I have spoken up.
She used to tell me stories of her MiL. She would say she was constantly doing things wrong but never tell her what and get her to correct it, she would just take over. And then there came a point where she was raising my MiLs kids so they all think of her as their mom…Dont let her have that kind of power over you. Plus most of their ways are outdated and dont always work with your kids. So if you hear “well I did that with my kids”… RUN. They can be so overbearing and they WILL push if you continue to let them until you are completely out of the picture.
Wpuldnt be suprised if shes questioning ur child very odd things for a two year old to bring up also i dont agree with spanking i think its so so wrong and now ur mil knows i would expect child services to turn up at some point there are lots of other ways to deal with things dnt think theres any need to smack somebody dnt agree with violonce at all but it does seem ur child is being asked quesitions so personally i would speak to the mil about it all as she shouldnt be so nosey fair enough if she was concerned aboit something bit she shouldnt question everything u do but with the, spanking it is a form of child abuse there are plenty of other ways that work which woildnt cause u any trouble or ur child any pain and u could get in trouble for that best of luck
Wow your 2 yr old must be really intelligent to be expressing herself like this or your mil is fishing and questioning in certain ways to get a response. Now in my opinion yes it’s going to take your fiance to stop her. But if that fails then you may have to let her know respectfully to mind her business. And besides if your man is comfortable and fine with how you are parenting then that’s all that matters.
My mother in law questioned me once. I told her to leave the parenting of my child to me…I’d seen her work. Never heard another word!!! Put her in her place with the understanding that if she can’t respect boundaries then she can be left out entirely! Darling this is your child and no, I’m sure you aren’t doing it ALL RIGHT but NONE OF US DO!! Your very best is exactly what your child needs. That’s all. She needs you. Let the rest of it go. You’ll be a happier mommy.
Tell you hubby to be a man and talk to her before you do🤷🏻♀️
Another thought is, the children of this generation , need parents from this generation raising them. The world that was , when mil was growing up, doesn’t exist now. So much has changed.
I think everyone has opinions about how you should parent. I’m about to have my second and my oldest is turning 6. You’ll look back and realize their opinions never mattered. Do not spend this time worrying about it. I got crap for my son coming into my bed at 18m and over. He still sneaks in at night and I do not care. I got crap for keeping him in his own bassinet when he was a baby. No matter what you do, SOMEONE did it differently. My son was rolling around in the grass and outside a lot from baby and up…others worry about germs and don’t allow it. Do you.
as much as your mother in law wants to be involved in your childs life , you need to set boundaries. she needs to understand that you’re the mother and you will only do what is right for you child. she needs to let you be the parent, giving you advice now and then is ok, she doesn’t need to be questioning her ( which suggests that your mum in law is really up in yourlls business). stand up for yourself , youre a good mum, dont let anyone ever undermine you.
Girl, u need to create some boundaries. YOU r these children mom and u seem to be doing a great job. Don’t u allow them people to drive u crazy. Ur husband needs to step in as well.
I’d tell the MIL that you’re the parent, she is not, and if she keeps questioning your methods, limit the child’s time with her.