We haven’t spoken to my fiance’s sister in about two years. There was a lot of drama concerning her and her husband’s divorce that we (us and our two daughters) got dragged into. Family events are erupting in fights. There were even dating profiles being made using photos of them with our baby. It was very messy. The police were almost called over some things that happened. We decided to block them on social media and phones until they behaved like adults. The sister threatened a lot of things and even said my fiancee (her brother) was dead to her. 2 years later, we got engaged at Christmas, two weeks ago. There have been multiple meet-ups and “keep the peace” meetings for his parent’s sake. I’m usually to blame as I am the “blow-in” and “new one” to the family. As calm as we have been at meetups, nothing has worked, much to his parent’s dismay. The sister has acted like a child and stormed out. Also, she’s 15 years older than my fiancee. Now that we’re planning the wedding, the MIL asked did we add them to our guest list. MIL is old fashioned and thinks just because they’re related; they need to sort things out, no matter what. Obviously, we said no since we don’t speak to them. Now, MIL has said shes not coming to the wedding if we don’t invite them. I don’t want my partner to have a wedding without his parents. We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. Can anyone help? Has this happened to you or can you suggest what to do?
Oh well. Bye bye… it’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable
Invite her, chances are she isn’t gonna come haha
It is too bad his parents are making him choose. Hopefully, your parents treat him well.
I would invite them but I would also make it very clear that no drama is to be had at any point and if it happens then they will be asked to leave immediatly.
Cheaper weddings when less guests
Invite the people you want if they choose not to come you know you did your part and that’s all you can do.
It’s not about the sister or parents, it’s YOU AND HIS WEDDING DAY, they had their day and if they want to be petty and selfish and not let you have yours then who wants them there anyway!? They should be supporting their sons big day regardless who’s invited or not, he is their son just like she is their daughter… you should be comfortable at your own wedding, it’s not about anybody else.
Personally I wouldn’t invite. This is your wedding and you’re entitled to invite who you want. Invite the mom and if she doesn’t come, oh well. She shouldn’t be so petty. My husband and I have no parents so we married without any family. I only has my cousin. He has a sister that he claims isn’t family as well and I support him.
I would just focus on your big day. Screw these people to be honest. If they can go two years, go a cpl more, don’t let them ruin your big day trust me.
That’s toxic af! Her ass wouldn’t be invited just for saying that🤷🏼♀️ personally I would NOT start my beautiful life, wedding day, and family with toxic people in it! They would NOT be invited, no telling what crap she will pull at YOUR wedding!
Well what does he want to do? Invite her or not have his parents there? I’d say let him decide. If he doesn’t care either way then I would just not have his parents come.
IMO I would put it totally into your fiancé’s hands. Just be supportive of what he decides. He knows how you feel.
I would invite her to keep the peace with the parents, but she’d be a guest only. No special seating or acknowledgment. I’d also make sure she knows (at every opportunity) she’s only invited at the request of her parents. Hopefully that would deter her from coming. But I’d have some family on deck to whisk her away if she started showing her tail at the wedding.
I don’t think she’ll come. However if you don’t invite her she might crash it to make a point. Hugs. No easy answer as the outcome is pretty up and down. Could you maybe hire a “bouncer” that can interfere if she gets out of hand.
It’s you and your fiance’s wedding. Not hers. She CAN NOT tell you who and who not to invited. If she dont like it then she dont need to be there.
I say this with all the respect. Toxic is Toxic. She will try to ruin it. And the MIL giving you a ultimatum is Toxic. Never let your happiness sour because of “family”.
I would stand my ground and if mil dont come oh well her loss 
we dont talk to my fiances 3 sister’s bcuz of all their b.s. drama and when we get married they will NOT be welcome to attend.
Elope… there is no easy answer. If you invite them, you will feel uncomfortable. If you don’t, you will be forever labeled the bad guy and risk your fiancée and his parents relationship crumbling as well. This will lay the foundation for your relationship with his family. I would have a serious discussion with your fiancée and put the decision on him since it’s his family.
Fiancé’s family, his problem/ choice. That’s a great plan for the present and for the future. You each handle your own birth family.
Dont invite someone who is going to destroy your inner peace on your day. Toxic is toxic,even family. You’ve only been engaged for 2 weeks, no one should even be bothering you about this. Politely remind her its not her decision, but if she wants to miss out because of it, that actually is her decision.
Elope would be my response. Why wait for toxicity to crash the special day for you two. It wont fix just because of a wedding. MIL is in the wrong for pushing such an ultimatum to you both.
I know it is an awful thing to do but you really have to say
Sorry mil she is not coming to the wedding.
If his sister did come she could absolutely ruin your big day.
We eloped to avoid the impending family drama. Best choice we made for ourselves but obviously it’s not for everyone. It’s your wedding. You’re the one footing the bill. It’s manipulative to give an ultimatum like that to pressure you into something you don’t want to do. Im sure it won’t be the last time it happens either.
You can invite who you want but make sure you tell his mother to rsvp or bring a chair and a sandwich if she decides to show up after saying she won’t.
If a mother can miss her sons wedding over this then she doesn’t deserve to be there! My brother and I haven’t spoken in 2 years. I am not invited to his wedding this June! I would never allow my mother to miss her sons wedding because I’m not going. That’s just childish.
Don’t dare be bullied into making Y’ALL’S day about your mil or your sister.
how bad would it be if they started stuff on your big day. I’d say no way to them coming
Point out you should never negotiate with terrorists. She is welcome to your wedding, the Sister isn’t. Anything else is emotional blackmail.
I agree talk to your SO but by the sounds of it he feels the same way you do. Your wedding day is about you and your fiance ~ NOT his family. It sounds like she’s probably going to cause more issues & drama on the big day so I say don’t do it. IF your MIL chooses to show up even after she finds out that it’s a hard no then that will be HER choice and not by yours.
Invite the mother in law and it’s her choice to come or not. It’s your wedding, you invite who is going to make your day special.
You won’t be happy if she’s there. It will be extremely stressful and there’s a high chance she will start drama just because she can. Tell MIL that you’re sorry she won’t be able to be in attendance then, but this is your big day and you’re allowed to be selfish about who is invited to one of the happiest days of your life. 
She might change her tune about it if you stand your ground. Don’t give in to this, or else she will find other ultimatums to give you, to make you do as she wants. It’s not a good foundation to build the rest of your life on and it WILL cause you further unhappiness being subjected to another’s whims like this. I’m sorry you have to go through this OP, but it will be okay!
My MIL wouldn’t be coming then. If their going to all act like children then BYE 
Than she doesn’t come that’s her choice 
Is the wedding for you or for them? MIL made her choice now has to live with not going to your wedding. Her loss not yours or your fiance.
His momma is enabling her behavior. If she wants to act like a child and storm out of meetups, that’s her problem. You can only do so much in the name of peace.
If his momma wants to act like that to her son, that’s her problem. I understand that y’all want his parents there, but damn, it seems like she’s acting childish like her daughter. She can see that her daughter is the problem, but continues to uphold her.
If none of them can grow the f:face_with_symbols_over_mouth:
k up and be adults than tell them they are more than welcomed not to attend. .
Do the nice thing invite whom you and partner wish too invite and if they attend bonus, if not dont stress
Elope. That’s what we’re doing because our families have lost their collective minds. We both grew up in extremely toxic, abusive homes. This is about us now. Period. Zero fucks.
Invite her.Give her the chance to turn you down. If she agrees to come best behavior is expected. Make the mother in law be responsible for the sisters invite.
My mother in law hasn’t seen our daughters in 6 years and has never met our son and he’s fixing to turn two. Because we wouldn’t let her send pictures of our kids to her daughter after she accused me of drugging my kids and myself and threatened CPS all because I’m skinny and her go to insult is you’re on drugs.
Don’t sweat it, tell her she’s uninvited. I’m a grown ass woman, you don’t tell me how to live my life especially when my choices are always what’s right for my kids.
She’s using his emotions to control you. Just say “I’m sorry you feel that way. You’ll be missed.” Leave it at that. It’s your wedding not here. She doesn’t get to choose the guest list.
Oh well for your MIL, she will regret not coming. But, you guys have every right to cut out toxic people regardless if their family. I hate that society expects people to stay connected to toxic family members. Move forward with your wedding!
What does your fiance want? Let him make the decisions concerning his family. If he doesn’t want her there then support that and she misses out. We had threats like that too. Mother in law ended up coming but caused drama and left after dinner, before the reception.
it’s his mom and his sister… let him choose and be supportive no matter what he chooses
have a plan for the big day ,at the 1st sign of trouble have someone show them the door
She has her invitation, if she chooses to come, great. If not, it’s neither yours nor his fault. 
I would tell my mil if she wants to come then come, if not then don’t. My guest list is my business and that’s that. They can share our special day with us or not. I don’t have time for childish drama. My feelings are not going to be hurt because someone didn’t show up because someone else wasn’t invited. Plus,why invite drama to YOUR special day…
Elope that would solve it all. At later date if the sister changes have the wedding you dreamed of. It’s y’alls day
So MIL doesn’t go… her choice 
. Move on, stay firm, and don’t be manipulated.
If you let the mil dictate now she always will. She should not be choosing between her two children. This is between your future husband and his sister. She should keep her nose out of it and let them work it out.
It’s a day for your fiancé and you, if they choose to not come because of who you have decided to not invite then so be it. The day is about you guys not anyone else so carry on and congratulations!
Your wedding your choice. It’s between your fiancé and you.
It’s YOUR wedding, do NOT invite anyone you’re not comfortable with attending. It’s the MIL’s problem if she doesn’t want to come because of this. Maybe as an alternative ask an uncle of your bfs to take his fathers place?
Look she is making YOUR wedding about her and his sister. She is 100% bluffing and if she isnt, then oh well. She hopes you both will cave for her presence. She is willing to make your wedding a drama filled night that will undoubtedly be your fault if her precious daughter isn’t happy that night. This is a no win situation and you are better off having none of them there.
So tell them stay home they probably part of problem
If they don’t come to your wedding it’s their loss. Have your day & make it memorable!
Im sorry but I would not give in to mommy in law she will try to run your marriage as well. No way no how would his sister ruin my wedding and she will
Omg who do you care about more here your wedding day your family and you ? Or your mother in law and what she thinks ,??? Have a fun day and have a good time it’s your wedding 
!!!
Just have your wedding an invite your mil and no one else that you don’t want too come mil don’t come that’s on her not you or your husband to be .it’s your wedding not your mil’s . Your sister in law probably don’t even want to come .
I would kindly tell her if she chooses to not attend that you will miss her and the invitation will be open for her to attend if she changes her mind. Your wedding is a day for you to remember the rest of your life. You shouldn’t remember it because the cops had to be called because the sister was invited against what you wanted and she caused a scene
Just give them a invite, they probably wont come, they don’t want to buy you a gift…I would be the bigger person. .
Fuck em. It’s your wedding. You do you. If she doesn’t come that’s her choice
That is her choice. You have no reason to invite the sister and if his mom is trying to strong-arm you it will be her loss. Tell her you are sorry she won’t come because you will really miss her being there.
100% would not invite someone that is going to start drama.
Stand your ground now or you will lose ground and respect further down the line.
It’s your day not there’s so they should respect your feelings…
Toxic is toxic keep to your guns and say nope fuck off
Without reading all the back story, just decide if you want her there then invite the sister. If you don’t want the sister there more than you want the mom; then don’t invite her.
Dont let mil control. Tell her politley we want you at our wedding of course, but if you choose not to come thats your choice and we will miss you. Dont feel guilty, its your wedding not mils.
She will try and ruin it itll be better without any drama i say no its a unity of you and your husband let it be just that.
You’ll find that if you don’t stand your ground now, you won’t have a ground to stand on once you’re married. Set boundaries, as to what you’re going to allow, and not going to allow. You don’t have to deal with that, just because you’re marrying him. She can be old fashioned, but initially giving you an ultimatum about inviting people you clearly don’t deal with, is childish. Treat her like any other invitation. She can RSVP, under her own terms and if she sees it’s not fit to come to your wedding, kindly remind her in the years coming if it’s brought up again, that it was her choice.
I’d leave it up to your husband so both he and mommy can’t blame you later on if the decision is made not to invite her.
It’s your day and you do you!! But if you have to play nice do but I know sometimes things get lost in the mail lol
It’ll be her loss! She is trying to guilt trip you to get her way! Don’t do it or you’ll be allowing her to know he can control you for the rest of her life!
No need to worry about your mil…
It’s your day not her day… U should and need to be gathered with your loved one. Should she really care about you two she would not be trying to blackmail you this way.
U r not wrong it’s your day.
Maybe she won’t come if you invite her. You could always hope for that. 
I’d leave it up to you’re fiancé. He probably wants his mom there more than he doesn’t want his sister there. Let it be his decision and go along with how he feels. You can hate her (with good reason) but it is still his sister. It’s all about give and take. You could have security for the wedding so when she starts her crap, she’s outta there.
I would marry without my MIL .
If you give in now you’ll be doing it the rest of your life,like holidays ect, tell her it’s between you and them,and you hope she wouldn’t break her son’s heart ,what’s he think?
TOXIC. The sister and MIL I would say don’t invite her and if the MIL doesn’t show well okay she made her choice for you. Bye!
It is her choice to not attend YOUR wedding. I would not tolerate being forced/black mailed into inviting people to my wedding that I don’t want there. Depending on your fiancés thoughts/feelings/actions, there wouldn’t be a wedding. This isn’t something that’s going to “go away” regardless of the invite.
Tell her to piss off. It’s about you and your future husband NOT HER.
Have the wedding without them but still invite them, it’s not their choice it’s yours who you have at your wedding and if they dont show that’s on them missing the day not you, you didnt make that choice for them they did and itll be their fault for deciding not to go… If they try to hold it over you point out that they were infact invited but chose not to show up because of whatever they have going on in their own head that they are holding against you…
I wouldn’t invite the sister. And that’s fine if mil doesn’t come bc she’d probably be all butthurt and cause drama herself if the sister isn’t invited so good riddance to them both.
Yours and his wedding! End of! Only invite anyone who will make both your day that Special day it is.No negative a**holes or any of that.No matter who it is
If that’s his parents choice then so be it. That’s not their business. They are wrong for even threatening to not go.
Then she misses out too. The wedding is about what the bride and groom want ONLY, don’t lose sight of that. It is nobody else’s day and nobody else has the right to put either of you in an uncomfortable situation. Id simply say ’ I appreciate your self sacrifice for the sister but we agreed she is not invited and if you (to the mom) decide to not come because of that, it is okay and we won’t hold it against you.’ Shes obviously trying to use herself as leverage. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a drama free once in a lifetime special day and your boundaries deserve to be respected. Her not coming is more of a reflection on her than you guys and shame on her for trying to use herself as a guilt tactic or leverage.
Decide between the 2 of you. They had their weddings. With no input from you.
You need to allow him to make the choice and just support him no matter what!
Yeah. You don’t. But if he doesn’t mind. Move on. Its your guys’ wedding
She’ll get over it closer to the day
Same scenario guess what didnt invite my husbands brother his mom still showed
This is your you and your fiancé ) wedding. If drama abs dismay will erupt if you invite the sister, you do not invite her. Family does not equal obligation. If your MIL wishes to not attend, that is her choice. If your fiancé sister wishes to grow up and show that she can behave, maybe you can add her to the guest list. But this is a day of celebrating your love and commitment, no drama needed.
Fuck em all. Go to the court house and spend the money you were gonna use on a wedding on an awesome honeymoon!
Its your day! Everyone else can screw off! Good luck!
Unless your in laws are paying for this wedding, who gives a flying f what your MIL thinks. If she doesn’t show up, she’s the one who has to live with that decision. I chose not to invite one of my drama queen aunts because she was rude and told me I was brainwashed over political posts on Facebook. 
She then decided I was the scum of the earth, and completely ignored me in the receiving line while I was standing up in my cousin’s wedding about 4 months before mine. Peace out, lady. Toxic is still toxic and it has no place at a celebration. My grandparents said they wouldn’t show up if she wasn’t invited. My mom begged me to invite her. I stood my ground and said no. I had no interest in paying for the dinner of guests who couldn’t even acknowledge my existence or agree to disagree. Life is too f’in short. Neither my aunt nor my grandparents came. And we had a good time regardless and there was no drama to deal with.
This day is about you and your fiancé Not them or anyone else. If they will cause drama or make you think or consider what they might do that day. Dont invite them.
The very fact that they’re choosing not to attend your wedding because she isn’t invited means their claim that you need to make amends just because they’re a “traditional family” us bullshit. If that were truly the case, they would put aside their own issues with your rift with the sister to attend their son’s wedding. Sounds to me like the sister is extremely entitled and there’s a reason for that. Your MIL has chosen her side.
Bummmer!!! To bad you dont plan that day around others feelings. Sounds like a personal choice she is making. And don’t let her do that to you now or she ALWAYS will. Or even better don’t invite either of them… that day isnt for drama that day is for celebration.
She will come. She’s trying to use emotional guilt and manipulation. If she doesn’t come, then that’s her fault, NOT yours or your fiance’s. If inviting sister will ruin your day by causing drama, don’t invite her!
I would definitely tell her that’s her loss then and she will miss out on one of the best days of his life. I’d cut em all off for that. No need for fake people in your life. If shes willing to not come to her own sons wedding because her own daughter is a mess then she doesnt see the problem and she never will.
Nope I would have fiancé tell his mom how he would feel if his mom didn’t come to his own weeding but that it’s her choice in the end. I would tell her in person so she could see how much she’s hurting her son with her own selfishness and then leave it at that. I wouldn’t invite someone you know who will ruin your wedding because sister in law sounds horrible smh
I wouldn’t change your plans… if she makes the choice not to attend her sons wedding that is on her.
It’s your day. If you don’t want it to get fucked up, don’t invite the witch and her mother too!!!