Bless your heart. I’m sorry but you do sound kinda dumb… 
Why keep confiding in her and trusting her? She’s shown you who she was since you were a child and, apparently, you refuse to believe her. I’m not even sure why you’d expect her to share the information with your inlaws…that you didn’t want her to tell, anyway…? Make it make sense 
Or why would she need to know you were trying to conceive…? Some shit just isn’t everybody’s business (my 2 cents). Best of luck to you.
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Think about how she made you feel growing up and ask yourself, do you want that influence around your children?.. If the answer is no, cut ties… toxic is toxic
Do what you feel will leave you with a clear conscience after your mother passes away. We read about your trauma but are unaware of your mother’s.
Even children who grow up being loved will have something to reproach their parents, or single parent.
Being a single mom is tough.
Have you tried telling her these things bother you and to stop?
She’s not going to change, so stop trying. Live your life as you see fit. Since you know she can’t be trusted, don’t share things with her that you don’t want repeated. Set limits with her and if she doesn’t like, cut ties. She may be your mother, but, you didn’t have a choice. She’s definitely not a “mom”. Good luck and be strong.
Just because someone is family doesn’t mean they’re good for you. If it’s toxic, cut it out of your life.
Sometimes the toxic people you need to cut out of your life is your own family. Time to cut ties with her.
Mother or not hun toxic is toxic& you don’t need to keep her around. This is what I have always been taught. If this was my parents I’d cut all ties no question. But you do what’s best for you. Don’t allow anyone to tell you different. I’m sorry you’re having to go thru this with your mum. I wish you all the best& hope you get it sorted soon. Xxx
Just stay away try not to involve her in too much you have to TELL her you need your space and set boundaries… do it now or forever be upset with her it’s your call now
Heck no. It is ok to cut toxic people from your life regardless of who they are to you. I understand being your mother and all but ask yourself,what kind of mother would do this to their own child. You being a mom would you do that? If not well cut her loose. Seems like you are doing ok without her so you don’t need her. You are already grown. If you leave her in your life, think about the influence she will be around your children. Not worth it. You and your husband and kids are your responsibility and they are your family!
No one, regardless of who they are is allowed to treat you like you aren’t of value. If she refuses to straighten up then walk away with your head held high. You deserve better and you don’t have to live in fear of her cruel ambushes.
Cut ties. This sounds exactly like my mother. I tried for years to rebuild a relationship or to try to move forward but they don’t want to apologize or be accountable. They weren’t when you were a kid and they won’t start now. It sucks, but nobody has the right to treat you that way. Especially a parent that isn’t doing a good job in the first place. Parents make mistakes, but this sounds like she doesn’t see a problem. She never will either.
It sounds like from what you said, you are the one giving her fuel for her toxic nature…unfortunatlly you need to learn how to keep your mouth shut and have patience. LEARN HOW TO OUT WIT HER …top telling your mom stuff you want and need to keep secret… on your third baby, don’t tell her sh*t … a friend of mine has a mom similar to yours she doesn’t talk to her mother much anylonger… you need to keep your distance and keep your kids distant too. Of course she will tell your kids lies later! A person like that feels the need to be Center Of Attention Always Good or Bad… I’m sorry you have a mom like that… if your husband has okay parents I’d make them the designated 1st Grandparents…meaning your kids see them the most. Stop making your mom the center…you have to mature that way…I can’t stress it enough…Your, your own mom now!
Blood doesnt mean shit. If this is how you feel then your most lilely validated and should minimize all contact with her. She will always be toxic and your mother but neither of.those issues are set in stone for your life.
My advice is… she is your Mother. She gave you life. Forgive her. Now that being said forgiveness and love dont equal trust. You can love from a distance
She doesn’t sound like much of a mother, more like an abuser, cut her off. And live a happy life with your husband and children. Families can be toxic too. Maybe your mother-in-law will turn out to be the mother you never had.
It sounds like your mother is very jealous of her daughter.
Your mother needs much needed couceling.
And years of you dealing with her verbal abuse,it wouldn’t hurt you either for couceling so why don’t you
Suggest family couceling to your mother for the both of you to go together.That way you will have a trained professional person hearing your side and her side and can help you both .
If she disagrees with going to family couceling then try to help yourself and go to couceling for you to help you deal with your mother ways…
Definitely cut ties with her. Family or not toxic is toxic and that doesn’t give someone an excuse to make it okaii. Block her and move on.
Seems a little stressful just dealing with her so you are across country don’t deal with her only on certain things
Lol I cut my father out long ago. Unless he specifically reaches out I don’t. It’s easy. He’s not entitled to be apart of my life and I don’t want him to be. Just cut the chord you’ll thank yourself later when you won’t have to deal with a mother who’ll try to pit your own children against you because if she’s as toxic as you say that’s what she’ll try.
You don’t have to completely cut ties. But I would definitely limit contact. Mother or not, it isn’t a supportive relationship. You don’t need to put up with it. Draw strict boundaries and limit contact and see how you feel.
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Learn to set some boundaries if she learns to stick to them great you can keep her in your life if she doesn’t then cut ties. It’s worth seeing if you can have a good relationship with her since you didn’t just cut her out when you moved away I feel there must be part of you that would like a good relationship. So for example when she asked the sex of the baby you could explain that after last time you would like to keep it between you and your husband until you’ve had the chance to tell the people that you wanted to tell. If she kept pressing inform her you would be ending the conversation if she can’t respect that and then follow through. Also remember that your mother can’t change what she has done I the past but if she behaves this way now regarding things to again end the conversation tell her you’ll speak to her when she is respectful towards you and again follow through. If she throws the I’m your mother card say exactly and leave it at that
Your mother should not treat you like that. You are better off without her. It comes from experience x
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I don’t think you should cut ties, you already live far away just don’t tell her things, set boundaries and keep certain things to yourself. Visit once in a while and don’t allow her to upset you, yes it’s frustrating but it’s not even worth it seems she has issues…
I cut my mother out of my life for the terrible things she did to me. I have no regrets. Blood relation means nothing. The family you choose is the most important.
Your mother sounds like she may be a Narcissist. On YOU TUBE search Little Shaman, Lisa A. Romano, Kim Saeed, and there are many, many more that can be helpful. Starting with some information on Narcissism may open your eyes. Best of Luck!
I’ve been in your shoes and the day I cut all ties…was the day I started living my life. Never feel bad about cutting toxic people out of your life even if it’s your mother! Best decision I ever made. When you shut that door NAIL it shut!
If it was a friend who was being toxic you would walk away do the same.Cut all times,shes not worth the upset
Toxic is toxic…relationships are a two way street and if she can’t treat you with respect it’s time to cut ties or create more boundaries
It is 100% ok to cut toxic people out of your life. The ‘I’m your mother card’ only works when you are a decent mom.
Put it this way, do u want her to treat your children like she treated you? Or try to turn them on you by telling them how ‘bad’ you are?
Good riddance.
Unfortunately she’s a self centered Ahole! You have nothing to feel bad about! You are stronger for it! And she’s the one who is missing out! You are letting her get the best of you! I’m sure you don’t want your kids around such a toxic person! And have them get the same horrible treatment or even worse play your kids against you or each other! You have your family and know your better then she is! It’s hard to let go but look how your feeling! She’s been able to abuse you your entire life and making it out as your the problem! She’s the problem! Let go and maybe going to counseling will help you realize it’s her not you! Prayers to you and your family
Cut those Apron strings as quick as you can .She will not stop .soon she will hold your kids against you .It never stops you need a life
You are the one in control of what you tell her you should have told just your husband and let him tell his family and let her find out that way. If you don’t trust her don’t tell her but she is your mother the only one you will have and your children’s grandmother you would be cheating them if she lives them and is a good grandma
Toxic is toxic. You don’t have any obligation to keep someone in your life that doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Family or not
Cut ties with her. You do not owe a toxic person a position in your life (even if it is your mother).
Family is who you make it as you grow older. You and your family do not need someone toxic and narcissistic like that in your lives. Cut ties and you’ll find you’re much happier!
Nope you are not wrong. You set an example for you children. If they see that you are ok with being abused they will think that behavior is ok. Do what you need to do.
I wouldn’t have anything to do with her except the most obligatory family functions. Do the minimum with her and keep the info to the most mundane since the world doesn’t need to know your business!
Cut ties. As your children get older and she continues to go against your wishes you will see a clearer picture.
I would take a brake away from her for a long time… If that doesn’t work Idk.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Love 
her from a distance!
Sounds like you’re far enough away which has cut ties already.
Don’t tell her “anything”private!
Counseling is up to you.
Wah wah wah. Im your mother is wat they all say. Its normal. To me it is even if you didnt start the drama.just let it flow off the back . Blow it off.
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She may be your mother, but she is not a mom. Walk away, and monitor closely your contact. Do NOT feel bad about it.
Say goodbye, not even vocally to her, sit up out of bed or wherever you are, say Goodbye, and never look back. Block everything and anyone who tries to middle man. Live your life because you can be certain with or without you, she’s living hers.
If you cut her out don’t feel bad she birthed you it wasn’t your decision but being happy is and no member of your family is entitled to change that
Cut her out without guilt. You’ve set boundaries she refuses to respect
Cut the ties you can’t let her contaminate your family. Alcohol is bad by its self. Proud of you for getting away from that! Your mother must hit her own “bottom” or she will never change. Your the mature adult … you make the move.
Just because you are related, does not mean you have to stay in a toxic relationship. And how is it impacting your marriage? Think how it must seem to your children. It’s ok to end a toxic relationship, no matter who it is!
You may want to reduce contact with your Mother unless there are some ground rules such as no negativity and no advice on how to live your life. You are an adult with children and a husband to make a home and life. Therapy may be of some help for you to get past some of issues that she tries to stuff back in your life. Be strong and live a good positive life.
It’s all right to cut your mother out of your life especially if she is toxic to you and your family.
If this is the case I would cut all ties you probably would bloom without her in your or your children lifes
No, you’re not wrong. She was/is a poor mother and knows it. That’s why she broadcasts your life to the world. Believe me, everybody knows her nature. Keep your distance!
Your mother needs therapy. Until she goes and get help … don’t talk to her.
Cut your ties. Toxic relationships are bad even if they are blood.
You don’t owe your parents anything. You don’t need to have a relationship with someone who you have issue with. You didn’t ask to be born nor did you ask her to be your mother. If you feel they are toxic…then they are. Your mother is a self centered narcissist and a gaslighter. I’m so tired of people saying…set boundaries. There isn’t setting boundaries for people already set in their ways. If they cannot respect you they never will. My mother is the exact same. Not worth the time.b
Family or not, toxic is toxic. I know several people who don’t speak to their siblings or parent(s) because of it
I’m sorry!… it’s tough living with a ‘Negative Annie’ as I say. Her negativity has done the exact opposite of ‘positive reinforcement’… clearly you love your mom, and have a bond with her… but don’t like the constant negative. Too me… she sounds ‘injured’ someone who has a big emotional boo-boo. Since she has had ‘diarrhea-of-the-mouth’ since you were you g, I tend to believe she herself was young when the unfortunate (or repeat unfortunates) happen. She has boundary issues. Perhaps as a child her boundaries were penetrated… sexual abuse(?), her parents negatively (?), divorce or separation of partner/parents where all the dirty laundry became newspaper worthy solactious gossip at her expense. Whatever the cause… clear boundaries need to be set. The first and highest priority is … don’t tell mother anything you don’t want out. Secondly- I would address your issues with your mother in a loving and compassionate manner … for example: ‘mom, I told you the baby’s gender in private, because you are my mom and we have a special bond…however, when you tell your friends these private things… you put me in a difficult situation.’ ‘There will be a time for us … for you to share, but now all of you and your friends know about baby… and my hubby’s family knows nothing… and that leaves me in a very Very difficult position.’ ‘ I need you to respect ‘our’ secrets… and if you can’t, then I’m not able to share with you.’….what do you want mom?’
Even before this conversation I would not tell her private things… only tell her things that you want passed around. Even about your kids milestones—- be careful to spin ALL YOU SAY TO POSITIVE. Be sure to use positive reinforcement with her…. ‘ mom, I love that you have many friends’. ‘Mom, I’m so glad we can be friends’…… this is going to be a long g process… in the meantime, ask mom probing questions about the possible sliver in her soul, see if you can get to the bottom… help her purge that sliver and infection out… don’t be afraid to suggest cognitive therapy. This will take time… be patient, be kind, and be supportive
Someone asked me this: if she wasnt your mother would you have her as a friend? Oooof! The answer was NO! Boundaries are key.
I cut my mother out if my life 8 yrs ago. Broke my heart but its the best thing i did for myself. I have peace.
Cuts ties you’ll be a much happier person, even though it will take time to get used to. But 1nce that burden is lifted you will be a new person.
I would cut her off. She was not a loving mother to you and in fact, quite the opposite. Don’t feel guilty. She sabotages you at every turn. You deserve to preserve your happiness
If you truly want to keep your mother in your life then go mostly no contact. Contact her only once a month to talk, she seems to be the type of woman who likes to talk a lot so when you call her just let her talk. Whenever she asks about you or your family, give short simple answers and keep it as vague as possible if she asks you to elaborate try to turn the conversation to something that she will talk about. That way you still have a relationship with your mom but you’re not giving her any information she can use against you. Otherwise just let her calls go unanswered.
Not sure why you told her second time round to be honest!!
Oh you poor lady that’s awful I guess you cut cut the ties temporarily and tell her why
You just have to cut ties with toxic people, regardless of who they are. Seems like your mother can’t be supportive and can’t be trusted with information.
I have lived it.
Family and blood relatives are just genetics. There is no force that dictates a Mother love her child or a son his father etc. It’s just biology not a contract.
I lost a child and people’s stupidity and gossip made me disconnect and move. And 10 years later no regrets. It’s not worth the pain.
If you feel like your mom is so toxic, why do you keep involving yourself into her life? You’re contacting her and feeding her information about your life. Why? What was your question? I got off track for a minute.
You’re not obligated to have her so close in your life, or even at all. Good luck. X
Cut the apron string…don’t tell her anything you don’t want spread around…she can’t be trusted…but she must suffer from some mental issues…
Set boundaries! Although she is your mother, respect is a two way street.
Cut ties. I moved across country without telling anyone and seriously cut ties. That means no phone calls, no Facebook, blocked-
Never been happier. Highly recommend.
Separate. Cut ties. She is toxic for you. You will be happier without contact.
Snip snip, she’s got to go even is she is your mother! X
You are in mourning for a relationship that will never be. Accept that you love her because she is your mother and be OK with knowing she is not the kind of friend you would seek out. Let her do the reaching out to you, stop looking for her approval. Sorry to be so blunt but I’ve done 15 years of therapy; this saves you some time.
My mom is the same person. I cut her out of our lives 5 years ago. Do it!!!
I wouldn’t expose my kids to her. She won’t stop at berating just one generation.
My mom is the same way. I cut ties with her a few mts ago because yet again I caught her running her mouth and bad mouthing me on camera when I asked her to feed my pets while I was out of town. When she demanded to know why I wouldnt talk to her and threatened to come to my house to find out if I didnt call her back within 10 min I messaged her and said. “Well maby it’s because you ran your mouth/bad mouthed me to granny and aunt. But its cool tho. I wont ask you for help again.” She didn’t apologize but instead called my brother crying saying I wpuldnt talk to her and got my brother pissed off at me… She is the same way with him, but at the time was living with her because every time he talked/tried to move out she would guilt trip him or threaten to take things away that were his but in her name including his car he has had since he was 16. Hes now 33. And finally after everything blew up he moved out and in with his fiance. My brother and I just recently started talking again.
My mother is toxic, alwayse talking crap/bad mouthing everyone. One minute she says shes proud of you and in the same breath to someone else your a failure, not good enough and a piece of shit… I’m done with her. I avoid places she goes and if I see her driving I look the other way. No more of her making me feel as tho I’m a piece of shit and not good enough.
I think you people are all to disrespectful and judgemental of this young woman’s mother.We are not suppose to judge that is left to God not us.If you all cannot support this young mother and her mother with some constructive advice, just leave the negative advice alone.
Don’t let her have control over anything in your life. A phone call, hey mom how are you, and nothing else .
From experience, I don’t think you are overreacting. My mother also toxic. I am the youngest of 4 & the only non-alcoholic. She was never supportive. She told me when I was younger to lose weight, be smarter, be prettier or I would never get married or do this or that or you will never get or do or be whatever. When I got married she was zero interested in being involved at all. At my wedding she sat & cried, not because her baby girl was getting married, NOPE but because her favorite son was not there(my brother lived in another state, couldn’t make it). People at the wedding thought oh how sweet she’s crying because her youngest is married. Nope! Then when I had kids she was nasty to them. My middle daughter said something to her one day in the car ride home from school. My mom snapped, pulled out into oncoming traffic & told my daughter if they get hit it will be on my daughters side of the car & that was ok since she said something my mom didn’t like. Needless to say all these years & her nasty comments to all 4 of my kids later she lives with her favorite son in another state. She is almost broke because she gives him everything. The only time I hear from her now is when she wants to borrow money since her favorite son also is too precious to work! Sometimes the people that should love us & care for us the most are the worst. I just live my life & try to be the best mom & grandma I can be & not act like she did toward my children. I only include her in very small parts of my life now. So if you can try to limit the access she has to your life & details, if that doesn’t work you may need to cut her out. I have cut my siblings out & limit her access to details about my life & I have to say it has taken so much stress from my life. I thought at first it would be so hard, it wasn’t. Once I felt better without all their drama & my kids said that I seem happier now without all that & so are they. I knew right then that I made the right choice, not an easy one but the right one for me & my family. You need to do what gives you the best & happiest life, you & your family deserve it!!
Yes, definitely set boundaries even if family.
I have had to deal with a toxic sister, what I finally came up with was that I could not live with myself for just writing her off. So I see her about 4 times a year, my birthday, her birthday, Christmas and the family party. I don’t talk to her on the phone in between times that I see her.
Personally I’d find several ways to give her a dose of her own medicine!!! Turn the tables on her a couple of times and then tell her why
Half of this sounds similar to my childhood… just take time for u and your family
Mother or not, she is TOXIC! Cut her off before the damage she causes is irreversible
I went to therapy because I was struggling with depression. I felt not good enough to be loved by my own life givers because neither one of them raised or took care of me. My mother is a selfish, toxic, lonely woman and my dad was a bit more involved in my childhood but abandoned me as an adult for my own life choices. This had me mentally and emotionally broke for years. I sought counseling because I wanted to be better for myself and my daughter. I wasnt seeing my therapist for long and I told him about my upbringing and that it was my grandparents who took care of me since birth because my mother just wanted to party and my dad wasn’t strong enough to raise me on his own and he advised me to cut out my mother. Someone who has never met her, who has heard my side and understood my pain, told me to distance myself from her. Best advice I could have ever gotten. She used me, didn’t care about my needs or feelings. She made EVERYTHING about her. She is selfish, emotionally absent and abusive. She would complain to others just so she could get their sympathy to feel better about herself. She lives off of her own misery and then blames it on everyone else. Had 4 daughters that she couldn’t raise or love.
I had my child at 24, I worked 40 hrs a week and could still take care of my daughter and give her the mental, emotional and physical support and can meet all of her needs as a developing human being. I cant say the same about my parents but I swore to myself that I would NEVER let my daughter feel like I did, unworthy of the love that she deserves from the person/people that brought her into this world.
You are strong! You are worthy! You are better! Cut out the negative in your life and focus on the good that you have and what you can make better. Don’t give her a chance to take your happiness, sanity or mental stability away from you. It’s yours. You are not alone. There are many of us. We see you, we hear you and we love you! 
Cut the strings and walk away, you will be much happier for it.
I personally would have cut her off the minute you moved out.
Unfortunately we have to love some people from a distance. Don’t feel guilty hun.
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U are not over reacting. Sounds like your mother has been using u as her escape goat for years u can have a relationship but u need to set some boundaries.
Cut ties and read the book about toxic parents.
I am just feeling sad for you that you went through . Family is not all about blood. Relations are not blood blindes. Toxic is toxic No matter what . Stay away as much as you Can . Meet less. Talk less. Share your things less. Set boundaries. Keep distance . Meet after 6 months or so .
I am so very sorry for you. Your mom has big problematic issues that hurt you. I can understand how you just want your mom to be your “mom” but she cannot be. Her issues won’t let her be the mom you wish for. For your own mental health, it would probably be best if you cut ties with her or just know that she is who she is and will never be anyone different. Be yourself in spite of that and know you are living your best life. 
Your mother is who she is and that will not change. If you don’t want her telling something then by God stop telling her stuff that you don’t want told. You already know how she is. Don’t throw her away. She isn’t trash. Just change the way you interact with her. You teach every person in your life how to treat you and if you teach your mother that you no longer will entrust her with information that is secretive then she will no longer be able to tell your secrets. It’s that simple!
Cut ties… what matters now is the family you built .
It’s ok to cut her off and move on. Save yourself honey
Why are you still in contact with her. You know she will betray you every time. Cut the ties. You’re enabling her.
Toxic is toxic…mom or not…cut ties ASAP…
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I would only say you have only mother. She may be toxic as you have discribed but unless she causes you or your husband trouble, please think twice before you cut ties with her. When she passes you will never hear from her again. Please just sit down and talk to your mother and tell her how you feel about her actions, she may be upset and stay away from you and family for a while,but isn’t that what you really want, at least you would still have your mother. Don’t forget she cleaned after you when you were a child, think of all the things she did for you as a child and then think what you were like to your mother as a child, look deep into your heart. Sometimes all you need to do is look at how your children act when you correct them. There are no angels when you are growing up. My mother passed when I was 25yrs old and I still miss her, my mother was not perfect as I am sure your mother was not perfect in your eyes. Sounds like you are being to hard on your mother, so she told someone the gender of your babies, maybe she was just so proud of you having you first child and she just couldn’t contain her happiness for you and the baby. Do you treat your husband’s parents the same way you treat your mother. Does your father get treated the Dr way you treat your mother. Just wait your children will treat you the same way, then you will be so ashamed of the way you treat your own mother. Karma has a way of coming around to all of us. Please just tread lightly on your mother and love her no matter what. Mothers are only here for a certain period of time. Just suggestion,not trying to judge hope, every thing works out for I you and your mother. Have a wonderful day, and by the way call you mother and tell her you love her.
You are not required to let ANYONE be a part of your or your child’s life.