She got evicted for nonpayment. What in your mind lead you to believe she would save or pay you?? Lmao common sense
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I went through literally the same thing with my real mom. Hadnât seen her in years. I help her by allowing her to move in. Try to have a relationship. Get lied to. She moved some random guy in. Finally I booted her out. Threw her shit out. We no longer talk. She just proved to me she is the exact same she has always been. Good luck:)
Charge her for room and board. Put the money into an account. When thereâs enough in the account, tell her to look for her own place that you have saved her rent money for her deposit and utilities to be turned on somewhere else.
Sheâs ur mother,treat her with respect. Sheâs on disability why? If she could work she would! It sounds like itâs all about U.
Sucks, but you made your bed, now you got to lie in it, lol
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Prayers for you! All you can do is put your foot down. Explain your not trying to be mean or hurtful but ya gotta go!
Idk I guess I see it differently. If my dad was struggling, Iâd love for him to live with me and me support him. Heâs only done it for me my whole life. But, heâs also not an addict so I can see why youâre annoyed.
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Iâve had the same issue with my mom and itâs hard to talk with someone who has an issue with addiction but you need to sit down with her and explain the situation.
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Go to a neutral place and explain your self and make it clear she has to get her own place.
She is your mother in law⌠let your husband her son address it as he is the sole provider and set up a plan with her even if you charger her a ârentâ and put part away to help her get her won place.
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Sit her down with your husband present. Ask her where she is in her house search
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You lived with ur mother without helping her many years before so be grateful that you can return the love and sacrifice. No matter what addiction what flaws ur mother has or had one day u will regret not taking care of her while she feels she needs u if u turn her away or push for her to leave⌠If u really want her to be out comfort her motivate her remind her how strong of a woman she is how she struggled and provided when u were growing up that u love those qualities about her and dnt complain.
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Horrible situation. I would never have put myself in that situation to begin with. Sheâs an adult and put herself in that, she needs to get herself out. Give her a hard deadline to get out!
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Maybe try and help her find resources for assisted rent. I wouldnât want to be in that situation either. Hope it turns out well.
You are a great person who loves family, with that being said you have to be honest and say you have to pay this much amount for rent and bills and groceries or you have to look for a place to rent and you have until a week from today to either pay rent or find an alternative situation we love you but we need to be clear on our situation! And she will probably cry or aceptes but either way remember if she gets too comfortable you may end up with another situation raising your mother! She is old enough to work and pay rent! She used to do it!
Give her a 30-60 day timeframe to find her own place and be out. In the meantime, go grab the book Boundaries and give it a read
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You and your husband have to agree what boundaries need to be set in place (whether it be her continuing to live with you but contributing in some way or having a time limit to find a place and moving out) once youâve both agreed, you need to all three sit down together and set these boundaries out to your MIL. If she agrees and sticks to then, great, if she doesnât then sheâs out. It may sound cruel but you and your husband have to think of your family and children, all your healthâs.
A situation like this will cause resentment and will have a negative effect the relationship between yourself and your husband, children and MIL.
The saying goes sometimes âyou have to be cruel to be kindâ.
She can get low income apts to help her get out on her own. Believe me 2 families canât stay under the same roof long unless itâs due to illness!!
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It will cause problems between the two of youâŚ
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Itâs your mom. Maybe you should help her⌠Get her out looking for subsidised housing. Put her on waiting lists. Keep checking her status on the lists with her. Eventually sheâll get one. But you may have to do the work for her. Sorry. Thatâs how i got my mom independent from us. But time will tellâŚ
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I would sit down with her between Christmas an d New Years and tell her with the New Year starting she needs to be saving and finding her own place.
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When you marry you and your husband leave your parents and become one. Each of you under god before anyone else. I am for helping parents when they are incapable of caring for themselves as when they get elderly and in bad health. Your mother is bad with money and an addict. She is burdening you and your household. Iâm sorry but sounds like itâs enabling her and she has gotten comfortable and if you donât speak with her she will stay as is. So at this point either have a talk sheâs got to find a place and move or let her stay. You cannot begin your life like this. We donât owe our parents anything nor would i expect any of my 4 kids to do this for me. She needs to be a responsible adult. She should not want this as a parent for her kids either in my opinion. Praying for your difficult situation because no one wants to hurt feelings.
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She is not a mind reader. figure out what you and your husband want, then tell her. having a big fight is better than allowing all this stress to build.
You should offer to help her find housing. Maybe make the comment asking where sheâd like to go an look. Hopefully she will take the hint 
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You need to be blunt with her imo. Give her a realistic deadline by which time she needs to have moved out.
Charge her rent and tell her she has until February to move out.
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Yous both need too sit her down and talk to her about it. Tell her how itâs going to go and that she saves, time too grow up.
When you struggle with addiction, you tend to struggle in different ways as well. You become very in a rut with your situation. She likely has done this in your situation. She has a place to stay that isnât costing her near what it was and itâs gotten to be nice. What you need to do is set expectations. Itâs your home. Give her a small amount she has to pay (as she canât save for a new place if sheâs paying you and she still needs to be able to spend some money on herself). Then set up some ways she can contribute around the house. Make a chore schedule like you would with a roommate. Every other day is your turn for vacuuming and dishes, ect. Lastly give a realistic time line. Within x months you should be able to find and have enough money for your own place. With these things it will motivate her to become independent. You canât make it too comfortable or she wonât leave and any attempts to move forward will make her feel like itâs an attack on her, even though isnât. Keep her accountable
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Help her find a affordable room to rent and help her sell her stuff in storage for the deposit.
Then itâs up to her to keep up the rent.
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Also if given a deadline. Put it in writing and you can all sign it.
Other wise come the deadline she may say she needs a 30 day notice.
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Have her come up with a written plan to obtain employment and housing. Give her a timeline/ deadline.
Your nuclear familyâs peace is priority If she is having a negative impact on that then youâre engaging in a toxic relationship with her thatâs no good for anyone.
Look for help online for examples and write up a rent/lease agreement and have it signed and notarized. You never know when it may come in handy down the line. It can be hard to draw lines with family but you can do it.
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Tell her how you feel
If your husband is the sole provider she probably sees you home all day without working and someone else supporting you so she thinks she can do it too. You shouldnât need much help with the kids in a two parent family with only one working. If you really want her to save money and watch the kids you could get a job and leave them with her. Pay her for babysitting and make income to help both of them
I am so tired of everyone making excuses for people on drugs. You letting her stay with you gave her an opening. They donât see reality like normal people. Tell her she has until February to find a place that giver her 2 months of money from her check. If she spends it ,oh well, she still has to go. What would she do if you werenât letting her stay with you. All you are doing is paying for her to live so she will have more money for drugs. I am not cold hearted. I have a brother who lived with my parents almost his entire life. For the last 12 years he contributed nothing and bullied mom every day for money or her pills, to sell for money for crack. Dad died March of 2018. He was told to get it together before mom passed. He stripped the house and garage clean. I was in charge of all of the money and I did not give mom any because I was there to take her any place she wanted and buy her what she wanted. I stayed there every other week for 6 days. She had dementia in the middle stage not completely unaware of her life. The last week of her life there was a huge bruise on her leg that was caused from the drug dealer hitting her with her cane she could barely walk, wanting the pain killers to pay for the crack that was fronted to my brother . Well mom died this past January. I evicted my brother and the girlfriend. They are homeless . And still calling my sister for money for food. The girlfriend gets a check and it is gone the first or second day. The expect everyone to feed them and wash their clothes instead of taking care of themselves. As long as she keeps feeding them the money the goes for the drugs. They are very good at manipulating peopleâs love for themâŚI hope that your situation is not like this and only you can decide when it is time to stand up for your self. People only treat you the way you let them treat you. Good luck. I am sure it is much harder when it is a parent. We love our parents .
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This may sound cold. Tell her go to rehab or be homeless. Sometime school of hard knocks is what it takes.
To me it sounds like sheâs getting too comfortable and sheâs taking advantage of your kindness and your mother/daughter relationship if sheâs not putting anything into your household then tell her that youâll help her find a new place
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I think your husband should take the lead on the conversation. Your house your rules. Yâall set out your expectations and what will happen if she doesnât go along with it.
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You have continued the cycle of enabling⌠get counseling
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She gave you life, supported you and helped you grow up. Stop bitching, this is adulthood, I take care of my mom and dad and Iâm a single mom.
If you want to help you should get a job and put your kids threw school or daycare, tell your mom if she doesnât want to find a place you can find her a retirement home with a rehab program.
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This is your mother, and not an irresponsible child that has come home. Iâm assuming she gave you a rent free home to live in at least part of your teen years. You said you hadnât had much of a relationship due to her addiction. Is she using now? It sounds more like sheâs depressed. Talk to her. Was it clear when she moved in that it was only a temporary safe place to land? Ask her if she would like help finding a place. You mentioned saving for a place, what is she spending her money on? To you it might seem useless, but to her it might be freedom to buy something there was never money for before. Can she get assistance or section 8 housing or food stamps so her finances are not so tight? Call a senior center, and ask for help looking for resources. I know having someone else in your home is inconvenient, but someday, you will miss her.
Canât give you much advice. I came home from work and my motherenlaw was living in my garage she never left until she passed away I enjoyed her company from the start
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Well, she took care of you (and your other siblings if you have) when you were younger. Itâs no different that you do that same for her now that she needs you. Itâs a different case tho if sheâs still into her addiction. You have to ask help if thatâs the case.
People makes me sick they forget how they got on this Earth and if it was not for mom and dad you would not de here
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Most towns have apartments for low income. Their rent is based on what she received monthly. The ones in my area are for mostly seniors and younger people with disabilities. Find one in your area and check it out. Then tell mom she has to fill out an application. If she will not make the move to find something than you do it for her. Tell her it is a hardship for your family to support her.
Bring her to Mel trotter and sell some of the stuff in the unit and garage. She wonât need all of it if she doesnât have a place of her own.
Just tell her nice We need privacy
Start taking her to look at places. Have her fill out applications for rental units for elderly. Take the initiative on it.
Good luck!!! That is a hard one as she knows she is imposing. Donât let her fool you.
In regards to the previous postsâŚ
That she took care of you as a child is irrelevant!! Thatâs what you do when you have a child. They ARE your responsibility. Itâs what you signed up for when you had a baby.
I have no advice on how to handle this, that depends on your heart and relationship.
If you expect people to do something you have to tell them, not just expect they know what you want.
Change the locksâŚ
Give her a date to find a place and stick to it unless
She starts to contribute with help around the house. Give her some choices so she can feel productive and tell her your expectations. Talk about it with the 3 of you.
Start looking for places for her and offering to take her to go apply ect. Donât let her forget that you want her out.
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Sit down and talk about it together; make a plan for how she will contribute and when she will move out.
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My husbands mom did this to us. She was on disability and working a part time job. She quit her job 2 months after moving in and we proceeded to pay her cost of living for a year before we just moved and said youâre not coming with. and she had to get a place.
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Honestly maybe she has no clue how to start a budget. I would sit her down and remind her that this isnt a permanent solution and she needs to be saving/actively looking for a place then offer to help her set up a budget, go through all her expenses and show her what she needs to cut off etc so she can save up. After that if she still isnt theres absolutely no excuse for her to useđ¤ˇââď¸ you told her, and you helped her or offered to help her set up a budget and teach her how to stick to it. You could also fix a reasonable time frame with the budget that she needs to have a certain amount saved up or shes out. Its harsh but you deserve your home back. Shes a grown woman and will be okay
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SPECIAL Ice tea and a backhoe
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There are income based places she could live based on her income. Also you may want to check on getting someone over her check, social security can see that up if she is unable to handle her business. Talk to her Dr, he can submit the paperwork where someone would be over her check, they would see that her bills are paid and she has necessities.
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Sheâs never leaving. Sheâs in until you kick her to the curb.
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Damn, your mother sounds like she would be so lonely without you. I know u want the perfect start for your marriage, but please donât make your mother sound like a nuisance. If sheâs disabled she probably qualifies for housing based on her income. She is probably going through depression as well, I know itâs tough but take it easy with her. I pray God gives you abundance of patience and compassion. 
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My exâs mother did the same. She couldnât breathe because of her emphysema and she still lived with me even after her son and I were no longer together. After she let her son in my home and he had assaulted me, I called her and told her that I was cutting the electricity in 30 minutes. She canât breathe well without the air conditioning. Guess who found a place to go in half an hour? It only took 10 years for me to get her out.
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Sit down and let her know she has this time period to pull herself together and get out! Just because sheâs your mom doesnât mean she can take advantage of you and your future spouse like that, especially if itâs causing fighting between you two! Itâs okay to help her but not if itâs gonna stress you out in the process.
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My mom was facing the same problem. I love my mama. If i had it to give i would. Ive tried getting yer a job telling ger what i would do ect. Her bf and her has stayed a few times not much and she thinks rhat because i offered her my own months ago that i shouldnt have a change of heart now.
If it was just my mom ut qould be a different story. But still yet. I expect her to get a job. She thinks i treat her like a baby last time i mentjobed it.
My husband and i just like our own space as does everybody. I felt really guilty but i also feel like she didnt want to go a length to helo herself. She finally got off po so having a place to stay isnt a must have at the moment.
Last time she came up she said she needed helo looking for a job i drove everywhere close i could think of picking up apps to which was a waste of time really.
I hate hate to say it but for some reason when peolle grow up and have families and their own space they really treasure it.
Its great to helo your mother. We should all want to help our parents. But they have to try an help themselves too.
Just help her look for places. Eventually youâll notice if she really wants it or not. If i had an extra trailer at our home or something id move her in in a geart beat. My husbands mom lives by us. But that doesnt mean she lives gere fir free she pays rent just like everybody else. It cant be one sided help. Sit down and discuss the plan just be the help you can.
Its hard because i want to helo my mom in everyway possible but at the same time my husband my kids are my number one responsibility. An hopefully you can be there for her enough sheâll have that shell have that support to get a place and on her feet again. Goodluck and Godbless. It is hard.
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As Christy said above, yes, thereâs places to live based on income. Apply through the county disability services. They can help her also find a job.
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Make sure she knows that this is a temporary place for her and give her a time limit to get out.
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there are social workers for disabled and addiction that can help her with life coaching. We came up with a timeline where she could stay with us as long as she applied for low-income housing and got counseling with the understanding that as soon as her name came up on low income housing we would help her move into it. Itâs not an anger thingâŚitâs about having boundaries so you can salvage the chance at a relationship with her. Letting her abuse you is just going to end your contact in a traumatic way for both of you when you finally pop
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Kick her the hell out ! She sounds toxic.
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Maybe make a day where yâall go out and put in application for rentals and getting on waiting list for apartments! Maybe she needs that motivated to do it! And if sheâs still battleing with addiction she doesnât need to be in the home with your children
Another option, is moving 
and finding a place big for all of you LOL or having a house and there being a separate little home in the back for your mom!
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I would sit down and talk with her Iâm sure if you explain how you feel that may make her understand. I understand itâll be hard but you also have your own life to live and to grow with your family. If she is capable of taking care of herself with the disability she has then yes I believe she should find her own place that way you can have your home.
Speaking from personal experience after awhile it did cause issue in my marriage so I had to explain to my mom it was time she found her own home and she understood my concern. I would just calmly ask her about if she looking into her own place and needs to save up.
If she receives disability benefit, wouldnât she be able to get social housing? If you write a formal letter to the council saying you are making her homeless, they have a right to help.
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Thatâs horrible. I couldnât imagine being in that situation. You need to set a time frame for her to leave. She needs to start saving her money. You arenât her babysitter, and you have your own family to take care of.
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Um⌠are you sure sheâs not using? They way you described things sounded like that could be an issue. At any rate, tough love is the answer!
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Give her a timeline of when you expect her to reach goals of independence, like you would a young adult. Maybe a month to apply for housing assistance? If she has an addiction problem, you are enabling her. Does she get service through a mental health facility? If so, have her ask for case management. Best wishes and donât ever feel guilty for setting boundaries. 
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Why canât she work? Tell her she needs to help with bills. If she has money and is blowing it, that is on her. Is there somebody else she can stay with for awhile?
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Help her get the support she needs in her own place. Not your responsibility to keep her financially.
Youâre a grown adult. Sit down and talk about whatâs bothering you. Timelines for things motivate people. Tell her you need her to help more and pitch in. Tell her that your not attacking her but itâs making things tougher on your household. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Remaining calm and being in control of your emotions will show her how serious things are. Set your boundaries and stick to them. She may blow up but she may also leave. Then problem solved.
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Mom, we need to talk.
Husband and I have been discussing bills. As you know, we are a one income family and our bills for food, hydro, water, have all increased since youâve moved in. Which is expected, but with the added person in the home, things are getting a bit expensive.
We were wondering what you would be a reasonable amount you can contribute to these bills. We were also wondering how the apartment search was going. Have you found any potential leads? You have lots of stuff in storage and it costs enough money a month to store it. Hopefully you can find something soonâŚ
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Iâve been in a similar situation. Sit down talk with her about her money spending. But give her a reasonable set date that she has to have her own place. If she doesnât leave by than put her out. It sucks but you canât help those who wonât help themselves other wise sheâll keep doing it the easy way (staying with you) also wouldnât accept any money when she tries to give it to you tell her no you need to save it for your own place.
If sheâs not going to help you pay bills and watch kidsâŚshe needs to go. Period. Mother or not.
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Idk my mom took care of me whiped my ass fed me kept me in school if she was ever in a place like that i let her live with me and i be the one changing her diapers but thats just me lol
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Give her a reasonable time frame with which to save her money. Find out what places in the area cost to move in, deposit, 1st months rent, utility deposits. Then figure according to her income how long it would take to save that much. Tell her you wonât charge her rent if she does her part to help out and babysit so she can save money faster. Let her know that you and your husband both wanted to help her, but itâs time for you to be your own family. If thatâs a problem, she can go ahead and go within the week. Let her know you donât want to do it that way, but you will if you have to.
get her into the goverment housing. they should have apartments for the elderly or disabled
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Tell her sheâs got a certain amount of time to find a place or youâll have to kick her out as well sheâs freeloading and taking advantage of the fact sheâs your mother
Find a place for her. âHere mom, hereâs 10 listings of places to choose fromâ. Done.
Help her find assisted living. Take her to the appointments and help her do the paperwork. If sheâs on disability then she will qualify. People are forgetting the fact that your mother was an addict and did this to herself, and that she wasnât even speaking to you prior to her NEEDING you. If she was a great mother who fell on hard times Iâd say take care of your mother girl but since sheâs a toxic person in your life just mooching off of you, itâs time for you to get your life back.
She has been there long enough now that if you need to get her out for any of the many reasons addiction may play a role in, that you will have to legally evict her. If she is actively using, which from her behavior sounds consistent that she is, then that alone could potential create interest for DFCS/DHS. She will have to do what alot of disabled people do, which is find a roommate or subsidized housing for older folks. I hope and pray that she finds the motivation to want better for herself so that she can be the mother in yaâlls relationship for once, and a grandmother to those babies. The last thing she needs is any amount of enabling, which sounds like you are already roped into. You may need to do some of the footwork with/for her, but I would make getting her out of the house an immediate priority. She may require mental health services as the common denominator for addiction is past trauma that is not being dealt with. Until it is, the signs and symptoms of the addiction will continue to present. She honestly sounds depressed. Do remember that she is surviving, as addictâs brains are actually rewired after prolonged use. It literally causes the addictâs survival instincts for self preservation to shift, placing obtaining the drug as top priority, over food, shelter, safety, socialization, and sex. The numbers for successful sobriety are unfortunately not good. Please try to be as logical as possible while making decisions where the addict is concerned. And if you arenât already in therapy, get there. Your children are at their most impressionable stages right now. Do you really want them exposed to any addictive behaviors? You can help your mom without enabling her. From the bottom of my heart, I absolutely empathize with you and have nothing but well wishes for your family as you have a tenuous journey ahead.