My mother got evicted from her home at the beginning of October for being behind on her rent. My husband and I packed all of her apartment within a couple of days and moved it into a storage unit and our garage. All of that was a couple of weeks before our wedding. Before that her and I have not had a relationship in a couple of years due to her addiction. She’s been living with us since then. When she first got here she was looking for places to live, but lately it seems she’s content. I wouldn’t mind so much if she helped, she’s has given us about $350 since she’s lived here to help with bills. That alone is 2 utility bills for 1 month. The rest of the money she gets, she too goes to the store and buys useless things. My husband is the sole provider for our family, so at times it has aggravated him. It’s frustrating because she sleeps all day, doesn’t help around the house, and barely helps with the kids. I’m not expecting her to be a babysitter or pay our bills; just some help would be nice. She’s on disability, which she only gets so much a month, which I understand…but at the same time, she hasn’t tried to save money to find her own place. I don’t know how to approach the situation without her and I getting into a huge argument. We didn’t plan on starting our married life having my mother in our home.
Honestly hate to say it, but if she didn’t pay rent in an apartment she’s not going to pay you or another apartment, and also when you have an eviction on your record it is almost impossible to rent another place.
You need to communicate this all with her. So many problems would be helped if we all just communicated… Do it soon because you’re husband will start the resentment if he hasn’t already. And if he has, I don’t blame him. You’re trying to start your own family… Tell your mother this. She can either contribute like an adult or she needs to leave. Good luck… -( go have that talk now)
I would set a deadline for her. Be practical instead of asking for help with bills say we need to have you set aside money each month to go towards a new place. Help look for places that are rent controlled so she can afford it better. Sleeping all day and not helping out would be a no go for me. Instead of paying bills she should be cleaning or babysitting.
Is there senior housing available for her at her income level? Deadlines are important. If you set one, stick to it.
She cannot stay with you. It will cause problems. Even if shes your mother, she’s an adult. You need to have your time now and your husband will not tolerate it forever. Be blunt, tell her you cannot continue this and that your husband needs time with you!
Sounds like someone needs to take over power of attorney of her money. Any low income housing where your at? I’d call myself set up an appointment and make her go get on the waiting list. Tell her she has 2 choice get a place or get out. Might have to evict her from your house and let her be homeless and hit rock bottom.
Look into income based apartments. Tell her that at this time, she needs to get ready to move.
Give her a bottom line 4 months to find a home period and month before deadline file eviction and give notice.
Set a deadline for her to move out which is what you guys should have done before you moved her into your home. But lesson learned. Good luck
You need to hint daily
What did your mom do for you growing up?
Have that talk sooner than later. It is going to strain your newly marriage if it hasn’t already which you do not want. Set those deadlines and stick with it. I wish you luck
I understand I’ve had lived with both my kids I suffer from panic attacks depression post trauma shock syndrome I didn’t have any money to help thanks to an ex husband who drained me mistake it doesn’t work I helped out with my grandkids as much as I could I live with my best friend now we have been friends forever it works for both of us I was getting in the way things are better now I know your struggle ask gently for some help maybe she’ll understand good luck
You dont say anything. This is your husband’s mother and it’s his job to deal with her. He needs to grow a set and deal with it
Sit down and talk with her. It’s best.
It sucks, but you have to be straight up. The advice on a dead line is great…if she gets mad, then that’s on her. Shes a grown up. If she doesnt get much, maybe help her look for a place that’s rent controlled or cheap…somethingbshe can afford. Do NOT co-sign ANYTHING as well, or else they can come after YOU for her financial mistakes.
Tell her you guys need her to help around the house, and if she doesnt want to help, then she has to leave.
You said you didnt have much if a relationship before this happened, and I’m telling you now, it will get worse if you allow her to stay.
From where I come from we take care of our old parents irrespective of how they are
If she is an addict, have you tried talking to her about going into treatment? She needs to get her life together first. First step is treatment.
If she’s low income I would look into HUD. It’s housing based on your income level and very affordable. Most states have a waiting list to get into a HUD apartment of 6mths to a year depending on the need. Also, if she does get into HUD housing there is something called a HEAT program that helps pay electric bill. You need to be proactive and get the ball rolling because it doesn’t sound like she’s going to.
I would try to find her a retirement home or something because I’m on disability and the only reason why I’m moving out of my parents house right now is because we’re moving in with my cousin who has a whole basement we’re renting. I’m not sure what state you’re in or anything like that but there is literally nowhere near me that I can afford on disability unless I want to move my child into the ghetto 
Most places now want your income to be twice or three times what rent is and that’s just not possible on SSI. all of the low income apartments around us have waiting list over five years long and most of them have closed their list because they’re so many people looking for them. I would sit down and talk to her about helping you out but I can see why she isn’t finding an apartment just because I’ve been there.
I’m surprised at how many people are just willing to throw family, let alone your mother out. Nothing is ever perfect or goes as planned. Of course your mother needing you wasnt planned. I bet her getting pregnant with you probably wasnt planned either but she did and gave you life and did what she could to make sure you were given a chance. You should talk to her and be there for her as much as possible. Especially if she was battling addiction. She has demons you probably have no idea about…how sad. And if your husband wants to kick her out then shame on him too. Basically have some sympathy for the woman who gave you life. Talk to her like an adult and a loving daughter. Look for resources to help her… dont throw her out or give her a time frame as if shes some random off the street. Where are the family values??? Jezuuusssss
Set a clear boundary. Tell her she must be out on March first, that gives her time to save some but you must be firm because a hint won’t do it. Also write it down that she is evicted on March 1 both of you first sign it now copy it and keep the original hidden or she can play all kinds of games legally.
Obviously she has money issues hence she wasnt paying rent. Did you talk to her about her plan when she moved in with you?
You sit down with her and say, “You pay Xxx every month or you are going to an adult care home. The care home has you on their list. You decide.” There is a huge difference between a beloved parent, which she is obviously NOT, and an old freeloader. Your husband should always be your choice if you are force d to make a choice.
Sounds like you have to be the mother in this position. I would not allow her to sleep all day and I would give her a reasonable date to get out. You can help but she is not your responsibility
Seriously? Your mother?
See if there is a government home for disabled and elderly in your area… They charge rent by the amount you draw on SS.
If she’s on disability look into getting her on housing
Look into apartments for people on low income…take your mom to them and have her fill out an application. And if she gets into an apartment make sure her payments are paid automatically…both you n your husband have to tell her her ride is over, we are trying to start our new lives. And if your mom cant handle her finances you can go to social security and become her caretaker, which means you will have the right to pay her billl’s n she will have to learn to live on what’s left…its called a budget…
Sounds like a convo you should have had prior to move in- no? Sit her down & tell her what your expectations are.
How many years did your mother take care of you without asking you for anything? Shes clearly having a hard time and she raised you dont you think you owe it to her her to help instead of rushing her out the door?
What’s about wen she was taking care of you … lol
Give her a timeframe
She raised you now it’s time you help her out that’s your mother for goodness sake. You only get one mom never do a favor for a favor that’s not how helping someone out works. Touch your heart and talk to her if you want something in return.
I’d make her give you a set amount every month to put in a savings acct for her. That she can’t have access to.
My mother has lived with me and my husband most of our marriage. I love my mom 
maybe ask her to help out?
Give her a move out date… but do you trust her not to do something bad once you say that? (Addiction can cause ppl to do bad things). Bring her to the nearest shelter… put rest of her stuff in another storage which she will have to pay for… idk? Try to reason with her about what you expect but still set a move out date. It’s time for you to do and take care of your own little family … this could cause you and your husband bigger issues in your marriage… not sure…?? Good luck!
Maybe she’s depressed?? Maybe she’s going thru something and it’s hard for her. Life beats us all down but only since can really handle it. Try giving her chores good like done instead of wanting money cuz I’m guessing disability isn’t much, I honestly don’t know. Lots of open talking might help
Take the money she gives you put it into another account save it for her too get another place.
I’m pretty sure you can help her out since she took care of you as a child. Have a conversation about why she sleeps all day. It might be depression or it could be something else like anemia( I’m severely anemic and feel like I could sleep all day too). The addiction portion should have no bearing on the now unless she is using again.
I hate all the people saying “well she took care of you”…like duh! That’s what mothers are supposed to do regardless. It doesn’t mean the woman is supposed to happily let her mother mooch off of her and her husband, putting a strain on their marriage and life. She already helped her by letting her mother move in temporarily and I’m sure she wouldn’t feel like this if her mother was helping with the children and the bills. A respectful, matter-of-fact conversation about timeframes and expectations needs to take place and there should be no huge argument.
If she is an addict and is terrible with money I would take over all of her finances.
My mom has lived with us since my dad committed suicide 4 yrs ago. She has NO INCOME. And she also has no where else to go. My husband and I have 5 kids, we both work full time jobs, and literally all the over time we can… why? Because we have no choice. Believe me, as a kid I would wonder why me? Why couldn’t I have had that white picket fence childhood? But honestly, It did make me stronger. So everyday, every week… I kill myself to provide a life for my family. And she’s included in that. I don’t ask for anything, except for her to keep my youngest child alive while we are at work. And she does that. But I do it bc I have to. She gave me life. And I hope to god, if anything would happen to me, and I hit rock bottom in my mid 50s and early 60s, that my sons will remember how I was with my mom and feel the sense of pride that comes with taking care of me, at my worse. To be able to, to be able to stand on their own and care, love me enough to help me. So that’s why I do it, bc I have to.
Be honest and tell her what you think and feel. Maybe she needs help managing money and these easy “adult” tasks overwhelm her. Ask her what she thinks she needs to be a independent adult living her best life? Help her look for housing for low income people and she should probably go to a group for her issues and if she’s not seeing someone or on meds she needs them for mood and interpersonal issues. Be honest and frame it like your concerned she’s unhappy and explain what you are seeing and ask how you can help… good luck
There are income based places for people on disability. There’s no reason for her to not be able to find another place. I don’t have a good relationship with my mom either due to addiction and some other issues so I get your frustration. I would make her apply for housing and tell her she has to be out by a certain date. It’s not comfortable having others living with you. I’ve been there more than once. My mom has done nothing but used us.
I would give her a couple month time frame and tell her she has until then to either find and apartment or she can stay at the shelter. I have learned to never bow to anyone even if its my own mom or family. Idc if she had raised me. I believe that It is not my job to house anyone other than my own kids.
What do you want her to do with the kids and chore wise? You’re not working either… and if she wasn’t there you still wouldn’t have this help… is she messing up the place and making you clean after her? Idk… I mean is her sleeping that big a deal… or is it because you’re not lol
Go sign her in a nursing home r assistsnce living
Set limits and timeframes. If she wants the help and to succeed she will comply. Total role reversal but necessary. You don’t want her around your kids if she isn’t in a good place. If she cant meet the expectations she’ll have to go to another location. God bless your husband that’s tough.
Set a deadline for her and move from there.
Maybe give her a date a few months out that she needs to move out by or set down more ground rules with requirements on what she needs to help with around the house or with the kids. She might not know what y’all are expecting of her. So sleeping all day might be her way of trying to stay out of yalls way
You’re an enabler make her move out.
Look for studios or 1 bedroom Sr living places
Time to have a group meeting. Have your expectations written out, the first one being a fair move out date. #2, a dollar amount that you can put in savings for her & some to help with bills. #3, a designated night of her preparing a meal for all of you or at least helping. If she doesn’t agree with something decide if it’s important or not. Good luck!
This is your mother , what is wrong with you? Let her live with you as long as she needs
You have done the right thing for your mother. I don’t know her age or health issue but if she is a senior or of low income contact the department for aging and disabilities in your country they will help. If not you may have to go that extra mile and help her find a new apartment. What ever you do don’t hurt her feelings during December. But this month give her the best Christmas you can. Make memories you won’t regret.
I wish my mom was still living and could live with me…no matter what her issues or problems or health was I would never begrudge my mom staying with me…if she had problems I would try to help her instead of complaining about it.
This is your mom.She won’t be around forever. You never know when the shoe will be on the other foot.I see comments on here and these selfish people should be ashamed.Someday you will need her and she won’t be their for you.As long as she is giving you some money take it.Help her find another place to live,sogn her up for help.
Toxic is toxic. Blood line be dammed. If shes becoming a legitimate problem in the household she needs to go
Imagine, when you were just a little girl she took care of you, dealt with all the wimps and tantrums, even teenage years with your different phases she took it all, your kids your problem but if you need help ask her and let her money be, you also get up get a job and help your husband
Start looking for places based on income, vacancies, etc. Take the first step. Senior living facilities are really nice at least the one here. They have microwaves and a community kitchen and centers where those that live there can get together. She might need a place with elevator if disabled. Take the first step and emphasize how wonderful this place could be for her!! Look on line and show her places or find one you think would be nice for her and take her there to see the facility. Some can deal with a parent living with them and some can’t. My Dad moved in with us after he and Mom divorced and after 1 1/2 years we moved!! He had no plans on leaving as it appeared. He also didn’t help with funds. He made more than both my husband and I.
Set a move out date & change her rent that you can give as a deposit on her place. If she won’t save you guys save for her!
Yes I know it won’t help you now but it will bring peace to your home sooner then later.
You have to decide, do you want more money each month or do you just want her gone ?
I couldn’t kick my mom out. My mom is my mom. However I would offer to help her find a place of her own. Atleast she paid you something. When my MIL lived with me we asked her to just pay the water bill and to help keep the house clean as well as she bought what groceries she would eat or wanted and bought her own hygeine products. Also have you talked to her about her sleeping all the time? I mean maybe she is depressed. If so help her with that first and foremost. Don’t worry about her helping with the kids. That’s not her responsibility. She raised hers. I never asked my mom or MIL to help with my kids unless I need to go shopping without the kids. The rest was on me. Try to figure out what you need to do to help her
Maybe she has no clue how to fix her situation. Sometimes it takes communication to fix things. No reason to argue. Just plainly state I have noticed your sleeping quiet a bit are you ok? Is there something I can help you with? I mean show some concern. Now if she says yes I am fine ask her if you can assist her with finding her own place… Take that step to offer help. Maybe she feels like she is in the way. I know when my dad passed away. My mom went into a deep depression which almost killed her three times. However since she was living with my brother and sister in law we communicated with her and got her the help she needed to help her out. She still lives with my brother now. But if we wouldn’t have both been paying attention to the signs of depression we would not have been able to help. Take this time to try and get to the root of her problems. And get to rebuilding your relationship with her. After all she did give birth to you. I would do the world for my mom. I even offered for her to come live with me. But she chose my brothers house. I am just thankful I have communication with both my mom and brother as well as my sister in law to help my mom. As far as disability goes she may not be bring in the money she needs to live or survive on her own. Most of those assisted living places won’t take someone on just disability. Heck if my mom got her own place my brother and I would have to help her pay her bills as well as her meds. Btw my mom is in her 70s and is on social security. So there is not a lot of income coming in for her to have her own place. Due to the amount of money she has to pay out for her medications. As well as the bills. Still need to pay lights water and gas along with car insurance and the daily life of eating meals. So please try and be understanding that maybe she just doesn’t know how she is going to afford all that on just one check a month.
Sit down and talk about boundaries, expectations and deadlines. Tell her the plan was for this to be temporary, find out what her plans are and how she expects to achieve them. Tell her what you expect her to do to help out in the meantime and maybe even help her find housing. There is disabled housing for people in your Mother’s position.
She can get upset at you all she wants, but what’s the worst that happens–she moves out?
Good luck to you!
Reading the comments and regardless if your working or not should not be the issue. This is your home and if her living there n not helping is causing an issue you need to address that. Last thing you need is to be fighting with your spouse over her. So talk to your mom n set ultimatums. If you’re ok with her living there here is what needs to change or she needs to move out and set a date . Bottom line it’s your life so take control of it. Mom or not she should not be taking advantage of your kindness. Sit with your spouse n together make a list of what’s important to have her do if you both decide to keep her in your home. Rent? Help with chores and kids? Or a little of everything within reason or do you guys want to reclaim your space back ? N put it in motion. If she was independent before your helping her get her shit together and doing what’s best for her as well. Just my opinion but I can’t deal with people freeloading and taking advantage of people’s kindness I dont care who it is. Once you have created your own family unit that is who you keep happy no one else. No need to be harsh about out of respect for your mom but boundaries do need to be set.
Either set a deadline for her to move out or tell her it’s going to be x amount to stay with you guys a month and she has to help around the house
Charge her rent but keep it in an account this way she can’t keep spending all her money take her to look at places she can afford then give her the money back so she can move
You need to sit down and have a conversation with her. Depending on what type of person she is, maybe go out to lunch or something (if she is less likely to argue in public), or find some situation that will make it less threatening for her. I would ask her why she hasn’t found a place yet - is she struggling financially? No selection of places she wants to live or can qualify for? Maybe there is a real reason she is not able to find a place. Then help her overcome that obstacle - maybe sit down with her and help her make a budget to find out exactly how much she needs to save. If she is irresponsible with her money and not a good saver, have her give the savings to you to put into a separate account for her to put down on a new place to live. Also I would be clear with her that I need $X amount per month until she moves out, because she is using your electricity, water, probably eating your food, etc. - and she needs to compensate you for that. I would just explain that your husband is the sole provider and you don’t have the money to take on another mouth to feed, she needs to contribute her share. If she doesn’t agree to any of this and can’t understand how she is currently not being fair to you, then it’s time to tell her that you need her to be out by X date and you are willing to help her, but you can’t put your family resources at risk. You can’t enable her to be irresponsible and have no independence or this will turn into a much bigger problem.
Well even if she is your mother you do nor owe her anything. Especially if she chose to be an addict over her family. I’ve been there and quite frankly my husband would have not let her move in. Now that’s she is there you have a right to demand help in my oppionins, if she is not paying rent she should help
I wouldn’t ask my mother for a damn thing especially babysit my kids. I would enjoy her company and I would let her stay as long as she wanted, that’s just me though
Firsthand. She is using u all. She needs to go also she can get help low income housing. Their nice. She will stay as long as u put with it. Don’t feel. Guilty. U got your family to think ok.
I would suggest charging her “rent”. Put a certain percentage of that to bills, put the rest in a special savings account that will eventually go towards first and last at a new place. Don’t tell her you are putting the money away for that, but it may be the only way to get her to put money aside.
You need to have a discussion. Time to be an adult and talk to your mother about your expectations of her, helping out around the house and with bills, such as food and utilities. Set a goal for her to find her own place. Help her set aside so much money to be used for rent at her new place. She may be your mother, but it is not your responsibility to take care of her.
She is entitled to many, many benefits under the disability act which includes low cost housing.
I would contact social security and ask what she is entitled to and how to go about applying for food, housing, utilities and medical.
If she cannot nor will not try to help you around the house or contribute somewhat to paying a bill here or there she is obviously extremely ungrateful and selfish.
Get her into a low income apartment
This might come off as me being a bitch. But this is the way I see it. Her parents raised her. Did her parents depend on her? She raised you. So she shouldn’t depend on you. Your only responsibility is your children. Not her. If she was behind on rent and knew she was being kick out she could of filled out for low income housing. I would make her a deadline for her to move out. But in the mean time help with half of all bills. Provide her own food and everything she needs. But you can still help her apply for low income housing.
I hope she’s not currently using while she is staying with you? If so you are putting your own children in a compromising position. Mom or not nobody should be freeloading it’s to expensive for that in today’s world.
Give her a timeline and stick to it, check out homeless shelter options low income housing ect. you are letting her take advantage of you and that isn’t helping her either she needs to be responsible for herself
Be firm with her and tell her what is expected of her if she is to stay there. Tell her what chores she is responsible for and she is to pay $500 a month. Of course she won’t leave if she has it easy. Good luck
Tell her what is on mind and you need monthly help with bills
Give her a date to move out and stick to it. A month in advance should be plenty of time. And look for her as well.
Imin the same situation but with my daughter. How ever she pays towards the utilities. But she’s not looking for a place either. She got a car and since has been putting money in her care and I’ve become to sole caregiver and provider for her baby. As of now she’s outta town with a boy where she goes every weekend watching his two boys and her baby is here. I’ve decided to wait till she gets her income tax back but then she must get her own place. We also have a couple of friends living with us who said they only needed a month. Well it’s been two. Neither have jobs or seem to be looking and we have yet to see any money. It is extremely frustrating. We have even considered selling the home we just bought with cash and moving to a one bedrm. I love my home and don’t want to sell it but if you got an extra room the bums will come. I will say once these ppl are out of my house I will never allow another back in.
Go to your local community health or community housing with your mum, get some help in regards to her getting a government supported home, explain she cant live with you and shes technically homeless. Say it’s an emergency situation and its causing conflict within your home. If she has a disabitlity does she have a support worker that can help also?
Be compassionate. She sounds super depressed and it’s the holidays. That’s your momma. She raised you, so you can and very well should help her when she needs it the most. You only get one mom. One lifetime. I’d move heaven and earth for my mom.
I have been in this exact situation. She will not go anywhere because she has it too good. Time to start making it uncomfortable.
Wow just wow. She is YOUR MOTHER she raised you and paid for you most of your young life. Ok so you mite not have a great relationship but trust me wen she’s not around anymore you will wish and pray for her to be there.
Talk to her and find out what she’s got in mind
Well well tell her ask her how much money do you have saved mom you need to be saving your money and find an inexpensive place to move mom can you help clean the house mom can you help me with the children although those are your kids I don’t like other people looking after my child so that’s up for debate it’s gonna have to have a chitchat with her move it or lose it
She gave you life and you want something in return? Shes your mother. She took care of you. Stick her in a home if you’re not willing to deal with it anymore. 
Look for low income housing for her or assisted living… or maybe ask if she could help with extra food or a bill each month to help lighten the load from your husband until you guys can help her find a place … and tell her your not trying to start a fight your just needing the help or you want to help so she can have a place of her own again
Find a place for her in her price range and give her a move out date. If not…your marriage may be in trouble unnecessarily. She IS CONTENT!! DON’T let her take your joy away, sweetie. It’s not fair to you or your husband. You’re newlyweds!!!
Boundaries are important… she hasn’t had any, it sounds like, and you may have to employ tough love… give her a contract to sign that says she must have a job within a certain amount of time and save for her own place. If those conditions are not met, you’ll have to formally evict her… I had to do this so I know the heartache but you have a family of your own and you are not responsible for her choices. When you said I do, your aliegence became to your husband and your life together… I’ll be praying for strength of conviction for you, you can and must make boundaries. I learned that some people have to be loved at a distance 
Why should she move when you make it so easy for her.She has proven she has no pride in herself
Since she’s on disability, she’s eligible for senior housing. Get apps , help her fill them out & turn them in. It took me 4 months to get an apt. I’ve lived here over 12 years now. Rent is based on income. I pay $245.00 & others pay less + lights. Try it
Is she still using? If so, would she go to rehab? If not, does she need help for depression or PTSD? She should have a county social worker helping her to be more independent & finding her housing and a doctor visit to screen her for depression, PTSD, dementia and anything else.
Can you set up automatic payments for her in a new place? Can you have any money taken out of her SSI and put in a savings account you control?
Talk to your husband & set some rules & goals & go over them with her. She will need to wake up at X o’clock a.m., load dishwasher & run it or wash one sink full of dishes once a day, do one load of laundry a week & clean & maintain her bedroom and bathroom in order to stay there.
If she doesn’t comply, and especially if she can’t/won’t remain clean & sober, you will take her to a shelter immediately (which may not accept her if she is using?).
Use a chore chart and keep track of whether or not she has fulfilled her obligations, gone to doctor and therapist visits, gotten on a savings plan to pay off the eviction and save for an apartment.
She gets a reward for X number of gold stars a week, X number a month, and penalties for X number of uncompleted tasks in a month. Take away screen time.
Get her into some groups—walking, swimming, knitting, sewing, learning a new language, etc. With luck she will make new friends, feel better about herself, become more responsible, find potential roommates & get out of your ha
You all who saying “oh she’s your mother” are crazy… she said her mother has an addiction and they haven’t had a relationship for years she let her live there to be a good daughter and had good intentions but her mother is taking advantage of it. If her mother is toxic to her and her family then she has every right to get her to find a place of her own. My parents were and still are addicts to an extent and they are cut off from me and my child completely… just because it’s her mother doesn’t mean she has to deal with it.
Post this where she can see it
Talk to her straight up. Be kind but firm. Be honest.