My fiancé and I have three kids. Two girls ages 9 and 7 and one boy 6 months. We were blessed with our boy after we tried for 4 years to have a baby when we finally decided enough was enough and that it just wasn’t going to happen (the month after we discussed and agreed we were done trying and extremely grateful for our girls). While I was pregnant with our youngest, my oldest daughter kept asking me if I would forget about her when the baby came. I did my best to reassure her that I would always love and be there for her and would never ever forget about her. I did the same for my other daughter, as well. We crammed as much family time as we could before the baby came because we knew things were going to change. When he arrived, everything was going great. The girls adjusted well, and they were such big helpers! I still made sure I gave them as much attention as I could with a newborn. As time went by, I noticed my oldest drifting away. I started spending more one on one time with her and reassuring her that I still loved her etc. The other night I could hear her crying in her room. I went into her room to see what was going on. We had a heart to heart, and she told me she feels like I don’t want her anymore, and she is scared that I’m going to send her off to a new family now that I have a new kid. I’ve tried my hardest to make her feel wanted and loved. It kills me to know she feels this way. How do I make her realize that I still want and need her in my life and that I’m not going to ship her off to someone else?
She sounds very jealous. You are doing everything right. Maybe do some play therapy to work through her feelings and fears
You tell your daughter that a mother’s heart has enough love for 1000 kids and and no matter how many kids you have, none of them will ever take her place.
Spend time with them
I’m positive as a mom of more than one that thought of sending off older child never ever entered a thought never;”( maybe at 9 she’s starting the puberty girl changes mentally n hormones can be part of reason ??
Something is telling me she might be playing on your feelings. Did she feel this way when you had your second daughter? I’m not saying there isn’t a possibility her feelings are justified. If you are making her feel like she truly belongs and you are loving her with all you’ve got, she will just have to learn to adjust. Like another person commented, she sounds a little jealous. You don’t want to allow her to manipulate you. If she sees a way into getting attention with pity, she will keep it up. Let her know she is worthy and mommy will always love her. You don’t want your second daughter to follow suit and making you feel guilty for having another child
Date night with your son. If I had a weekday off work. I’d take him out of school and go out together.
I can tell you this terrified me with my kids. My oldest and middle are two years apart. I included my son in every aspect of my daughter’s care. I let him feed her, pick out her clothes, food, etc. It went well. Five years after my daughter, I had my youngest son. I included both of them in his care. He loved the attention and would smile and coo at them. They felt included and important, vital, to his life. All three of them are adults now and they are as close as can be! They adore each other and are fiercely protective of one another. I’m guessing at this point, your daughter has learned that even negative attention is still attention. If you feel this is something you can turn around on your own, do! But if she starts to show signs of serious depression, please seek help for her asap. Her age and up start to pose a serious danger to themselves when depressed and seeking attention. They can even attempt suicide. They’re so impulsive and can even attempt for attention and succeed accidentally. I’m not telling you this to upset you and I hope you take it as it’s meant. I’m a psych nurse btw. Better to be safe and prepared than sorry. Sending love and strength to you momma
She could be jealous and playing you or you can take her to a therapist and see if she’s got depression. Perhaps kids at school tell her she’s not wanted. Mine are 11,10, and almost 9. They can’t wait for their new baby brother. My oldest keeps claiming it’s hers lol
Just keep letting your daughter.knowntheres alot.of love to.go around u can only.do so much as a mother.she could be playing.on your feelings do your very best.if it.continues seek professional help about your daughter.u can only.do.so much.good luck
I saw on a tv show where the mother bought a nice present from the baby to the siblings.
Get them to help taking care of him, his smiles will eventually get them to love him.
Maybe she felt this way since her sister was born and was scared it would only get worse with another baby. You are doing everything you can. Send her to therapy and keep reminding her how precious she is as your first born. She could also be showing first signs of a mental disorder.
She might be hormonal
Tell her you love her so much and you need her to help you with the baby she will feel special an it will go away do not give up she will be fine some people are naturally jealous it is ok she is young
I would question did she hear you say you always wanted a boy? Kids hear everything. Maybe something you said while you didn’t think she heard? Maybe that’s where all this is coming from.
Just keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep all kids included. Play games. Make time for all 
Most kids feel this way see if you can do a date night with her are maybe let her have a sleepover with friends. Sounds like someone is telling her stuff as well I would try talking to her more why would she think you would ship her off to a other family.
Sounds to me she is just looking for attention and playing you just my opinion
And this is possible have Dan some time with the baby at night and during bedtime you could read to her or just have a heart-to-heart talk with her or something that’s just you and her and just keep telling her you love her and that every new baby bring its own bag of love and maybe you could even like let her join in with her being the big sister and helping you take care of the baby of what her age will allow
I’m facing that I think as well
My sister and I got jealous of each other all the time. And sometimes being reassured that nothing will go wrong puts it in your head that something could go wrong. You might need to teach her how to cope with anxiety and feelings of jealousy.
Sounds like you’re doing great! Just keep doing what you have been doing and she will see that no one is going anywhere and that she is loved and wanted too! She’s probably just a little overwhelmed with the change right now.
You’re doing the best you can 
Why would a 9 year old think these things? My children are 12, 9, 4, 3
Could something else be going on and she is using that as a reason? Im sorry but a younger child feeling this i would semi understand but a 9 year old, i would think she would understand more and not question her place.
From what instead, sounds like ur doingbwhat u can. Just keep reassuring her. Keep her as involved as possible with baby and with maybe just helping with dinner. Try to have special time with JUsT her…go out for a mani/pedi…just the two of you. Do it routinely. Just you and your big girl. Remind her that you love her. Send a little “I love you” note in her lunch bag. Your doing what u can…just keeping up and stay open and honest with her. Allow her to feel her feelings and thank her for sharing with you. This is a big change, and this is also a great teaching moment as well.
Extra hugs at bedtime.
Aww! Just continue to explain that a baby needs more attention because they are little and that she has been a great big sister. Try involving her more with big sister duties and plan a mommy daughter day to reassure her. Change is hard for kids sometimes. But it sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Maybe daddy could talk to her as well? Daddy daughter day?
Let her help with the baby! Tell her baby needs her big sister and show her all the things she can do to help. She probably doesn’t remember the new feeling of her 7 year old sibling cause she was younger… it’ll get easier!
If she never felt that way about you having her sister, and you’ve gone above and beyond to make her feel special, then either someone is putting ideas in her head or this is some combination of early hormones and perhaps manipulation. Guilt is a powerful way to get what you want. I have a 10 yo girl and 6 month old boy. She never felt this way. She’s happy to help. And I haven’t gone out of my way to make her feel special because of him. Being a sister is what’s special to her.
… unless she has really bad anxiety? Maybe get her checked by a doctor or get her into therapy. But… that just doesn’t sound right considering she has a sibling and you’ve gone above and beyond for her thus far.
It sounds like anxiety, have you considered talking to her pediatrician or health care provider?
Momma, I have a 9 year old- there are soooo many emotions and hormones starting to brew up! Make sure she gets some one on one time, but please know it’s not just the new baby
Reinforce how helpful she is and how much her little brother loves her. Tell her that her brother can’t be without her, he’s a baby and needs his big sister to read to him, play with him and show him how to do all sorts of fun things to do. Mom n Dad just are not equipped with a big sister “fun o meter” and she is needed and wanted. Reinforce that you prayed for healthy children and you feel so blessed with what you have. Make sure she hears you tell other people that too! You love all of your children but you have loved her the longest because she had the privilege of being the oldest.
My 50 yr old daughter still resends me having other children…I never dreamed she felt this way.i thought she knew we loved as much as before we had more kids…it’s great that you realize this now. Counseling might help.
I agree with all the responses, but thinking about it makes me think that there may be something else going on. Ask about school, her friends, things happening there. Maybe someone else is having a hard time and she’s feeling like it might happen to her as well? This will sound bad, but counseling might be good just for her to have someone she can talk too. All I know is this. My stepdaughter is 21 1/2 and my youngest daughter is 12 1/2. Older lived with her mom and had visitation with us. They joke about it now, but she wanted to sell her baby sister. Now, for full effect, I’ll tell you, stepdaughter has a brother older than her on her mom’s side, my oldest son, another brother on her mom’s side, two more brothers from us and then our daughter. So, this was not the first baby she had to get used too, just the first girl. I think you’re doing a great job.
It’s funny my 9, turning the wants a baby lol. There has to be a reason why she feels this way. A boy is different than a girl, are there things you might be saying that would cause her to thing boys are better than girls? Maybe she got the idea from someone else. Maybe friends at school are saying something. Ask her teacher what she’s acting like there. Maybe counseling would help. Idk I’m sorry it would be concerning for me too.
Ask her what she needs from you.
I suggest having a weekly one on one mother daughter time alone and outside the home. Even if just for an hour or two.
I would worry about anxiety, and then you also are dealing with a pre teen. Explain to her that you understand her feelings are hers…and there must be a reason she has them, and can she try to explain WHY she thinks that. Nobody had to leave when ye had baby no 2. and you have your feelings, and you feel very sad that she thinks you don’t want her now, tell her families are forever, ask her if she know any families where the older child had to leave when they got a baby. There might be miss information around somewhere. I would also consult with GP for advice to see if she may need a referral to OT or play therapy or whatever. Someone like OT may get to the bottom of it. It’s difficult and needs outside expertise as you are doing everything you can and it’s not working. Depression, anxiety, irrational thoughts, get professional help. Good luck. 
I have a 9 year old stepson and this is how he acted when we told him he was going to be a big brother again. His mom and stepdad had a year prior and she didn’t explain babies very well. We had to reassure him a lot and remind him I am not your mommy you are one of my demons ( nickname for my kids). I noticed he kept his distance and that’s been up to him. He isn’t overly excited about the baby and he is 8 months but he doesn’t hate him. Occasionally we get my kid and his brother to go hang out with his uncle so he can just be with us for a few minutes. He also goes with his dad to the store occasionally. My kid is 6 and is all about her baby brother but she has been begging for years and she also has two older siblings who taught her how to be a big sister. My three Are great at including everyone. But my 8 month is glued to my 6 year old and the nine year old has no interest. But he does hand the baby. Hold the baby while I do this or that. I made him he didn’t like it but now its just ok not for long. But include your daughter. Make time for just the two of you. And don’t forget the middle baby too. And if nothing changes in a month take her to a counselor and make sure nothing major is going on.
I love writing little notes on their fruit! Just small things like have a great day! Miss you! See you when you get home! And pack it in their lunch! When they open their lunch they’ll get this Lil reminder that you are still thinking of them and love them! Boys are way different then girls tho! Girls have so many more emotions and feelings. I wonder if she’s learning in school about different families or maybe have some friends who have been adopted. This could be partially why she wonders if you’ll send her off to another family. Maybe she has friends with blended families and they have to visit their “other” families and talk to her about it. There are so many variables to think about. I don’t think from what I read it’s manipulation or a way for her to what she wants. It sounds like she’s genuinely afraid of being forgotten. I agree with OT or a therapist. They can help get to the underlined reason(s) as to why she feels this way. Keep doing what you’re doing tho! The 1 on 1s and spending quality time with her! She’s developing in so many ways right now and doesn’t understand it all. She needs her mama! Good luck girl!
Maybe get her involved with baby helping I ha e a 9 year old son and today her was over the moon happy when he got to spoon feed his baby sister he likes to just hold her sometimes and even helps with diapers its great because he is learning how to take care of a baby and he feels involved
Oh dear who put that idea in her head. Poor darling. You sound like you are doing your best maybe try putting some more photos of her and you around the house see if that helps to make her feel like she is there to stay.
Sounds like she might be experiencing obsessive anxiety once you got something in your head it’s very hard to get it out. I unfortunately suffer from this which is a part of depression and anxiety. It wouldn’t hurt to have her talk to a counselor and maybe you both could do a group meeting so she knows you love her. Poor thing sad she feels that way but it’s very obvious you dont feel that way and are a loving concerned momma. Good luck and I hope she feels better
Enclude her when u doing things with the baby let her help like putting hand lotion on the baby, let her hold the baby with your help lol , also tell her that the baby will look up to her all of thier lifes. Its normal for her to feel this way, my daughter has three boys but i remember one of them told her to take him back to the hospitol he didmt like him any more, well thier best friends now.