Ik exactly what you are going through. Call their insurance and ask about long term care or home care. They maybe eligible for some hours with a personal care aide, nurse, hospice or palliative care. Should help relieve some of your stress.
If you would not like them to go to a nursing home (my grandparents made my mom and I promise they wouldn’t go) then it’s time to get home health care as a break. For both. I took care of my grandparents 6 days a week/ 10-12 hour days. We had home care for both. Even just one shift a day (or night) will help and relieve stress on you. AND have a full day of JUST home health care workers… just so you get a break to rewind on it all. It doesn’t seem like much but that one day can do wonders. ( I was a single mom of two toddlers while taking care of my grandparents for 6 years) I get it momma.
Do they qualify for in-home nursing? Check with their insurance
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The more you do for your parents, the more your siblings will expect. If you don’t take care of yourself you are no good to anyone. Reach out to your siblings and explain the facts of life. If they are unwilling to pitch in then do what is best for everyone, before something catastrophic happens. Start with their primary care provider. Emphasize that their cares are more than you can handle and it’s becoming a safety issue. There is NO argument against safety. And yes, caregiver burnout is a safety issue. Good luck and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
If they have Medicaid call them and speak to someone about what can be covered… my mom is older and disabled and has a housekeeper come to prepare meals, laundry and cook. Medicaid pays for this service it was initially 8hrs a week and now approved for 14hrs… also check into any life insurance policies for any benefit.
I would put it bluntly to your siblings. Don’t expect to inherit much when it’s time cause mom and dad will not have anything left from you having to pay for help now. My mom lived with my sister till she passed as I lived out of town and when she passed I told my sister I didn’t want anything from mom’s estate. I went and stayed with her a week or 2 at a time to give my sister a small break. And I’d go get our mom and bring her home with me for a month before she got where she didn’t want to travel. I’m the baby of 8 and the others didn’t stay with her or take her for short periods of time. My sister was the greatest and she deserved the whole amount in insurance I felt. Hope you get some help. God Bless you.
I can’t understand why your siblings can’t chip in and help doesnt seem fair for you to have to deal with. You may need home care.
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Home health or hospice. Depending on your location there are sitter agencies. Where I live there is a free program for sitters for a lil bit
Tell your siblings either they help or your parents will have to go to a nursing home or someone needs to help 24/7 if necessary
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Hire care givers if the health insurance covers it there is also respet places where they can go for a few days to give you a break even adult day care programs your siblings should be ashamed
Explain to your siblings that putting one or the other in a nursing home is a HUGE risk with covid.
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Yes find out what their insurance will cover for a Visiting nurse. Medicare and Medicaid will pay some of it (limited) then their insurance may pay the balance but you need to find out.
Tell the others you can’t do it tell them how bad it’s and for your family and sanity sake your going to get help for your situation and if you have to get a home for your parents it’s there’s too they have to agree
Your sibling will regret one day not helping you and not being there for their parents . My mom lived with me and my sister the last year she lived our youngest sister lived 3 hours away and would help when she could . We have no regrets . We did all we could but in the it just wasn’t enough . But we sleep with no regrets
Are either one of them stereos? VA has many assistance programs
Hire help into your home. Even if it’s a house cleaning and someone to do the laundry - cooking to free you up to take care of your family.
GET HELP!
If they have health insurance maybe they can hire an at home nurse.
Get some help!!! especially if they have some money. I bet once you do that your sibilings will be running right over. If they have no money… Then put them in a nursing home. They will live off the state. You can visit and spend quality time with them and enjoy the time they have left
You cannot do it all it’s a hard job which I did for 35 yrs your siblings should be helping they know what your going through they don’t care see if you can get some in home services for them to give yourself a break god will bless you and your kids are learning your loving and caring ways
I would look into health care nurses and assistes living where they can get 24 hour care. If your siblings don’t like it then tell them to help more. You should not have to carry the weight of a single child if you are not one. You have a family that needs you too.
Did they ever get tired of carrying for you, before you turned 18, think about it before you give up on them, THINK THINK
Plain and simple. Either your siblings need to give their head a wobble and step up! Or find out if you can get an in home.carer you can’t run yourself into the ground like this. You need to look after your self too. Take care xx
I know it’s nothing we ever want to hear, but sounds like if siblings won’t step up it’s time for some nursing support from CICOA or they can go in to assisted living.
I can relate, I don’t have small children any longer but I’m caregiver for my 90 yr old mom & my husband is battling cancer. No siblings or our grown children nearby & siblings think visiting for a couple hours every few months is enough. I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer, it’s all overwhelming. All we can do is the best we can do. Sending prayers that you get some help soon & are able to rest
doing this all at the moment… out source as much as you can. Do click and collect or home deliveries. Most chemist send weekly packs of medication, go to the council and get cleaners’ sorted, we have a nurse help my parent with showers. Take the washing home, and do it there, (so you don’t have to wait for the load to finish) establish a meal plan, cook extra, get there internet banking up and running. Just remember they are no doubt feeling frightened, they are seeing their bodies and mind betray them. Stick to a routine, tell them you will come down on a certain days. Somehow you just get use to it, as for the siblings, it’s up to your parents to tell them how to help, maybe a family meeting to establish some type of roster. Breathe… you can do it,
Have the other siblings contribute to hiring a nurse, or have the other parent move in with one of them.
Maybe time to think about long care or home care for both. May the Lord give the right answer. Its also wrong that your siblings don’t help
Where are you located? Might have someone interested in home care. CNA certification. Payment under the table.
Sounds like assisted living might be the next step
Contact counseling on aging to see if they can assist with financial, personell. Do your parents have a living will to guide you in decisions?
Contact a home care facility. Depending on where you live it should be free…well it is where I live anyway
When you were little and they were taking care of you, did they give up on you
I know your tired I’m sorry but see the message you are sending to your children love is something that just keeps on giving you rock
I was in your shoes for 5 years its so hard but so worth it ik how you feel its so hard
Maybe you need to take a break
Give your siblings notice tbst you are going to be gone for 2 or 3 weeks and they need to fill in
I was thinking the same as Heather Marie. Is the house big enough to move the other parent move in? Can you have home health help? Do your siblings live nearby? Maybe have them come for a meeting and let them know you need someone over a day a week to take care of them so you have time with your family.
Get one big house and move in it and put them on opposite sides of house and hite a care giver to help you. Or put them in the same home.
Check with your countys eligility for ypu parents for eldetly carebthere is help.out there
Is the doctor willing to talk to your siblings?
I’m so sorry to hear this, I went threw this with my Aunt and Uncle they had no children. I finally had to place my Aunt in a nursing home and my Uncle passed away from cancer. I look back now and I know I did the right thing I was excausted all the time too. You have to think of your own family. My Aunt only lasted about one year had surgery but ended up having a heart attack and didn’t make it.
I am a home health aide. look into getting one. we see this every day. care giver exhaustion is real. depending on their needs some places have like a day center you can bring them to so you can do things. your local DHS can help you find the resources you need.
Make siblings help it’s their parents too
Can you hire a nurse to come to the home?
Send the siblings the nursing home prices and tell them to be adults
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I’m dealing with something like this as well but I don’t say anything 
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There are caregivers that can help insurance pays for some or all
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It’s a super hard decision but I would get phone calls all hours of night and day from my in laws and it became overwhelming one had dementia, was falling constantly etc… with two young kids, a job and hubby. Putting them in assisted living was the best thing for everyone.
Just do the best you can and love them l will pray for your family
Try to get home care for help
Try for home health aides
Might be time to consider putting them in a home where they can get around the clock care. That’s what we had to do with my Gran. Even though my grandma and grandpa (her daughter and son in law) lived just down the road it got to a point where she was falling all the time and hurting herself. My grandma couldn’t be there 24/7 just like you can’t be there 24/7. Your siblings refuse to help so you need to do what’s best. It’s gonna be hard to do that but at least you know they are taken care of
Get carers in and take a small step back.
Hire a home health aide, they can ease some of your burden, most are covered by insurance… “I’ve been doing it for 13 years, I love my job”
Look into home health care. You can’t do everything all the time or you will suffer.
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Suck it up. They did it for you for how many years? It’s your turn. Quit being a b*tech and take care of your parents. Idgaf, you have absolutely no excuse.!!!
Paid caregivers. Your sibs won’t help make them share the expense
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Throw them in the nursing home like they threw you in the orphanage.
Unfortunately a home might be the answer
Look into Hospice. They aren’t just for upcoming death. My MIL was fighting alzheimers and they were incredible. The helped my FIL get medical equipment they needed and provided 24 he assistance.
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Do they qualify for a home health aide? That would be a huge help for u. And depending on their condition they could qualify for more than 8hrs but also, if u continue to care for them there is a program that pays a family member to be a home health aide to their family member. It’s. It ideal no but at least there would be financial help
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Very sad ! See if you can get some type of nurse come in & help you . Your siblings not helping you w/ their parents as well is a disgrace!
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I would look into getting home care or a nursing home. Thrive has helped me with dealing with taking care of my special needs daughter. Sarahpena23.thrive2point0.com
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Call the aged for help !! Your state should pay or bill it to Medicare they will send people to help with anything you need!! They helped me when I had to take care of my mother in law and both of my parents in different states! It may be called something different in your state! Could be homecare!
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Prayers for you. I live with and take care of my dad. Mom already passed. I promised dad I would never put him in a nursing home. We, my husband and I, have been caring for him for 15 years. He is now 94 and sadly is under Hospice Care. He caught Covid-19 and has survived the virus. But it took away most of his strength. He has been bedridden since Christmas night.
We have a caregiver come in and help with bathing and to give us a break 5 days a week.
At first, we did it all. It got overwhelming quickly. (I forgot to say he had a stroke which is why we moved in.) In the beginning he could walk with a quad cane.
We started out 3 days a week. And our needs for respite care have increased over the years.
But you have to get some help in there.
Also, ask your siblings if they could help for one weekend per month. Preferably one weekend with each parent a month.
Also reach out to their doctors. They should be able to refer you to some resources. Consider meals on wheels if they are able to reheat their meals themselves.
Are you a church member? Reach out to your church. Perhaps some one would be willing to provide some companionship or help with other things.
Taking care of parents is hard, but it is also a blessing both to them and to you.
And the lessons you are teaching your children, by your example, are priceless.
But do get help before you totally burn yourself out. May God bless you and your family.
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Reach out for some assistance with home health or hospice. Insuranve covers these things and can also provide you with a social worker to help you find other resources. Start with their primary care physician and let him/her know that you need help. They will know resources. I work for a hospice company and have a lot.of knowledge about things in my area. I know this is an anonymous post but feel free to meassage me and i will share my knowledge and help in any way i can.
Reach out to their doctors and explain and try adult services , google services in your area, if the doc gives a reference you should be able to get help covered by their insurance
I’ve walked in your shoes. Not one sibling, I have 3, bothered to help. I put mom in assisted living, sold her house to pay for it. They were ticked off about it when it came to the money, but so what. Mom got taken care of, I was burned out as caretaker, and I could visit her and take her out for lunch when kids were in school. It was a win, win situation. I strongly suggest this route.
I’ve been in that boat before. A relative had cancer. Treatments were a 2 hour drive away and another 2 hour stay. I worked full time, drove to treatments, kids, school, etc. The dr told me to slow down or I was going to kill myself. I started getting sick all the time because of my exhaustion. The same can happen to you if you’re not careful. You might have to seriously put your foot down with your siblings. Your health is important too. If you get sick who is going to take care of them? Can either of the parents call them and ask for help? Maybe look into homecare or a nursing home. I’m in that process right now too. My dad is a big man. When he falls we have to call 911 because we cant pick him up. Especially me because I have back problems. He needs 24/7 care that isnt possible when you work or have kids so we’re trying for a nursing home since that is cheaper and better. You might can try being sneaky. Invite all or some over for dinner. If they agree then you can talk to them about it once they’re comfortable and eating LOL Maybe after seeing how you take care of them or if your parents can chime in too then thatll help.
Social security and other insurance usually help with in home care.
Have you looked into home health aides to help?Heres a linkhttps://www.google.com/search?client=opera&q=home+health+aides&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
Your siblings are not involved. That’s sad. Nothing you can do about that. You need to take care of yourself. Respite time. Call 211, first call for help. There are adult daycares and you can take them to the hospital or nursing home for temporary respite. My mom and dad were ill at separate times. My sisters helped, brothers, not so much.
Following. I’m in the same boat.
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Prayers for you and family.
You have your own little family; that is your priority. You need to get help from your siblings and share responsibilities taking care of your parents.
After 4 yrs. of working 40+ hours a week and taking care of both parents with major health issues, I finally had to put them in a nursing facility. It was the most difficult decision of my life but it was best for everyone. They had to have 24hr care for their own safety. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask local agencies for help. Your husband and children need you too.
Hire an in home health aid
I know how you feel. We lost our mom last April. My dad is very lonely my older sister lives there and takes care of as well as one of my older brother lives there my sister does everything for dad my bro does not help her that much me I have a family and try to help as much as I can. I kinda get upset cause I hate seeing my father being so lonely and it’s hard for me to go there without my mom there she died at the house. Anyway what I’m trying to say is. You need to really talk to your siblings and have a family meeting or perhaps. If your parents can they new to talk to them it should not be up to you to take care of them they need to realize your parents raised all of you guys now they need all if you guys not just you. Good luck I hope it works for you.out
AARP has caregiver resources and support. You’re probably younger than 50, but it can still be helpful to be part of a community of people who understand what you’re going through.
In my area there are day care centers for seniors during the day. There is a cost, but it’s not like a nursing home (which can be prohibitively expensive). center, even with Medicare payments). They have activities geared to people with various physical and mental impairments, and the social aspect is good for them while you get a break. Not sure if they’re open during COVID times though.
Don’t ask your siblings for physical help because as you know, it’s not coming. But do use them for other tasks, whatever they’d be good at (or even just adequate). Would someone be good with finances/bill paying? How about ensuring end of life issues are handled? DNR, wills, power of attorney drawn up, pre-paid funeral arrangements made (burial, cremation, plots, headstone, where ashes to be scattered, parents religious wishes, obits written according to what each wants to be remembered for, who’s in charge of arranging funeral/shiva/wake/receptions). Don’t ask nicely, just give them a choice of “would you rather do X, Y, or Z? I think you’d be good at Y.”
Also I’d divvy up any expenses and pass them out to the siblings. No asking, just tell them “This is your share, bills will come to you on X date, payment is due by Y date every month. If they complain, ask if they want mom and/or dad to move in with them instead of footing a couple bills.
Use their talents to plan birthday parties, arrange transportation, take them shopping for new clothes, preparing meals. It’s not much, but gives you a little break, and each task is small enough it’s petty to refuse. Read books or go to therapy for how to be really assertive and convincing and not back down.
Maybe designate one night a week or once a month each for the others to take mom or dad for dinner in their home or a restaurant. They can manage short-term and see how much work it is. Maybe order each of your subs to be in charge of one doctor, always taking a parent to those appointments.
Get help from Hospice. They are wonderful.
Call there insurance and see what they offer or call your city and see what recourses they offer for there needs
Might be time to get the family all together to talk about the next steps that need to be taken so that everyone is on the same page.
Call hospice…or vna care health they helped me tremendously
May I ask what city you live I ?
There should be a public health department in your area. The first thing to do is call and find any resources available, explain the situation see if they have any directions they can point you in.
You should get ahold of your local adult on agency and see what your state offers and what your parents have the option for home care.
If their Medicare won’t help pay for home care there is the option of having them in an assisted living home.
I know you love your parents and want to take care of them but you also have to take care of yourself you can’t do it all and your 5 year old sees this. You have to be straightforward with your siblings and be tough for them to under and help too them 2 are also their parents.
Either to keep them in home care or ask for someone to come and assist you and pay him some money.
Wow!!! I wonder how many times your mom would say she was tired of taking care of you when u was sick growing up??? I mean I’m sure she worked cleaned house tended to all her children including a sick child. Yea there are people out there to help seek some if need be which apparently u need to. I worked a full time job took care of my house kids husband and a mother who was dying. I never complained no matter how tired I was. My husband was understanding and was ok with it. I will never get them or any other times back with my mom lord knows I wish I could. There are nusing homes as well. Ugh.
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It may be time to get them professional help.
Being a care giver is very hard, believe me I cared for my mom. If you can afford it get someone to come in and help, call your local office on aging they got my mom into an adult day care several days a week for free. Message me if you ever need to talk. Hugs / prayers
You can put them in a nursing home